Given our ages we really ought to have more sense. Ivo and I were in the midst of a foot war that would rival all foot-wars until the end of time. He always did have freakishly pointed toes and his nails stabbed at me now through our socked feet. I could feel Mum's eyes diverting from the 'guests'. Hers, not ours. How we hated annual and frequent dinners around the large mahogany table in the musty front room. Our father stubbornly munched his way through his vegetables in order to have a polite excuse to abstain from conversation.

I kicked him and he flinched, causing a baleful look to be directed at us both and suppressed smirks to appear. After an eternity and a cheese platter they left and Ivo and I were sloping off upstairs to our respective rooms that given University accommodation, were more like guest bedrooms to us. Everything smelled of middle class and I was relieved to close the door of my room to the family home and have my own sphere of independence. I enjoyed my solitude briefly before the knock on the door came. Typical.

"What," I sighed with exasperation.

The door swung open and Ivo danced in in his usual dramatic manner, the Christmas cracker hat still adorning his shimmery blonde hair. We often questioned where the blonde had come from in the gene pool given that both our parents had hair as dark as the table they insisted we sit at.

"Mum wants to know what date you have to go back to college and to remind you to write thank you cards."

I rolled my eyes and he gave me a wan smile.

"So what's new?"

I sat up and motioned for him to join me on the bed. I laughed when he flopped down onto it face first and I leaned back to join him.

"Not much. You?"

His reply was slightly muffled by my duvet.

"Fuck all, really."

He laughed at my cursing. It was a taboo in this household and one I was happy to trespass on; when alone. Ivo less so. He was the one it was expected of. I think it was the feminist in me that made me do it more, just to prove that I could and would.

"I hate Uni," he grumbled and I agreed.

"Some people are so pompous and ignorant."

I loved that about Ivo. Even when vexing he was eloquent and mannerly.

"How so baby bear," I teased and heard the familiar huff.

"I don't know, just the partying and drinking and drugs and shit. It's so annoying and my room always smells of weed. I just don't see the point of all that."

"Good," I advised in my sternest voice. "You'd best stay away from it."

"Wise up Issy," he laughed and swung out an arm to bat my leg. I'd always liked playful Ivo. People often mistook his silence for being antisocial or arrogance but in truth he was simply listening. It was only when you saw his playful side that it became apparent that he had so much youthful energy in him to give.

"I just wish you could skip it and get on with life. Like where is all this shit going to be used outside of a classroom? All that maths and stuff. It's so pointless."

"Yeah but you get to meet loads of new people," I suggested and he seemed to silently relent a little.

"I guess. Some people are pretty cool. I joined the film club and there's this girl who can recite every single line from Top Hat she's watched it that many times. I can't decide if I like that in a person."

"Ooooooh, could it be possible that the great Ivo is confessing a crush?"

He looked up at me in confusion and he seemed a little flustered. Oh dear. He was and now I've made him feel awkward.

"If you like her then you should talk to her more," I told him lightly, hoping I could salvage his pride. "Is she pretty?"

I watched him debate with himself for a while and I supposed he was about to tell me her name.

"Issy, I'm gay," he told me somberly.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"What? Since when?"

He sat up and shrugged.

"Since always."

I laughed.

"That's not true. You would have told me before now Ivo, you're twenty, you'd know before you're twenty."

He glared at me.

"I did know. It just wan't important."

My mind was having difficulty grasping it. Not that he was gay, I had suspicions before. No one could be so empathetic and kind and handsome and not have brought home a girlfriend before. I'd assumed it was shyness that held him back though. Too respectful to even approach a girl. God I'd been blind.

"Ivo, I'm sorry I didn't know. But it's okay if you're gay. It's nothing to be ashamed of," I said soothingly.

"I know," he gave me an icy reply. I was making things worse.

"Well obviously it's okay, I mean...I just was trying to explain."

We sat in a relatively comfortable silence for a while.

"So, do you, like anyone then?"

He nodded and smiled. Most people would be awkward or embarrassed to talk about it but not Ivo.

"A guy in my year. We've been going out for a while."

All of this was news to me. Perhaps I didn't know my brother quite as well as I like to think.

"Don't tell Mum and Dad," he pleaded.

I swore I never would. We never told them anything anyway but this was different. We chatted about other things for a while. Christmas plans, presents, friends. The normal useless stuff that we could spend hours on until eventually he retreated back to his own bedroom to sleep. I lay awake for a while and wondered how I could have been such an awful sister.