The drive home from the University was awful. A number of times I had to pull over because my watery and bloodshot eyes were blurring my vision. I felt sick when I remembered what I had just done, what I had just confessed to Martin. He would try and make Tim leave me, I knew he would.

Even though Tim complained about Martin's interfering it was obvious that he respected him and Martin had a way with words to weave the idea into Tim's vulnerable and pliable mind. He would manipulate him into believing that he shouldn't love me and that he had so many other choices.

I was beyond terrified that Martin would use his soothing manner and kind words to convince Tim that he needed to tell the police what I had done to him, he would make me his enemy and Tim would buy it all, as though he were acting out one of the romantic thriller novels he loves to read.

I realised as I rounded the corner onto the street that I had simply stated to Martin that I had raped Tim but it wasn't like that and he would never understand.

My heart was racing and my stomach twisted as I forced the key into the lock, becoming infuriated when it resisted before finally it relented and opened, revealing a beaming Tim on the other side. I started.

"I heard your car," he said happily, wrapping himself around me and thrusting his tongue into my mouth, clambering for my attention and I pulled him towards me. I was desperate for him to understand and I paused for a moment when I tasted chocolate in his mouth. I pushed him gently backwards and kicked the door closed behind me, steering him towards the bedroom, my lips gently on his.

I pulled his pyjama top from him and slid his jogging bottoms off delicately before undressing myself, my heart twanging as I watched him lay back wantonly on the bed, his hand trailing across his chest and his eyes watching me.

He seemed pleasantly surprised when I pulled him on top of me and stretched back across the mattress, stroking his thighs softly and gazing up at him. I wanted him to be completely in control and I could see that he was a little confused. He was so pale and ethereal and I licked my lips at the sight of him slowly preparing himself for the anticipated rough sex that he was unaware was not going to happen.

He stared down at me when I had slowed him, pulling on his forearm to get him to lay on top of me. I wanted him close to me and he rested his head in the crook of my shoulder, gasping when I kissed and licked his outer ear as I made love to him.

I brought my hand up to hold at his hair but stopped myself, gently stroking the back of his neck instead and allowing him to move freely. I cupped his cheek in my hand and kissed him with reserve. He didn't understand and tried to kiss me back passionately which I reciprocated. I responded to him but never escalated until he did.

I had always loved the uncontrollable screams that Tim usually made in the bedroom when I showed him no mercy but this was different. He gave long, shuddering breaths and would whimper incoherently, a soft smile tracing his lips.

"Tim," I whispered and he brought his fingers up to touch my lips. I took his index finger in my mouth and watched reverently as his mouth fell open. There was a light blush across his cheeks and he wrapped himself more tightly around me, the movement causing me to cry out in ecstasy.

I offered him a cigarette after and he smiled hazily at me, bemused.

"Is this my reward," he laughed cheekily. I paled.

"Tim," I started, pulling him closer towards me in our embrace.

"I'm so sorry. It was wrong of me to think that I should punish you or reward you, I don't want you to think that, okay? I just want you to be you," I whimpered, unable to stop a few tears falling as I hugged him close. He fidgeted, trying to turn to look at me and I released him.

His hand came up to rest on my cheek and he gave me a look that seemed like pity but it wasn't.

"I won't tell you what to do anymore, yeah? I just got caught up in it all and I don't mean to try and change you," I spoke quickly. "I know it's wrong of me to try and control you. I guess it just scares me that you could run off at any moment, I'm trying to hold on to you and I'm suffocating you," I thought aloud and then quietened.

"Fuck, I didn't mean to say that," I gushed, I was horrified by the mental image of my hands wrapped around his beautiful neck. It was no wonder he had nightmares when he slept next to me. He put a finger to my lips to hush me.

"It's okay," he tried to soothe me. "I like that you try to control me sometimes," he admitted quietly. "I've never had anyone care that much before, someone who wants to protect me." He smiled weakly.

"I kind of like belonging to someone," he said cheekily with a slight laugh. "It's all in the past Ivo," he said quietly. "You nearly killed me and I nearly killed you. It's only fair," he smiled. "We can't live with or without each other it seems. If it has to be one of them then I choose the latter."

He snuggled closer and pull the duvet around us more.

"You probably think you've been teaching me to obey you," he laughed knowingly. "That's probably the only thing you haven't taught me."

I couldn't help but marvel at his wisdom and feel a little fearful. He leaned across to kiss my chest.

"Anyway," he whispered. "It's only fair that you try to control me," he kissed me again and slowly became more heated.

"It is," I asked, my mind becoming clouded with lust once again.

"Yeah," he replied, sultry and sensual. "Because I can think of something specific of yours that I control," he smiled.

"My heart," I suggested softly and he grinned wider.

"No," he kissed further and further down my chest, licking at me gently before slipping a hand beneath the covers.

Oh.