The sandwich I had made myself was severely disappointing. I liked the way Ivo buttered the bread; he always managed to get the butter evenly across each piece without it tearing or clumping and then he would fold the ham in some sort of wave motion. When I tried to copy it it didn't taste the same.

I had a lot of work to do so that I would have the paperwork to give the publisher. The thought of it made me excited each time I thought of being seen as a proper writer. I hadn't done very much before deciding to take a lunch break but I promised myself that once I sat back down I would get it finished.

I debated calling Ivo but he wouldn't be on his lunch break for at least another hour, if he even took one at all. Normally our lunchtime calls would become quite heated and result in him coming home early. The thought made me smile.

I'd missed having a morning coffee with him. I hadn't had the chance to see him before he left for work and he came home the night before when I was asleep.

I had to run to answer the phone, forgetting that Ivo had told me about the slippy patch on the floor where the polish had landed and my heart was in my mouth as I skidded slightly. I had to quickly catch my breath before answering.

"Hello?"

"Tim, it's Isabel."

"Oh, Isabel, hi, how are you," I babbled.

"I'm fine, Tim. Where are you?"

"Em, at home, why?"

She took a deep breath.

"I need you to call a taxi and come to the hospital, Ivo was in a car accident last night."

I felt myself fall against the wall to support my weight.

"Ivo...what do you mean, is he okay," I stammered.

"He hasn't woken up yet, he's in the ICU" she said gently. "I'm sure he'll want you there when he does."

I was too shocked to detect the bitter tone.

"Okay, I'll..I'll be there soon."

"Bye Tim," she said sadly.

"Yeah, bye."

It only took me a few minutes to find shoes and money and all the other necessities but it felt like hours. My mind kept suggesting strange things that I definitely needed to bring but I settled on bringing Ivo a toothbrush and clean underwear.

I had bypassed the reception desk and followed the signs to the intensive care unit, hoping to see Isabel along the corridor so that I wouldn't have to ask where to go but she was nowhere to be found.

Eventually I had to give up and go to the desk on the ward to ask where he was, my heart was hammering the whole time.

"I'm looking for Ivo Steadman."

The woman finished writing in her ledger before looking up at me and giving a small smile.

"Are you family?"

"Yes I'm his boyfr-," I stopped, a little too late.

This was one thing Isabel hadn't considered. Or perhaps she had and took some enjoyment in it.

I would never be able to be Ivo's next of kin. I hadn't been the one contacted when Ivo had the accident, she had. Then she had waited until the next day to call me. I wouldn't be allowed to see him outside of visiting hours in a normal ward and never in the ICU unless I was a relative or if we were married. Which we never would be. To everyone else Ivo and I were nothing, we meant nothing to each other and nothing to anyone else.

In one of the rooms Ivo lay unconscious in a hospital bed and I wouldn't be allowed to see him.

I could only stare at the nurse behind the desk and she seemed to understand my predicament.

"Oh dear," she said softly with a sincerity that surprised me.

I looked at her and wondered how many people she had seen separated because of laws that governed who it was right and wrong for a human being to love. In her entire lifetime she must have grown up like everyone else to believe that being gay made you like vermin but instead she showed compassion and empathy. I admired that. It made me understand why Ivo refused to be affectionate towards me in public, why we can't be who we are because of the society we live in. We had no choice.

Looking at her ledger for a moment she then smiled up at me.

"Well Mr Steadman I'm sure your sister will be pleased you're here. Your brother is in the room straight in front of you to the left there."

She gave me a brief nod and then looked down the corridor to indicate where I was to go.

"Thank you," I whispered and she watched me carefully as I made my way to the room. I ran the last few steps and stopped in the doorway, looking at a very broken Ivo and feeling my knees go weak.

"Oh God."

Isabel looked up and surveyed my rumpled appearance.

"Tim, hi."

"I ignored her and went to the side of Ivo's bed, reaching out to touch him but unsure of where.

Resting my hand on his cheek I groaned with frustration. I didn't know how to be helpful in times like this.

"The doctor was just here," Isabel informed me. "He woke up earlier for a few minutes, after I called you. He's confused and stressed and they still have to run some tests so they've put him in an induced sleep to help him recover."

"Did he say anything," I asked her desperately. "Did he know what happened?"

Isabel fiddled with the tissue in her hands.

"He seemed to think you had been in the car with him. He was terrified something had happened to you and he wouldn't believe me that you were okay. I think he needs to see you."

Holding his hand I half hugged him, cuddling close and not caring what Isabel thought.

"I'll get you some coffee," she said before making a swift exit.

I took the opportunity to give Ivo a soft kiss on the lips and to lay on the bed beside him for a few minutes, knowing it wouldn't be long until the doctor came back or a nurse.

"I love you Ivo, so much. I don't know what I would do without you."