I woke beside Cedric the next morning. Although I had been in his arms when we fell asleep, there was several inches of space between us now. Looking at him, his face and breathing peaceful, I longed to touch him and tell him I loved him, but I did not want to wake him. I do love him, but why do I keep thinking about Roland? Groaning, I rolled over, facing away.
I tried to remember every single thing Roland said or did to me that hurt. But again, I realized some of that hurt because I did care for him. I did have feelings for Roland, and I did not want to. What is wrong with me? Why…how did this happen? But I knew. It was the man sleeping behind me. He wanted me to play along. I sat up in anger, staring into the room barely lit by morning light filtering through a single window shade. My old anger at Cedric reared its head and guilt washed over me. Guilt for lying to Roland, guilt for not loving only Cedric, guilt for being angry and hating them both. The urge to run away from everyone and everything was strong, but then Cedric's hand reached for me, found me, and pulled me down against him.
"Go back to sleep," he murmured into my hair drowsily.
That was an impossible feat so we lay together while Cedric slept and I tried to think of anything and anyone else. Tears slipped from my eyes because I could not. Suddenly, Cedric pulled me around to face him, his eyes wide.
"Why are you crying?" he whispered.
"I'm not, my eyes are just watery."
"Don't lie to me, Sofia." He wiped the tears away. "What is it? Please, tell me."
"I can't," my voice broke.
Though it was dim, I saw his eyes turn to stone. "You can't, or you won't?"
He did not let go of me, even when I whispered, "Both." He pulled me to his chest, his arms holding me tight.
"Do you still want to marry me?" The question came after some time and caught me off guard.
"Yes." Do I?
His arms did not relax and I wondered if I really had a choice. I had nowhere to go, and Cedric was the only person in the world that I knew well enough. He and I were the only two who knew the truth about Michael, and how James had been treated, and about Roland and me. I pushed my face into Cedric's chest and remembered Roland's handsome face, and the way he expected everyone to agree with him, and how he had held me the night he spent with me in my bed. They had both spent the night with me, they had both told me they loved me, but I felt sure that Cedric was more genuine. Then again, Roland could have any girl, but he chose me. I did not realize that I groaned again in frustration.
"I would do anything for you, Sofia, please believe me." It sounded like Cedric was speaking through gritted teeth. "Please let me fix whatever is wrong."
"You can't." I took deep breath. "Only I can."
We fell silent as Lachlan sat up from his bedroll on the other side of the room. "You two awake?"
Cedric grunted as I began to pry myself from his grip. He did not let go easily. I climbed to my knees and began to pick up my bedroll. Catching Cedric's eyes for a moment, I could see a myriad of emotions, but I had to look away. Cedric followed suit, picking up his roll, and we took turns getting ready for the day, with no words, except when Delana emerged from her bedroom.
Though early, the roads were full of people going about their lives. Again, Lachlan seemed to know where he was going and I clung to Cedric's arm, afraid of becoming lost. Finally, we arrived in front of an official looking building, built of stone and not wood like so many we had passed. Lachlan opened the door and waved us in.
The level of noise from the street dropped significantly once the door was closed behind us. There were few people inside, and none were speaking until one man behind an immense desk asked how he could help us. Lachlan nodded to Cedric and Cedric and I stepped forward. "My fiancée and I would like to marry."
It felt like I could not breath. This is it.
The man looked both of us over before speaking again. "You are not from here."
"No, sir."
"Why did you not marry at home?"
"We have not lived in the same place and are looking to make our home here." The man looked at me and I nodded in agreement.
"How old are you?"
"Seventeen." I knew I was not quite seventeen yet, and I had not looked at a calendar lately, but I knew I was closer to seventeen than sixteen, and older would sound better in this case.
"Where is your father?"
"My father is dead, sir." I glanced up at Cedric who mirrored my worry. It's possible my father is not truly dead.
"In this province, a woman may not marry without her father's permission until the age of twenty-five," the man frowned.
"That's archaic," Cedric commented.
"I have been her guardian," Lachlan stepped forward, "for some time now, and I give my permission."
The man now studied Lachlan and I could see him putting the facts together. "You are related to the would-be groom."
"I am, but Sofia has been in my charge for some time. However, she and my brother love each other."
"Do you have proof of guardianship?"
Lachlan's brow furrowed. "No. How does one get proof when one opens their home to a young girl with no mother or father?"
The man's face became resolute. "You cannot marry here. By the law, she is too young and would need her father's permission."
"That's ridiculous!" Cedric interrupted.
"We are a coastal community that has too many men and women marrying, producing a child, and then the man goes off to sea, never to be seen again. And we are left with women and children who cannot provide for themselves. There are reasons for our laws. You may leave." He waved his hand, dismissing us and looking back down at his work.
"Cedric," I breathed; he was trying to subdue his fury. "We'll find another way." I put my arms around him to hug him.
Lachlan grabbed one of Cedric's arms. "We aren't those people," Cedric said, but the man ignored us, and Lachlan and I pulled Cedric outside again. The noise and smells of the city greeted us immediately. "We have to go somewhere else."
"Or, just wait to marry for a little bit longer." Lachlan said.
"Eight years?"
"No," Lachlan rolled his eyes. "Wait until you decide where to go, and then get married there."
Not wanting to see Cedric's temper, I agreed. "It's just a little while, Cedric. The main thing is we are together now. Right?" I squeezed his arm.
He swallowed and looked down at me. "You are correct." He pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry. I thought…" Cedric did not finish the thought and Lachlan and I did not ask. He sighed. "Now what do we do?"
"Go to the market, pick up our laundry, find work."
"You aren't staying here, though," Cedric looked sharply at his brother.
"I may have to." Lachlan began to walk away. "Chances are, you'll get Sofia with child, and then head off to sea. I might need to provide for her so she's not left on the mercy of the province."
Cedric made like he was going to punch his older brother, who lunged a couple paces away, laughing.
"Not funny, Lachlan!" I could not help but laugh as well. "You better not go off to sea without me, Cedric."
After that disappointment, and the slight relief that I felt, we made our way to the market, choosing food we could prepare at Delana's. Several times I felt as if we were being watched, but I assumed it was my paranoia. I was terrified that Cedric and Lachlan would be conscripted and I would be alone, so I was ever vigilant whenever I saw a uniformed man.
Then we collected our clean clothing and headed toward our temporary home.
"Once you learn the way to the market and Delana's," Lachlan said, "you won't need me. I think this afternoon we should look for work."
"Are there houses where I could be a maid?"
Lachlan said nothing but Cedric frowned. "I'll work. You will stay at Delana's, and later our own home."
"I can work. I can learn what I don't know."
"Someday," Cedric smiled, "when I've established myself as a physician, you can be my nurse, when you aren't busy keeping my house." This earned him a punch and he laughed. "Seriously, Sofia, let me take care of you."
"But-"
"No buts. My lady will not be working."
I groaned and Cedric laughed. Is he doing this because I would have been a duchess with Roland? "Thank you," I murmured, not knowing the polite way to respond.
As we came upon Delana's building, I felt eyes upon us again and I tried to covertly look around but saw no one that seemed threatening. Still, I hurried both men inside and up the many flights of stairs, thinking if we were inside Delana's suite, no one would know which door to look behind to find the brothers.