Warning: self harm content in this chapter
I really needed to break up with Trent. We used to have such amazing chemistry and our sex life was just fantastic, now it's just boring and awkward. Like he tries really hard, I watched him thrusting into me using all of his force; I look over at the clock in pure boredom. Even when he kisses me, it feels like I'm being kissed by a shoe. I think about that night at the Halloween party that kiss with Jasmine was just- wow, I've never felt that big of a spark with any of my boyfriends. "AAAAH…FUCK!" Trent groans, as he finally came.
I look over at the clock that literally lasted five minutes. I can't even remember the last time I had an orgasm with him. My sexual attraction towards Trent has died way down this past year and now that I think about it, I haven't been attracted to any guy since probably last New Year's. I don't even find myself attracted towards Duncan and he's like my perfect type! Last year I totally would've been head over heels for him. Maybe I do like girls….In a way I kind of always knew I was attracted towards girls but I always made up excuses and would go in denial about it. I looked over at Trent, I hear Jasmines voice in my conscience telling me, 'your relationship is shit.' And, 'You don't love him.' She's completely right, I needed to end things with Trent, I'm not happy, he's not happy; it's for the best.
I let out a deep sigh, well, here it goes. "Trent." He turns his head towards me with his big green eyes just staring at me. I really do eyes….FOCUS GWEN! "We need to talk about our relationship, I feel like the chemistry between us has died down, a lot these past few months."
His eyes divert towards the bed and his jaw clenches together. "You want to break up?" He asks. I sit there in silence not really sure on what to say next. "Is this because of Jasmine?" he finally asks.
I give him a perplexed look. "Jasmine? Why would you say that?" This better not be because of the Halloween party, that night meant nothing! 'You sure about that?'
He narrowed his eyes. "Don't play dumb, we both know that deep down inside you have feelings for Jasmine."
"Trent, I told you, that make out session meant nothing!" Oh shit…..my body immediately froze when I realized what I just said. I cursed myself for saying mentioning the make out session instead of the kiss from the game.
The look on Trent's face actually made we want to shit myself. "You made out with her too?"
The guilt was now washing over me; I never realized how shitty of a person I've been towards the people that I cared about. "I'm sorry." I softly whispered.
"Just get the hell out of my house." He still doesn't make eye contact with me. "But-"All I wanted to do was talk about this in the most mature way but Trent "NOW!" he yells and points to the door. I quickly gather my stuff and head out the room. I look at him one more time as I got to the door; I swear when I looked at him, it was like my heart dropped to my stomach. His face was angry but as I studied his face more, I could see the hurt in my eyes.
I was finishing editing my college application for The University of Toronto. It wasn't one of my top choices but it was a good rebound if I got rejected from Yale, Princeton, or Harvard. I applied to about seven schools, four very prestigious ones and three safety but still decent schools that I knew for sure I would be accepted into.
"Victoria Secret? Who knew the Princess had sexy taste," a male voice says from behind, Dammit! I turned around to see Duncan holding up one of my bras, smirking.
Both embarrassed and annoyed, I frown at him and quickly snatch my bra from him. "Dammit Duncan, how many times have I told you to knock before entering?"
"And how many times have I told you that I don't like following rules," he mocked before lying down on my bed.
I put one hand on my hip and the other was pointing towards the door. "Get out, Duncan!" He only laughed and stayed there on my bed.
I was about to go over and push him off my bed when we heard a loud scream from Jasmine's room. Duncan and I gave each other startled looks before Jasmine barged him, slamming my door wide open. "OH MY GOSH. OH MY GOSH. OH MY GOSH, GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT? GUESS WHAT?" Jasmine asks really fast that I could barely make out what she had said.
"You won the lottery?" I joked.
She shakes her head. "Remember that Art school that I applied to last month?"
I try to think back to last month. "Yea." I remember now, she really wanted to get into this one specific art school because most people who went there either ended up on Broadway or Indie movies. Apparently the only accepted 75 applicants every year.
"Well, I got an e-mail from the board of admissions saying they were impressed with both my application and video and I'm pretty much accepted into there, all I have to do is write a play and direct it." She says beaming and claps her hands in excitement.
I smile at her. "That's fantastic, Jasmine, I'm so proud of you." No one deserved this opportunity more than her.
"Hell yea!" Duncan says and gives her a high five. "So what's your play going to be about?" he asked.
"I don't know I just got the e-mail. Anyways, I have to present it in May cause that's when the admission's people come in and decide whether they want me or not, so will you guys be a part of play?" She asks.
"Of course!" I tell her. Oh, I was so happy for her!
"Do I have to?" Duncan whines, I make a face at him. He groaned. "Fine, but I'm not playing a main character or singing, and I am NOT wearing tights!" Ugh, men…
"Deal! Oh my gosh, thank you guys!" she says before hugging Duncan then me tightly.
Ah, I still cannot believe that Mr. Fortelli might allow my play to be performed for this year's big production in spring! All I need is for him to accept my storyline which he's totally going to love. It's about this girl who's the daughter of a captain, who is just as mean as Captain Hook, well they settle on a land to hunt down mermaids. The daughter finds them and falls in love with one of them. She tries to protect them from her father and his crew. Brilliant, right? Mr. Fortelli said that I should hear back by the end of the week. This is going to be a long, anxious-filled week.
I saw Gwen waving at me as I headed for my AP Lit. class. I thought she was avoiding me? Whatever, I don't need any kind of distractions this week, especially from her! I gave her a quick death glare before entering my class.
I could take Trent giving me glares but from Jasmine? She was my best friend and I fucked it all up because I am a horrible person. I wanted to run into a bathroom stall and just cry, I'd wish I'd realized my feelings for her sooner. Yes I feel bad that I strung Trent along for the past nine months and guilty for cheating on him, but Jasmine as been my friend since second grade, I needed to make things right with her, ASAP.
I headed for the locker room and got ready for gym. I saw Courtney chatting with Katie and Bridgette, in their underwear. I never realized how hotter girls were than guys. After my breakup with Trent, I've been contemplating about my relationship, if I was 100% lesbian, if I had any bits of attraction left for boys. I'm slowly starting to accept my sexuality choices, there's still part of me that wants to be attracted towards guys, but then I see Courtney and the other girls in their underwear. Ever since I had rejected Jasmine, gym has been even a bigger pain in the ass than normal. Courtney would always shoot me death glares and purposely talk shit about me with the others right in front of me.
We went out towards the track fields for our dreadful warm-up run. I saw Courtney with most of the other girls running in their little cluster. I watched at Courtney's ass sway from side to side, her butt even looks exactly like Jasmine's, all well-rounded and perfect. I manage to try to look anywhere else because checking out your possible crush's twin sister was a tad bit weird.
P.E. took forever; Courtney was once again sending me death glares whenever she looked at me. I don't blame her though; I did break her sister's heart. On the way to the locker room, she 'accidently' tripped me, making me bang my knee on the edge of the locker room. "Whoops, sorry," Courtney said in the fakest voice along with a super fakey smile. The other girls just laughed before walking passed me loudly whispering 'Loser', 'Bitch' or my favorite, 'heartless vampire'.
As soon as everyone left the locker room, I went into one of the bathroom stalls and cried my eyes out. I'm glad I had gym right before lunch because five minutes would not be enough time to cry. I have never felt so horrible in my life, everyone hated me for what I did to Jasmine and even Trent and honestly, I don't blame them. I had the urge to cut myself; I just needed to get the pain out, to be punished. I deserved all of this pain.
My tears dried up as my focus was on the blood spewing from my arm, that stinging feeling that I never expected to miss. Well, there goes fourteen months of being clean down the drain, literally.
I heard the locker door open up and I immediately wiped any blood stains and quickly pulled down my arms. I looked at myself one more time in the mirror, my eyes were still red and a little puffy but it could've past for some kind of allergy attack.
I looked to see who had entered the locker room; it was only Beth Roberts, phew! She was whistling while posting up fliers. She looked at me and gave me a big, toothy smile. That honestly made my day. All I needed was one friendly smile, even if it came from Beth. "Oh hey, Gwen! What are you doing here in the girlth locker room during lunch and why are your eyeth tho red and puffy?" I squinted in disgust as some of her spit came into contact on me.
"Oh just-" I quickly tried to come up with a quick lie. "Um….allergies, yup, damn allergies acting up again."
She gasped, almost dropping her pile of fliers. "Oh my goodneth! I totally hear you, what are you allergic too?"
"Apples." I said quickly as soon as I spotted a sparkly apple with a caterpillar keychain on the side of her backpack.
She looked at me apologetically, I felt bad for lying to her but I didn't want to tell her why I was really in hear cause then she would not leave me alone afterwards. Beth likes to get into everyone's business and will do anything to get involved, it's super annoying. "I have thome allergy medithine if you want thome?" She offered.
I wave it off. "No-no!" I say, quickly stopping her from reaching the zipper on her backpack. "Its fine, I just took some right now."
"Well I hope your eyeth get better, and before I go, would you like flier?" She asked. "Sure," I say. I only said yes because she basically shoved it right in my face when she asked.
"Good look with your allergieth, Gwen!" She yells before leaving the locker room.
I looked at the flier, it was just a stupid baton twirling club that Beth was hosting. Every freaking year she tries to start a baton twirling club and maybe one or two people join. I sometimes feel bad for her because even though she's really fucking annoying, she's really nice to every single person at this school yet, people give her so much shit.
B+, fucking score! Ever since Courtney started helping me with my Spanish homework, my grades have gone up way fast. I'm starting to understand everything and I'll admit, it's the only class I enjoy that doesn't have Courtney in it. Jeez, that chick is starting to rub off on me more and more each day, though I'd be lying if I'd say that I haven't rubbed off on her either. Mr. Burrosmuerto is actually a pretty chill dude and is pretty lenient with breaks and eating in class.
I stayed after school to make up a test that I had missed two weeks ago back when I had ditched school with Courtney. Usually you can't make them up after a week but since I'm one of Mr. Burromuerto, well, I call him Al, favorite students, he lets things slide a lot with me.
The classroom door swung wide opened and that one Asian girl that I fucked at the Halloween party, I believe her name was Heather, stomped in and slammed her hands on Al's desk. "LOOK, I KNOW I PISSED YOU OFF AND I AM CERTAINLY STILL PISSED OFF AT YOU BUT ITS BEEN OVER A GODDAMN MONTH AND I'M SEXUALLY FRUSTERED!" She grabbed Al by the collar of his shirt and tried to kiss him only to move his face away. Heather's mouth dropped in shock, which quickly changed to anger in five seconds. "What the hell?" That girl must hate rejection, a lot.
Al just glanced over at my direction. Heather gave him a confused look before whipping her head over at my direction, I could only smirk. She quickly let go of Al, her face was turning super red. I wanted to laugh so hard right now, but I sure if that would upset Al or anything so I just chuckled to myself. "What the hell are you doing in here?" She rudely asked.
"I came here to stare at the board for an hour, what the hell do you think I'm here for? To make up a test, you wouldn't understand since you seem to have your own method of passing classes." I gave her a smug grin.
She glared at me before flipping me the bird, Al laughed. "You both suck," She sneered before off.
Right after I handed in my test and about to leave, Al stopped me. "Duncan, about earlier…..please, I beg of you to not mention my secret affair with Heather to anyone, please Amigo?"
I smiled and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry man; your secret is safe with me."
Al was the best teacher I ever had, I feel bad now for not telling him that I slept with her during Halloween, now I kind of owe him. Plus, now I had the opportunity to blackmail Heather.
I was about to head downstairs to find Jasmine who was my ride home when I overheard something that immediately pissed me off. "Is it true, did you really fuck Courtney Santos?" I heard a male voice ask.
"Not to brag or anything, but I totally rocked her world," another familiar male voice bragged. It took me a minute to finally realize who the voice belonged to, Justin. That fucking douche, I was gonna kill him for hurting Courtney.
"I didn't even know she was that type of girl," a third voice commented.
"She was so easy, she was probably desperate, most virgins are," Justin said, that last thing he said set me off.
I turned back and went towards the other side of the hallway; this bastard was going to pay. "HEY ASSHOLE!" right as he turned around towards my direction, I punched him right in the nose. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the wall. "What the fuck did you say about Courtney?"
"N-no-nothing!" he weakly whimpered. He looked like he was about to piss his pants, what a fucking pussy.
"If I hear you say anything about her along with going within one hundred feet from her, I will track you down and kick your ass so bad and make sure that no girl will ever want to touch you ever again. And don't you even dare go tattle-telling to the office cause Courtney can tell them about that little night you two had together where you DIDN'T fuck her and instead, sexually harassed and attempt rape her." I dropped him on the floor. "Now get the hell out of here before I decide to kick your ass some more again!" I threatened.
He quickly got up and started running away. The two other guys stood there, appalled before speed walking away. I could only smile smugly before walking back towards the stairs to find Jasmine.
Later on that night I started packing my shit for BC since I was leaving the morning after the last day of school before winter break. I couldn't wait to see Scott again and do all of the crazy shit that we used to do like steal kid's bikes from parks and crash them into ditches or get fucking wasted together. I was so busy with packing I didn't even hear my door open until I turned around and saw Courtney right in front of me. I jumped a little when I saw her.
She laughed. "Sorry to scare you like that."
"I was not scared!" I quickly defended myself.
She just chuckled lightly. "Right….Well you won't believe what I found?" I gave her a questioning look before she handed me a photo. It was a picture of me, Courtney and Jasmine; we looked like we were seven or eight years old. We were all sitting on the Santo's porch outside with popsicles in our hands while Courtney and I had dinosaur stickers on our foreheads. Holy shit, how could I forget that day… "Don't you remember that day?" Courtney asked.
I looked up at her and smiled. "How could I forget?"
*Flashback to Courtney and Jasmine's eighth birthday*
No one's P.O.V.
Little Courtney Santos was making a list of goals that she would accomplish this year like, reading the entire Harry Potter series, make four new friends, making crossfire in soccer ect. Courtney wanted to make sure her eighth year of her life would be successful. Every now and then she would look up to see Jasmine, Duncan, Gwen, and a few other kids running around playing tag. Courtney had played at first but got bored really easily since most of the kids were slow, easy targets. The only other kid that met her challenge level was Duncan.
"What are doing?" Duncan asked.
"None of your business, why are you over here anyways?" Courtney snapped.
Duncan carelessly shrugged. "I got bored of tag." Ever since Courtney quit the game, it had gotten extremely boring. Of course he wasn't going to tell her that, fat chance of that! He noticed some of the writing on the paper Courtney was writing on and quickly snatched it out of her hands.
"Hey!" Courtney whined. She tried reaching to grab it back but failed miserably at it.
Duncan put an arm out in front of her while looking through her list. "I can believe you're making goals for yourself, you're not even 10."
"Shut up!" Courtney defensively spat. She could feel her face turning red. "I'm preparing myself to be successful in the future; besides, making goals is fun to me."
Duncan laughed. "Only loser's with no lives do that!"
"You don't understand you stupid jerk!" Courtney got up and stomped off towards the backyard in anger and sadness. She was tired of people making fun of her for making set goals for her life. She kept trying to say to herself that her future was going to be better than everyone else's and that she would be the one laughing at them when she became the boss of everyone.
As Duncan continued to read the list and saw some personal ones, he began to feel bad. 'It is her birthday…' he thought to himself. An Idea popped into his head before he quickly ran back inside for a moments.
Duncan later went outside to the backyard to find a grumpy looking Courtney sitting under a tree. "What do you want?" Courtney huffed.
Duncan took a spot next her. "I'm sorry about making fun of your list. I think some of the things on here are actually kind of cool."
Courtney looked up at him, not really sure if she should believe him or not. "Really?"
Duncan just shook his head. "And to prove it, I'm going to help you accomplish two of them tonight!" He took out two dinosaurs stickers and put them on their foreheads. Courtney looked at him confused. "I know that you wanted to have friendship bracelets or whatever but I thought it would be cooler to have friendship stickers instead."
Courtney giggled and beamed up at the sticker on her head. "So what's the other goal?"
"This." Duncan took a deep breath before planting his lips onto hers. Courtney gasped a little in shock. Duncan pulled away and smiled at her. "Now you can also cross your first kiss off your list too."
"Thanks, Duncan; I guess you're not that much of a stupid jerk after all." Courtney sheepishly said.
They both laughed until they heard Duncan's mom calling them in for cake. "Race ya!" Duncan challenged.
Courtney grinned at him. "You're so on!" With that they both raced each other, Courtney beating Duncan of course.
*End of flashback*
My heart started to flutter a little when I thought back to that day. "I totally forgot you were my first kiss." Shit, did I say that out loud?
Duncan smiled at me. "I guess we both forgot, you were my first kiss too."
"Really?" My heart started beating a little faster. He only shook his head and smiled at me. Ugh, why does he have to be so damn cute. That damn smile never fails to make me blush.
The room became silent, Duncan and I kept staring at each other with the occasional floor glances. "I still whipped your ass in that race," I say, trying to break the silence.
He scoffed and waved it off. "Please, I only let you win cause it was your birthday."
"Do I smell a rematch?" I jokingly asked. I loved getting competitive with him, it's so riveting and I'll even admit it's kind of hot.
He smirked and playfully slapped my shoulder. "Go to bed Princess."
I gave him a hug since I wouldn't see him for another two weeks. "Goodnight Duncan." He smelled really good.
He wrapped his strong arms around me, I could feel him smiling against my neck. "Night, Princess." I was starting to get like that stupid pet name.
I don't know why but I really enjoyed writing Beth's character, hope you enjoyed and stay tuned for chapter 7!