Summer: Night Two

"It's not the end of the world, yet!" My mom yelled as I locked myself in the bathroom, "That's in December." I groaned into my pillow. My mother was one of those people who believed in almost everything everyone else believed. I don't believe that the end is near; I just think that the world is now too corrupt by idiots. I believe that the future can't really be predicted; it's all just pure coincidence if that's what happened.

"Mom, that isn't true." I said, "If it was, then you would see idiots roaming the streets selling everything they own." I kept my face down on the pillow as I laid stomach down on the bed.

I had really looked forward to going to Japan for the summer. There is a jar filled with at least a hundred dollars in quarters, fifty in nickels and dimes, and three hundred in a bills, and that was all for my spending money that I had saved up. My uncle is a flight attendant and got me a round-trip ticket, but someone messed up the paperwork, so he wasn't able to get the ticket. Since he couldn't get it, I decided that whatever Child support money my dad owed me, I would use for the ticket, since it's for me. Anyway, around a year ago, the Child support stopped because my younger sister was under the custody of his ex-girlfriend, so he had to pay her child support too. The agency had messed up and she ended up getting a thousand more than what she was supposed to be getting; she was only supposed to get a hundred fifty a month, whilst I was supposed to get around a thousand a month because he had left my mom and I when I was still in diapers. Although it sounds weird, it's that way because when my mom claimed the Child support in the divorce papers back when I was twelve, there was none at the time and my mom wanted every penny that he owed me from the time I was born, since he didn't do anything.

Normally, I would careless about this money, because I tend not to trust my dad a lot. He's not a very trustworthy person. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad; it's just that some times it's like I can't trust him for that reason. He is not someone you can always depend on, since he's so lazy and I believe I had inherited a little of that trait from him.

I had made him promise that he would fix the Child support, but I forgot one thing: Dad never keeps his promises. It seems like whenever you ask him to do something, he says he would do it, but he ends up not doing it. The only time he had done something right was when he got me an authentic autograph from a Korean singer that I like. I mean, that's awesome and something most kids would want their parents to do, but I didn't want the autograph, really. I just want him to keep his word and actually do what he always told me to do: "Keep your promise."

My mother hates my dad. I can understand why, sort of. He cheated on her and basically left her alone, right when both she and I needed him. I still remember how she felt when he left; she cried so much and it hurt me too, no one should see mom crying. Although she was in so much pain, she never tried to let me see her cry. She would always hide somewhere and it just so happened that I saw her. Nowadays, she doesn't cry over him. She just says she hates him and has at least something bad to say about him, which I agree with her.

Although I have been in many relationships where I got left behind for someone else or had been cheated on, but I have never felt the intense pain that she had felt. When someone hurts me, I would be hurt for a while, but never would I be hurt for so long. I would probably be hurt for a month at the most, but never anything longer than that. I have never opened my heart fully in a relationship so much that I would feel that way and it is staying that way. I don't want to be so fucking hurt that I lose myself like that.

Anyway, that's the kind of person my dad is and how he affects both my mother and I. I guess I should have known better than to have put so much on money that wasn't coming to begin with, even if he did promise he would send it.

I guess Mom had given up trying to talk to me, since I haven't heard her say a thing and usually my mom would be the type to talk your head off; I know I inherited that from her. It's okay, though. I actually like it when she just leaves me alone to think.

That's what people tend to do when I'm mad or upset about something. Most of the time I have to tell people to leave me alone or I unintentionally blow up or snap at them, when they did nothing wrong. It's bad. I've been trying to stop it, but it's like second nature; I can't stop it. It's not like it's something I like doing, but it's something because I can't trust someone so when someone tries to get me to open up, I snap.

I spent the rest of that night just thinking about all of this, along with what my summer is starting out to be. So far, this "last summer" sucks.