Chapter Eighteen

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

"I think that this may be a bad idea." Konohamaru said as he sat on the veranda in the Pine Courtyard of the eastern side of the Hyuuga Compound which were Hanabi's quarters.

"Bad idea? You were the one that told me to invite him in the first place, you idiot!" Hanabi shouted at him.

"Well only after you complained so much about your sister dating the Uchiha." He mumbled in a sotto voice and she levelled a stare at him that could have turned his blood to mercury. He avoided her gaze, but it didn't matter – she was an all seeing Hyuuga after all.

It was almost half past four in the afternoon. The eastern part of the compound, known as the Pine Courtyard, was very different from the Wisteria Courtyard where Hinata's quarters were. There was no lush lawn in the centre, but hard packed dirt instead. A few well-worn practice dummies stood in the middle of the courtyard. On the edges stood a few old native pines that towered over the high wall and gave a bit of shade from the rising sun when Hanabi practiced outside. On one side there were a couple of boulders of which a shrub shot up in between to trail branches of tiny pink and white flowers down into a small, dry pond. On the right shore of the pond, a struggling cherry was in bloom producing a few sickly blossoms. There was a reason that the Cherry Blossom party that they were having this afternoon was not held in the Pine Courtyard.

"Listen, we all know that Sasuke is a very serious individual. I don't even think he knows how to smile."

"Boss told me that he's seen Sasuke laugh." Hanabi looked at Konohamaru sceptically. "He said that a picture of it should go in the dictionary right next to 'maniacal cackling'.

Hanabi suppressed a smile and a shudder. What did her sister see in a guy like that?! What did Naruto see in him?

"Anyway, as I was saying, Sasuke is a very serious man. If he's having an affair with my sister then it's a serious affair. This is leading to marriage. And that will be disastrous."

"Disastrous for you, you mean?"

"Yes! The Uchiha blood is stronger. They will not have any Hyuuga babies carrying the Byakugan. And you know what that means? There will be no heir. Father will look to me to bring an heir! I don't want that."

"Well I guess you could start a civil war and upend years and years of Hyuuga tradition by making a Branch member an heir and get rid of the whole Branch and Main thing."

Hanabi looked at him as if he was unfathomably stupid and was too dumb to live.

"…or not…"

Konohamaru sometimes didn't understand Hanabi. She was a world of contradictions. She was traditional and polite and believed in the power of shame and the pride of familial duty. She was subservient to her Father and respected and maybe even worshipped him. She was probably overly concerned with bringing shame to her father and the Hyuuga name and as such she was obsessed with the traditional ways of doing things. He knew that her biggest fear was to disappoint her father and her Clan. He also knew that she sometimes imagined/dreaded what men like Madara and Fugaku Uchiha felt to know that they tried so hard to carry their Clan in a new direction and could only taste the bitter bile of disappointment and shame of failure.

Yet she was not the perfect deferential, feminine daughter waiting to find a husband and confront motherhood. She was practical, ambitious and tomboyish. She didn't like the idea of being married and having children as in her mind it limited her ninja career. She wanted to lead the Hyuuga to greatness. For Hanabi, it was for too long that the Uchiha name had been the one to inspire respect and fear and turn into legends. It was as if people forgot that it was the Hyuuga that begat the Uchiha. She remembered reading of Kaguya. A bitter taste and a sinking feeling always erupted in her whenever she thought that it was Sasuke Uchiha who had had a hand in defeating Kaguya, a Byakugan weilder. When Hinata was married to Naruto, Hanabi was thrilled at the chance to influence, through her sister and brother-in-law, Konoha politics into an era where the Hyuuga would play a more prominent role with their son poised to lead Konoha into a future where Hyuuga reigned.

She had a duty to her family as Clan Head Regent to make sure that the Hyuuga did not fall to shame or obscurity or dissidence. She had a duty as a woman and a female Clan Head to surpass expectations of a woman, of a kunoichi, as a Hyuuga kunoichi.

To reconcile these honourable duties with her distaste for the more traditional role of a woman, however, she didn't know how. What Hanabi did know was that she was not going to be forced into a traditional role of baby-making machine caused by Sasuke Uchiha's romance of Hinata.

"Onee-san could take up the baby-making duty. It's the least that she could do."

Konohamaru looked at his friend and wondered if she sometimes listened to herself. There was a bit of cray-cray behind those translucent pupils. He just wanted to dash a bucket of water on her and tell her to lighten the fuck up. Instead he said,

"How do you even know that Sasuke is interested in having children?"

"Oh come on, someone as Uchiha obsessed as he is probably has a six year plan to make Hinata single-handedly revive his Clan."

Konohamaru doubted that a six year clan revival plan was on Sasuke's mind since he only recently seemed to discover the opposite sex. The stony-faced bastard's probably still trying to figure out what goes where for procreation, Konohamaru uncharitably thought. But he didn't say that. Instead he said,

"But Boss is married with children…"

"You're the one that told me to invite him!"

"Yes, but I thought that you just wanted them to reconcile their differences, not reconcile their marriage!"

"Didn't you say that Moegi told you that her mother said that she was speaking to Ino's mother in the flower shop and she told her that Ino told her that Sakura's thinking of divorce?"

Konohamaru was a few seconds behind Hanabi as he mentally traced the gossip line and had a delayed reaction.

"Yes, but –"

"Listen, I don't care if she gets back together with brother-in-law, I just don't want Hinata getting together with Sasuke Uchiha."

"Ex-brother-in-law," he corrected her. She ignored him.

"Also, in the off chance that Hinata does have a child with our kekkei genkai, I just don't want the Uchiha blood running through the Hyuuga heir's vein. I don't want that streak of madness in our family line."

Konohamaru stared at her.

"Hanabi-chan, do you know what irony is?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing, nothing!" And he broke down into a fit of smug laughter when she narrowed her eyes at him.

"You're an idiot. Why do I speak to you? Come on. We'll be late for the start of the viewing party."

The annual Hyuuga party to welcome the start of the cherry blossoms was a tradition that was entrenched in Konoha history. There were paintings and scrolls hanging in the moya of the Hyuuga house depicting Hashirama and Tobirama Senju at this party. The annual programme was fixed: there was an outing around the main garden in the southern compound to see the weeping cherries followed by dinner. After the performance of the spring dances everyone went outside again to see the cherries by lantern light and mingled between outside and the opened moya. By Sunday morning when everyone was well and properly drunk the party was complete.

As the party strolled through the Hyuuga Compound and the spectators admired the weeping cherries and beautiful architecture of the Hyuuga buildings, Hinata tried her best to stick to the outskirts of the group and liken herself to furniture – still and unobtrusive. It wasn't that she disliked parties. Oh no, quite the opposite. For all the melancholy and shyness, Hinata liked the gaiety and noise. She just preferred to stand in the background and observe, rather than participate. Also, she couldn't deal with her aunts with their comments and questions like how Hanabi, who was just a few steps ahead of her, was now having to endure.

"Koi-san, why do you not wear kimono? Why are you wearing hakama? Why are you so skinny? Hakama makes you look short and skinny." One old and wrinkled great-aunt asked in a tone similar to the grating and whiny modulation of a handsaw.

"Leave her alone, Etsuko. You don't want her to get too chubby. Look at her sister. Look at Hinata-chan, all those breasts ready to burst out of her kimono. She eats too many sweets. And why is she wearing that kimono with plum blossom decorations? Granted it's a stunning kimono, but it's a cherry blossom party, not plum blossom party."

Hinata suddenly found her nails very interesting. She liked this kimono mainly because Sasuke had gifted it to her. He was just a bit ahead of the aunts, purposely not dressed his best as she was sure that he didn't want to give anyone the idea that he was trying to impress.

It had been almost a month since that night of the lightning storm when they'd shared a kiss. They hadn't seen each other much since. He was always busy and she was working in the Registry burrowing in files and then training with her former teammates. Their paths hardly crossed this month. Sometimes they would make time for each other. He would pass by late into the night, sometimes wee hours of the morning just to see her – never staying long as fatigue could be heard in their voices. She would go out of her way to pass by his office to make him some chamomile tea, sometimes unable to stay to enjoy it with him as he would be just about to go into a meeting or something. It was only yesterday afternoon that they got to spend an hour together, no interruptions, before she had to assist in the preparations for the party. Even then however, they realized that there was a bit of awkwardness between them now…again. She sat rigid and unmoving on the sofa of her parlour and he sat motionless and uncommunicative opposite her on the loveseat. It was like they were auditioning to be mannequins.

They had no idea how to be in a relationship with each other.

All of their labels and history came crashing down on them and left in its wake stunned silence. She was his best friend's ex-wife that was too shy to look him in the eye and never cared to in the first place. He was the murderous and duplicitous avenger and best friend to her ex-husband. They never cared for each other before…and now they do. It was surreal.

They spent the afternoon in the parlour of her quarters in the Wisteria Courtyard. She made chrysanthemum tea for him and slowly they began to relax. He told her of his day and she of hers and slowly they began to realize that this was the new normal – they would come home to each other soon enough and that was a good thing. It was the most peace that they'd experience in such a long time.

Eventually by a happy accident Hinata found herself sitting right next to him on the loveseat after she returned with more tea. With startling self-consciousness she realized just how close his knee was to hers. She wondered whether he would take her hand in his or casually rest his hand on her knee. Because of the throw pillows on the chair she felt cramped and uncomfortable, but was afraid to move. She didn't want to give him the impression that she didn't want him touching her. Well…she wasn't completely comfortable with the idea as yet. Their first real kiss and the slap she gave him played out in her mind like on a loop. She knew for a fact that because of that slap that there would be no way short of the threat of death that he'd ever initiate contact with her again, so it was up to her. Except every time she lifted her hand to gently touch his she instead chickened out and took a sip of tea. By the end of the hour she'd had five cups and was aching to go to the washroom. She wasn't even hearing their conversation for the last five minutes because all she was thinking was,

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.

Someone knocked on the door and informed her that Cook was ready to start making the desserts and her assistance was required. They both stood up. She could barely focus. Her bladder felt like the size of a pumpkin. He was staring at her in that way that he does. She felt a warmth creep up and she briefly wondered if she was going to embarrass herself and wet herself in front of him and not in the way that would be pleasant for either of them.

"Maybe I should –"

"Go?"

His expression hardened just a bit and she realized a millisecond too late that that was not what he was going to suggest.

"Hn."

He turned to leave and she felt like clouting herself.

And now, now he had shown up to the cherry blossom viewing party and she wasn't ready to face him, to face her family and their questions. He was walking just a bit ahead of her. She kept to the back, behind Hanabi and the two great-aunts.

"Koi-san, why is the Uchiha here? How come he accepted the invitation?" They asked as they looked over to Sasuke. "I had no idea that he would enjoy this sort of thing, but he seems like he is." Hinata looked over at Sasuke who was strolling under the cherry blossoms looking numbed with ennui. Though to be fair, that was his usual expression. She turned her head and stifled a smile.

"Well…" Hinata looked up at her sister. Hanabi purposely avoided her elder sister's gaze as she concocted an answer for the aunts and for that Hinata was grateful.

"I heard that he's here often drinking tea with Hinata. What's going on?"

Hinata pretended not to hear and took that as her cue to exit. She walked off in the direction of the house where she struggled not to go marching to the kitchen and eat an entire cake. As far as she was concerned, people underestimated the healing powers of sugar.

The viewing party of the sakura blossoms ended when people finally seemed to run out of synonyms for 'pretty' and they returned to the moya for dinner. The doors were opened so that the grandness of the space and the magnificence of the gardens before it could be simultaneously enjoyed. Low u-shaped tables were positioned in the vast room and people found their places with the aid of helpful place cards. Hinata sat on the left of her father who sat in the middle of one of the tables. She hoped that Hanabi did not completely lose her mind and place Sasuke on her left as Hinata was simply not ready to deal with letting the world know that she was kinda, sorta, in a way dating Sasuke Uchiha. She had yet to accept it herself. Hanabi shouldn't have invited Sasuke this year. Better yet, Sasuke shouldn't have accepted. She was shocked when he had shown up and made it her business to stay as far away from him as possible this afternoon. She stole a glance at her father, wondering how much he knew…

The space soon filled up and Hinata noticed that Sasuke was a good bit down the table away from her, taking his seat between Ino on one side and Kiba on the other. Hinata was willing to bet that by the end of dinner he'd be willing to brain himself by sticking his chopsticks in his ears. But then, why brain himself…

But if he was sitting over there, who had Hanabi assigned to sit next to Hinata's left? Hinata leaned over and read the place card. Her eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling.

"Sorry I'm late, -ttebayo! Where's my seat?"

Hinata looked at Hanabi. How could you do this to me?! Hanabi avoided her sister's silent plea. She'll bravely face the consequences after.

"Hokage-sama!" Hanabi stood up and hurried over to him. She bowed slightly and whispered that he was sitting right over here, next to Hinata. Naruto froze, his expression caught between surprise and trying not to show it. She took him by the arm and marshalled him into movement, corralling him into his seat.

"She should have been in the war effort. She would've worked wonders against deserters." He muttered and against her will Hinata found herself struggling to hold back a smile. By the time she composed herself she caught the tail end of Sasuke's expression – grimmer and more obdurate than usual – before he turned his face from her. She felt like someone kicked her in the stomach.

For the first few minutes absolutely nothing was said between them, but surprisingly it was also the most comfortable that she'd felt in his presence in a long while. Naruto didn't insist on making small talk or try his best to hide the fact that he was feeling awkward at being suddenly thrust into her presence. He kept laughing nervously and he quickly, maybe too quickly picked up conversation with his dinner partner to his left, a distant cousin of her father's.

But then his meatball that was soaked a sweet vinegar sauce fell from his chopsticks, rolled onto the table and fell into her lap.

In a scene that was both silly and deathly serious they stared at the calamity in shocked silence. In a tone reserved for catastrophic fuck ups and when Ichiraku was closed, he said,

"I am so deeply sorry."

That seemed to light a fire under Hinata. She couldn't let this kimono be ruined! She flew off and left the dinner not even noticing Sasuke's eyes tracking her exit.

In a rush she hurried over to the western side of the house. She just barely reached the bedroom before she was stripping off her obi and kimono. She rushed to the bathroom in her under-kimono alone, flinging open the cupboards to see what was useful. As she mixed liquid detergent and lime juice that she got from her homeopathy room, she wondered if she was overreacting. No, she concluded. This kimono wasn't just a kimono. This kimono was a gesture. It held meaning and significance of feelings unsaid. She couldn't let anything happen to this kimono. For one brief moment though she realized that she fought more for this kimono than her marriage. The thought nearly floored her. She left the bathroom feeling confused and guilty.

She hung up the kimono in the all purpose spare room and returned to her bedroom. Pulling on a more seasonally appropriate kimono – powder blue with embroidery of kites and sakura blossoms – she had just tied on her obi and had taken out her obijime when she noticed something that wasn't there before.

There stuck into the edges of the mirror was a note.

Hina-chan, please forgive me. I'm such a dolt.

She pulled down the note and read it closer. It was definitely Naruto's handwriting. She was taken back to the times before when he'd leave notes for her, telling her that he was sorry for countless mistakes. His excuses generally boiled down to the fact that he was a reprehensible and irredeemable fool. She smiled a bit at the memory. When she looked up she could see his reflection in the mirror. She turned around and there he was standing at her doorway, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Her heart rate doubled.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly.

He moved more into the room. "I'm really sorry about the kimono."

"It's no problem." Her voice broke on the last word and she cleared her throat.

"It's just that you looked so upset and I can understand why. It looked like a really expensive kimono." He moved closer just a bit more.

"It was a gift from…someone." Absolute guilt consumed her. Why, why didn't she say that it was from Sasuke?

"Oh man! I feel even worse." He was closer again and now they stood not far apart from each other at all.

For several moments they said nothing only continuing to stare at each other.

"Hinata…"

She swallowed thickly. He only called her that if they were in public or on official business. They were just the two of them inside her bedroom.

"Can I ask you something?"

He didn't say anything immediately and she was forced to look up. He looked like he was struggling to get out the words and she was reminded of all those times that he begged her, literally begged her to change her mind about the divorce, to come back to him, to smile with him again. She'd told him that he didn't know what it was like to make a mistake so big that you couldn't come back from it, that you couldn't fix it with an I'm-sorry note and a dazzling smile. She remembered what he had said in response to that,

"And what if I make such a mistake? Would things be alright again? Do you think that I'd be better able to understand you?"

The moment that she found out that Sakura was pregnant, Hinata knew the role she had played in messing up Naruto's life. She was wrong. Two wrongs didn't make a right. She wanted him to make a huge mistake like how she had, so that maybe, just maybe they could have shared the burden of guilt. But guilt wasn't like mathematics. It didn't follow the rules of logic. It didn't divide, only multiplied, sometimes diminishing arbitrarily. She didn't feel relief when he had slept with Sakura as she had pushed him to. No, she felt bitterness and guilt and shame. She accidentally killed her son. She unknowingly sabotaged her marriage. She trapped Naruto into a relationship he didn't want and wasn't ready for with Sakura.

Shame made her unable to look this man now in his eyes.

"Ummm…do you need help with your obijime?"

That was clearly not the question that he was going to ask and they both knew it.

"Uhh…."

He didn't wait for her answer. He took the cord and obidome from her hand. He watched him thread the pink shoelace-looking cord through the loops at the back of the tiny mother-of-pearl crescent shaped obidome.

In retrospect, Hinata would assume that they simply got caught up in dusty familiarity. This was routine for them at one point in time. He always threaded the obidome through the obijime and tied it around her obi for her. He'd done it countless times.

Naruto leaned forward and threw his arms around her waist tying the cord around the obi. It was only as he finished tying it that he noticed that she'd gone board stiff. He too froze and he could smell the scent of her hair, of her skin, of her clothes.

He pulled back from her slowly and she stared at him, her eyes wide and moon-like, on the verge of causing a tsunami of tears. He wanted to kiss her so bad!

His hands were still around her waist. She put her hands on his. Things could change in a moment. Things hadn't changed between them, he thought. It was still there.

"It?" She asked quietly and he hadn't realized that he'd said that out loud. He opened his mouth to clarify that he meant the attraction between them, when something caught his attention.

"Someone is here."

She pushed away his hands and looked around his shoulder. There was no one at the door, but he was right. Someone had been there. She had a pretty good idea of who it was too. She ran to the door and looked down the corridor. Her Byakugan activated and she saw him, she saw Sasuke making his way to the Western Gates. She couldn't read his expression. He seemed calm, heart rate normal.

She heard Naruto say,

"Maybe I should…"

"Go?"

She finished and the déjà vu and irony of it all made her feel nauseous. She was such an eternal screw up, she thought. She didn't want to hurt anyone, yet that's all she seemed to be capable of doing.

Naruto walked over to the doorway, but stopped in front of her.

"Hina-chan, we need to talk. I don't know what's going on between you and Sasuke, but we, me and you, we have unfinished business and before you make any decision, we need to sort some things out. I have some things to sort out with Sakura and we have things to discuss and I need to speak to Sasuke as well. There's gonna be a whole lot of talking. Luckily that's my speciality."

Hinata nodded dumbly, not even registering his lame joke. What did he mean that he had to sort things out with Sakura? Did Sasuke see her with Naruto?

Did she throw away something great or was she about to regain something great that was lost? Or was she going to lose the two of the most important men in her life for good?

A/N: Thoughts? Comments? Review please!