Will's POV
This was something I couldn't stand.
Tessa.
Defending my sister, as if she were her own. She cares so much, just as I do, except she is able to tell people about it.
She is able to help her.
She is able to show Cecily the love and kindness I wish to show her.
I can't. There is no comfort I can bring her without something happening to her. Just like with Ella.
She trusted me so unbelievably much.
That was a mistake she should have never have had to pay for.
It was costly too. The cost of her life.
So when Cecily started to scream about how I wasn't supposed to care, how I hadn't cared. I wanted to die.
I wanted to hug her. Call her my little cariad.
"What's different, Will? Please come back, I've missed you. Not this whole facade you. The real you. You, the brother that loves me and wants the best for me, where did he go?" she asks me, tears thickening her voice.
The back of my eyes started to sting, burning with an increasing, alarming rate. There was nothing that I could do. I stand up, abruptly, to walk away when I see Tessa glare at me.
The look of shame.
You don't deserved to be loved, you cannot be loved the voice that was constantly there reminded me.
Of course, I didn't. I was the reason she was dead. Her eyes were glossy as she fell.
The cold of her hand when I touched it one last time in the casket.
The pain when we covered her in dirt.
The self-hatred I felt as mom and dad cried over the loss of their eldest child.
The walk away was one of the hardest that I have encountered. As soon as I started to walk away, Cecily turned to Tessa and began sobbing into her uniform shirt.
That undid me.
Tears started flowing from my eyes and I was grateful no one decided to follow me.
Tessa doing the job I should be doing. The job I could not do.
I collapse on my bed as I clutch the bedding between my fingers. The very bedding that had been destroyed by Tessa as she played Truth or Dare with my sister.
I despise everything Tessa represents. It's bad enough that I have to deal with wanting to comfort my sister and be something better to Jem.
Now she's added a whole new level.
Cecily may be my weakness.
Jem may be the better half of me.
But Tessa could be my heart.
She loves A Tale of Two Cities.
She has courage and bravery I have not seen in anyone else.
But worst of all, what makes me fall so hard, she loves, she loves so hard, even though she knows the consequences.
She loves everyone anyway.
That is something I am afraid I couldn't even do, even when I could love.
I want to be with her, to have her love me, for we both speak the language of books. But love is something that I cannot have.
There was so much that I wanted, that I once had taken for granted. To be able to be loved. But it was all too late now.
What's done is done.