A/N: Hello my children! Long time no speak! Well here is the latest (and maybe greatest?) chapter from yours truly. A little announcement that I'm kind of ashamed to post but hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do-I've been nominated by a couple people for a Profiler's Choice Award for this story. If any of you would be willing to fill out the ballot, it truly takes less than ten minutes (I filled out my own and nominated a few of my favorites for some awards) and it would mean the absolute world to me. The best category that I believe this story fits into is "OC-Driven", because Isabel truly is the focus. This story means so much to me, and the message behind it (that childhood cancer is a very, very real issue that kills thousands of children each year) is incredibly important. There's a link in my bio to the rules, and if I make it to the final ballot for any category I am going to cry and I'm going to thank and reward and spoil you guys to death. I'm coming off Thanksgiving break, so that sadly means no more updates for now (especially since I have finals the week of December 8th) BUT I have a month long break starting on the 12th, so expect lots more to come in just two week's time! Okay, I'm done I promise, enjoy!

Disclaimer: does anyone on fanfic even own these shows? Like this is a real question soooooo

Isabel was at home for the next few days, and one morning she woke up feeling better than normal, so she got out of bed without anyone's knowledge, grabbed a change of clothes, and made her way to the bathroom she shared with her brother.

As she turned on the light and glanced in the mirror, she took a moment to observe her appearance. She had finally started to see what her mother had been saying about her weight loss-her eyes had sunken in slightly, with purplish discoloration forming under them. She could fit her small hands all the way around the majority of the lengths of her arms, and more than just her ribs were visible. She especially noticed the increasing space between her legs when she walked around the house or the hospital each day. Her mind went to the family portrait that sat on her dresser that she walked past every single night she spent at home; it had been taken just six months ago, and Isabel was the spitting image of a perfect combination of her parents. Her near-black hair was long, thick, and shiny like her mother's, her skin had been nearly as tan as her father's, and her eyes shined the same bright blue as both her parents, but the purple shirt she was wearing in the photo brought out the violet tones in her pupils-another trait she had gotten from JJ. Isabel remembered always wondering why she didn't have the same blonde hair as her brother and mother, and how she always envied the way it made their pale skin seem less ghostly and how it appeared almost gold in the sunlight. Now, she missed her dark mane and wished she had never felt so negatively towards it. Isabel had never thought she was particularly pretty-at least not like her mom-but she had always known she was at least fairly good looking and was one of the better looking girls in her class. However as she stood looking in that mirror, she realized how much she did look like her mother and that she was beautiful, especially in comparison to the beast that she barely recognized that was staring back at her.

'I'm as ugly as my disease.'

She sighed out of defeat, deciding to just spend the day indoors playing with Sam.

'So much for taking Lucy for a walk around the block.'

She tugged her clothes on-ignoring the soreness of her now bruised muscles (they were always there and she had given up on them ever healing anytime soon)-and grabbed her plain white scarf and fitted it on her head, then proceeded to make her way downstairs.

Xx

It was one of JJ's days to be home with her daughter, and she had been awake for a couple hours before she heard the twelve year old's uneven steps making their way down the wooden staircase,

"Good morning sleepyhead! It's a beautiful day out, isn't it?"

Isabel trudged into the living room, a defeated look on her face as she made eye contact with JJ,

"Yeah, I guess."

JJ's eyes filled with concern as she gave her daughter a once-over, observing that she was fully dressed to go outside,

"Do you want to go out for a few hours? Your brother went out to play on the swing set about half an hour ago, he's probably waiting for you so you guys can go play with Lucy."

At the sound of her name, the young Beagle came trotting into the room, getting up on her hind legs and giving Isabel a few affectionate licks on the hand.

"I kind of did when I woke up, I mean I'm feeling pretty good…but then I looked, and I mean really looked at myself in the mirror and decided I should probably just stay inside and play with Sam or something."

JJ felt the hole in her heart grow painful yet again at her daughter's words,

"Sweetie, I-"

"Mommy, please don't start. I know I know, you think I'm beautiful no matter what I look like, but I'm just as ugly as this freaking disease. I'm too skinny, I have no hair, my skin is covered in bruises, and my eyes are almost grey-you can't even tell that they're blue anymore. I'm sick of this, I just wish I looked like me again and that I didn't have to lose my hair or puke until I lost twenty pounds or look like a god damn ghost all because of the fact that I have cancer! I'm sick…of being sick! I just wish we could go back in time or stop it or that it would all just end now! I want to be healthy or dead, I hate this whole in-between crap. Besides, do we even know that I'm going to get better? Because I hear the older kids sometimes, and I know that treatment doesn't always work-no matter how hard the doctors try or what they do. You know for pretty much my whole life I wished I looked like you, but now that I look like an emaciated purple ghost I realize that old me did look like you and now I just want to look like old me! I want everything back, my hair, my eyes, my skin, and my stupid muscles! Hell, I even want my fat back! I want to play soccer and go to the pool and I want to be able to go back to school in September and I wish we weren't constantly scared that any second I'm going to bleed out or get an infection or just randomly drop dead! Mom I'm sick of it and I don't want to do it anymore, I just can't. I mean physically I can but mentally I can't take this damn disease anymore!"

Isabel had frustrated tears forming in her eyes, and JJ was using all her will to not break down. The blonde cleared her throat and opened her arms, inviting her child to crawl into her lap,

"You know bunny rabbit I can say everything right and I can follow all the instructions but you and I both know that nothing is going to change how either of us feel. You're right about us being scared, and I'm angry that you had to be the one who has to fight this battle too-but you're always going to be angrier, and I'm never going to understand how it feels or what you're going through. You are perfect because you are strong and you are determined and more stubborn than your father and I combined, but you feel yourself breaking, and this is where I'm supposed to tell you not to give up because I don't want you to but you know what? That's selfish, and it's not the truth. The truth Isabel is that you have to take this anger that you have in your heart and you need to turn it into motivation because as much as I can say the right words I can't do it for you. What makes a person beautiful is not what their skin or their hair or their face looks like, but their heart. I know you'll never believe me but for the longest time I hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror because of the things I had done. Now that I look back I understand that they were just mistakes and that part of my life is over, so that's what you need to think about, that this is just a part of your life, and sooner rather than later, it's going to be over. Time will pass and soon you'll start liking what you see in the mirror again."

JJ made eye contact with her daughter, relieved that she had stopped crying (but now felt tears forming in her own eyes), and planted a kiss on her nose.

"I can't promise you anything other than the fact that I'm never going to stop loving you and that I'm always going to support you-no matter what. You're my bunny rabbit and whatever you choose, I'm going to back you up because the only one who knows you to the core is you. So dry your tears and keep that beautiful head of yours up, because we're going to get through this, okay?"

Isabel nodded and gave a small smile, then reached up and kissed her mother on the cheek.

They were interrupted by a small mewling sound, and sure enough Sam walked in and made his way over to JJ's legs, rubbing against them and purring as he did. The two giggled,

"I think he heard us mention Lucy and decided it was his day for some attention." JJ commented, reaching down and scratching the soft kitten on his back.