"Have we made a mistake in binding her magic?" Frigga spoke quietly to Odin. The couple was standing on the dais of the throne room, their gazes sweeping over the crowd of Aesir on the golden flagstones below them. The levee had just finished and Odin had called for the customary ale and wine to be brought out by the servants.
The Allfather looked at his wife, "Would she have died if you had not?"
Sighing, Frigga nodded, "I believe so. The injuries would have continued until her body gave out."
Reaching over, Odin caught Frigga's hand in his and squeezed it lightly, always careful to never do her harm. "Then you chose the lesser of two evils, my love. Losing Maryn after having lost our son would have been too harsh a blow."
"But look at her," Frigga nodded toward Maryn.
The princess stood apart from everyone else, her face a cold impassive mask, her eyes moving over those around her in an unnerving blank stare. She was dressed in black still, her gown made of satin, with an over dress of chiffon that crossed at the chest and was decorated by bronze and gold beads with boarders of the same, and embroidery at the high waist, neckline, and cuffs at the elbows of the short but full sleeves. She had refused to wear her crown again, and instead wore a curling circlet at her brow, a single green stone at the centre. Her hair was pulled back in a low bun, filigree and pearl earrings hanging from her earlobes, and a bracelet of twisted gold with diamonds and emeralds at either end around her wrist. The huge wolf that never left her side kept back any Aesir who did not shy away from her detached gaze, his strange, knowing eyes following the movement of everyone around them.
Frigga saw Maryn sip from her goblet of wine and then turn her gaze to the sky visible between the columns of the balcony outside the throne room. "She is so cold, unfeeling in a way she has never been before."
Odin tightened his hand around Frigga's, "There is nothing we can do about it now. If the spell is reversed she may still be attacked and we do not know if it was Mithros or another force that was responsible for it."
Agreeing, Frigga kept her gaze on their good-daughter, her heart heavy with the consequences of what she had done.
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The spell Frigga had cast to block Maryn's magic hurt in a way that she never thought possible. It wasn't a physical pain, but, after having so much power running through her and giving her energy, the absence and numbness was like losing a piece of herself. Her mind wandered more frequently now, unable to focus on anything around her. She wanted to be free of the bind but was exhausted by the very thought of trying to find a freeing spell.
Fenrir had also changed. It was as if he could sense that she was weak and vulnerable, detached from the world she existed in. He stayed by her side and his gaze watched those that came too close. If they seemed to pose a danger to her, he used his hulking size and intense gaze to keep them at arms-length. Maryn was thankful for that for, although she longed for the closeness of family, the emptiness inside her drew her away from them.
As she stood watching the Aesir mingling in the throne room, she wondered how different her world would be if Loki was still there. Before he had been consumed by wanting to prove his worth as a king and Odin's son, he had brought a different life to the parties and gatherings the Allfather's halls were famous for. There was always a child-like glee surrounding him whenever he and his brother and friends were together in the same room. Although he was known for his dark humour and the sometimes-cruel tricks he played on others, there was never any doubt in Maryn's mind that Loki lived for his family and friends.
"Sister!" Thor's loud voice brought Maryn out of her musings, her gaze lifting from the depths of her wine goblet to his wide grin. "Come, our friends wish to go for a ride in the forest and hunt Bilgesnipe and boar."
With a small smile that didn't reach her eyes, Maryn shook her head, "Give them my apologies, Thor, I would not be good company today. I am overly tired by the levee."
His grin fell and she tensed when he took a step toward her, "Maryn, you must learn to enjoy life again."
She turned her face away, unable to even muster the emotions to cry, the dull pain caused by his words barely felt, "Why must I, Thor?"
His large hand curled over her shoulder bringing her gaze to his again, "I know you loved my brother, Maryn, but it has been nearly nine months since his death. He would not want you to grieve as deeply as you do now. Loki loved to laugh and jest," he motioned to the black gown she was wearing. "Do you believe he would want you to wear black for the rest of your life and morn him without end?"
Shrugging off his hand, Maryn handed her goblet to a passing servant, "I choose to grieve for the man I love, Thor, do not ask me to forget him." She turned to leave the hall, Fenrir rising and padding along at her side.
Thor caught up to her just outside the gilt doors, "I do not ask you to forget him, Maryn," the large God of Thunder murmured, his hand twisting one of the metal bracers he wore with Loki's helm etched into it, a subtle tribute to his brother. "All I ask is that you do not drown in your pain. Living while remembering him is better than allowing it to kill you."
Waving a hand, Maryn tried to brush off his words, "I am not dying."
"Yes, Maryn, you are," Thor wouldn't let her leave, his hand gripping hers gently but firmly.
His words caused her to still, her large grey eyes lifting to his face. Straightening, she lifted her chin and looked him in the eyes, "Forgive me, I do not wish to cause you worry."
Thor looked so sad as he pulled her into a tight hug, "There is nothing to forgive, Maryn. I only worry that I will awake one day and find you gone, just as Loki is."
Wanting him to stop worrying so much about her, Maryn hugged him back, her gaze on the wall over his broad shoulder. "I am sorry to worry you, brother."
After a few moments longer, Thor pulled away and smiled down at Maryn, "Will you not reconsider coming hunting?"
Shaking her head, Maryn stepped back and put her hand to Fenrir's head, "I feel like a gentle walk. Perhaps I will go out to the Rainbow Bridge. I enjoy speaking with Heimdall of the worlds he sees." Noticing Thor's uneasy look she laid a small hand on his forearm, the touch relaxing him as she spoke, "Fenrir will be at my side, I only wish for quiet. Perhaps I will come riding with you another time?"
He searched her face for a moment more before nodding, a smile lighting up his blue eyes, "Of course. Give my regards to Heimdall."
Nodding Maryn turned and made her way back to her chambers, the green twinkle of Fenrir's eyes unnoticed by her or Thor.
After changing into a black gown of flowing chiffon with sleeves that reached the hem of the skirt, Maryn pulled a black veil over her hair, strands falling out of the low bun. She slipped on a ring with a fire-stone in the middle, the bright gem catching the light, its red, orange, blue and white centre flashing. She slipped in earrings with blue gems and gold flowers and called Fenrir to her side. Although she had used walking to the Rainbow Bridge as an excuse to calm Thor's fears and get out of the hunt, she realised she needed the time and silence of the walk to think.
Once she was ready, she walked out of the palace, her mind intent on her notion of breaking the bind on her magic.
She made her way slowly along the bridge, one hand twisted into the fur on Fenrir's neck and the other twisting her wedding ring around her finger. Her need to break the spell was part of another agenda. The dream she'd had when her body had been broken had not been the only time she had seen Loki. Every night since she had awoken, she dreamed of him. It was unnerving. He seemed so real, not a memory, but as though he truly was in her mind. Each dream seemed more real than the last and it felt as though he as trying to speak to her in her mind as he had before he fell when he wished to comfort her and they could not be alone. Even touching him in her dreams left her with the ghost of the feeling of his skin and cloth of his clothes against her fingertips when she awoke.
Everything about those dreams made her believe he was not dead. However, she knew that if she had a chance of finding him it would only be after she had broken the binding spell and was able to use her magic to help her. Unfortunately, if she were to mention her belief that Loki still lived to anyone else, they would think she was mad with grief and would refuse to help her search for him. She was on her own now.
Stopping at the end of the damaged Bridge, Maryn couldn't repress a shudder as she looked down at the shards of colourful glass and the stars below. Loki had chosen to fall from the ledge and out into the universe beyond. She stood silent and still, her mind running over what she knew of binding spells, the effort it took to keep her thoughts on one thing for such a long period draining what little energy she had.
Feeling Fenrir tense beneath her hand, she didn't even bother to turn to see who had found her.
"Maryn, step away from the edge," Sif spoke firmly, the worry bleeding into her words.
"I don't want to jump, Sif," Maryn spoke calmly, her gaze staying on the stars.
Heimdall spoke then, "Yet you stand closer to the edge than you should."
Sighing Maryn turned and looked at them, a breeze ruffling her veil and gown, Fenrir butting his head against her shoulder as he stepped closer to warm her with his body heat. Seeing the worry they didn't bother to hide, she stepped away from the edge and tried to calm them, "I do not wish to die."
Sif suddenly moved to her, throwing her arms around her shoulders and hugging her in a way that was very unlike the reserved and proud warrior Maryn was used to. "Please, do not harm yourself, Maryn," she whispered to her, "I have already lost a childhood friend, I cannot lose you too."
Wrapping her arms around the taller woman, and noticing the sadness in Heimdall's golden eyes that he didn't hide, Maryn resolved to mask the toll her grief had taken on her, if not for herself then for those who worried about her. "I am alright, Sif. I will not jump, I swear it."