"Conceal, don't feel," Papa gently said, kneeling down and holding my tiny, gloved hand in his. He looked me in the eyes and smiled with all the love of a father towards his troubled daughter. "Don't let it show. Can you promise me that you'll never let anyone know about our little secret?"
"I promise, Papa," I responded with a cheerful smile.
I wiped a hand across my wet face as I ran further and further into the vast, empty night, doing little to clear the tears from my blurred vision.
"Be the good girl you always have to be," Mama reminded me, caressing my cheeks with all the tenderness of a mother towards her lost child. She kissed me on the forehead and set my storybook on my side table, wishing me goodnight.
"Goodnight, Mama," I called out across the room, before pulling the covers over my eyes and snuggling into my warm, comfortable bed.
I was lost. So hopelessly lost. And lonely. My only companions were the myriad snowflakes that relentlessly buffeted my face as I ran further into the unknown darkness that lay ahead.
"Elsa?" said my sister, peering through the lockhole in my bedroom door. "Elsa, are you in there?" She knocked on my door with all the eagerness of a little child longing to see her long-lost sister. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"
Unable to take any of it anymore, I stopped in my tracks and fell to my knees. I buried my face in my hands and wept, releasing all the misery I had been holding in for the past thirteen years. Throughout the swirling storm of rampant thoughts in my head, a flurry of questions rushed to the forefront. Why, oh why did I have to break my promise to Mama and Papa? How did I let things get this bad? There would be no coming back from this. I've failed everyone. Mama and Papa, Anna, the people of Arendelle - they all expected so much of me. But I couldn't rise to the challenge. I was a failure. In my state of psychological breakdown, I swore I heard my father's stinging rebukes faintly echoing throughout the night.
"How could you, Elsa?" he seemed to say, "You promised never to reveal your powers! What happened to that promise? What happened to everything I taught you?" I only broke down further, my desperate cries echoing into the silent night. I could only listen helplessly as my father continued, "Everything we worked so hard to hide...you've ruined it all. You're no queen of Arendelle. And you're certainly no daughter of mine."
"I'm sorry, Papa," I whispered shakily into the cold, bleak air, more to myself than anyone, "I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry, Anna. I tried. I really did. But...I was too weak. I couldn't do it."
Realizing that I was talking to nobody, I bowed my head in defeat, dug my hands into the freezing snow, and wept, sinking deeper into despair. It was all so unfair! What had I ever done to deserve this? All my life, I had always tried my best to be a good girl, to be the person Mama and Papa wanted me to be. Every single waking moment was spent tirelessly following their instructions. In doing so, I had sacrificed everything - my childhood, my relationship with Anna, my happiness. But where did that all get me? Alone, trapped in my room, isolated from the world by a powerful secret that I couldn't even contain. Even then, things kept spiraling downwards. My sister had given up on me. My parents had died, leaving me to fend for myself. I had accidentally revealed my powers to the world, exposing everything Mama and Papa had worked so hard to hide. And now here I was, alone on this mountain, with no one to rely on. I was all alone. Never before had I experienced such a profound level of loneliness. I thought I was alone when I first started shutting myself away from the world. And again when Mama and Papa died. But now, as I stood by myself in the frigid solitude of this cursed mountain, I finally realized what it was like to be truly, utterly, devastatingly alone. Without a soul in the world to care for you, to help you get back on your feet, to comfort you when you were in the depths of despair.
It was times like these when Papa would tell me to get up, wipe my own tears, and keep walking. He was always a tough man to please, my father. In his busy life, he had little tolerance for emotion. And so, as if to honor some postmortem wish, I reluctantly decided to get up and move forward. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I shakily stood up, brushed the snow off my dress, and started walking, my head still reeling from the events that had played themselves out earlier that night. My mind, just like the blizzard that swirled around me, started clearing just the tiniest bit as I advanced forward, treading lightly through the foot-deep layer of snow. As my sobs hesitantly died away, I decided to check my surroundings, having no idea where all that running had taken me.
Cold, blank snow covered the ground, stretching out over the horizon. There wasn't a single footprint in sight; just me, myself, and I, all alone in this dismal field of white. Up above, eerie, shapeless forms danced indistinctly across the sky as the Northern Lights put on their nightly show. The frosty wind was howling and swirling like the mess of emotions inside me. And in the middle of it all, this lifeless expanse of solitude, stood me, a fallen queen in my own little kingdom of isolation.
After walking a bit further, I realized that I was on the North Mountain, which overlooked Arendelle. But I was on the other side of the mountain. Arendelle, just like the life I once lived, was nowhere to be seen. There would be no going back to either. Where had I gone wrong? I was only following the instructions my parents had so lovingly given me. But I still couldn't keep it in, even though I had tried.
In the deafening silence that filled the cold air, I had plenty of time to think to myself. I recalled what I had told myself earlier that morning. "Don't let them in, don't let them see," I said to myself, solemnly replaying the directions I had failed to follow. Then, remembering my parents, "Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know."
Well, I thought with a scowl, now they know. So now what?
It was a question that I hadn't even thought of. I was too busy running, concentrating on escaping, that I hadn't paid much thought to the future. What would I be doing for the rest of my life? I had just revealed my deepest, darkest secret, and in doing so scandalized an entire kingdom. And in running off the way I did, I knew it was only a matter of time before people would start hunting me down. What should I do now? I thought, mulling over the options, I suppose I could spend the rest of my life on this mountain, waiting patiently for death. Or, perhaps I could travel to another country and beg for hospitality, like a miserable suppliant.
Or, I mused, my thoughts unexpectedly taking a darker tone, I could end it all right here, right now.
Realizing how dismal my thoughts had suddenly grown, I stopped cold in my tracks. "No," I said out loud, putting the idea down before it had a chance to develop. There would be none of that. But the question remained: what should I do, now that my old life was essentially over?
As I mulled over the options, an icy feeling rose in my chest. It was a feeling that, over the course of thirteen years, I had come to fear and loathe. I instinctively pushed it down into a deep corner of my heart, as I had been doing for most of my life. Yet, as I stood by myself in the solitude of the North Mountain, a question came to mind: what's the point? There was no one to hide my secret from in this lonely mountain, and everyone already knew about my powers anyway. Suppressing my powers any further would only cause me unnecessary harm. Reluctantly, I let my emotional barriers down, knowing full well that I was throwing away everything Mama and Papa had taught me. A strange sense of relief flooded my body as the magic in my chest to traveled out of my heart and spread into my limbs, refreshing and invigorating me from the inside out. And then, for the first time in forever, a feeling of great peace unexpectedly came over me. For the past thirteen years, I had been struggling desperately to suppress my magic, this integral part of me that made me who I am. Now that I was no longer held down by this burden - this destructive attempt to conceal something that could never be concealed - I finally felt at peace, like I was finally in tune with my magic. It was as if in that single moment, my magic became a part of me, rather than a problem to fight against.
As I stood by myself, taking pleasure in this new feeling, a realization dawned on me: I was all alone. Of course, I knew I had been viewing that undeniable fact as a tragic piece of misfortune. But in light of my recently reawakened powers, this solitude took on a whole new meaning. My time up on this mountain carried with it endless possibilities - including the chance to start anew. To throw away my old life and start fresh. As I looked around, checking my surroundings, the once bleak-looking mountain looked so much different, like a blank slate waiting for me to make my move. My heart racing with a mixture of apprehension and excitement, I knew what I had to do.
Let it go, I thought, smiling.
Let it go. The words sounded strange, almost foreign to me. For the past thirteen years, I had sacrificed everything in a sad attempt to conform to the expectations of society. During that time, I had gathered a seemingly endless amount of fears, responsibilities, and hardships. The simple act of letting it all go was something that had never occurred to me. Yet, as I stood by myself in the cool, quiet air of the North Mountain, it only seemed like the most natural way to go. But despite the feeling of optimism that was slowly growing inside me, I felt that something was holding me back. Something that had been with me all my life, a reminder of the struggles and misfortunes that had plagued me for so long. Looking down at my hands, I realized what it was. The gloves. Or rather, the single glove that remained on my right hand. I had been wearing them since childhood, during a time when I was desperately (and unsuccessfully) trying to suppress my powers. To me, the very act of wearing them was an act of self-harm, representing a time when I was a miserable little girl, trapped in her room.
And so, acting on the small feeling of freedom my powers had suddenly granted me, I eagerly slipped the remaining glove off my right hand and, without a second thought, threw it up into the air, watching contentedly as the wind carried it out of sight. As the teal glove sailed away into the dark night, carried by the swirling current of the wind, the small grin on my face broke out into a full smile. At last, after thirteen years, the gloves had finally been removed. It was the first step in a journey that would come to change me forever.
In my state of excitement, I was eager to do something more. Simply removing my gloves was a good first step, but surely I could go further. As if in response, the refreshing, cold sensation in my body grew to a whole new level. It was as if my magic was begging to be released. And so, acting purely on instinct, I held up my left hand and concentrated on the magic within my heart.
"Let it go," I said to myself, mentally clearing up any traces of uneasiness that remained within me. And then, for the first time in thirteen whole years, I deliberately summoned my powers, directing them into my left palm. I smiled, a small surge of pleasure shooting through my body, as a miniature wave of glowing, blue snowflakes materialized above my open hand. Fascinated with how different it felt to purposely use my magic, instead of fighting against it, I decided to try it again. Opening up my right hand, I once again concentrated on the icy magic that rested in my heart. Just like before, the same pleasurable feeling rose in my body as the magic traveled up my arm and into my right palm, summoning a tiny flurry of sparkling, blue magic.
I nearly laughed to myself, a blissful feeling rapidly escalating inside me. How different this was! Instead of suppressing my magic, I was finally synchronized with it, and it felt amazing to finally be able to use it without fear. At long last, I was in my natural element.
What else can I do? I thought, looking around. Acting on my feelings alone, I waved my hands in circles as icy magic swirled within my chest. In response, the nearby snow rose from the ground and concentrated around a spot to my left, creating a small, spinning vortex. With a few more waves of my hand, the snow gathered together and started forming distinct shapes. Eventually, the shapes assembled themselves, forming a diminutive snowman. Smiling, I looked at my freshly formed creation and allowed an imperceptible giggle to make its way out of my lips before continuing to walk forth.
Wanting to test my powers out further, I raised my left hand into the air and shot a swirling stream of magic into the night sky. I watched, fascinated, as the glistening snowflakes hung gently in the cool air, as if gravity had no effect on them. Smiling, I launched another wave of snow, with my right hand this time. The same pleasurable feeling rose within me as the snowflakes sailed smoothly into the air, spiraling into lovely, curled patterns as they traveled further into the night sky. Just like before, the snowflakes hovered beautifully in the air, twinkling like stars in the sky. Then, I brought my arms close to my chest, a swirling flurry of magic concentrating into my heart, and threw my hands outward, spreading my powers into the air around me. In response, the snowflakes that hovered peacefully in the air floated gently to the ground, a glistening shower of multifaceted beauty. I took some time to appreciate the magnificence of my powers before deciding to take things a bit further.
I threw my arms to the side, releasing a small blast of icy magic that swirled beautifully in the wind upon hitting the mountainside. With every movement I took, every little wave of magic that swirled within me, it started to feel more and more like my life in Arendelle was nothing but a bad dream - one that I was finally waking up from. Those countless days trapped in my room, those myriad expectations and responsibilities that had been heaped upon me, those people who had just witnessed my deepest, darkest secret - they were all gone. Up here on this mountain, there was nothing they could do to harm me.
I don't care what they're going to say, I thought, throwing another blast of magic to my left. I watched with a satisfied smile as it hit the mountainside and swirled in the wind, forming beautiful, curled patterns of snow that undulated in the cool air like waves on a beach. Let them hate me. Let them spurn me. Let them spread their lies. I don't care. I simply don't care anymore. I'm free now!
I continued walking up the mountain, knowingly (and, I was proud to admit, willingly) getting ever-further from my old home. As I made my way forward, the wind started picking up, causing my cape to start tugging uncomfortably at my neck. Without a second thought, I wrapped my fingers around the brooch and unfastened the whole thing in one graceful movement, watching contentedly as the wind carried the cape off into the night sky.
I won't be needing that anyway, I thought with a grin, as the cape sailed off into the distance, out of sight and out of mind.
Immediately, I felt like a large chunk of my troubles - the ones that had plagued me for thirteen years - had just been removed. As if in response to my emotions, the howling wind gradually turned into a light breeze, brushing soothingly against my face. As I continued walking up the mountain, my footsteps began feeling lighter. And I mean that quite literally - looking back, I saw that I wasn't leaving any more footprints on the snow. As it turned out, I was no longer treading through it with heavy footsteps; I was actually walking on top of it, like a soft carpet. Snow had become my element. Nothing, not even ankle-deep snow, was in my way anymore.
Who knew, throughout all these years, that all I ever needed was a bit of distance from everything? Suddenly, everything seemed so small to me. I started wondering why I was even so worried in the first place. All those fears and troubles that had controlled me for the past thirteen years were gone now; this was my chance to shine, to finally be the person I wanted to be.
Just try to get me now, I thought, turning around and noticing the mountain's peak, towering into the night sky. For some reason, I felt like I just had to get up there. Perhaps it was the forces of fate, subtly telling me where to go next. Or perhaps it was just a gut feeling. Whatever it was, I decided to make my way up to the mountaintop, not stopping to form any regrets.
Laughing to myself, I broke out into an excited run, feeling the cool mountain air brush against my face. I stopped short when I noticed a large gully that stood between me and the mountain's summit. In order for me to reach my destination, I would have to find a way to cross the gaping chasm and make my way onto the higher ground on the other side.
It's no problem, I thought, excited to use my reawakened powers once more. I felt like I could do anything. It's time to see what I can do.
I sucked in a breath and threw my arms forward. A wave of magic rushed through my body and out my arms, causing the same cool sensation to rise within me as it flowed out of my hands. Before I knew it, a partially-formed, crude staircase, laden with uneven ice crystals, had formed at the edge of the canyon, extending upwards from the snowy ground. Smiling, I ran towards my creation, looking over it contentedly.
It's nice, but I can do better, I thought, observing the white, jagged ice crystals that randomly dotted the incomplete staircase. But what could I do to fix it? Acting on instinct, I gingerly lifted my foot and set it on the first stair, not knowing what to expect. As soon as my foot touched the stair, the rough, white crystals on the first step melted away in a flash of blue light, revealing a finely polished, elegantly designed stair, glowing blue with magic. My heart nearly bounded with joy as I looked up towards the mountain peak.
This will be fun, I thought.
Laughing, I broke into an excited run up the staircase, making my way towards the summit. Each individual stair turned into a refined, translucent step as I ran forward, leaving a series of glowing, glass-like stairs behind me. I synthesized new steps ahead of me as I climbed higher, heading ever closer towards the summit, and a life of freedom. With every step I took, a new wave of cool pleasure rose within me, reinvigorating me and lifting my spirits even higher. By the time I reached the other side, I felt like I was on top of the world, like I had risen above all the troubles and fears that had afflicted me my entire life. There was nothing in the world that could stop me now.
I did it! I thought, unable to wipe the smile off my face, I reached the mountain peak! What now? From atop the North Mountain, I had a spectacular view of the open valley below. As I gazed in wonder at the tiny, firelit villages that dotted the landscape before me, the answer to my question became marvelously clear.
Here I'll stay, I thought, looking up into the clear night sky, this is where I'll make my stand.
And in that moment, I knew exactly what to do.
With a smile of pure bliss, I declared my freedom to the world as I stomped my foot hard on the snowy ground, causing an icy, glowing snowflake pattern, around 60 feet in diameter, to blossom forth. It would be the foundation for something great.
I took a deep breath and checked my surroundings, preparing to unleash my powers in their full strength. Holding nothing back, I summoned every last bit of magic I had in me, and slowly raised my arms, directing my powers into the giant snowflake I stood on. In response, the ground started to rumble as massive spires of ice slowly rose from beneath me, surrounding the snowflake I stood on. The colossal spires lifted the snowflake higher as walls of ice gradually materialized between them, enclosing me on all sides. Elegant ice structures materialized on the ground as my immense creation began taking shape around me. Throwing my arms down, I sent a powerful wave of magic in all directions, turning the spires around me into sparkling, glass-like columns of ice, glowing blue with magical energy. Waving my hand around, I directed my magic into the icy walls, giving them a beautiful indigo hue. I could feel my own heart pounding with excitement as I gazed in wonder at the gorgeous structure that was slowly forming around me. Then, waving my hand downward, I poured my magic into the giant snowflake I stood on, causing it to glow a deep violet color, before throwing my arms upward, releasing my powers from the ground and into the air. The icy structures around me glowed blue with sparkling magic as my powers traversed the walls and columns of my creation, causing a glittering shower of snow to occupy the air around me. Powerful waves of magic coursed through my body and into the air as structures connected, complicated patterns formed, and gorgeous formations crystallized spontaneously in a brilliant flurry of creative release. High above me, a pyramidal ceiling took shape, followed by the sparkling crystallization of an ornate, snowflake-shaped chandelier that refracted and reflected the light given off by the illuminated pillars. Elegant patterns of light danced across the glass-like walls as my grand creation finally reached its glorious completion.
At last, it was finished. Towering hundreds of feet above me, surrounding me on all sides, was a gigantic castle, made solely of ice. It was my crowning achievement. Here, I decided, I would be living for the rest of my life. The empty halls translated my emotions into gorgeous patterns of blue light that permeated the translucent walls. Now, there was just one thing left to do.
I plucked the crown off my head and looked at it, almost in contempt. This tiara was a representation of my homeland, my family, and the people I had sworn to protect and govern. But to me, it was a symbol of the miserable life I had been forced to live down in Arendelle. A life that, just like everything else, I would be leaving behind. There'll be no more of that, I thought, a determined grin forming on my face, that life is behind me.
I held the crown up one last time, pouring the last of my anxieties into it. No more hiding, I thought, No more seclusion. No more repression. The past is in the past. Just let it all go. And then, in what became my crowning moment of freedom, I flung the tiara, along with the rest of my fears, out of sight and out of mind. I hadn't worn the thing for twenty-four hours, and I was already throwing it away - a sure sign that I was never meant to wear it.
Now, I thought, it's time for the finishing touch.
I grabbed the bun on the back of my head and gave it a good, swift pull, causing it to fall apart into a loose, wavy braid that cascaded brilliantly behind me. As I released my updo, my long, feathery bangs fell in front of my face, brushing softly against my forehead. With a single stroke of my hand, I swept my bangs up to the top of my head, and pushed my braid over my left shoulder, sprinkling it with a few small snowflakes. I smiled, gazing contentedly at my reflection in the glass-like walls.
Then, in my final act of freedom, I concentrated and summoned my powers one last time, directing them towards my clothing. In response, my black, uncomfortable formal shoes transformed into brilliant, silver heels. Meanwhile, a sparkling wave of magic slowly moved up my dress, starting from the skirt upwards. I felt the refreshing coolness of my powers move up my body as my stiff, prim-and-proper coronation dress slowly transformed into a far more comfortable, form-fitting dress. It featured a thigh-high slit that ran up the right side of the long, crystal-blue skirt, a lower shoulderline, and a glittering bodice that sported various shades of blue. Finally, waving my arms down, I created a new cape for myself, replacing the one I had discarded earlier. It was intricately woven from multiple, fiber-like ice crystals, and decorated with large, snowflake-shaped patterns.
At last, my transformation was complete. At that moment, I was no longer the miserable little girl who had spent her life shackled by the confines of fear and repression. That girl was long gone, and would never be coming back.
I strode with poise onto my newly created balcony, stepping into the radiant light of the newly risen sun. As I gazed in triumph at the majestic landscape spread out below me, I raised my arms and shouted at the top of my lungs, proclaiming my newfound independence to the world.
Here I would be safe. Here I would be free. Here I could be who I wanted to be, without fear of what others would do or say. The former queen of Arendelle was dead. The fears and anxieties that once controlled my life held no more power over me. I was no longer Elsa, the fearful princess of Arendelle, isolated from the world by a secret she could never hope to contain. I was someone else entirely. Someone who, against all odds, let go of her fears, embraced her powers, and created a new life for herself. At long last, I was finally free.
And that, my dear reader, is how I became Elsa the Snow Queen.