Norway was not entirely sure what the subject of the meeting was, but it hardly mattered, as America and Russia had turned the debate into another of their arguments.
How childish the younger nations are, he thought, ignoring his own childish tendency to hit or strangle Denmark whenever he got too annoyed. The Cold War ended decades ago, have they really not learned to forgive and pretend to forget? And for some reason he could still not remember what they were supposed to debate. He leafed through his notes and tried to ignore the yelling.
And it worked, or rather, it worked until he snapped. He was not sure exactly why it made him so angry, he had heard it hundreds of times and it had not affected him at all, but this time it just made him so angry.
"Stupid Commie," America said. Norway did not even realise he had spoken until the words were out.
"He's a capitalist you ignorant moron, more so than most of Europe." And suddenly they were all staring at him like they did not have anything better to do, they could not be that surprised, he was not always silent at meetings. Finally America replied.
"Shut up, we all know that you're a commie too!"
"I am not a communist."
America was about to say something when Denmark suddenly slammed a fist on the table, spilling Norway's coffee, and ran up to talk to Germany. Norway excused himself to get more coffee and hopefully avoid whatever idiocy the Dane was up to.
When he came back in the room was silent. He looked up at the podium and did a double-take.
"Hva faen er det du driver med?" he asked in his usual deadpan voice. Denmark beamed at him.
"Come on, Norge! Just get out of the closet already, no one will laugh. Promise."
"Danmark, jeg advarer deg…"
"I thought we'd cleared up this a long time ago," Iceland muttered. Finland looked utterly nonplussed and quietly asked Sweden whether this would be a repeat of the Closet-Affair of '07. Sweden hummed an answer and joined Norway in glaring at Denmark.
"Norwegen, please take your seat so that we can continue this meeting," Germany ordered, ignoring the fact that this presentation was not a part of the meeting schedule. Norway nodded and sat down, pretending to not notice Denmark at all. Which was hard when the screen switched from showing the Norwegian flag to showing the words "Proof that Norway is secretly a communist!"
The fuck?
"Proof nr. 1!" Denmark exclaimed, pointing at the screen that now showed a picture of something that looked like an outdoor news sending or talk show. "This picture is from Norway's state channel and the program was aired on his Constitution Day. Now look up in the left corner!"
This again?
In the upper left corner was a banner telling them that this was sent from Oslo, Norway. The nations studied it for a bit before whispers spread as they realised what the design of the banner looked like. There, on the official TV sending from the Norwegian state channel, on the nation's National Day, was the North Korean flag. Admittedly without the star, but it was still easily recognisable.
Denmark changed to the next slide of his presentation. It showed an anonymous building on a cloudy day with the Soviet flag waving proudly from two flagpoles.
"That was an honest mistake," Norway said before Denmark could explain the picture. He had raised his voice slightly above the din caused by the others continued whispering. China took a look at the picture and laughed good-naturedly before offering Norway some snacks.
"It's all forgiven," China smiled, "Very funny mistake."
"This," Denmark said pointing to the screen, and completely disregarding Norway's warning glare, "was supposed to be the Chinese flag, but the man who hung them up made a mistake. Real question is: why does Norway still have a Soviet flag? My third and last point is that one often work with those who are similar to oneself. Norway's and Cuba's Workers' Unions are collaborating and they have a joint project involving medical personnel."
"I KNEW IT!" America yelled, "YOU ARE FORCING YOUR POOR SUBJECTS TO UNDERGO GENETIC EXPERIMENTS IN ORDER TO MAKE AN ARMY OF EVIL BRAINWASHED COMMIE SUPER MUTANT SOLDIERS!"
"..."
"YOUR EVIL PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION WILL BE THWARTED BY THE HERO!"
Cuba and Norway looked at each other.
"Idiot, eh."
"I WILL NUKE YOUR ASSES INTO TOMORROW AND DENY YOU ALL MACDONALDS UNTIL THE END OF THE WORLD!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU DUMMKOPF! AND DON'T YOU DARE MENTION ANY OF MY PAST OR YOU WILL REGRET IT! NOW STOP YELLING YOU IDIOT, YOU ARE INTERRUPTING THE MEETING WITH YOUR CHILDISH AND EMPTY THREATS!"
"THEY'RE NOT EMPTY! OR CHILDISH! I'LL MAKE AN ARMY OF GIANT ROBOTS CONTROLLED BY THE BEST OF MY ENGINEERS AND PILOTS WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO KNOW MARTIAL ARTS AND THEN I'LL CRUSH YOU!"
"FUCKING FINE!" Norway yelled, following America up on the meeting table, sending papers, pens and cups flying. "YOU DO THAT AND I'LL SEND MY ARMY OF EVIL SNOWMEN TO FREEZE YOUR ROBOTS ARSES AND SAVE US ALL FROM GLOBAL WARMING WHEN I'M AT IT!"
"I KNEW IT, YOU'RE STEALING MY IDEAS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"
"IS THIS A FIGHT!" Denmark yelled unexpectedly. I really should've seen that coming. "LET'S GO VIKING ON THEIR ASSES!" and with a warcry he charged the closest nation, who just happened to be Italy, therefore he was met by Germany instead and the two blondes crashed into the table, successfully shaking America and Norway of their feet and inconveniencing/hurting/enraging most of their fellow nations.
The fight had escalated to a worldwide brawl when Denmark somehow ended up beside Finland, which would've been fine, if he had not decided to tell the other that Russia had offered to give him more breadbaskets. The little nation went on a rampage in order to get to Russia. Before long the nations heard the shrill cry of
"Kippis herra Molotov!" Whereupon the building was consumed by fire. The countries gathered outside, thankfully no one had sustained any serious injuries, and watched the firefighters dousing the flames with water.
The poor medics who had come with the firefighters watched in disbelief as Germany dusted off himself and turned to the crowd.
"Are there any question?" No answer. "Then this meeting is adjourned," he said with all the dignity one can muster when one is standing in front of a burning building with a torn shirt, blood running from one's nose and a blackening eye. The countries nodded, smiled, shook hands and said farewell to their friends before leaving, as if this was all a normal occurrence.
-:- -:- -:- -:- -:-
Translations:
Hva faen er det du driver med (norwegian) - What the fuck are you doing
Danmark, jeg advarer deg (norwegian) - Denmark, I warn you
Norwegen (german) - Norway
Kippis herra Molotove (finnish) - Cheers mister Molotov (according to google translate, don't trust me on this one.)
Historical/Cultural notes:
I've heard some say Norway is communistic (which is impossible as it is a kingdom), and I decided to look for proof. All of the things Denmark mentions are true, though America blows it out of proportion. I have the news articles here, unfortunately most of them are in Norwegian:
www . dagbladet . no / 2015/05/17/ nyheter / innenriks / nrk / 17_mai / nord-korea / 39216640 /
www . nrk . no / urix / norge-utvider-samarbeidet-med-cuba- 1 . 11109132
www . dagbladet . no / 2010/09/24/ nyheter / kina / nordland / tabbe / 13539402 /
en . escambray . cu / 2015 / cuba-and-norways-working-movements-united /
Russia, Finland and breadbaskets… That was a reference to the Winter War, when Russia bombed Helsinki, and told the rest of the world that they were dropping humanitarian aid to the starving Finnish people. Later during that war the Molotov Cocktail became standard equipment for Finnish troops, and according to some of my sources it was often thrown with the cry "Here is a drink to go with the bread."
Author's note:
So… I'm a bit late with this, and it isn't really good… But I'm happy you're still reading, so thank you for that.
Anyways, I assume that you've already read the chapter, so please review, follow and favourite.
Have a nice day/night,
Shrizyne