Author's Notes: I thought it would be fun to throw the Voltron Force into a situation where they had to rely on tech support. Of course, we all know that nothing good would come of it. Enjoy.
Tech Support
By Kiethblacklion
The alarms rang throughout Castle Control. "A robeast is attacking Arus. You must stop it," Coran said.
"We're on it," Keith stated. "Let's go team!"
The control panel rose up from the floor to reveal the lion launch tubes. The Voltron Force entered their launch tubes and made their way to their respective lions.
"Ok guys, insert lion keys," Keith ordered.
"Keys set!" the team replied.
The black lion started up; its eyes glowed and its roar spread across the land. The control console came to life, the glow of the panel lights illuminating the cockpit. The main screen flashed to life, displaying the beautiful Arusian landscape.
"Let's teach that robeast a lesson," Keith said.
Keith grabbed the controls. Suddenly, the main view screen blinked off then blinked back on. An error message onto the screen: You have performed an illegal operation, you dumb ass. Please contact tech support for further assistance…sucker.
"What the hell?" Keith scratched his head.
He tried several things; moving the controls, pressing buttons, and even swearing. The screen remained an irritating shade of blue with the error message taunting Keith with its mere presence.
Keith sighed. "Damn windows 3000."
Keith picked up the phone built into the control console and dialed tech support. After waiting five minutes, he heard a voice on the other end.
An automated message played over the headset. "Thank for calling Lion Tech Support. If this is a hardware problem, please press 1. If this is a software problem, please press 2. If you have no idea what kind of problem it is, please press 3. If you want these directions in Spanish, please press 4."
Keith pressed choice #3.
There was a beep and a new automated message played. "If this is a control panel problem, please press 1. If this is a power seat or power windows problem, please press 2. If this is a power generator problem, please press 3. If this is a lion sword problem, please press 4. If this is a crest shield problem, please press 5. If this is a…if this…excuse me." The voice stopped long enough to clear his throat and get a drink of water. "Ok…now where was I?"
"You just finished choice number 5," Keith answered.
"Thanks," said the automated teller. "If this is a main viewer problem, please press 6. If this is a blazing sword problem, please call your personal physician."
Keith pressed choice #6.
The automated teller began yet another message. "If there is no image displayed, please press 1. If your main viewer constantly turns itself on and off, please press 2. If your main viewer is possessed, please press 3. If you have pictures of scantily clad women engaged in lewd and inappropriately compromising positions constantly moving across your screen, please press 4. If your main viewer displays the blue screen of death, please press 5."
Keith pressed choice #5.
The automated teller started laughing. "Boy, are you ever screwed."
"Hey! Are you going to help me out here or not?" Keith yelled into the phone.
The automated teller calmed his laughter down. "Ok ok...sorry. Anyway, a qualified tech support specialist will be with you shortly."
"Thank you." Keith could hear the faint chuckling as the automated teller switched Keith to another line.
Slow and annoying elevator music played into the phone for ten minutes. Keith started to drift off to sleep when a voice traveled through the phone and woke him up.
The qualified tech support person was chewing gum very loudly. "Thank you for calling Lion Tech Support. To ensure the highest quality customer service this call will be monitored. My name is Bambi. How can I help you today?"
"It's about time," Keith huffed. "I have an error message on my screen and the whole thing is blue. I've tried getting rid of it but nothing is responding."
"Is your lion turned on?" Bambi asked.
Keith blinked. "Yes…"
"Is your lion key inserted into the lion key slot?" Bambi asked as she popped her gum.
"Yes…how else would the lion be turned on?" Keith replied.
Bambi ignored Keith's reply. "Did you check to see that your lion key is inserted properly?"
"What the…? Of course it is. Did you not hear me the first time? The lion is on, so the key is inserted properly."
"Did you check to see if your main viewer cable is plugged in?" Bambi asked.
Keith was quite annoyed. "Listen to me, you Barbie doll reject. Everything is plugged in, inserted properly and turned on. There was an illegal operation in the software and now there is a blue screen filling up my main viewer. How do I fix it?"
"I'm sorry but I cannot help you with that," Bambi told him.
"Say what?"
"That is a Windows 3000 error. Only an authorized Windows 3000 representative can help you with that. Please contact your local Arusoft Customer Service Representative. Thank you and have a wonderful day."
"Why you stupid little…don't you hang up on me!" Keith yelled.
"Have a nice day, sir." Bambi proceeded to hang up.
Keith sat there with his mouth open for several seconds before putting the phone down. In a sudden and uncontrollable burst, Keith banged his head against the control console. The main viewer blinked off then blinked back on. The view screen was now operating like normal.
On the screen Keith saw the other pilots defeat the robeast without him.
Keith hung his head. "Sonofabitch."