I waited in the doorway of the living room, watching through the small crack in the door of the bathroom as Tim fixed his hair by his reflection. He had put on a dark green long sleeved shirt and his usual pair of faded jeans that day and was now probably debating pyjamas. I presumed he would be barefoot, enjoying the feeling of the cold tiles on the soft pads of his toes.
I wanted to wait for the point after he had brushed his teeth, after he had fixed his hair to perceived perfection. I needed him to be so external from his mind that when he felt my presence, it would be all that he could feel.
I could smell the perfumed fragrances that came from the bathroom and the deep musk of his body spray sent my head spinning. Each time I had that smell in my nostrils I usually had Tim skin to skin with me. I needed this.
It's difficult to think back to a time when Tim didn't exist in my life. Everything at this moment in time, in the past and in the future was now compared to having him or not having him. Of course it isn't hard to remember the time he wasn't around. I can remember it clearly.
Some people compare loneliness to being cold and love as warmth but for me it was different. I was warm and contented in my life and my routines but Tim was like iced water in my veins. From the first night in the hotel when I had placed my hand over his, every moment since was filled with the hope that he would clasp his hand around my own. I wanted our fingers, our bodies, our minds and our souls to be intertwined.
I want him to want me as much as I want him but if I can't have that I'll settle for anything. For the most part Tim is quiet on the matter but when it arises, it confuses me. He seems to think that he is ordinary, nothing special and nothing worth fighting for.
I startle him when he feels me behind him, his eyes catching mine in the mirror and a look of...terror? It's fear of some kind, leaning closer to excitement. It's taken a while but Tim has finally come to realise that when I lick along the outer shell of his ear like what I'm doing now, he doesn't need to fear.
I move my arm around the smooth fabric of his shirt so that he is held close to my chest. His eyelids flutter closed and his knees bend slightly, bringing him closer to me, his hand reaching up to lightly touch my cheek. I know he means to keep it there but he is too wrapped up in the moment to concentrate. Poor thing.
I smooth my other hand across his chest and bring it further down, pushing past the waistband of his jeans and sliding my hand over his boxer shorts. A pair that I had bought him as an impromptu gift with the idea that I could buy him sexy underwear and he would want to show off for me. I hadn't been disappointed so far. He gives a soft sigh that has a hint of my name in there but not quite yet. It will.
I pull away suddenly and Tim pouts at me, the fear creeping back in to his mind but I kiss the nape of his neck in an attempt to reassure. His movements are fluid and graceful as I weave his hand into mine and pull him gently to the bedroom. His breathing becomes more audible and I can see him eyeing the bed as I press up against him and take his lips in mine.
He squirms a little, short of breath and slightly in pain from the strong grip I have on his waist but I don't let go. Instead I give him a look and he quietens immediately. He makes for a fascinating study.
"Ivo," he says irritably and I try not to laugh. I wonder if perhaps I should let him have some control, just to take the edge of for him. I wonder if the role reversal turns him on as much as the normal submissive role he takes on.
"What," I ask him gently as I massage the knots in his shoulders, my hands moving along his back as I look at him.
He smiles gently, a little surprised.
"Suck my cock," he demands crudely, raising his chin in the air slightly with an air of confidence. His resolve fades however as he watches me slowly move to my knees and look up at him through my eyelashes. He hadn't been expecting it. I just knew that now he was going to test the boundaries and see how far he could go. I would humour him, for now at least.
The jeans and boxer shorts are quickly removed and he looks quite comical in only his shirt. He chews on his lip as I take him in my mouth, working at him the way I know he likes. My stomach gives a jolt with each moan he gives and I don't know if I can take much more of it all. He looks at me quizzically and I don't quite understand until I notice him thrusting slightly into my mouth, waiting for me to object.
The look he gives me when he realises that I'm not objecting makes me want to do this more often. He looks positively blissful. It soon becomes apparent that he won't be able to stand it much longer, the shock and wonder of it all overwhelming him quickly. I pull away and he stumbles forward slightly. My hands reach out to steady him, placed either side of his hips.
I pull myself up and kiss him deeply, biting a little and sweeping my tongue over his upper lip like the way a boy at school used to show me. Tim definitely seems to like it.
Somehow we both managed to remove each article of clothing and make it to the bed and I lay him down onto the soft duvet, moving him so that he is directly in the centre. I love the way he looks up at me, entirely dependent on me and assured that I am going to give him pleasure that will make him half out of his mind.
Somewhere in one of the other rooms I heard my phone ringing and I laugh. As if I would leave now to answer it.
Tim reaches one hand up to caress my cheek and I am momentarily confused by how callused and rough they feel but I simply use my hand between his thighs to push his legs apart. He allows me to. I massage him slowly, preparing him gently. I know what his coming next but the poor boy beneath me has no idea of how I am going to ravage him.
I use my mouth and he practically yelps, muttering my name and wondering blindly what has changed things so much that now I was willingly using my tongue to pleasure him further, pushing further into him and feeling him arch beneath me. I could tell I was driving him mad, it was too much for him but I didn't stop until he was practically wrenching me away.
It isn't long until I am pressing into him, pushing his legs higher and further apart so that I can move deeper, my hand on the back of his knee where I know he is ticklish. He gives a strangled sob and his fingernails dig into the flesh of my upper arms, his breath hot and heavy on my neck. He moves up into me after a few minutes of adjusting, thought he hasn't fully. I grin.
Clearly for Tim that was the signal for me to start moving gently, to slowly bring us both to climax like every other night when I cuddle him and whisper things in his ear to ensure that everything is okay. Not tonight. Tonight I was taking it as a sign that I was free to ruin this boy in any fashion I see fit. To make sure that he could never even walk on the same street as a church again without blushing.
The sound of his violent screaming almost became white noise as I was blinded by pleasure but I forced myself to hear and feel it all, the beautiful cadence to it. Even when screaming like a whore he still sounds breathy and lyrical. It's more than he can take but I'm not going to stop. I invade his thoughts and his mouth, swirling my tongue with his and making myself light-headed. Each time he would try and open his eyes I would thrust in harder than before and I didn't even want to stop to find out if his were tears of pain or pleasure.
He claws at my back and it only spurs me on further. I know I will be bleeding later but I don't care. I've never heard Tim make sounds like that and I'm not going to stop now. At times he is silent, simply too exhausted and hoarse to make any sound but then a second later he shrieks in ecstasy and climaxes violently.
I'm relieved and join him, knowing that I would have practically exhausted myself if we had gone on for any longer. I pull out and he makes a half retching noise mixed with a wanton moan before clambering close to me. It seems like he is trying to crawl inside my chest and live there and I pull him onto my lap becoming fearful when he begins to choke out loud and broken sobs. He buries his face in my neck and I cradle him, terrified that I've hurt him. Already I can imagine an embarrassing trip to Accident and Emergency.
"Oh Christ Tim, are you okay," I whisper, rocking him gently. I watch as he wipes his eyes with his hands and snuggles further into me.
"I love you Ivo, I love you," he says desperately, his eyes wide and fearful. "I do, I love you."
I place a hand at the back of his head and one underneath his legs to pull him on top of me with the cover over us both to keep out the chill. I can see that he is embarrassed and sore and I untangle myself from him to retrieve a wash cloth from the bathroom to gently soothe him.
It takes a while for his harsh breathing to quieten and he is drooling on my arms slightly but he has never seemed more perfect. He is so beautiful. I stroke his hair and lean in to kiss his forehead before closing my eyes and going to sleep.