Dear diary,

It may sound weird, but I'm feeling more grown up. I look back at my dream and I don't really recognize the girl I was. It's as if that girl is the darkest side of me. I've lost a lot. At times I doubt if I can ever live freely again. However, I feel I've gained a lot as well…

The pizza boxes were open with half eaten pizzas. Caroline clearly ordered more than she needed but this was a true girl's night. There was no time to worry about too many carbs.

They had everything they might need nearby. They could paint nails and do facials but instead Caroline started off the night with her impromptu self.

"So, if this is a 'One thousand and one nights' kind of party we have to tell stories."

"I thought we were just hanging. I have nothing much to tell." replied Bonnie begging Caroline to just chill.

"Well, you both have a lot to tell me. After all, I missed the last few months. Please, update me." Elena said quickly.

"No missy, I believe it is you who has a lot to tell us."

"W-what?" Elena was startled by Caroline's comment.

"I mean, what did you dream while you were… you know, asleep" Caroline hesitantly looked Elena in the eyes. She knew she was walking on thin ice but she couldn't restrain herself. She had to know. The curiosity was killing her.

Elena, on the other hand, was surprised that she was being asked directly about her coma for the first time. Nevertheless, she didn't feel comfortable enough to tell them about her precious dream.

"I'm sorry Caroline, I don't feel like talking about that."

"Care, leave her alone. It's none of our business."

Bonnie tried to help Elena, she noticed how uncomfortable she was. However, Caroline was too stubborn and determined to get her way, as always. So she kept insisting.

"Come on Elena. We tell each other everything since we were like…babies! Why are you stopping now?"

"It's too personal." Elena shrugged her shoulders, this clearly wasn't enough to convince Caroline to let the subject go, so she continued, "it's too weird."

"That's the fun part!" replied Caroline cheerfully.

Bonnie exchanged a look with Elena that clearly meant she had to spill the beans. Elena was really upset about all this. This night was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to help her forget about her little supernatural world. It was supposed to make her forget the Salvatore brothers. This night was clearly turning into a tremendous failure.

"Ok, alright, but you guys have to promise not to tell anyone!"

She knew that she wouldn't be able to change Caroline's mind which meant she might as well start talking. Both Bonnie and Caroline's bodies stiffened at the prospect of what was coming. They sealed their lips giving Elena the assurance that this story was not leaving this room. As Elena straightened herself, the girls picked a more comfortable position in their pool of pillows. Their eyes were wide open expecting attentively the words to come.

"Well, I had this super vivid dream. It all felt too real to just be a simple dream. These two brothers, the Salvatores, came to Mystic Falls. You know the old boarding house?"

"Oh my god! Yes, that place is huge. People say it's haunted."

"What? Caroline, come on…" intervened Bonnie.

"Didn't you know? They say that a curse surrounds the Salvatore family. A lot of Salvatores have died under suspicious circumstances. The story goes that the ghost of one of them haunts the place. That's why nobody lives there. The remaining Salvatore family members avoid that place and this town. The boarding house remains closed because nobody wants to stay there."

"Seriously, where do you get this stuff, Care?"

"Around town… I like talking to people, you know?"

"Wait, are you sure about that? Zach lives there." Elena asked hopeful.

"Sure. Zach Salvatore comes here from time to time. They are one of the founding families, so he pops up sporadically just to check up on things."

In spite of the fact that her family was also one of the founding families, Elena never dealt with any of the meetings stuff. That was her parents' responsibility. She and Jeremy were too young to get involved in it all. Contrary to Caroline, she didn't care that much about the council.

"I had no idea about that."

"Well, you do now. But, carry on. Are the Salvatores in your dream hot? 'Cause Zach is not that memorable." she asked with a suggestive smile.

"As a matter of fact, yes, they were so hot" replied Elena giggling. This was the perfect queue to start this conversation. The mood was now lighter and talking about guys is the perfect topic for any girls' night.

"Do tell!"

"Well, the younger was Stefan. He was about our age and his body looked like a sculpture, super defined and strong. The older was Damon, Damon Salvatore" Elena let out a sight while pronouncing his name but quickly picked herself up hoping that the girls hadn't noticed the change in her voice, "he is older, maybe in his mid twenties. He was tall, had the darkest hair and the bluest eyes. His body didn't look like such a rock and perfection as Stefan's. But it looked smoother, more inviting."

"Oh my God!" Caroline yelled taking the girls by surprise.

"What?" Elena asked worried.

"You have the biggest crush on that Damon Salvatore. Just the way you pronounced his name, like, his full name."

"I've got to back her up on this one." Bonnie said with a resigning look.

Elena was busted. They noticed and she couldn't avoid it. She could not believe the way she talked about Damon, the way she was constantly thinking about him. However, she had to defend herself.

"Well, in my dream, I was Stefan's girlfriend."

Bonnie and Caroline were surprised. She practically didn't talk Stefan over. They wanted to know more, they wanted to know all of it. But Elena had yet to tell them the most important detail.

"The surprising part of this world I lived in is that…people weren't exactly human."

"What do you mean?" asked Bonnie cautiously.

"Stefan and Damon were vampires."

The girls were surprised and tried not to laugh but, despite their effort, Caroline couldn't avoid a snarky comment.

"You read too much twilight."

Elena rolled her eyes at her comment. If she was to be mocked, she wouldn't go on with the confession.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to discourage you. I'm honestly curious, please continue." Caroline quickly stated.

"At the beginning I didn't know about their supernatural nature. I fell for Stefan instantly and I only met his brother later. Damon was mysterious and different. Stefan was always polite and correct. Anyway, this town was all creepy and weird. You, Bonnie, were a witch, and Caroline started human but somewhere along the way she got turned into a vampire as well. Tyler was a werewolf that eventually became a hybrid, a mixture between a werewolf and a vampire. There were villains coming to hurt us. Let's just say I went through some pretty dangerous adventures."

"And what about you? Were you different too?" asked Bonnie. She and Caroline couldn't even process all these information but they couldn't let it transpire. They wanted to know more.

"Well, not exactly. I mean, I wasn't immortal or super strong. I was adopted and my biological mother came from a lineage that from time to time would pop up a doppelganger. And our blood was special and precious. That is mostly why I was constantly in danger and evil came into this town."

They talked all night. Elena had a full year of adventures to tell. It was all so different and bizarre that she was flooded with questions. However, in the middle of all this macabre stuff, Elena felt relived. She had her friends back, safe and sound. After all, the bad stuff never happened and that was a huge plus. Besides, they were truly interested in her unlike dream.

The girls talked through almost the entire night and eventually they succumbed to the tiredness and fell asleep.

When the morning came, Elena woke up feeling much more relaxed. She had been in this new reality for a few days now and she was learning to deal with both her experiences. Knowing that, after such long months, her friends are still with her, and they are just like they were before, it's very reassuring. She couldn't help but wonder if it would be possible to keep the best of both worlds? On one hand, nobody was hurt and everyone was still human. On the other hand, if she's able to find the Salvatores, will things go as expected? Could she really have it all? It was a long shot, of course, but Elena would never give up hope.

Caroline came out of the bathroom looking already ready and perfect to start off her day.

"Elena! You're awake."

Elena jumped at the sound of Caroline's voice, always full of energy and excitement.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did." Elena said with a smile.

"Great! Now get up and get ready because we're going for waffles at the Grill."

Elena got up and noticed Bonnie was still asleep. She looked so peaceful. Elena remembered how her friend was prone to having nightmares. Fortunately it was no longer true.

Bonnie had gone through so much, as well. She had lost the most important members of her family. The hard part was that those losses were to keep Elena safe. It has an extremely heavy burden for Elena to carry. Nevertheless, that devotion, the love Bonnie must have for her, was something extraordinarily amazing.

Elena smiled for the few seconds she stood there, observing her best friend. There could come a thousand Salvatore brothers plus original vampires galore, but the bond the two girls shared was too strong for anyone to break. Of course they'd have their disagreements as it's only natural; as natural as the sisterhood uniting them.

The mood was light and the girls were constantly smiling and laughing. When they arrived at the Grill, they quickly chose a table and settled. Just yesterday, when Elena came here with her aunt and brother, everyone stopped to look at them, especially at her. This time it was different. The dynamic of the girls together sparked a new energy. It just felt right, real and ordinary. Elena felt comfortable. Everything in Mystic Falls was falling into place, just like it used to be.

"So, what do you girls want to eat?"

That voice again. Elena stiffened in her seat.

"Hi to you too, Vicky." Caroline quickly responded. "We'd like to order waffles."

"Sure thing."

Just when Vicky left Caroline asked bitterly, "What was that? Vicky is so rude, God!"

"It's probably because of me." Elena answered.

"Because of you?"

"I haven't talked to Matt yet."

Bonnie and Caroline stayed quiet just looking at Elena waiting for her to properly elaborate. Elena lowers her eyes and focus on the table, her voice lowers as well as she is almost whispering.

"I forgot I still had to breakup with him."

Her friends exchanged worried looks.

"In my dream we were already done with that. We were friends and it was nice. I didn't realize that in reality that hadn't actually happened."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Elena" Bonnie quickly said while grasping for Elena's hand. "You have been through so much, it's understandable that you're still figuring things out."

"But Matt has been waiting for me, hasn't he?"

Nobody answered. Both girls knew about the nights he'd spent in hospital by Elena's bed. He'd always take care of her, protect her. He would never turn his back on her. But they also understood where Elena was coming from. She couldn't be held accountable. She was in a terrible accident and she had a slow and difficult recovery. All Bonnie and Caroline could do was to be there for both her friends.

"Oh God…" it was as if Elena could read their minds "I have to talk with him, soon."

"Elena," Bonnie started, "don't listen to her. You know how Vicki is."

"I know, but she's right. I feel bad that I didn't think about him."

Bonnie knew how Elena felt about Matt before the accident. She knew her friend didn't want to hurt him and that was both the reason she couldn't break up with him or keep faking a love that wasn't there anymore.

"So, you're breaking up with Matt?" asked Caroline in a tone almost angry.

"Yes, I have to."

"You have to?"

"I can't keep stringing him along Caroline."

Bonnie smiled. She understood perfectly. Caroline, on the other hand, couldn't really decide what her thoughts on the matter were. So she quickly changed the subject and the weirdness in the hair somehow dissipated.

The girls enjoyed their brunch until it was time for Elena to go. Today was her first session with Dr. Rose since she had left the hospital. Elena wasn't looking forward to this moment but, at the same time, she felt this need to talk to someone. Even if there's no one who can completely understand and relate to her, she still found some comfort in talking to someone who, at least, wouldn't judge her. Elena was coming back to life slowly but steadily. She wouldn't be looking at the glass half empty. If this is what she has to go through, she will. And Elena will never give hope on the thought that, somewhere along the way, her Salvatore will appear. She's certain, even if at times she might break. She knows he would never leave her.

"Hello Elena, how are you today?"

Just as Elena sit down Dr. Rose promptly began.

"I'm fine, thank you." Elena couldn't help feeling weird, "And you?"

"I'm fine too, thanks." Rose smiled at Elena's attempt at being casual. "How were these days facing the world again?"

"I had my moments."

Dr. Rose raised her head from her notebook waiting for Elena to continue.

"It was hard at the beginning, but I'm assuming you've predicted that as soon as I left the hospital."

"Life is hard Elena. No matter our mind's state. What matters is how you face it, what you do to live through it."

There was something amazing about this doctor. Elena would always show up at her door feeling bad and stupid for needing to be there. It was always somewhat strange opening up to someone who doesn't know her. Despite Elena being open minded about it, the truth is the weirdness would always be there. The interesting thing was how in a matter of minutes Rose made her feel so comfortable. She was glad for her doctor's approach, which gave her enough strength and space to be herself, without filters.

Elena relaxed and started again, "The best thing has been being around my brother and my aunt. It feels great to have a family again."

"In your dream, were they dead?"

"Not at first. But because of me Jenna ended up dying and Jeremy's life was always in danger."

"Elena," Dr. Rose started as Elena looked at her attentively. The tone in her voice sounded so serious it was even scary. "Your parents' death is not your fault."

Elena froze.

"It was an accident, a terrible and unfortunate accident. Accidents happen. They are part of life's complications and messiness. It's hard dealing with such a thing, especially since you were there. I know you feel involved. But you did nothing to provoke it. Most of the time there is no explanation to why accidents happen, they just do. You have to value yourself more. You're not a bad luck charm. Your parents would be beyond happy to know you survived, that's all they wanted. All a parent wants is to give live, to provide life. You're here being able to live. Just do. You won't bring more death to your loved ones."

Elena couldn't stop the flow of tears coming down from her eyes. It was so hard not feeling guilty.

"But I called them. If I hadn't, they'd be here. There wouldn't have been an accident. How can you say it's not my fault?"

"Because you were just living your life. You ditched a family dinner, like any teenager does, to go to a party and hang with your friends. You did nothing more Elena."

"If I at least hadn't fought with Matt-"

"Will you keep basing your existence on 'ifs' and 'whatnots'? That's not living, that's surviving. You're not dead Elena, you're not one of those supernatural beings of your dream. You are a human girl who has lost a lot, but who also still has a lot more."

Elena cried without being able to stop. She understood what her doctor was telling her. She really did. There were just a lot of feelings shoved deep inside her.

"I'm sorry…"

"For what, Elena?"

This question woke Elena up. Suddenly she felt some life coming to her. This kind of reaction, the phrasing, the words and the emphasis, it reminded her of Damon. That was something he would say to her. He'd never ignore her feelings but he also wouldn't overvalue them. He knew exactly how to deal and how to make her feel better.

In a calmer manner Elena answered, "For being so childish."

"You're not childish. No matter how old we are, our parents are always important. Just like they look at us as if we're still babies, we also look at them as the caring shelter they are. You just have to accept life as it is and take for yourself the best it has to offer."

Elena smiled. She knew exactly what she had to do. Life was just beginning to her. Not the same old life but a new one, a different life where two completely different worlds were starting to align and co-exist.

I don't believe I can ever behave the same way as in my dream. I'm not looking for the same things anymore. Something shifted inside of me, like high school life is too small now. It doesn't fulfill me. I want more. I want to see the world without restraints and judgments.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the long time it took me to update this story. Life has gotten in the way and messed up my schedule. Once more I want to thank Anya from the bottom of my heart. She's the best! She keeps reviewing this story and she gives me tons of confidence. I cannot thank you all enough as well because you've been so supportive of this story. Thank you! Keep reviewing and feel free to contact me. :)