Ellie.
Ellie.
She didn't like it when he said her name; it didn't fit his mouth. Every time he said it she frowned, and there was an air of silence immediately following. That was only slightly better than the awkward silence that followed him saying 'Miller' by accident, because it was such a force of habit and became second nature to the both of them. Who was she then? Not Ellie, not Miller, but a nameless face in a sea of people. Maybe it was better that way. She wouldn't have people coming up to her every second saying 'I'm so sorry' like they were apologizing, like it was their fault. She hated it. Once the news got out, she couldn't avoid anyone. So she hid from the world with him.
They didn't use names when they were alone, not usually, anyway. It was only when they wanted to make a point with emphasis, when they were talking over each other during a hot topic of conversation, usually involving the crap telly they often watched while together to lighten the air, and she'd either say 'Alec,' which he grimaced at, or 'Sir,' which still seemed too weird given how nothing they could do would be less professional than what they were doing now.
She would catch him staring sometimes, like he wanted to say something, like he felt he should ask if she's okay, or if she needed anything, and she tried to ignore it. He was the only one who didn't make her feel like her world was wrong, turned upside down and thrown into the bin. She didn't mean for him to become a habit, but over time she found herself asking Lucy and Olly to look after the kids because she wanted to take a walk, and her walks always ended up here. They didn't ask, but somehow they knew. She wondered if anyone else had noticed, but even if they had, that gossip would still be overshadowed by 'Miller: the brilliant detective, sleeping with a murderer'. Luckily.
There were times that she was unbearably aware that he was still living in a hotel room. She wondered where his home was, and why he hadn't gone back yet. There was so much that she didn't know about him, yet she felt like he was the only one she could trust. Her house had just been cleared of police tape, but she didn't feel like going back. Not yet. She had been looking into towns that they could move to, comparing schools and livability, but she never got far. Thoughts of him would creep up, watching mindless TV and drinking tea while arguing about nothing because she missed that wit, that banter, and she decided to stop looking at that point. She couldn't imagine not having him a couple minute walk away to just sit and not talk about life or the future or the past.
"Ellie." She tried hard not to make a face, almost as hard as she tried to ignore the stare he gave that lasted for the past minute, but was not successful. She turned to him and waited for him to continue, waited for him to ask her if she was okay, or to ask when she was planning on moving out of this town, or to tell her he was going back to wherever he came from and she should go too . "Does Tom not like me?" Well that was unexpected.
"What? Why do you say that?" she asked, completely bewildered.
"Well, you never bring him over, except that one time your nephew dropped him and Fred off, and he seemed a bit…wary of me." She had thought back to that time, and remembered how surprised she was that Olly even knew she was there. Her sister had gone back home and left Olly with the kids, but he was called back to the Echo, or so he said, and he had brought them to her. Tom was probably reflecting her own confusing emotions at that time, but she didn't notice it, as she was trying to figure through her own feelings toward the situation. "It's like I intimidate him or something."
She chuckled. "Oh really, where would you get that idea?"
"I'm not! You don't think I'm intimidating, do you?" He was very concerned about this topic and it showed all over his face, which only made her laugh harder.
"I mean, you did interview him in a police setting twice, and you are a bit…stunted in the social aspect." She watched as his face slowly became more offended, his eyes and mouth growing wider by the second.
"I've gotten better about it." He mumbled as he turned his attention away from her. Now it was her turn to stare. She hadn't really noticed his face before, hadn't really seen every detail until now. Yet, she could still see how much better he looked, not dragged down by the stress of it all, a hint of a smile, and the scar right below his ear near healed. She thought about her own features and suddenly felt self-conscious. She hadn't slept much, nor eaten, and she was sure she had gained some serious wrinkles from frowning and crying in addition to the bags upon bags of her eyes. She subconsciously touched her face, and he must have noticed because he went right back to staring at her. But instead of thinking it was because he was concerned with how she was doing, she thought it was because she must have looked dreadful.
"I should probably get going, I have stuff…Tom, Fred-" she awkwardly got up and sort of shuffled in place, gesturing toward the door.
"Alright, okay, see you." He got up with her and walked her to the door. She stopped right in front of it and he stopped as well, confused. She hesitated for a bit, and he looked at her with a sort of…hope, was it? She said her final "bye" and quickly turned to rush out.
"El, wait." El. That was new. She had been called El before, but it never sounded like that. He gently put his hand on her shoulder and she turned back toward him. His arms reached around her and pulled her towards him, with him burying his face in the crook of her neck. She hugged him back, enjoying the feeling she didn't know that she had been missing. When she realized that he was probably desperate for touch, especially since he probably hadn't seen his daughter for god knows how long, she hugged him tighter. There were still a lot of questions to be answered, a lot of feelings to be discussed, but it could wait for another day. They let go of each other, fully sated, smiles on their faces, and bid farewell. She walked through the lobby, trying to hide a small smile that refused to be hidden, and noticed Becca in the corner of her eye give her a smile as well. Though the road looked long and rough ahead, her path to healing had become clear. Not hiding, not anymore.