I thought my life had reached an all-time low. I thought nothing worse could possibly happen to me anymore. I was horribly, horribly wrong.
I knelt on the ground, holding my sister's body in my arms. My cold, half-dead sister. With what little strength she had left, she looked me in the eye and weakly put an icy hand on my cheek. And she smiled. She didn't cry, she didn't panic, she just looked at me with the most peaceful expression...and smiled.
"It's okay, Elsa," she whispered through unsteady breaths, "you didn't mean to do it..."
"No, Anna!" I practically screamed, though her face was just inches from mine, "You can't die...I won't let you! I won't let you...don't die, Anna...please..."
"Shh, shh," she replied, closing her eyes, "it's going to be alright. It'll be alright, Elsa." I knew she was trying to be strong for me. Instead of doing the same for her, I buried my face in her chest and bawled miserably.
"Don't go, Anna...don't leave me alone," I whimpered into her tear-stained dress.
She coughed and put a hand on my head. "Hey Elsa?" she said, her voice growing weaker by the second.
"Yes, Anna?"
"Could you sing me a lullaby? Like the ones Mama used to sing at night. It...it'll make this...a lot easier."
Her final request. I nodded and paused to look once more at her beautiful face. Despite her current situation, her eyes shone with warmth, compassion, and...forgiveness. Her pale lips were weakly turned upwards in a smile. A smile that I wouldn't be seeing again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. And then I sang. I didn't try to acknowledge the world around me as my sister drew closer to death with every passing second. I just focused on the singing, my weak, shaky voice echoing throughout the dark, empty room. The song was calm, peaceful. A lullaby that our Mama used to sing at night before we fell asleep. Here it was once more, falling onto the ears of my dying sister. It was the last time she would ever hear it.
Anna smiled and closed her eyes. Something stirred inside her chest, and then...she stopped breathing. Everything stood still. Nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat, and the sight of my dead sister. "Anna?" I put my hands on her shoulders, which sagged idly as her head lolled back. "Anna?!" No response. She only stared, through pale, closed eyelids, at the ceiling high above me, not moving. Not breathing. "No, please. Anna! Anna, please! No, Anna..." I buried my face in her chest and cried once more. I was all alone.
"Elsa," I heard a man's voice say beside me.
Immediately, I jolted awake.
Instinctively, my eyes darted to my bedsheets. I frowned as I wiped the sweat from my brow. Frozen again. Ten years of this, I thought, and things are still the same. Ten years of living in fear, solitude, and despair. Ten years of the same horrible dream, and I still fell for it every single time. It took me a while to realize that Mama and Papa were at my bedside, concerned expressions on their faces. I gasped in surprise. How much of my little episode did they see?
Papa spoke before I could explain himself. He looked like he had other things on his mind. "Sorry to wake you up so early," he began.
"Is something wrong, Papa?" I asked, looking at the clock that hung on the wall. 5:45, it read. Why did my parents wake me up at this time?
"Your father and I have some...important news," Mama said softly. "We need you to listen carefully, Elsa."
I rubbed my eyes and sat up straight, hugging my knees. Whatever they had to say, couldn't they have waited until a later time?
Mama and Papa looked at each other, each of them silently urging the other to speak first. Finally, Papa cleared his throat and reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. I instinctively flinched away before he could touch me, and he put his hand back down. "We were recently invited to an event. A wedding, to be exact." He sighed, trying to find the right words. "The princess of one of Arendelle's closest allies is getting married. And we were asked to show up in person."
I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Your father and I will be gone for a while," Mama said, "we will be at her wedding ceremony."
Now that caught my attention. I sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling wide awake. "How long?" I asked, noticing a small tone of urgency in my voice.
Mama and Papa looked at each other apologetically. They were keeping something from me.
"How long?" I repeated, the stress in my voice slowly building.
"Two weeks," Papa said, "we'll be gone for two weeks."
The news hit me like a speeding train. I put a hand to my head and moaned, feeling faint all of a sudden. "Elsa?" Mama said, "Elsa, are you all right?"
I took a few deep breaths and fought the churning feeling in my chest. "Why...why can't you stay here?" I asked after gathering my scattered thoughts.
"I'm afraid that's not possible," Papa replied sadly, "Corona has been one of our closest allies for as long as I could remember. If their princess is getting married, your mother and I must attend the ceremony. I'm sorry, Elsa."
"But I...I..." were the only words that came out of my mouth. They couldn't be leaving me alone now, could they? Not while I was still unable to control my powers. My training was still incomplete; I needed my parents more than ever.
Mama leaned down to kiss my head, but pulled back at the last second, deciding against it. "You will be all right," she said sweetly, though I could tell she was suffering inside, "your father and I will only be gone for a couple of weeks. We'll be back before you know it, Elsa."
"Well, what am I supposed to do until then?" I asked, noticing how badly my voice was shaking.
"Your powers can be controlled," Papa said, "we wouldn't leave you alone if we knew you couldn't handle them by yourself. Just hang in there until we get back. Elsa, I know you can do it." The frosting on my bedsheets told me otherwise. I wanted to object, to say something to keep them close by. But I could only sit on the bed, speechless. How was I ever going to manage?
After they left my room, I couldn't go back to sleep. I spent a good deal of the day pacing back and forth, restless with anticipation. Throughout my life, Mama and Papa had never left me alone for more than a day. They had been my constant (and only) companions for the past ten years. And now here they were, about to leave for Corona of all places, leaving me to fend for myself for two weeks. Two whole weeks! I felt like I wasn't yet ready to be left by myself like this.
That evening, I stood in the Great Hall. Mama and Papa had given me permission to leave my room to say goodbye - a rare privilege. I curtsied politely as Mama and Papa picked up their bags, preparing to load them onto the carriage. "Do you have to go?" I asked uneasily, though I very well knew the answer.
"You'll be fine, Elsa," Papa said as he and Mama smiled reassuringly. Despite his kind words, I was disinclined to believe him.
"Are you ready, your Majesty?" asked Kai, one of our servants, as he threw the last of Papa's bags onto the carriage. "Let's go."
Mama and Papa boarded the carriage, and before I knew it, they were heading out of the castle gates. I waved goodbye as their figures receded into the distance, a black silhouette against the orange sky. Soon they would be boarding a ship, and sailing out of sight. As the castle gates were shut once more, blocking out the sight of my parents, silence filled the world around me. Nothing but the sound of my own breathing. I'm all alone, I realized with heartbreaking clarity. Mama and Papa were gone. There was no one left to turn to.
Before I could dwell too much on the thought, I turned around and walked briskly down the castle halls, heading back to my room. I wanted to catch one last glimpse of them before they left for good. As I pensively made my way down the dimly lit hallway, I came across a young lady, and brushed past her without a second thought. It took a second glance backwards for me to recognize her. And when I did, I stifled a gasp, unable to keep my eyes off her.
It was Anna. My sister, who I had been shutting out for years, right before my eyes. But she looked...different. She was no longer the innocent girl who wanted to build a snowman. Now she was a lovely young lady, fifteen years of age. Her face, which I remembered as chubby and innocent, was shapelier and more developed. She had grown her hair out, long enough to form two long braids that were draped over each of her shoulders. Her frame was taller and more slender, too - very becoming of a princess her age. But her eyes. Those bright, blue eyes that had always been so entrancing. They still held the same wonder that they contained thirteen years ago, when she was but a little girl. Even now, as she looked at me with caution, I could still see in her the playful little girl she had once been.
As I stood in the hallway, staring at Anna, I realized, at that moment, how much of her life I had missed out on. How many events, birthdays, and first-time experiences she had - all without me. Ten whole years had passed between us. Not that I hadn't seen her during my years of seclusion. I did leave my room once or twice. Sometimes I would even encounter my sister. But I would always walk right by her without a word, not even bothering to make eye contact with her. Now, finally being able to see her up close and personal like this, I was struck speechless. What was she thinking, I wondered? Was she still confident that we would be reconciled? Or was she now full of bitter resentment, after having been shunned for so long?
As she stared at me with wide eyes, it slowly dawned on me that this was probably the first time she had gotten a good look at the older me. It probably took a while for her to recognize me, too. "Elsa?" she asked warily, her quiet voice faintly echoing down the hallway.
"Anna..." I replied before I could stop myself, "I..."
Immediately, Anna perked up, her eyes suddenly filled with optimism, as if she didn't expect me to respond. To be honest, I didn't expect myself to respond, either. The words sort of just...tumbled out. There was so much I wanted to say. But as I stood anxiously in front of my sister, I noticed something strange in her hair. I looked closer and realized that it was the white streak that had formed when I hit her with my powers. That was so long ago, yet the white stripe remained, still as noticeable as ever. A constant reminder of my own failure. I turned around and shut my eyes, suddenly unable to look my sister in the face.
"I'm sorry," I quickly said, "please excuse me." I continued walking down the hallway, turning away from Anna. Before rounding the corner, I stole one last glance backwards, only to see the sight of my sister, standing alone and heartbroken in the dark hallway, the same way she had been when I first shut her out.
As I slipped back into my room, I mentally kicked myself for saying nothing to my sister. There was actually so much I wanted to tell her! More than what could be said in a few words. I'm sorry for shutting you out of my life. I'm sorry for keeping secrets from you. I'm sorry for forcing you into a life of solitude and loneliness, all because of my mistake! But it was too late. Whatever I wanted to say to her, I couldn't go back out there anymore. I had my chance, and I let it slip between my fingers.
I stared out the triangular window, trying to distract myself from what could have been. There was just too much emotion attached to the thought of my sister. As my eyes scanned the orange horizon, I caught sight of a great ship, sailing off into the distance. It was my parents' ship, heading out of Arendelle's fjord. Soon enough, they would be sailing through the vast ocean, heading for Corona. "Be safe," I whispered. Even after the ship sailed out of sight and into the great ocean beyond, I stayed in front of my window, absentmindedly staring at Arendelle's village square, sprawled out in front of me. I watched Arendelle's citizens, tiny figures that littered the streets, exchanging friendly greetings, ready to go back home after another day of hard work. I sighed wistfully. Though I was their princess, they all had something I didn't have. Not riches, nor power, nor fame. They had freedom. They could do whatever they pleased, and go wherever they wanted. Me, I was forever confined in this castle, unable to step foot outside. I slowly turned around surveyed my room, my prison for the past ten years. As my eyes scanned over the familiar walls, a new sense of loneliness rose within me. Before, I was secluded from the world, without a single friend. But at least I had my parents. They were always there to support and encourage me. But now, they were gone. My parents were leaving me to fend for myself for two weeks. Now, I was truly alone.
The next few days went by at a painfully slow pace. Every day, I would ask Kai for news concerning my parents. His answer would always remain the same. "I'm sorry, your Highness," he said, "but no news from Corona has arrived yet. If we hear anything about the King and Queen, we will let you know immediately, I promise."
And so I waited. But no information came came. With each passing day, I could feel my anxiety growing higher. The promised news didn't arrive until six days later. It would turn out to be the most devastating news I would ever hear in my life.
Now, you really must excuse me if I seem a bit...distracted during this next part. This is when things get hard for me.
It was an otherwise peaceful night. The stars twinkled like snowflakes in the vast, peaceful sky. I was sitting on my bed, alone as always. The quiet room was illuminated only by the flickering light of a single candle as I skimmed over my old geometry book, which I had already read cover-to-cover countless times. I was just about to nod off when a knock came at my door. I groaned to myself; who would be visiting me at this time? Getting out of bed, I yawned and trudged sleepily to the door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"It's, um...it's Kai, your Highness," came a shaky voice on the other side. It was strange; usually Kai spoke with such confidence. After years of working for my father, Kai had learned to adopt his sure tone, his commanding quality of speech. But now, he sounded unsure of himself. Curious, I opened the door. Sure enough, Kai was on the other side. He stood tall and proud, and his hands were clasped stiffly in front of him. Unusually formal, for this time of night. And then I noticed his eyes. They had pink circles around them. Had he been...crying?
"Sorry to wake you, Princess Elsa," he said, regaining the formality in his voice.
"No, it's all right," I replied, "And you can relax. You don't need to be so...formal at a time like this."
Kai let out a breath and let his shoulders sag just the slightest bit. He probably didn't even realize that he had been standing so stiffly. He didn't waste a second more. "Your Highness, I have some very important news for you. It concerns your parents."
My heart jumped. Finally, after five agonizing days, some news! "What is it?" I asked, a little too excitedly than I had intended.
Kai paused and looked into my room. He held up an arm towards my bed. "I think it's best that you sit down, your Highness."
"No," I said hurriedly, "I'll be fine, thank you." I just wanted to hear this important news. Then, realizing how tense I had suddenly become, I cleared my throat and straightened my back. "Please," I continued, "say what you have to."
Kai bit his lip, unable to decide how to begin. Then, he cleared his throat and spoke, slowly but surely. "Princess Elsa, your parents were expected to arrive at Corona four days ago. But a full day had passed since their departure, and they still hadn't turned up. At first, no one thought much of it; we thought they simply running late. Perhaps they ran into bad weather. As the days passed, we anxiously waited for word from Corona confirming your parents' arrival. But no such news arrived. Eventually, we started fearing the worst. Now, five days have already passed since their supposed arrival, and, well, we've started to think, maybe..." His voice trailed off, as he was unable to form the right words. My heart coiled tightly as I finally realized what he was about to say.
A dreadful silence hung in the air between us. Kai stood at the doorway, stumbling over his own words, as I tried to fight the cold feeling that had suddenly built up in my chest.
After what seemed like hours, Kai continued. "Look, your Highness, what I'm trying to say is that the king and queen...your parents...have died at sea. I am terribly sorry, Princess Elsa."
I felt like a knife had just been thrust into my chest. Kai kept speaking, though I could no longer hear what he was saying. In fact, I couldn't hear anything. Just a dull ringing in my ears, and the rapid beating of my own heart. Blurry shapes framed my vision; I felt detached from reality, like I was watching everything from afar. My parents were...dead? I couldn't wrap my head around the news. No, I thought to myself, they're not dead. They can't be. They said they'll be back! But even as I thought this, I could feel tears build up behind my eyes. My knees suddenly felt heavy. As I heard someone's breathing - my own? - grow heavier, I stumbled backwards, away from Kai, and collapsed onto the floor. Kai went wide-eyed and yelled something down the hallway.
"Gerda! Somebody! Please, help!" I heard him cry as soon as I regained my grip on reality.
"No!" I called out to him, "I'm all right. I'm fine."
Kai looked at me with a mixture of pity and concern. I would have been embarrassed to be seen like this, if I wasn't so badly shaken. "Your Highness," Kai said, his eyes full of empathy, "I wish there was something I could do." But I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. I just stared past Kai and at the wall beyond, a storm of thoughts whirling around in my aching head. Kai stood at the doorway, waiting to see if I needed any further attention. Seeing that I didn't, he said "Good night, Princess Elsa," and left, quietly closing the door behind him.
And then I was alone in the darkness of my room. I sat against the wall, hugging my knees and staring at the floor with cold, empty eyes.
They were dead. My parents were dead. I struggled with the thought. How could they leave me like this? How could they be taken away from me at the worst possible time? I didn't even get to say goodbye to them. "Do you have to go?" were my last words to them. They probably never knew it, but I always appreciated everything they did for me. No matter how much of a disappointment I had proven myself to be, they were always there for me, never giving up, never losing hope. Both of them had always been at my side, each of them helping me in different ways. Mama was always so caring and supportive. Not once did she ever lose her patience with me. With a gentle hand, she lovingly taught me how to rule the kingdom, confident that I would be able to leave my room and lead a normal life one day. No matter how many times I lost control, or how overwhelmed I may have felt, she always knew how to comfort me. And Papa - dear Papa - he was always a source of strength, a shoulder to lean on whenever I felt scared, lonely, or depressed. He taught me to be brave and independent, to dust my shoulders and keep walking whenever I fell. Both he and Mama loved me unconditionally, serving as beacons of hope in a hopeless world.
But now they were gone. They gave me my only remaining shred of faith in the world, and now they were gone. It was so unfair! I felt like a large part of me - a part that I held close to my heart - had just been cruelly wrenched from my grasp. There was no one else to confide in. No one left to share my pain, my sorrow, and my grief. I was all alone.
Sitting against the wall, I buried my face in my knees and wept, staining my silk nightgown with warm tears. Curled up on the floor, I quietly cried myself to sleep, paying no attention to the white ice that was quickly spreading around the room.