written after "Kuvira's Gambit." I still have my fingers crossed for a happy Baavira ending but ya know, unlikely :/ I also want to get it on the record that Baatar totally deserved what he got. But since he's half my OTP idc about that, and I'm gonna write a reunion goddammit.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Suyin said worriedly, crossing her arms. "It's a bit too soon, don't you think?"
"I appreciate your concern, Mother," Baatar said. "But if you think I'm going to agree with you, you're sadly mistaken." He winced. "Sorry.. that was out of line."
Su sighed. "And you want to do this alone?"
"You can wait outside the door," he said, patting her on the shoulder. "Don't look so worried, it's not as though she can hurt me any more than she already has. It's not as though every bit of it is unearned, either."
His tone was more bitter than he had intended it to be, and he felt a twinge of guilt as Su hugged him tightly, tears in her eyes. "You'll be fine," she said, as if to reassure herself as well as him. "Your father and I will be right outside if you need us."
"Thank you." He awkwardly returned the embrace, gesturing toward the exit when she finally let him go. Once he was alone again, he awkwardly lowered himself into a seat, his crutch propped against the nearby table. Idly, he wondered if the atrophy that accompanied the healing process could be counterbalanced by more rigorous weight training once the break was healed. He felt off-balance in more ways than one of late, and he knew he could not attribute it all to his recent injuries. A knock at the door jolted him from his reverie, and it took him a moment to find his voice. "Send her in," he said, well aware of how impersonal it sounded.
Kuvira's hands were encased in platinum cuffs, and he immediately felt guilty; he was no more deserving of a presidential pardon than she was, but his record remained clean while hers was permanently sullied. Slowly, he raised his gaze from her hands to her face. Her hair was braided down her back, and her cheekbones appeared sharper. She had tiny bags under her downcast eyes, and the proud set to her shoulders was gone. For a moment her lips quivered as if she were about to speak, but she only exhaled slowly. The guard broke the silence instead. "Do you need me to stay, sir?"
"No, leave us," he said. "I'll call if I need anything." The guard shrugged, ducking outside the door.
"You're alive," she said at last, finally managing to look at him. "I... you're alive."
"Try and sound less disappointed, please." The words were out before he realized it, but Baatar watched her closely all the same.
She tried to smile. "I deserved that." Kuvira took a step toward him and he reflexively flinched. "How's the leg?"
"Broken," he said flatly. For a moment she looked as though she was about to cry and a sense of hope rose unbidden in his chest. "Why did you want to see me?"
"I needed to apologize," she said, her voice choked. "And.. well, you probably want something back from me..."
"There are a lot of things that I'd like back from you," he said, laughing humorlessly. "And most of them can't be returned."
"Baatar, please." She turned her face away and her arms bent at the elbows, as if she had forgotten her hands were cuffed. "I know you won't forgive me, and I know you won't forget what I did-"
"Yes, about that," he said, seizing the crutch and standing. "Why did you have to do it that way? You could've just told me over the radio, you know. You didn't have to include me among the various people you were trying to get rid of. There are other ways to tell someone that a relationship has run its course, and almost all of them are better than trying to kill your significant other with the early wedding present he gave you." The last few words were difficult to say, but he managed to spit them out. "Why? Was I not important enough to you?"
"No, it wasn't that-"
"Oh, wrong question," he said, laughing sharply. "Was I not important enough to the empire? I was a disposable part of the bureaucracy, wasn't I? Most national leaders view their vice presidents as important members of the state."
"Please, just let me-"
"Because I understand now that firing was a political act." The words were leaving him recklessly, sounding harsh and unrehearsed to his own ears. "Backing down would be akin to surrender, and we know that surrender isn't in your vocabulary- unless," he added slowly, eyes boring into hers, "your own life is in danger."
"I never surrendered," she said, a bit of her old edge seeping into her voice. "I would never ask anyone to do for me something I wouldn't do myself."
"Kuvira, spare me your lies," Baatar said, staggering forward. "Korra was fully prepared to kill you. What made this different from Zao Fu?"
"The avatar was... merciful," she said, voice barely audible. "But I neither asked for nor deserved her mercy."
He paused, surprised. "Fine. Since you're here, though, allow me some closure," he said. "There's no reason to pretend now." Kuvira paled at his words. "Frankly, I'm impressed that you kept up appearances as long as you did, but you don't need to anymore."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice cracking. It sounded almost like a plea.
"After you fired, I needed to know how you felt about me," Baatar said softly. "If you have an ounce of humanity left in you, you'll at least tell me that. Just tell me that you never loved me, and let me move on with my life-"
"Would you please shut up?" she snapped. "When the colossus imploded, I could only think of two things. First, that everything you build is perfectly constructed, down to the last details. I had laughed when you devised a safety ejection feature, do you remember? But when I needed it, everything worked without a hitch."
"You don't need to avoid the question, Kuvira," he said tiredly. "If you're not going to give me what I need..."
"And second," she continued, a quaver in her voice, "I was relieved. I never could have gotten as far as I did without you, and after I thought you died, a part of me knew I wouldn't be able to go on. The only thing worse than firing was seeing Korra, and knowing-" she paused, compressing her lips and looking at her hands. Her tightly controlled breathing was the only sound in the room, and Baatar averted his eyes. His feelings for her were more intact than he had expected them to be, and watching her silently implode as she held back tears wasn't helping at all.
"Knowing what?" he prompted.
"Baatar, I couldn't pass up an opportunity to take out the Avatar," she burst out, her cheeks wet. "And when I saw her and the others, alive and unhurt, I didn't know what was worse- the idea that you had died or the idea that I had thrown away the one person I- and all of it for nothing-" She sighed, unable to articulate. "Actually, what I think isn't important right now. What can I say to help you?"
"When did you learn I was alive?" he demanded, ignoring her question.
"When I was being led away," she said softly. "I don't remember what I said exactly... but Korra somehow knew. She just said 'he's alive,' and I think I lost it around then..."
"I'm surprised you didn't realize it sooner," Baatar said, genuinely thoughtful. "As if anyone in the avatar's camp would be able to take down the colossus... Varrick himself was impressed when I explained the mechanics behind it. I even warned them about the emergency ejection features, and how the physics behind it only worked for a proficient metalbender..." He was rambling, he knew, but he couldn't stop. It was almost like old times, when he would explain the newest piece of technology he had designed for her, going into far too much detail in his efforts to make her understand the significance of his invention. Her eyes were fixed upon him, a small smile at the corners of her mouth and a softness to her expression that he had missed more than he knew. As he described the workings of the engine and the power core, her features grew relaxed and content for the first time during the visit. She had always been amused by the delight he took in his work, and even now, separated by his injuries, her restraints, and the hovering stench of her betrayal, she smiled at his explanations despite her complete lack of comprehension. In the past, he would have called the look in her eyes love and affection. He wasn't sure what it was anymore. "My estimates on where you would land after the release were only two standard deviations off from the reality," he said, pleased in spite of everything. "Even my father was impressed; he thought it was mathematically impossible to be so accurate." He paused, and the silence that settled over his room was stifling. Kuvira's eyes flitted down from his face to the various exposed bandages, covering lacerations and open burn wounds on his body. The internal bleeding was terribly ironic, Baatar realized with a wry smile. If the circumstances had been different, she would have appreciated the irony with him.
"Baatar, I should go," she said, turning away as if she had read his mind. "Call the guard back."
"You haven't told me anything," he protested, pulling her back with his free hand. "I agreed to see you because I thought it might be good for me. After you fired, I wanted nothing more than to believe it was a misunderstanding, but everything indicates otherwise. You can't even deny that it was deliberate, and that you thought I would die in the blast. If our positions had been switched, I would have found some other way. The fact that you didn't only tells me that you never really loved me, Kuvira." He paused, realizing his hand had not left her shoulder. "But until I hear it from you, I'll always wonder. So before you go, let me at least have a clean break."
"I can't tell you something that isn't true," she said flatly. "If you want to believe that everything I've told you is a lie, I deserve it, but I don't intend to be dishonest now, even if it will help you get over me." She paused, inching towards him. "I know it's selfish, but we've established that's my failing...and I think you'd rather know the truth." Her cuffs jerked, as though she wanted to take his hand in her own. "I was selfish," she repeated. "I could only think of reclaiming the United Republic.."
"Or unselfish to the point of inhumanity," he observed gently.
Kuvira looked at him, her eyes full again. A glimmer of understanding passed between them. "Yes, or that."
As if by some mutual pull, they closed the gap of space between them. Her head was on his shoulder and her arms pressed between them, the weight of the platinum cuffs against his upper leg. Baatar reflexively wrapped his free arm around her, feeling her chest shake with sobs as she finally unraveled. "I suppose I never knew you as well as I thought I did," he murmured, breathing in the scent of her hair.
"I thought I'd never see you again," she said, her voice muffled. "I thought I'd never get to explain myself to you, that you'd die thinking I hated you or didn't care about you..." Her breath was shaky, but she continued all the same. "And I don't know if that's worse, or if seeing you alive and wanting nothing to do me is. But you're justified, for all of it."
Baatar sank back into his chair without letting her go, wincing as her weight shifted onto his lap. "Watch the leg."
"I'm sorry," she said, her face still turned away from him. "And not just for the leg, for everything." She managed to compose herself, trying to wipe her eyes with her arm. "I know you don't need me anymore, and that you can't forgive me.. I can't say that I'd be able to and I can't expect something of you that I wouldn't expect of myself-"
"Here," he said, cupping her face with one hand and wiping away the tears with his thumb. "Stop talking, Kuvira, please-"
"-but at least know this," she continued as though he hadn't interrupted. "I love you. Every time I've said it, it was heartfelt. I'm sorry that I can't give you the closure you need, but I've never been dishonest with you and I'm not about to change that now." She glanced at her tunic. "The engagement ring is in the right hip pocket. I thought you might want it back."
"It's yours," Baatar said quietly. "It's always been yours. I couldn't take it back, even if I wanted to." In that moment, neither of them were thinking of the ring.
The look in her eyes was far more painful than the injuries he'd sustained from the colossus, and it took all of his self control to turn his face away when she leaned in. "I think you should go," he said.
"May I visit you again?" she asked in a small voice. His hold on her waist tightened in spite of himself.
"I'll think about it," he said. "Remind me." The door opened, and he felt his mother's disapproving eyes upon them; Kuvira extricated herself from his grasp and left the room in silence, inclining her head to Su as she passed.
"I can't tell you how to live your life," Su said gently once they were alone again. "But I hope you didn't make any promises to see her again so early...seeing you so miserable broke my heart."
"I made no such commitment," he said easily, hugging her. "Don't worry about me, Mother." But as they left the room, he knew it wasn't completely true.
a/n: GODAMMIT IF SHE DOESN'T CRY IN THE FINALE I'M GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT. UGHHHH.
That said if he takes her back, he's a loser. But if they can't be together imma cry my eyes out. THERE ARE NO HAPPY OUTCOMES UGH. I have full faith in Bryke to find an ending that magically makes everything work out though! FIVE DAYS TO DA FINALE!
