Dear diary,
Today, when I woke up, reality set in. Everything seems different and it makes much more sense. I thought I was alone. I thought he had lied to me. Today I know I couldn't be more wrong. There is a place in the world where I belong, where I'll never feel empty and lonely. And I know he's still with me, like he promised he would always be.
After realizing that the sound of his voice could only be a trick from her imagination, Elena turned around just to stare at the empty space between her bed and her window. Surprisingly, that space wasn't empty after all. Damon was there, right in front of her. His head was tilted to the right with narrowed eyes, as he was trying to figure her out. Her first impulse was to run towards him and hug him, make sure he knew how much she treasured his life, how happy she was to know he was alive. However, she couldn't free herself to do so.
"Damon…" she said breathlessly.
He smiled and stepped towards her until he reached her. His head lowered and her eyes met his. They stood silently for a second, hearing only each other's breathing rhythm. His was quiet, as if he was finally at peace. Hers was fast paced and uneven. Finally she succumbed. She quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head into his chest. He hugged her back, not so desperately but tightly. Then, his head leaned to the left and met Elena's. Tears formed inside Elena's eyes and started rolling quickly down her face. Damon embraced her more firmly and let out a smile. They needed no words. Just the way they called each other's name conveyed all their nurturing.
Elena woke up tired after a restless night. The room was freezing. Her eyes filled with tears and her body was shivering. She couldn't get herself to move as her mind was set on one thing only: Damon. Once again it felt too real to be just a dream.
It was impossible not to be a little bit disappointed. After yesterday's adventure at the Boarding House, after realizing that her dream might have strong connections with reality, Elena was hoping she would actually be with Damon. She was so sure she felt his arms around her, protecting her once more the way only Damon did. That's when the tears started once again flowing. She missed him. Elena missed Damon terribly. Even though she once thought that dreaming about him, that getting her brain to give her some closure and peace of mind would suffice, Elena now knew how mistaken she had been. Dreaming wasn't enough. Making up lies in her head just to feel less guilty would never be enough. She needed to know for sure. And this thought gave her enough strength to get out of bed. She would never give up on her mission to find the Salvatore brothers.
While getting up she noticed her bedroom window was open. That was strange. Apparently Elena had forgotten to close it last night.
Someone knocked on Elena's bedroom door.
"Come in."
"Hey, Elena. Uh…can we talk, a little?"
"Sure Jenna. What is it?"
Jenna took a seat on Elena's unmade bed, she was trying to let out a timid smile but couldn't help her serious face.
"Do you have any plans for today?"
"No. Not really."
"Ok…" Jenna paused nervously. "I was thinking that the three of us could go have lunch at the Grill and talk a little."
"Of course. That sounds good."
"Great! It's a plan then." Jenna didn't sound as enthusiast as she wished. Elena was observing her as she was getting up moving out of the bedroom."
"Jenna?"
She stopped and turning towards her niece she opened her eyes wider curious for what's to come.
"Are you ok?"
She was surprised by Elena's question. "Yes, I am." And both returned to uncomfortable silence. Jenna was almost out of the door when she turned back to Elena and started ranting what had been shoved deep inside her for too long now.
"The thing is, Elena, are you okay? Because you seem kind of fine to me. I mean, is it weird that you seem to run away from your friends? Yes, it is. Do I expect you to be around me and Jeremy all the time? No, I don't. But I was half expecting you to mourn a little, you know? To call Bonnie and stay in your room. You'd only let her leave to bring you some comfort food and water or tea or whatever. I just…" Jenna was struggling to find the right words. She didn't want to push Elena away, but even if she wasn't one to hover, she couldn't stand still seeing her niece so distant from them. "I'm worried, Elena". There, she said it. Was it the maternal instincts in her kicking in? She had no idea. Jenna would never dare replace her late sister. But she was their aunt, she was now responsible for Elena and Jeremy and she would do her best taking care of them. "You seem so distant. Actually, you look different. You look more independent, more mature. It's strange, really." Jenna and Elena exchanged tender looks. They might be feeling apart, like there's something about them they don't know yet but, despite that, they love each other deeply. "I just want to make sure that you are ok, that you know we are always here for you, that you can count on us. Please don't shut yourself from our lives."
Elena was extremely surprised by this outburst.
"Jenna, I… I'm sorry if I've been neglecting you guys. I didn't mean to. It's just that…" Elena couldn't tell her the truth. It's not that she didn't trust her aunt but it would be too much to tell her the whole dream, especially what happened to Jenna in her unconscious mind. "I feel like a part of me is lacking and I guess I've been trying to find it on my own."
This was a fitting excuse. Jenna expected Elena to mourn her parents' death, so she wouldn't question this answer. Besides, Elena wasn't really lying to her. It was just a little misleading. She could live with that.
Jenna quickly stepped closer to Elena and hugged her firmly.
"I know sweetie. I'm sorry. Let's just go to lunch at the Grill and get our minds off of stuff, ok?"
"Yes, let's do that." Elena smiles as she parted from her aunt and went to get herself ready to go.
In her mind she couldn't stop wondering what last night meant. Was this her mind trying to ease her pain? Trying to get her to feel less guilty of Damon's fate? But wasn't it all just a dream? However, the Boarding House is all real. What does it all mean? Elena is utterly confused.
While straightening her hair, a delicate process that takes its time, Elena tried to imagine how she would react if, instead of Damon, it was Stefan the one to appear in front of her. She didn't know why but she couldn't feel the burning desire to see him, to feel him, to run in his direction like the world had stopped for the both of them. Elena cared for Stefan, but that was it. There was no magnetic field pulling her closer to him. So, being as invested as she is trying to find her two vampires, if she eventually succeeds how will she tell Stefan it's over?
As soon as those words crossed her mind - "Elena and Stefan are over" - the straightening iron fell from her hands. As she tried to quickly pick it up she burned her right wrist. Now it truly felt like the world had just started spinning again. The pain called Elena back to reality and there it was the real and unquestionable proof of a girl who could no longer live in a dreamy fairytale land.
Elena was trying to find solutions for all those "ifs" but, ultimately, she still didn't know whether the Salvatore brothers do exist. Even if they are real, the fact of the matter is that Elena made that whole story up. How stupid of her to think they are indeed in love with her. So, by the end of the day, she might as well enjoy her time with Jeremy, Jenna and all her friends because, even if Stefan and Damon appear, she was the one to dream so they probably wouldn't even know who she is.
Elena was ready and coming down the stairs where Jeremy was waiting for the women of the house.
"Hey sis. So, you agreed to this nonsense?"
"Of course Jer. We are still a family."
"Exactly! No complaints allowed." Jenna shouted on her way to the front door. Elena and Jeremy couldn't resist to laugh at how endearing was to see their super cool aunt trying to be so grown up and parent like.
As they entered the Mystic Grill everyone looked attentively, especially at Elena who had vowed to ignore it all. She came to the conclusion that if she wants to be seen as normal and healthy, she'd have to give them her usual casual behavior.
Jeremy picked a table and they all took their place. The mood was light as they all were trying to relax and forget the drama their lives have turned into.
"Hey guys! Would you like to look at the menu or do you know what you want?"
This voice coming behind Elena took her by surprise. She was petrified. With everything that was going on how could she have forgotten? Jenna was alive, Caroline wasn't a vampire so it's obvious that Vicki was alive as a human too. At first Elena was scared; all her memories of Vicki weren't that great, however, as soon as she realized what it all meant she was thrilled. Matt had his sister still, and Elena was relieved he didn't actually go through the trauma of loosing Vicki.
"Hi Vicki." Elena greeted with a smile.
"Are you feeling better Elena?" Vicki spoke in a weird almost sarcastic tone.
"I am, thank yo-"
"Great. 'Cause my brother isn't."
Vicky immediately walked away. Elena was stunned. Matt had seemed fine yesterday morning when he came for breakfast. Was she missing something? Jenna tried to ignore the incident in order not to worry Elena. Jeremy just laughed as he found somewhat amusing this little episode.
"I'll go order our burguers." He volunteered.
"Don't worry Elena. You know how Vicki has always been a tad inconstant."
"I know, but I was really glad to see her. I guess she doesn't feel the same." Elena shrugged.
"Just ignore her. When her mood improves she'll come around."
Elena didn't really believe that, but she let the subject go.
"So, aunt Jenna, what has happened n Mystic Falls while I wasn't around? Fill me in." Elena smiled. She really enjoyed her little chitchats with Jenna. She was always so much fun and carefree.
"Not much really. There is nobody to meet in this town."
And there it was. Jenna had no idea how much her words hurt Elena. She knew the perfect guy for her beloved aunt. Still, that guy was nothing but a ghost of her dream.
"You never know. There might be someone coming to town."
"I guess." Jenna replied pensive. "Wait a minute! You're agreeing with me. You agree that there are no guys to meet in this stupid town. Oh man, you have always been a sunshine ray of hope and even you agree. I'm doomed, doomed!" They both laughed. It was so good to be this young and cheery.
"I've just ordered our food. You know, Elena, you should probably talk to Matt. You were dating and now you don't even seem to care."
"What?" Elena was stunned at her little brother's harsh words.
"I asked Vicki what that was all about and apparently Matt is still kind of down. When he was with me at the hospital he was always so serious. But, you know, Matt isn't a laidback kind of guy so I didn't make much of it. I know he was worried and all but guys don't chat that much about those issues, you know? But I guess he has been really depressed and as last I checked you guys were dating I'm just saying that you should probably talk to him."
"Oh… yeah, you're right. I'll talk to him soon."
The conversation topic changed. The three of them had a good time being their usual goof selves. Elena was glad Jeremy didn't turn as she imagined in her dream. He was sweet, innocent and caring, but everyone has a darker side and Elena feared that at a time like this, with their parents gone, the pain would take over and he would succumb. Fortunately she was wrong. And this time together made her realize how she underestimates her little brother.
As they were finishing their dessert, Bonnie and Caroline entered the Grill and spotted them. Bonnie looked exhausted and Caroline was carrying what seemed a whole mall in bag forms.
"Hey guys!" Caroline approached the Gilberts in her adorable manner. "Elena, I'm so happy to see you."
"Likewise Care." Elena smiles patiently.
"So, do you have any more of your mysterious plans for tonight?"
"Nope. I'm all free."
Elena could see Bonnie's body relax in relief.
"Not anymore! You are coming to my house for a sleepover. You, me and Bonnie are having a girl's night just like in the old days. Ok?"
"Can I really refuse?" Elena said defiantly.
"Obviously not!"
"But I have the power to not authorize it, right?" Jenna joined the fun.
"Oh Jenna, please. You would never be that cruel."
"She knows us too well." Jenna said to Elena as they both laughed amused at Caroline's leading ways.
"So, Bonnie and I are going in order to prepare our theme."
"Wait, there's a theme?" Elena asked genuinely surprise.
"Of course! It's our first night together since you've woken up. It needs to be special and grand."
"And what's the theme?" Jenna inquired.
"It's a "one thousand and one nights" extravaganza! Don't take long Elena."
Bonnie could barely give her friend a "see you soon" wave as Caroline was already out of the door.
After paying their bill the three of them went back to the Gilbert house. Elena had to pack some cute PJ's and she wanted to bring some snacks. Jelly beans and ice-cream weren't that exotic for tonight's theme but she figured nobody would really care. Candy is always welcome.
After getting everything ready, Elena drove to Caroline's. The sun was already setting in as the day went by so fast. She was definitely feeling good for taking the time to appreciate her friends and family.
As she arrived Caroline was at the door receiving two large pizzas.
"You've finally arrived Elena."
"I'm here!"
"What took you so long?" Elena was going to answer her but she quickly moved on to more important matters. "Never mind. Isn't that guy cute?" She asked while closing the door.
"I couldn't really take a good look on him."
"Have I taught you nothing?" Caroline said exasperatedly. "You should always check up guys and, if a friend of yours is talking to one, you should check him up in excruciating detail."
Elena laughed and Caroline smiles at her friend. It's obvious that Caroline is over the top and dramatic. But sometimes she can make fun of herself too for the way she is. These are rare occasions but they do occur. The best thing to do is just to laugh it off and embrace such opportunities.
"Where is Bonnie?" Elena asked.
"She's getting my room, I'm sorry, our room properly themed."
Elena was scared about this. She quickly went to Caroline's room and she was in awe. The room had been reorganized so that there was plenty of space. There were huge comfy pillows laid all around the floor as well as tons of blankets. On top of the lampshades there were colored sheer fabrics to give it a more exotic mood. Everything was over the top but Elena couldn't resist it all.
"Bonnie, you out did yourself."
"Well, you know, who can go against Caroline's ideas?"
The two best friends hugged.
"I've missed you, you know? It's nice to have you back."
"It's nice to be back." Elena answered with a big smile.
"Let's stop with all the cheesiness. The pizzas are here so girls, go put on your PJ's and let's get this party started."
Even thought this night might turn out to be more exhausting than relaxing, Elena was now happy about it. Caroline always worked hard on everything; she would never let anything ruin her party. In fact, she worked so hard that usually it all ended up being about her and tonight Elena didn't mind this at all. In fact, she was in need of a full Caroline Forbes' party. For this time she wouldn't think about her vampire filled world.
I came to the conclusion that I'm completely stupid. I've been trying to live my new life separating my two worlds: the real one and the dream one. The truth is, I have no idea if I can have both. I'm trying to, hard, but in the meantime I've learned to accept that they can coexist. I don't need to separate them like it's impossible to have both. It's obvious that there will be time in which I'll feel lonely, because the reality is my parents aren't here, I was at that accident and everything has changed. So I'm allowed to have my moments. But, at the same time, I lived for almost a year in this supernatural world where I came to understand that life isn't as easy and defined as I thought. There is good and there is bad, however, the beauty of it all is that, somewhere in between of those, there is reality. I'm finding it now in this second chance I've gotten to live life, to be with everyone I love, and to be my true self.
Author's Note: I'm really sorry this chapter took longer than I anticipated. But the next one will come soon :) I know many of you are eagerly waiting for Damon's appearance. It's almost upon us, I can promise you that. Right now I have a very defined story arc so I'm getting there. I just really want Elena to understand everything this experience is allowing her. She has been through so much and, before embarking on another adventure, she has to deal with everything that happened. Please don't get discouraged as this is, in fact, a DE story. As usual, thank you to Anya because without her this story would never be possible.