Stanford Pines

I don't know how, or why, but even to this day, 20 years after I had left Earth, I still had no idea how to come back to home. I had tried everything that I could possibly do, from black hole powered teleporters to yttrium portals, nothing has worked. I've traveled all around the universe, hopping between different dimensions and universes, looking for something, anything that would help me be able to get home.

Obviously, I tried everything that was legal, and since I was desperate, I started to try the illegal path. From the years and years of robbing, killing, destroying countless alien worlds, I had made a name for myself among the cosmos. I was an outlaw, a cowboy of sorts, an interdimensional Billy the Kid. I was known as the man with 12 fingers. Alien newspapers called me "the man with the heart of hate". I mean, I was flattered to a point, but I didn't do what I did for the fun of it. I did it all so I could somehow get back home.

I had pretty much been under the radar of every single law enforcement system that I had come across, from thousands of galactic military forces to the big boys down at the Intergalactic Ranger Station. For 20 years, I was a ghost, in and out with nobody able to stop me. If someone got close to destroying my work, I'd get rid of them quickly without a trace. And since I was a wanted man in thousands of dimensions, I didn't know who to trust, so I only trusted myself. And trusting myself was what got me caught.

I was on the planet of Chakanide, a small, purple-surfaced planet, where forest of yellow pine trees covered most of the land, while the water was tainted to a dark blue color. Since I constantly was on the run, I didn't ever have time to build myself permanent shelter anywhere, so I resorted to crashed ships or abandoned alien homes. On this planet, I had taken refuge on a crashed passenger ship, just big enough to house myself and my research. Being determined to get back home, I went outside the safety of the ship and began to look for samples of any native metals to see if they could be of some use to me.

Just my luck, I happened to come across another downed ship, in fact, there was a total of five crashed ships that had also landed in the woods. Moving forward, I examined each ship, looking for anything of use or any food of sorts. And I had been unsuccessful, until I reached the fifth ship. It was the only ship that was still closed, and me being suspicious, I opened the back door, and took aim at whatever was probably still hiding in the ship. But, I should've known. I should've fucking known.

Ten Intergalactic Ranger Station soldiers dressed in all black ranger suits awaited me from behind the door, as they five kneeled down and five stood up, aiming their rifles at my head. Cocking their weapons, one of the rangers spoke up.

"Stanford Pines!" he threatened. "Under the accords of the Intergalactic Ranger Station, you are under arrest!" He stared at me, aiming my gun at him.

"Drop it, Ford," he added.

"Ok," I shrugged, dropping the gun. I heard murmurs coming from the soldiers, as they whispered into each other's ears. I smirked.

I got these guys I thought.

"W-Wait, that's, that's it?!" the main ranger stammered. "You're serious? You're not planning an escape or something, or what?" The confused looks on the soldier's faces were priceless.

"I'm waiting," I taunted, putting my hands on my head.

"Uh, o-okay. Sergeant Maser!" he commanded, pointing to me. One of the soldiers on their knees stood up, and marched towards me. Before reaching me, he bent down and grabbed my gun, putting it in his pocket.

"Perfect," I whispered.

The sergeant began to notice a hot pain coming from the area where he store my gun. Retrieving the weapon, he held it in his hand, where my escape plan began. The gun exploded into a mighty roar, as thick white smoke filled the surrounding area near the ship, spreading fast. This was my perfect opportunity. I socked the sergeant in the face, and I took off.

"WHAT!?" I heard the commander yell. "AFTER HIM!"

I had belted into the woods in front of the ship, to throw those bastards off. I had made sure that when I dropped my gun on the ground, I set it to a self-destruct mode. Smoke bomb plus explosion equals my perfect getaway.

Continuing to sprint into the woods, I had begun to hear whirring noises, as I started to smell burnt rubber. The smell along with the noises, combined with the sound of engines starting up made me realize what was going to happen. Looking behind my shoulder, I saw the 10 soldiers, all atop all black motorcycle-like vehicles, black to match their uniforms.

"Holy shit!" I yelled, as I began to pick up my pace. From the situation at hand, I deduced that I had two options. Option 1 was to run faster until I reached a path where the motorcycles couldn't cross, like a river of some sorts. And option 2, was to basically steal a bike and kill these guys. I made up my mind pretty quickly.

Taking my plan into action, I noticed one of the motorcycles speeding up, as it started to gain on me. Seeing the soldier ten feet behind me, I also noticed a pretty big tree coming up ahead of me.

Useful I thought to myself, and as the tree came in front of me, I had stopped, and jumped against the pine tree. Turning around, I flung myself at the motorcycle, and using my momentum, I had tackled the guy riding it off to the some bushes, as the motorcycle skidded to a holt on the ground. I punched the soldier out cold, as I head the other nine motorcycles start to catch up. I ran to the fallen cycle, revved the engine, and veered ahead, with the other soldiers still on my ass.

Continuing to zoom through the woods on the stolen motorcycle, the soldiers behind me began to slowly fade back into the distance.

"Finally," I sighed, as I began to try to find a way into a clearing. It looked like there were no trees about 75 yards away from me, but as I got closer, I realized it wasn't a clearing. It was a fucking cliff.

"Oh, shiiiiiit!" I exclaimed, as I brought the motorcycle to a skidding halt, right before the edge of the cliff was in view. Panting heavily, I realized that if I stopped here, the soldiers behind me would catch up. I couldn't go anywhere, since the soldiers surrounded my entire backside. I was screwed. One idea caught my mind, albeit, it was a stupid one. Looking down the drop off at the cliff, I noticed a lake lining the bottom of the cliff.

A lightbulb lit up in my head. I got off my bike, and positioned myself about 10 feet away from the end of the cliff.

"Okay Ford, just jump you little scared bastard," I said to myself, as I started to gain speed and get ready to jump. As I was about to take off, something blasted me back with a quick gust of air, as I was sent back into the woods area. Looking up, three Intergalactic Ranger Station ships stood in front of me, with a bigger, prison transport ship taking cover behind them.

A loud voice rang out from the middle ship, in a commanding tone.

"Ford Pines, you are under arrest under the accords of the IRS!" the voice belted it, as the three ships began to whirl up their mounted laser miniguns.

"Fuck," I whisper yelled, as I looked over my shoulder to see that the other motorcycles had caught up with me, as they formed the same stance they made when they first tried to arrest me. They readied their weapons as well.

"C'mon Pines! We will shoot!" the voice rang again.

I had serious contemplating to do. I couldn't escape. I had used my gun to its full potential. I didn't have any offensive tools on me, all I had was the bits of research I held on to. If I tried to run from here, I'd be killed. Simple as that. Killed without my brother knowing, without any of my lifelong missions being fulfilled. I wasn't going to go through that route. On the other hand, I had the option of simply being caught, and I as I thought about it, it didn't seem too bad. I've escaped custody before, I could damn well do it again.

In fact, that's exactly what I was going to do.

"Suit yourself," I replied, getting down on my knees and putting my hands behind me head. The soldiers behind me immediately rushed and handcuffed me, knocking me to the ground. The three ships landed, and the big prison transport ship hovered in front of the soldiers and I, as the back door opened up, revealing the inside of the ship.

"C'mon, pinetree," one of the soldiers called to me, as they lead me into the ship.

"I'm gonna get out of here," I whispered to myself, as I began to think up a plan.

"Good luck, old man," a girly voice said to me.