Product Placement

By aightaight2

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Old Osmond, Headmaster of the Tristain Academy of Magic, peered closely at the object in front of him. It was a large chair, one that would make a good match with the equally large desk in his office at the Academy. In his time travelling through Halkegenia he had come to know such furniture well - from the lowest prison to the most opulent palace, big furniture was a symbol of a person with big responsibilities.

Fortunately, big desks also provided plenty of room for books and scrolls.

Unfortunately, they also tended to attract paperwork. And decisions. The bigger the desk, the greater the import of the decisions that came with it.

In the end, though, the Desk was the lesser of the two pieces of furniture. Decisions, paperwork and books could cross its path all day long, and so long as it didn't collapse, no one would ever notice it. Flat, sturdy, and subdued in color, those were the right qualities for a Big Desk.

The chair, however... chairs were a much different prospect. Too small, and people wouldn't realize how important you were. Too big, and the brim of your hat would flatten uncomfortably against the back of your head every time you leaned back. Not to mention the importance of the seat being at the right height – dangling legs and knees-about-the-ears were both so... undignified. The most important quality, however, was neither height nor size.

A big desk inevitably attracted paperwork, but a big chair inevitably attracted a posterior. In this case, his posterior.

He sat down upon the chair, testing it for both springiness and give.

Yes, the key to a great chair wasn't its shape or form, it was how comfortable it was to sit upon. He hid his sigh of pleasure as he settled down into the contoured leather, as well as his amazement as the chair tipped slightly backwards as he shifted his weight into a more relaxed posture.

He couldn't, however, keep the surprise from his face when a tap of his foot sent the chair twirling around its axis – once... twice. . . thrice before it stopped.

Yes, he thought, if I ever decide to run a competition for office furniture, this would be a definite contender for First Prize in the Old Osmond 'Big-Chair' Awards.

"What do you think?" asked the ashen-skinned Spriggan who had helped deliver the chair for his inspection.

"It's a very nice chair," he offered after a further moment of introspection. "Symmetrical – and of a pleasing color. Comfortable, too. I like that in a chair."

"It's a prototype, one of the first items produced by the TRIST Domestic Products Division," the Spriggan, Kirito by name, began the Faeries' pitch. "I'll let my colleague explain."

The large gnome standing at Kirito's side took up the tale.

"Office chairs have always been a big deal back in our homeland. Many of us worked at a desk all day, and if the chair wasn't fully adjustable... well, let's just say that even the cheapest ones came with a full swivel and adjustable height. All we needed was some Leprechaun know-how, an Earth-mage to shape the metal fittings, and for the Deluxe edition here, leather from an ALfheim Boxtail Bovine and down from an Archeopterror. Even in our world padding this comfortable would be tough to come by."

An old hand in the bargaining game, Old Osmond knew that the more he heard, the greater the likelihood that he would be snowed under by the words. Best to cut to the chase before he needed a shovel to remove the hyperbole.

"One does not get as Old as Old Osmond without being able to judge quality," he opined. This was nothing but the truth, at least when it came to chairs. Old Osmond's posterior had certainly sat upon so many chairs over the years that by now it could be considered an expert judge in its own right.

"What price are you asking?" he queried, stroking his long white beard as if deep in thought. A chair this good was worth a great deal to him, but a canny bargainer never gave away too much at the start of the deal.

"As with everything, the price is determined by supply and demand. Supply is limited by our start-up capacity, and as for demand... that's where you we'd like your assistance."

"Oh?" he asked, raising an eyebrow to display his interest.

"Yes. We know that you're a busy man. In any given week, I am certain that you would meet with many people, people from important families."

"You refer, of course, to my Students?"

"Not just your students. Parents, ambassadors, researchers... nobles of high pedigree and advisers to the Crown. Many throughout Halkegenia know of Old Osmond, Headmaster of the Continent's foremost Magic Academy. A man with a reputation such as yours – surely people of note and worth seek you out for your wise counsel?"

Osmond found himself nodded in agreement. That was the side of his reputation that most knew, though his assistant Miss Longueville might portray him somewhat differently.

"We're prepared to give you this prototype for free. In return, however, we would like you to do two little things. First, leave a few of these pamphlets out on your sideboard," said Agil, pulling out a stack of thin, printed sheets.

"They're called 'catalogues' – listings of new products being offered by our Domestic Products Division. Use them as coasters for all we care, just try to make sure that each of your important visitors gets one in their hands. Of course, if anyone comments on your new chair, feel free to give them a pamphlet directly."

Aha! he thought. Old Osmond was no one's fool, and one of the first topics he had researched at Arrun Central Library was Fae economics. So this was what the Chapter on marketing meant by 'Product Placement'. Being involved in such a deal was quite different from simply reading about the term. Such advertising was worth an enormous amount to any new business... that chair is mighty comfortable though...

"And the second 'little thing'?"

"Ah," said Kirito, taking the lead once more. "It won't take much effort on your part, we'd just like a little help setting up a small joke on another of our colleagues. We do, after all, know of your other reputation..."

This time, both of Old Osmond's brows rose. The old folk tales from Albion made frequent mention of the trickster nature of the Fae, and it seemed that these Fae had a similar streak. The opportunity to be in on a Fae prank would almost certainly be an amusing diversion...

"Please, tell me more."

"Back in the world before ALfheim, some of us joined another Illusion known as Aincrad. Within that world was a player known as Argo the Rat, so named for her rat-like whiskers. She was mostly known for her dealings in information, but she also enjoyed playing tricks on fine, upstanding people. People like Agil and myself, actually. Fortunately she was also a participant in ALfheim. I believe you may have met her – in this world, she is known as Argo the Cat..."

Leaning back in his most-comfortable chair, Old Osmond had to stifle his chuckle as the plan was laid out before him. He was beginning to feel quite good about the 'price' that that Faeries were asking him to pay.

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[Author's Note – aightaight2]

Ahh, the Domestic Products Division. Surely the most vital TRIST Department when it comes to developing marketable products. I suspect that TRIST will very quickly be linked with another nascent Faerie Company tasked with turning R&D prototypes into a viable product line. I hereby propose the formation of the National Faerie Trading Company, 'NFT' for short. Slogan - "NFT products are Nifty!"