He wondered when would be the best time to tell her.
Surely not right after she got home from work. Nor in the morning of a brand new day when she was getting ready. He couldn't possibly tell her when they meet up for lunch. Or really any time at all.
He didn't like confrontation.
In a police setting, sure, that's fine, that's part of the job. But in his personal life? I mean, he let his own wife walk all over him, for Christ's sake. He knew she was having an affair, but she knew he wouldn't confront her about it. He knew he wouldn't confront her about it.
Ever since he was growing up, he didn't like confrontation. He would avoid it whenever possible; he had no authority. Yet when he became a police officer, and it was no longer possible to avoid it, and he had the authority he'd been so desperately lacking, it became easier. On the job, that is. Detective Alec Hardy was very different to real-life Alec Hardy.
He doesn't know exactly when Detective Alec Hardy took precedence, but he assumes it was sometime after Sandbrook. He does, however, know exactly when real-life Alec Hardy came back. It was when he had to tell Ellie that her husband was a murderer.
Detective Alec Hardy had his bouts of weakness (oh, how ironic) sometimes. Real-life Alec Hardy would stealthily win in a sneak attack in those rare moments that Detective Alec Hardy was unguarded. Usually when thinking about his daughter.
And now, his daughter is the reason why he has been pacing the floor in the wee hours of the morning, trying hard not to wake up the other members of the household. Lily was keeping him company but she was tired, bless her little heart. As she lay on the sofa, her eyes flickered between staring at him and being closed, and as time went on the latter won out increasingly so.
He went inside his room to see everything neat and tidy, like no one had ever lived in it. His eyes went to the corner, to the packed luggage, looking like it did at the Traders, and he sighed. Taking one look at this room, it's as if he never lived here at all.
But take a look through the rest of the house, and it's like he's lived here for years. He went back to the living room and took a seat next to Lily, noting the indentation in the sofa that fit his body almost perfectly, and he sat back.
He started looking around the room and saw their (their?) collection of films, alphabetized from one day when Fred was still sleeping, Ellie at work, Tom at school, and he didn't have much to do. He abruptly got up, startling Lily in the process, but she was too exhausted to do anything other than roll over and close her eyes again, and he started walking around the room.
There were scuff marks on the floor that happened one day when Ellie was at work. He had underestimated his strength yet again, and the toy car race he had with Fred ended up in some serious battle scars in the wood. He had managed to hide it from Ellie by moving the sofa just a bit to the left. She still hasn't mentioned it to this day, and he's sure she still doesn't know about it.
He made his way to the kitchen and began making some tea, trying to make as little noise as possible. He noted the burn mark left on the countertop, cleverly concealed by a cutting board. Ellie knew about that one though, in fact, she helped make it. It didn't help that the both of them were almost useless in the kitchen, but he enjoyed getting to share the learning experience with her.
"Ah, I thought I heard a little mouse in here."
Ellie's hands wrapped from behind him to around his middle and he felt her lay her cheek on his back. He twisted around hugged her properly, kissing the top of her head.
"You okay? Why are you up so late?" she asked.
He chuckled into her hair. "I don't sleep, remember?"
"Now we both know that's not true." She pulled away from him. "What's wrong?"
He looked at her with a sad smile, wondering if now was the correct time to tell her, but ultimately he decided against it.
"Tea?"
Ellie stroked his arm gently and then made her way to the sofa. "Sure."
He let out a long breath and braced himself against the countertop.