"What did you think I would say," he screamed at me.

"Ivo, please, I'm sorry!"

"You're always fucking sorry."

He pushed me roughly and I stumbled back.

"Do I mean that little to you," he growled. "Do you think I have so little self respect that I'll just keep forgiving you every time you want to get your kicks elsewhere?"

"No, please, Ivo you mean everything to me. It was a stupid mistake, it just happened. I didn't even want it, she was twisting things. I was drinking to much. Please forgive me, please."

I moved toward him and felt the sting of the slap across my cheek. I didn't even try to fight him, there was no point.

"Get out," he said.

"Ivo?"

"I mean it, I can't look at you right now. Get out."

I stared at him, confused and afraid to move. I reached out my hand to him and he pushed me away.

"Just leave me alone Tim."

"Ivo, don't be like this," I said nervously, trying to get him to relent with a smile.

"It's not like she meant anything to me."

"YEAH?"

He yelled at me, his face contorted into one of pain and hurt.

"Well neither do I it would seem. Why don't you love me," his voice broke on the last part. I backed away as he moved towards me. I drew a sharp intake of breath when I felt him hit me, hard. My knees gave out and we collapsed in a heap on the floor. I fought back until he climbed on top of me to keep me still, his hand on my neck and the other pinning one of my wrists down. I pulled at his hand but his grip was too firm.

"I've given you everything I have and it isn't enough for you, I love you more than anything I've ever loved and you don't love me at all. What do I have to do Tim? Tell me, I'm tired of all these games. I give you a home and money and everything you could want. I care for you and love you and cherish you. And you keep going back to complete strangers, letting them suck you off in a filthy alleyway. Do you really want it that way or is it just to taunt me?"

He stared at menacingly, awaiting my answer.

"Which is it?!"

I struggled to breathe and attempted to lift his fingers from my throat.

"Ivo," I whispered hoarsely. "Please, you're hurting me."

"Well you hurt me, all the time!"

He pressed down harder and I began to panic, I was getting lightheaded and I felt what seemed to be every drop of blood in my body pounding in my head.

"Hngh... please."

There was such a look of concentration on his face that hurt more than the act itself.

"Ivo," I tried, clawing at him with my one free hand. I felt weak and disorientated.

"Why won't you just love me?"

At that point there was the shrill sound of the intercom for the door to the building.

Ivo released me and backed off, leaving me retching on the floor.

"Yes," he said calmly into the microphone. I heard a muffled voice through the speaker give a reply.

"I'll come down."

I gasped for breath and reached out a hand to him as he stepped over me to get to the door, closing it behind him. I could hear his footsteps going down the stairs outside the door to the flat. I tried to sit up but every part of me felt too heavy and useless so I gave up and lay there pathetically, my heart hammering when I heard him opening the door again.

"Ivo," I whimpered.

He sat down on the floor beside me and pulled me upright into a sitting position before lifting me onto his lap and cradling me close to him. I was too tired to fight him off.

"Do you love me," he whispered in my ear.

I nodded hastily.

"Yes, always."

My voice sounded hoarse and broken.

"Promise me, no more. If I'm not enough for you, tell me. I guess I'd be okay with it, if you just needed a change, you're young. I get it, you want to experiment."

He stroked my hair and pushed it back from my face.

"If that's what you want, we can do it together, yeah?"

He looked psychotic, talking to placate his own mind.

"We'll be fine," he said quietly, giving me a smile and kissing my cheek.

"Tim."

"Mmm."

"Do you promise me?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry Ivo."

He hushed me and pulled my chin towards him to kiss me, becoming more passionate and very quickly began removing my clothes.

He didn't bother moving us to the bedroom, or even the sofa.

The whole time that I lay there I tried to think philosophically about how I had reached this point because that seemed the thing to do but my mind was irritatingly blank.

Had I been thinking properly I might have pondered if there was such a thing as love, or if there is then maybe only the normal get to experience it. I might have considered whether or not I am normal, whether Ivo was normal before he met me. How he could have been so horrified at the idea that he had raped me and here we were again. I might have lamented on the thought that I had experienced being forced to have sex with Ivo and then strangled and now the reverse.

Rather annoyingly however there was only one thing playing in my head on repeat. Something that hadn't occurred to me before now.

Why was I enjoying it?