"Tim, open the damn door."

I stared at the tiles on the floor of the bathroom that I sat on as I leant back against the wall. I felt sick.

"Tim," Ivo called again as he hammered against the door.

I wondered to myself how we had gotten to this point. Had I expected Ivo to change? If I was being honest with myself I knew I hadn't. I'd just accepted that.

"Please," he said softly. He always knew how to manipulate me, he would start out severe and then switch to something softer. Maybe so that I would associate any lack of abuse as kindness. He made me feel like I had to earn his affection.

Had I expected that I would change? Ivo was right to call me lethal.

I played with the ring on my finger and ignored the tears that continued to roll down my cheeks. I knew I was tipsy, on the way to being drunk given a few more hours.

The light in the bathroom was blinding and I closed my eyes, wincing at the sting from where Ivo had hit me. I don't know what made me tell him. If only I'd been able to live with secrets and then Ivo and I would have gotten along perfectly but I can't.

"Tim I'm so sorry, please."

Slowly, I stood and unlocked the door which he immediately pushed open.

"Oh God, Tim. I'm so sorry," he sobbed as he pulled me into a hug. I just let him, unsure of where I stood with him.

"Why do you keep doing this to me," he demanded harshly, his hands either side of my face. I stared at the floor, silent.

"Will I never be enough for you?"

I said nothing.

"I can't keep forgiving you, you know," he snarled.

I pulled back from him but he held onto me tighter, I yelped when his thumb pressed into my bruised cheekbone and he released me like he had been given an electric shock.

"It was only a kiss," I muttered and he stared at me, dumbfounded.

"IVO," I shrieked when he crossed the small room and held me by the throat. I struggled against him as he pinned me to the wall, a look on his face that terrified me.

I panted heavily and kicked at him but he held onto me pushing me up until my feet were off the floor. I felt myself panicking and my head started to spin as he choked me.

"Ivo," I whispered hoarsely, "please."

He dropped me and I crumpled to the floor. I scrabbled away from him to the doorway and pulled myself up by the door frame.

I didn't even feel like myself as I headed straight to the bedroom and began opening random drawers and pulling out items of clothing. He hadn't followed me. I hastily threw things into my satchel and grabbed some money from Ivo's bedside cabinet.

I went to the hallway but he was stood in front of the door, looking like something haunting.

"Where will you go," he asked quietly.

I faltered.

"Ivo, get out of the way," I tried to say strongly but I sounded small and scared.

I stepped towards him and his eyebrow quirked at me. I tried to push past him to reach the door but he caught me around the middle and pulled me from it.

"Let me go," I cried but he held onto me.

"You're being an idiot, you can't go out like this Tim."

He sounded so calm now, so logical that I almost believed him.

"No."

"Look, you just need to get some rest okay and then you'll be alright in the morning," he soothed, staring me straight in the eye and stroking my hair.

"You hit me," I stated childishly and I could tell that Ivo was angry. He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, as though I were trying his patience. I shoved past him again and pulled the latch on the door. I was confused when I felt Ivo pulling on my other arm, twisting me to face him. He kissed me with a startling severity and I squirmed in his embrace. Bringing my hand up I pushed him from me and he paused to look at me for a moment before launching himself at me.

We fought in the hallway, me scrabbing at him because I had no idea what else to do. He pushed me back against the wall and my head hit it with a sickening thud. My vision swam and my legs felt unsteady. I almost vomited when I felt him punch me in the stomach and I fell to the floor more out of shock than pain. I heard Ivo put the chain on the door before I felt him pulling me from the floor.

I collapsed against him and he scooped me into his arms. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder, disorientated.

"Ivo," I muttered.

"Shhh," he hushed me and I whimpered when his arm rested against my head as he maneuvered me onto the bed.

He left me alone in the dark room but I didn't sleep. I was too afraid.

Ivo had me where he wanted me. I had nowhere to go, no money of my own.

How could he love me when he did this?

You clearly don't love him or you wouldn't have gone looking to kiss someone else.

I wondered if Ivo was in the flat somewhere, I hadn't heard him leave. Chances were he was right outside the door, listening to see if I was asleep yet. Maybe he hoped I would forget the details of what had happened and he would have time to come up with some lie.

My mind tormented me the whole night until I eventually fell asleep in the early morning.