It's My Job To Raise You Right

June 1994

The room was spinning that much Dean knew, and his brain was still functioning enough to know that he was in trouble. He was surrounded by strangers, he was drunk and obviously losing control, and he had always been the perfect example of control. In any other situation Dean wouldn't have allowed himself to get this way but he had no one with him to protect, Sam was safe back at the hotel with their Dad and Dean just wanted to let loose.

Dean was entranced, here he was in the middle of music history standing where some of the greatest bands in the world had once stood, and he felt perfectly at home in the worlds of lights, music and smoke. He thought he could stay here forever, but that's when he heard it.

"Dean Winchester."

Dean shut his eyes and swore under his breath, he would know that voice anywhere. The rest of the people sitting around him avoided the man's eyes, obviously scared of the burly man standing behind them. Dean turned slightly and looked his Dad in the eye, to drunk to realize he should probably be afraid.

" 'Sup Dad?" Dean slurred.

John Winchester's eyes narrowed at his son as he grabbed the back of his jacket.

"Time to go Son…" John dragged him out the door by the collar of his shirt, Dean stumbling along beside him.

"Lemme go!" Dean yelled trying to push his dad off of him.

John just sighed and led Dean in the direction of the Impala.

"You can't even stand Ace, I'm not gonna let go just so you can fall into the street and get run over by a taxi."

Dean huffed trying to come up with an argument, but his fuzzy brain couldn't come up with anything, and before he knew it he was tumbling into the passenger seat of the Impala and being buckled in like he was a small helpless child.

John came around the car and sat in the driver's seat, Dean kept his body turned away staring out the window of the car as they drove down the street.

"How much did you drink tonight?" John asked calmly.

"I dunno."

"Did you take anything else there?"

Dean turned back towards his father with rage in his eyes.

"I was fucking fine Dad; you didn't have to embarrass me like that."

John said nothing about Dean's current attitude, he figured how the kid would feel when he woke up was more then enough punishment.

"You aren't fine Dean, and even if I already didn't know the shit that goes on at places like that, I would know you were messed up on something."

Dean snorted.

"Oh yeah? How?" Dean challenged.

John quirked an eyebrow at his oldest, and then pointed to the backseat of the car.

"Because Dean-o, you have yet to ask where your eleven-year-old brother is."

Dean frowned and then looked into the back of the car; it took him a long minute to process that Sam wasn't slumped over in the back seat.

"You left him at the motel? In New York City?"

"Nope." John said popping the P at the end of the word.

Dean's hands tightened into fists at John's smugness.

"Dad…. Where's Sammy?"

John smirked.

"Oh look, my over protective son is still in there under all the rebellion and stupidity of tonight… I left him at Caleb's, which is where you are going to stay for now until I sort some things out."

Dean rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

The rest of the ride to Caleb's was quiet, and even as John dragged Dean up to the apartment, the fifteen-year-old kept his jaw set in stubbornness. John knocked on the door and a tired looking Caleb Reaves swung it open and greeted them with his typical cocky smile.

"Find him at CBGB?" Caleb asked.

"Yeah, guess you were right."

"What can I say? I remember being a stupid teenager in this city, I know all the places to go."

"You were a stupid teenager in this city five years ago of course you remember." John answer.

"So you ratted me out?" Dean asked.

Caleb looked down at the teenager and smiled.

"No Deuce, I helped your father save your sorry ass, there's a difference."

"Where Sammy?" John asked.

"The couch, he wouldn't go to sleep until Dean came back."

"Alright, care if I leave them here tonight? I gotta go talk to a few people at that club about their security procedures when it comes to minors."

"Yeah, you got it John."

John pushed Dean towards Caleb and the older man caught the teenager as he stumbled, pushing him into a chair that was sitting against the wall. Dean eyed his father coldly, and crossed his arms across his chest.

"I hate you…" Dean said.

"Dean…" Caleb started, but John held out a hand to silence him.

"It's okay Caleb." John said and then crouched down in front his Dean waiting until the teenager looked him in the eye. "Son, you don't like me that's fine, it's not my job to be liked, it's my job to raise you right."

Dean continued to stare at his father who stood up and walked towards the door.

"See you tomorrow John."

"Yeah… you sure you will be okay with him?"

Caleb smirked.

"Yeah we'll be fine, I got the pain meds, he will be groveling at my feet before I know it."

John laughed and walked out of the apartment leaving Caleb and Dean staring at each other. Caleb rubbed a hand over the stubble on his face and pulled Dean into the kitchen.

"Dean?" A small voice said from behind the entrance that lead into the living room.

At eleven, Sam was small for his age, and he was trying his hardest to hide behind the wall. Dean lifted his head and looked at Sam, and Sam backed up, because the look he was getting was full of coldness and anger, which was not something he was used to getting from his brother.

"What do you want Sam?"

"Are you okay? I woke up and you were gone…"

Dean rolled his eyes and sat down at the kitchen table. Sam walked closer and put his hand on Dean's arm shaking him lightly. Dean grabbed Sam's hand and pushed him away, there was no force behind the movement, but it hurt Sam just the same.

"Are you capable of leaving me alone for two seconds? Maybe if you did I wouldn't have to leave the motel room to get some fucking peace and quiet. I'm not here to coddle you all the damn time."

Sam winced and bumped into Caleb as he backed up.

"Jesus Christ Deuce, it isn't his fault you're in trouble don't be a dick."

Dean scoffed.

"I was just having some fun for once. Just one time I didn't have this kid hanging off my back, I wasn't saddled with responsibility… Dad treats me like a God damn house wife, staying at home to take care of the fucking baby."

Sam sniffled and shook his head a little bit.

"I'm sorry Dean… I didn't know I was bothering you… I won't do it anymore."

"Yeah whatever… you say that now, but give it a couple days and you will be whining in my ear again… asking questions about everything… asking questions about Mom…"

"I just wanted to know about her… I don't remember anything…"

"No shit Sam, but you know what? Those memories are mine, not yours. You don't get to know her."

Sam looked up wide eyed, and his lower lip trembled slightly before he turned and ran out of the room, mumbling something about going to bed to Caleb before taking off.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Caleb asked. "You think that kid really deserved that? He has a hard enough time with not having a Mom without you saying shit like that. She belongs to him just as much as she belongs to you."

"Okay fine… I didn't mean that, I just don't want to listen to him talk anymore."

Caleb scoffed, and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and handed it to Dean along with some Tylenol before sitting down across from the teenager. Dean swallowed the Tylenol and took a drink and stared his friend down.

"This isn't about Sam, this isn't about me, hell this isn't even about your Dad embarrassing you, so you wanna tell me the truth about what led to this little adventure of yours or do you just want me to assume you were trying to get yourself killed?"

Dean deflated a little bit and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes.

"I just wanted to do something fun… something stupid and reckless for once…"

Caleb quirked an eyebrow at his young friend.

"We're hunters Deuce, we do stupid and reckless everyday."

Dean laughed slightly.

"Yeah but it's not the same thing… I didn't want to go waste a spirit or kill a werewolf… I just… I wanted… I wanted to be fifteen."

Caleb sighed as he looked at the kid in front of him, he was on the cusp of manhood, but the weight on his shoulders was already that of a man twice his age. Dean had always been weighed down with responsibility, but he had never seemed so broken down by it before.

"I get that Deuce…"

"Do you?"

"More then anyone else you know, but let me tell you something I spent my early teenaged years breaking every law under the sun, and acting stupid and reckless, but that isn't what normal teenagers do. If you want to be a teenager, play baseball or take a pretty blonde on a date, hangout with your friends… you don't go around doing drugs and getting wasted."

Dean smiled sadly.

"I don't have any friends…"

Caleb smiled.

"Well you got me, and Sammy… I'd say that's pretty lucky."

"Yeah I guess… I guess I just wanted something normal…"

Caleb laughed and leaned forward slightly.

"Ah normal… that's a swear word in John Winchester's book kiddo, and let me tell you, we don't really get the whole normal thing."

"Yeah I know…." Dean said smiling drunkenly. "Normal is over rated anyway…"

Dean yawned widely.

"Alright kiddo time for bed…"

"Mmmkay…" Dean said.

He stood up and Caleb waited to see if he would be stable, and when he was Caleb let him walk away from the kitchen.

"Oh Deuce? Sleep in my room tonight, I'll crash on the couch."

Dean frowned.

"Why?"

Caleb smiling widely at how naïve Dean about certain things in life, but everyone had a first hangover and it sucked every time.

"It's closer to the bathroom… just trust me okay?"

Dean frowned in confusion but nodded his head and stumbled off to the bedroom.

Caleb waited a few minutes until he knew Dean was down for the count before heading to the spare room where Sam and Dean usually stayed when John left them with Caleb. He pushed open the door and looked in, where he could tell by Sam's breathing that the youngest Winchester wasn't sleeping. Caleb sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the mop of brown hair.

"You okay Sammy?"

Sam nodded against the covers. Caleb sighed and poked the eleven year old in the shoulder.

"C'mon kiddo, talk to me… I know that must have freaked you out."

Sam sniffled and slowly pushed himself up so he was leaning against the headboard, with his arms wrapped around his knees.

"It didn't freak me out…"

Caleb smiled a little bit, Sam was young, but he was a Winchester through and through, and he wasn't one to admit when he was afraid.

"C'mon it had to freak you out a little bit, you've never seen Dean like that before."

Sam looked up at Caleb and shrugged.

"It isn't like I haven't seen Dad drunk like that before, Dean is just like him..."

Caleb winced at that. John wasn't a saint, and he had said plenty of things to his children that Caleb wanted to throttle him for, and it hurt that Sam's perception had been poisoned so much by the bad days.

"You know Sammy… alcohol makes people say things they don't mean."

"No it doesn't, alcohol makes people say things they don't want to say out loud, doesn't mean they don't mean it."

"Dean doesn't think any of that Sammy, he is just a teenager and he is angry at the world. Your brother loves you, and I know he is going to feel like crap about what he said when he wakes up."

Sam's wide eyes looked up.

"You think so?"

Caleb smiled.

"I know so… now get some sleep okay?"

Sam nodded and lay back down, and Caleb went out to the living room and attempted to get comfortable on the couch, he was going to need some sleep, because tomorrow was going to be a long one.

Caleb woke up not five hours later to the distinct sound of someone upchucking and he pushed himself up off the couch and into the bathroom, where Dean was bent over the toilet bowl resting his head on the seat.

"You know Deuce, you should be happy I no longer live in the hole I lived in right after college, you wouldn't want your face anywhere near that toilet seat…"

Dean groaned and opened his eyes into slits.

"I don't want my face anywhere near this one, but I really don't feel like cleaning the puke off your floor either…"

Caleb laughed and sat down on the floor next to Dean.

"See this is why we don't drink, hangovers suck."

"Don't act like you never had a drop of alcohol before you turned 21…"

"Oh, I definitely did, I remember being exactly where you are. But I think a few more years of sobriety won't kill you. Maybe I'll take you out on your eighteenth birthday or something."

"Yeah okay." Dean said with a slight smirk. "How pissed is my Dad?"

"I don't think he is pissed; I think he is just disappointed about what you did."

Dean groaned and leaned back against the wall.

"That's so much worse…"

Dean could handle John mad, but being a disappointment in his Dad's eyes was his worst fear, and it hurt every time.

"Yeah you definitely owe him an apology… but he knows you didn't mean it; he's been in similar situations. Your little brother on the other hand, he definitely deserves an explanation."

Dean looked confused for a second before his face dropped.

"Damn it Sammy…."

Dean choked as the memories of his brothers pained face came back to him. His words in a drunken haze came out twisted and painful, and he could see it written all over his baby brother's face.

"Yeah… not one of your finer moments kiddo…"

"I didn't mean it; he has to know that."

Caleb shrugged.

"According to him alcohol makes you say things that you mean but you don't want to say out loud."

"Shit… I need to talk to him." Dean wobbled as he stood up and turned a light shade of green, but after a minute he seemed to find his center of gravity and he went back to a paler yet similar colour that he usually sported.

"Is he awake yet?"

"Don't think so."

"What time is it?"

Caleb looked at the watch around his wrist.

"9:30."

Dean nodded.

"He's awake, kid doesn't get what sleeping in is."

Dean made his way across the hall and into the spare room where Sam was sitting on the bed reading a book. Dean sat down on the bed and felt his chest tighten as Sam tensed up, watching Dean through his long bangs.

"Hey Sammy? I'm really sorry about last night."

Sam shrugged and continued to stare down at the book.

"It's okay Dean."

Dean put his hand under Sam's chin and forced the younger boy to look up at him.

"No kiddo it isn't. You didn't deserve any of that. I was mad and not in control of myself, and you were an easy target. Nothing I said was true."

Sam's big doe eyes filled with moisture and frustration.

"If you didn't mean it or think it, why would you say it? That didn't just come out of nowhere De…"

Dean sighed.

"I guess I…. well, I do get upset when you ask about Mom sometimes…"

Sam sniffled and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. A sweatshirt that had once been Dean's and was way to big on the littlest Winchester, but Sam wore all that time.

"I don't mean to make you mad Dean…"

"It doesn't make me mad kiddo, it just… hurts to talk about sometimes…"

Sam nodded.

"I know that, that's why I ask about her though. Sometimes I feel bad cause I can't remember her, that I don't know any different, if it weren't for you and Dad telling me, I wouldn't even know she was real and sometimes that is like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands."

Dean sighed.

"I'm sorry Sammy, I didn't know you felt that way…"

Sam sniffled again and pulled his legs up to his chest.

"I didn't mean to be a burden De… I swear I won't bug you so much anymore…."

"Sammy stop, I didn't mean any of that. I like having you around and to be honest it scared the hell out of me when I can't see you. Taking care of you is my job and I wouldn't change it for anything. Last night I just had… a lapse in judgment."

Dean swallowed and threw an arm around his brother.

"I swear I will try to be more patient when it comes to Mom…I mean do you have any questions now?"

Sam wiggled a little closer to Dean, and the older Winchester smirked. Days Sam was cuddly like this were few and far between, and he knew that soon they would disappear all together as Sam edged towards his teenaged years, and Dean secretly savoured the moments when the two of them were alone in their own little world.

"Just one…" Sam whispered.

Dean nodded.

"Okay, what do you wanna know?"

"Did she love me?"

Dean choked a little at that question because as much it hurt to remember what happened to his mother, he never doubted for one second that she had loved him. Had he failed Sam so bad that he didn't know that?

"Mom loved you Sam… more then anything."

Sam sighed at that, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and Dean held back tears at the thought that Sam was walking around with that thought in his head.

"Do you still love me?" Sam asked.

Dean groaned, he was fifteen and this made him uncomfortable, but Sam was just a kid and needed reassurance, and Dean could never deny the kid that.

"Course I do Sammy."

"Mmkay."

Dean smiled down at his brother.

"So are we okay little brother?"

"Yeah, we're good. Are you gonna apologize to Dad?"

"I'm gonna have to… guys gonna have me running extra drills for a month…"

Sam snickered at that.

"Don't worry Dean, I'll do them with you. I got your back."

Dean laughed and smiled widely.

"I know you do kiddo; I know you do."