Sunday August 23rd

"I will need to make another antidote for her."

Ginny heard Audrey's voice, but did not fully process it. She didn't want to wake up. Something was wrong. Something was crushing her from the inside and if she slept she didn't have to face it.

"Charlie is here," she heard her mother say. "Luna and Neville also arrived."

Why are they here?

"Charlie wants to come up, is that alright?"

Movement, shuffling, crying… Charlie's voice and the bed rocked as someone sat down.

"She's so small," Charlie said quietly.

Then Ginny remembered and a cry burst from her lips as arms came around her and the pain, which had been kept at bay by the bliss of sleep, flooded back and she remembered why it felt like part of her soul had died.

"Ginny," Harry whispered into her hair as he held her. "Shhh, I have you."

But it didn't feel like it was enough; like she would never be whole again because Hope was dead. Slowly the sobs subsided until all that was left was a headache and a numbness that was nearly paralyzing.

"Here," Charlie said gently and he held Hope out for her.

Ginny gazed down onto the tiny face and she knew why they were all here. She knew that they'd come for her and to be there while she and Harry said goodbye. Her tiny face, so perfect and still in death and Ginny fought to remain calm. She looked to Harry, the question she wanted to ask in her eyes even as she couldn't form the words.

"Everything is ready," he told her, kissing the top of her head. "George has made a box for Hope."

She watched Charlie circle the bed and bring over the small wooden box, smaller than a shoebox.

She heard someone stand and say something about the family before she left, but Ginny couldn't focus on that. She needed every cell in her body to put her baby into the box. But she couldn't make her arms work. They wouldn't move.

Looking back to Harry, her lip trembling she shook her head once. Turning back to Hope she let the tears rain down and the world fade away as she focused on her tiny child. "I… l love you Hope. I'm so sorry I…"

"Ginny don't," Harry said gently, hugging her tight. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

She did, even if he wouldn't admit it. Ginny had failed her. She'd not been strong enough to keep Hope alive. She kissed her one last time and buried her face in Harry's shoulder.

Harry gently took the baby from her and after another kiss and whispered goodbye, he put their daughter into the box that Charlie was still holding.

Ginny clung to him and Harry said they'd need a few more minutes. She panicked, "No! Don't take-"

"She's staying with us, Ginny," Harry reassured her. "Not until you say so."

She nodded and saw that Charlie had set her box in the middle of their bed before he'd left. "I can't do this," she moaned. "I can't, Harry."

He nodded into her hair, rocking her back and forth. "We'll wait until you're ready."

Sudden anger filled her and she wanted to lash out and hit him for his calm and for not caring, but even as it flared the rage ebbed. She still felt his tears sliding into her hair and knew his heart was broken too. "How am I going to live through this?" Her voice was so small and defeated that it shocking to realize that it had come from her.

"I… I don't know," Harry answered sounding like he had a terrible head cold. "I guess we'll try one day at a time."

She sat in the safety of arms and willed the strength to come; willed the calm to fill her. Finally, she whispered, "I'm ready," even though she wasn't sure she'd ever be ready.

Harry put her down and left the room. Moments later her dad and George came in. George hugged her hard but didn't speak as he unhooked her bag and grabbed the pole.

Harry and her father fit the lid onto Hope's box. Ginny shut her eyes and didn't open them again until Harry picked her up. She realized belatedly that sometime while she was sleeping someone had put sweat pants on her. She wanted to hold on to Harry, to make it easier on him, but there was no strength left in her. It took all her will just to be.

Harry followed behind her father down the stairs. Her dad was carrying Hope and she saw that the house was empty and silent. They walked out the back and over the bridge to the little clearing that she loved; to the family that stood with red eyes waiting silently for them.

She saw the hole in the ground and closed her eyes again, unable to watch. Harry set her down on one benches and her mother sat with her, her arms around her.

Words were spoken, but they didn't mean much to her. Harry said something, her father spoke and so did Bill and Hermione. Then Harry carefully lowered Hope's box into the ground and gently started to replace the displaced earth. Ginny lost her fight and sobbed into her mother's shoulder even as hands and arms came to sooth her from all sides.

Harry knelt before her and she saw his bloodshot eyes and the grief in every line of his face. "Do you want to stay out here for a bit with me?"

She nodded and everyone kissed her and hugged Harry before making their way back to the house. Harry sat and pulled her onto his lap, holding her in close. Automatically she placed her hand on her empty womb. It had become habit, but there was no reason to do so anymore. The mound of her belly didn't mean life. It was all Death.

She looked around towards the grave and saw a beautifully carved stone that said 'Hope Potter 23rd August 1998'

They sat in silence as they world continued on around them.

"Do you want to eat anything?" Her mother asked her later that evening.

"No," Ginny said, not turning to look. She didn't need to eat. She never wanted to eat again.

Her mother touched her arm and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "Ginny… darling, I know how much you're hurting."

She nearly snapped that she didn't, but Fred's face filled her mind and shame washed through her. Ginny slowly turned to her and looked at her through the haze of moisture in her eyes. "How did you go on? I thought I knew… but…"

"There is no pain that comes close to losing your child," Molly told her, not even bothering to wipe away her tears. "You just keep living until you're alive again."

"Mum, I'm so sorry about Fred. I know this doesn't compare but-"

Her mother cut her off. "This isn't a competition. It's different having known Fred for years, but he is still my baby. Hope is still your baby. Those things are the same and they hurt the same."

Ginny nodded, not sure what else to say. Her mother hugged her. "You will be okay someday. I will be okay someday. There will always be an empty space in your heart because she's gone, but someday you'll be able to get out of bed and keep going." Her mother looked across the room, seeing distances that were only in her mind. "In a way I was lucky because I had all of you there to pull me through." She turned back and brushed Ginny's hair back. "And you are so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. You need to lean on each other, Ginny. If you don't grieve together the pain will tear you two apart."

She nodded and turned to see Audrey come in with a large glass. "I need you to drink this Ginny."

Ginny pushed herself up to sitting and eyed it. "What is it?"

"It's an antidote," Audrey explained. "It tastes terrible so try to get it down in one go. I'm hoping you don't throw it up."

Ginny held the glass and closed her eyes before downing it. It was revolting and for a moment she did think it was going to make a return trip, but after only a few seconds her system settled. "That was awful. Why-"

Audrey took the glass and gently pushed her back down. "You need to sleep now. When you're awake again, we will answer some questions."

"Can you get Harry for me, Mum?" Ginny asked her, feeling a tug at her heart and needing the comfort that only he could give her now.

"I will," Molly said and squeezed her shoulder.

Harry was there a moment later, lying down with her and wordlessly pulling her into his arms. Moments later she drifted off.

Monday August 24th

The sun was barely up when Harry made his way down to the kitchen. It hurt to move, hurt to walk and to continue on. He walked over to the kitchen and found Arthur and Molly sitting at the table with Audrey. They were drinking coffee and talking softly. The eyes that met his held compassion and understanding. He reached for the mug that Kreacher handed him and sat down at the head of the table, just staring into the dark depths.

Audrey broke the silence. "I checked on Ginny while you were both still asleep. She's showing signs of fighting off the poison."

Harry nodded relieved, but not able to look up. "Good."

"Harry…" Audrey's voice was filled with remorse that he looked up finally. "I'm sorry I didn't check her sooner."

"What?" He asked, unsure what she meant.

"The poison… I just assumed it was gone. I didn't think to check after the first few days," Audrey explained. "I… I don't know that it would have made a difference, but…"

"No," Harry said, too numb to get mad. "You saved both of our lives and you did the best you could."

She shook her head. "Ginny's been under the influence of the poison for weeks now. I don't think it has done any irreversible harm to her body, but…"

He waited for her to continue, but she seemed to struggle for words. "But what?"

"I… I don't think you should have another baby right away. Martha and I talked about it last night and we think it best to wait at least six months, maybe a year," Audrey said apologetically. "I know a lot of couples want to try again, but we need to make sure that Ginny gets time to heal and to make sure there is no damage."

Harry hadn't gotten far enough along to think about more kids. He didn't even know what to say so he simply nodded.

"I'm going to release a statement to the press if you're willing," Arthur said gently. "Hermione and I worked it out last night."

He nodded again. He didn't need to be part of that as he trusted them both. "How much should I tell Ginny?"

They were silent for a long time. Finally Arthur spoke up, "The truth when she asks for it, and only when she asks for it."

He nodded and took a sip of the bitter brew. "Did you hear from Andromeda?"

"Yes, she sent Burt back last night and sends her condolences," Molly told him. "She also understood why we didn't want Teddy here. She agreed that it might be too hard for Ginny to see the baby right now."

Harry deliberately released the tight grip on his cup, relaxing his hands before he broke it. Part of him longed to scoop up his godson and never let go while another part knew that seeing the baby would be a painful reminder of what they'd lost. He forced more coffee past the lump in his throat.

"I also let Robards know that you won't be in this week," Arthur told him.

"We're going to head out in a bit," Molly said. "We know you and Ginny need time just the two of you, but we'll be in and out and you can always send word if you need us."

"I'm taking over Ginny's care," Audrey told him. "Martha and I have agreed that's best. I'm going to continue what Martha has done and make house calls daily for at least the next week. If she's doing better I'll remove the feeding line then."

He couldn't do more than nod. They left shortly after and he still sat, staring into his cold coffee.

"Master," Kreacher said coming up to him at the table. "Mistress is waking."

"Okay," Harry mumbled. "Thanks." He got to his feet, feeling every joint ache as he moved up the stairs. He hadn't eaten breakfast, but he wasn't really hungry. He'd eaten the night before under the watchful eye of two healers and Molly Weasley, but today he didn't know that he needed food.

He walked into the dim bedroom and saw Ginny staring at the wedding photo on their dresser, silvery tracks making their way down her cheeks into the pillow.

He didn't speak as he got into bed behind her and curled around her, trying his best to hold her together as the sobs tore from her, shaking her whole body. He didn't have any comforting words to offer. There were none to be had so he simply held on until it passed.

"I hurt so much," Ginny hiccupped. "I don't even know how to…"

"I know," Harry managed to choke out. He didn't know what to say, didn't know how to help and Hermione's words came back to him clearly that he couldn't save her if he was drowning himself.

Ginny turned in his arms and he lay flat so she could rest her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," Harry said immediately, burying a hand in her soft hair. "You did everything you could."

"It wasn't enough."

He closed his eyes and pulled her tighter to him. "The blame for this falls more on me than on you."

There was a long pause and then she asked, "Why did I need an antidote."

The time had come much sooner than he'd hoped, but she'd asked and he could now answer. "We were poisoned in St. Mungo's by a slow acting poison."

"What?" Ginny gasped, sitting up and looking at him. "How long have you known?"

He looked into her big, brown eyes and hated the answer. "Since the first day I met Audrey."

Shock filled her face. "That extra strengthening solution…"

"Was the first antidote you were given," Harry confirmed, hating himself more in that moment than he ever had, knowing that to get to him someone had done this to Ginny, had doomed Hope to such a short life.

She bit her lip and studied him. "Are there a lot of other things you haven't told me?"

"Yes," he answered simply, taking her hand. "I'll tell you if you really want, but I'd rather we spread it out a bit."

Ginny watched him for a moment longer and then nodded. "Am I going to have to keep the feeding line in for a while?"

"Until we're sure you're past the danger point, yeah," Harry said, tugging her back into his arms, needing the connection.

They lay entwined for nearly an hour, just soaking in the comfort of each other. "Did you eat?" she asked.

"I'm not hungry," he told her honestly.

"Kreacher," Ginny called out and with a crack the elf appeared. "Can you get Harry some toast and juice, please?"

"Yes, Mistress," Kreacher said before vanishing again with another loud crack.

"I'm not hungry," Harry repeated.

She turned her head up to look at him. "How many times did I say that to you before I got the feeding line in? Did you ever let me get away with not eating?"

"No," he sighed already dreading choking down the toast.

The nightmare woke her a few short hours after falling asleep, leaving her covered in sweat and gasping. As she opened her eyes the dream fled and she was left with a pounding heart and fear coursing through her.

"It's okay, Gin," Harry said pulling her down again. "I'm here, it was just a dream."

But the nightmare didn't end because she knew that her baby lay in her grave and that she'd never hold her again. "I miss her so much."

"I know," he said. "I miss her, too."

Ginny closed her eyes again and wished for oblivion, knowing that sleep was not a refuge. Thoughts swirled, jumbled and bounced around in her head, none of them coherent. "What am I going to do with myself now?" She felt purposeless and it was a black pit that spread out before her with no end.

Harry let out a long sigh. "I don't know. You'll think of something. Once you're healed you can try for a spot on the Harpies if you want."

The Harpies… a dream from another life. "What about…" then she paused, unable to say what she'd been about to say.

"You can't get pregnant right now," Harry said gently, rubbing her back. "They're saying at least six months."

Ginny nodded and her next thought spilled from her. "If… if I didn't want to get pregnant again right now, does that mean I didn't want her?"

"No!" Harry said, and he sounded absolutely certain. "It just means that you're not ready for this again right now."

"How do you know?" She asked quietly.

"Because I wanted her, and I don't know that I'm ready to try for another right now," he said honestly. "We…" his voice cracked. "We can't replace her. She's always going to be our first child."

That was the heart of it and the sorrow which had abated enough to allow her to speak, came thundering back and she was lost to it again.

Tuesday August 25th

"I'm putting off going to Hogwarts," Hermione told her as Ginny tried to eat something like a breakfast. She was still throwing up if she ate more than a small meal.

Ginny shook her head and heard the shower go off. Harry had wanted to wait until Hermione had arrived before getting one. Family still checked in on them daily. "You can't. You're the Head Girl, you have to go."

Fat, silent tears flowed down Hermione's face as she shook her head. "I don't want to go."

"Yes, you do," Ginny reminded her quietly.

Hermione shook her head and took Ginny's hand. "I can't imagine how you're feeling, but from what I can see on your face… on Harry's… I can't leave you. You're the closest thing I have to a sister and I-"

Ginny tugged at her hand, and pulled her in for a hug. "You are my sister and I love you for saying that, but you have to go. That's the right thing for you."

"But…" Hermione broke down completely and Ginny followed suit. They cried in each other's arms for several minutes.

Ginny glanced up and saw Harry coming in wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, his hair damp. He walked slowly over and wrapped his arms around both of them as they continued to cry.

A/N: "You just keep living until you're alive again." from Call The Midwife Season 3

A/N2: Thank you for all of your kind words and thoughts. This has been a difficult, but healing process.