Trying to find ways to slip away from her guards became a welcome diversion for Maryn. She was able to distract them easily with Fenrir's help and then slip away to the hidden room she had shared with Loki in the library so many months before. Working through book after book, scrolls and massive leather-bound tomes that she was barely able to carry for more than a few moments at a time was exhausting but she felt as if she was nearing an answer with every word she read.
Finally, after nearly a month, and many failed spells, she came across an incantation tucked away in the middle of a small dusty book. The golden edges of the paper had dulled with age and the inconspicuous leather cover was cracked and dusty, belaying the powerful enchantments inside. Tears gathered in her eyes when she realised she had finally found the key to unlock her magic and relief washed over her – she would be free.
Tucking the small book beneath her cloak, she stepped out of her hidden room and left the library, Fenrir joining her a few steps outside the large chamber.
"Maryn!" Thor's voice brought her up short and she winced as she turned to see his face sporting a glower. "Where have you been?" he asked waving away two of her guards who were at his heels, no doubt working with him to find her.
"Are the rebels back under Asgard's rule?" she asked softly, knowing that he had just arrived from Vanaheim where he and the army he now lead had been quelling an uprising; the product of the news that Loki had tried and failed to take over Asgard.
Thor wrapped her in a hug, "I was worried when your guards told me you had disappeared," he put her on her feet and sent her a hard look, "Again."
Trying for nonchalance, Maryn patted his hand, "I was in the library, brother. No need to worry, what trouble could I find there?"
Catching her hand as she turned away from him, Thor looked into her eyes, "With you there is no guarantee anywhere is safe from trouble."
His words hurt, her emotions were dulled by the bind on her magic, but still the truth stung. "I am fine, Thor. You need not worry about me so much, and neither should Frigga and Odin." She pulled her hand from his and moved away down the hall.
Not willing to let the discussion wane, Thor followed her and fell into step at her side, Fenrir dropping back a few paces. "We will always worry, Maryn," he spoke gently, almost as if he was afraid she would snap at him. "You are our family, we care for and watch after our family."
Stopping at his words, Maryn looked up at him as he turned to her a look of confusion on his face. "Who cared for Loki?"
Thor's jaw tightened and he turned away, his arms folded over his chest, "You did not see him at the last, Maryn, he was mad, enraged, and wanted nothing more than to destroy Jotunheim and take Asgard."
Finding it hard to breathe Maryn fought back tears, "He was mad because that was what you expected from him. His whole word had been brought to its knees, and now he is gone and his memory is tarnished by the stigma put on it. My husband is gone and if our child had lived she would have been haunted by the memory of her mad dead papa!" by the end her voice had risen and she realised with a stomach curdling jolt that their heated discussion had drawn curious glances from those Aesir who were nearby. The hallway where she and Thor were speaking was a main thoroughfare between the library, Great Hall, public gardens, and throne room and they had many eyes on them after her outburst. Lowering her gaze, she twisted her fingers hard into the skirt of the black gown she was wearing.
"Maryn," Thor spoke softly, his large hand engulfing her shoulder as he bent down a little to catch her gaze, "I am sorry if this hurts you, but I cannot change the truth, no matter how horrible it is. Come, let us spend some time with our friends, you have been grieving for too long."
A tear slid down Maryn's pale cheek, "I will grieve until my final breath, Thor," she whispered. When the silence between them lengthened, she swallowed hard and spoke again, "Forgive me, I need to rest, I am not myself." Without another word, she turned and left the God of Thunder standing silent and grave in the middle of the hallway, her guards falling into step behind her as if she had never escaped them.
Once back in her chambers and blessedly alone, Maryn moved quickly. Thor's words echoing in her head she stripped out of her gown and pulled on black breaches, the black calf-length tunic she had worn the day she told Loki the truth about what Coros had done to her, and black knee-high boots. Tying the leather belt tightly around her waist, Maryn moved to the room where her clothes were kept. Finding the black daggers she kept with her other weapons, she tucked them into sheaths on her thigh and in her boot and made sure she had the spell book with her. Braiding her hair on one side, she left her chambers with Fenrir close to her hip, the only jewellery she wore were her wedding ring and Loki's pendant.
After so many successful attempts at evading the soldiers tasked with watching her, Maryn easily left her guards behind and made her way quickly out to the public gardens. With Fenrir at her side, the Aesir there gave her a wide berth, and by the time they reached the back corner of the gardens, they were alone. Slipping through a small gap in one of the hedges, Maryn waited for Fenrir to leap over the leafy bushes and then lower himself to his belly so that she could climb onto his back. Gripping tightly to his dark fur, she urged him toward the edge of the forest not far away. Once inside the cool dimness between the trees, she relaxed slightly into the warmth her faithful wolf provided, mentally preparing herself for what was to happen next.
Knowledge of what a powerful bind did to a magical being, and that she had been unstable before her magic had been cut off, Maryn had no illusions that what she was about to do would be agony and very dangerous. However, if there was any chance to have her magic back, even if she did find proof that Loki was truly dead, she would feel more whole, not numb and adrift, cut off from the world she lived in. She knew this was her final chance to be free of the constraint.
Fenrir knew where Maryn wanted to go and carried her silently to the cave on the edge of the lagoon where she and Loki had spent the day the winter before.
Sliding from his back Maryn built up a small fire and settled before it facing the mouth of the cave, Fenrir sitting off to the side watching her with his bright gaze. Pulling the small book from the folds of her tunic, the princess laid it out before the fire, turning to the page where the powerful bind-reversing spell was written down. Settling on her knees before fire, Maryn took a few moments to calm down. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears and her palms were clammy and cold, trembling as she wiped them on her thighs. This spell was the last hope she had and she was scared to think what would happen if it didn't work.
Lifting her eyes to Fenrir, she bit her bottom lip before speaking softly to him, "If this does not work you are to leave me and find Frigga and Thor, bring them here quickly." She lowered her eyes to the spell book once more, "If they cannot save me then they are to bring my body back to the palace for burial." She heard Fenrir whine softly and her throat tightened with fear. She was taught the consequences of black magic when she was a child, her mother had made sure of that. "Everything will be fine," she assured him aloud, her voice trembling slightly.
He whined again and laid his head on his large paws, his eyes never leaving her.
With a shaky breath, Maryn lowered her gaze to the spell written in black ink on the cream coloured page. Although the book was worn with age, the writing had not faded or smudged. The spidery script was hard to read, but once the words of the spell had formed in her mind, she knew she would never be able to forget them.
Repeating the incantation under her breath, Maryn closed her eyes and focused on the point of energy within her that was her magic, it seemed to grow the longer she spoke, expanding and becoming brighter every time she repeated the spell.
A jolt of pain seared through her chest and her eyes flew open, the rhythm of the words lost as she pressed a hand to her chest, leaning over at the stab of pain.
Fenrir's head lifted from his paws as she whimpered when pain knocked her breathless. Feeling warm liquid start to drip from her nose, Maryn reached up, her fingers coming away red with blood from her top lip. Pain lanced through her again, this time reaching out to her limbs making her arms and legs go numb for a few moments and then become heavy with the tingle of blood returning from where it had been cut off. A wave of energy pulsed out from her chest, the fire before her flickering and the dust on the cave floor swirling away from where she sat, pushed by the invisible power.
Maryn grit her teeth, more pain rolling over her, making her dizzy and knocking her to her hands, her head bowed. She cried out, her back arching as her mind opened to the magic that saturated every living thing. It was like a blaze of crystal blue light, so bright she felt sick with the force of it. More pain followed and she cried out, her back arching and her lips stuttering out the spell in an agonising scream. It felt as if she was being burnt from the inside out.
Another wave of magic rushed from her and the cave walls shuddered, small chips of rock raining down from cracks that appeared in the thick granite. The pain built and black spots filled her sight. Screaming, Maryn dug her nails into the dirt under her, her hands starting to glow with the cold pale-blue light. It seeped into her skin, crawling up her arms in jagged lines shining beneath her skin and into her chest, the burning became a cold piercing torture and she wanted to rip the skin from her very bones to be rid of it.
Fenrir rose to his feet, trying to move closer to her but it was as if an invisible wall was keeping him back, one that didn't harm him but ensured he could get no closer to his mistress.
A wall of energy slammed into Maryn's mind and she was lifted to her feet by the invisible force. The cave was filled with an eerie wind that picked up, blowing Maryn's hair across her face and her tunic around her legs. Her body bowed as more power battered her mind, sliding into place, breaking down the walls that had built up there, and stealing her breath with the pain of it. Her mouth opened in a silent scream and her eyes glowed crystal blue as the magic took over filling her and ripping her to pieces in the process.
Everything she had been through, the grief, pain, danger, it was nothing to what was happening to her in that moment. The power filling her revived her even as it destroyed her, and the unbelievable pain made everything else dim in comparison. Tears filled her eyes and fell down her cheeks in lines of liquid silver and the quickly moving air became a whirlwind around her.
The magic seemed to dim for a breath and then it swallowed her whole. There was a flash of white-blue light and then nothing.