A/N: Thank you to everyone leaving comments, favourites and following this story.

I did a lot of research on the topic, however it's still made up and therefore might not reflect all experiences correctly.

Especially after these horrendous new episodes (wth Jackson?) I think we can all use some moments of Jackson and April actually talking to each other - so here we go.

The ER was as full as you'd expect it to be on New Year's Eve.

Nurses, doctors, residents, attendings, chief – everyone on staff, namely those who chose Christmas over New Year's in the battle of who-gets-off-when, was busy filling out reports, treating patients or making rounds looking unbelievably helpless.

Every other night Jackson and April would have been either amused watching or been involved themselves. This New Year's Eve was different.

The minutes were passing by slowly as they sat on the gurney some intern had left them on... - Jackson sat up as much as he could with April in his arms to check the clock – ...over two hours ago. Sighing he gently eased back against the backrest. More like wall. But whatever. He wasn't gonna be picky. This was better than no way to rest at all.

April didn't seem bothered much by the movement. At 11.40 she was getting quite drowsy. Despite the ripe age of seven months Samuel still slept odd hours when he did sleep, which meant April slept at odd hours, too.

On the upside they had found a nanny with OI experience who'd start in January. Whether that really would help them, and more importantly whether that would really help Samuel, with their sleeping issues was something they could not know yet. Especially since April would start working full time right away.

Jackson knew she needed this. Being a good mom to Samuel had been her main focus even before he was born. It never crossed her mind to leave their son before they found someone trustworthy and capable enough to take care of him. Since his birth all her time was spent with their baby boy.

When he was awake, may that be in pain or not, she entertained, fed, changed and cuddled him. Of course, Jackson had done his fair share of those things whenever he was around. But he had to admit that April's share had been far greater. And even when Samuel was asleep, April spent her time researching OI, getting in touch with other parents, researching national conferences on the topic (happening every two years, with changing locations, as she informed him) and probably a lot more things she forgot to share with Jackson.

April was incredibly invested. And that's why she needed to go back to work so badly.

He understood she was just trying to be the best mother she could possibly be (and in his eyes she was). However, her disinterest in everybody besides their son could not be particularly healthy in the long run.

On Meredith's birthday he had basically dragged her to the party kicking and screaming, although his mother had flown out just to stay with Samuel. They stayed for two hours in which his wife didn't neglect to let everyone knew she wasn't enjoying any of it. Eventually he gave in, mostly to prevent the party and April's social status from more damage.

Even though their friends eventually adapted to April being a package deal with Samuel, Jackson still thought that she should feel comfortable on her own. This overly attached parent thing had to stop before it got out of hand.

Which is why he really, really hoped their nanny would stay true to her word, and Samuel would get better at sleeping and April would be happy to be at work again. Surrounded by grown-ups only, where she didn't have to swear-block conversations with a cheery: "small ears!".

"Jackson?" Her tone at the moment was less than cheery. It was sleepy.

"Mhmh?"

"Do you think we should just go?"

This suggestion surprised him. It was the first time she'd indicated being exhausted by sitting in the waiting room for the benefit of their child. Maybe she wouldn't hate going back to work as much as he'd suspected she would. "Really?"

She sighed, her eyes dropping to their son, who rested stretched out on her legs. "Look at him."

He followed her request in slow motion. Jackson, too, was now used to an early bed time.

Samuel was asleep, breathing evenly. He was dressed in a rather adorable polar bear jacket, short, super lose trousers – they looked more like a skirt -, and socks. Sleeping like that he looked so peaceful it was hard to believe he'd been screaming out his lungs in pain a few hours ago.

Two, to be exact. Two hours since they came in, got a gurney to sit on and a few pills for Samuel's pain that – conveniently – wore him out.

"I know it's horrible, but..." April turned her head and bit her lip, which was usually a big turn on for Jackson. Right now, though, he was just too tired to react in any way. "I kinda wish he was still screaming. That way they might pay some attention to us."

"It's not horrible", Jackson assured her. "I kinda feel the same way... glad you said it first, though."

"We're horrible parents", she sighed as she brushed her hand over their son's little hairless forehead. Thanks to his helmet, brushing over his head was not possible.

"Maybe. But it's not like Sam's got a say in this."

The redhead scoffed, then blinked her eyes before she turned back around to face her husband. "I'm so tired, Jackson."

"Yeah, me too", he agreed.

"No... not like that", she corrected. "I'm really tired of all of this, I..." Her hair hit him in the face as she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't... I-"

Well that escalated quickly.

Pushing through his tiredness Jackson reacted as quickly as he could. "Hey, hey, hey." His hand moved to her shoulder, squeezing. "You've been here for him nonstop since he was born. It's okay if you need a break. Everyone would..."

To his surprise April threw her head back against his shoulder, her eyes focusing on the ceiling.

"But that's the point. We don't get to have a break. We shouldn't get to have one. He is our son. We can't just take a break from him, take a break from this..." She gestured vaguely around the ER. Something about how she did it told Jackson she was not talking about working at a hospital.

"I hate this", she muttered.

Frankly, this came as a bit of a shock to Jackson. The way April had insisted on being constantly present for Samuel he'd never considered she might not feel comfortable doing it. Obviously it made a lot of sense. Seeing Samuel suffer sucked. And yet he'd never realized how much it bothered her, or that it bothered her at all for that matter.

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

"A month? Two? When he got the helmet, I think... yeah, that must have been it."

Thinking back to the day Jackson could remember the way she had insisted that there must be another way than putting a helmet on Samuel 24/7. Jackson also remembered the way he had quickly agreed to their ped's plan instead of listening to April's concerns. A wave of shame hit him as sudden as unexpected.

"Christ, April, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I could have told you. I just didn't want it to be true, I guess." She yawned. "Sleepless nights really do loosen your tongue like nothing else, huh?"

He smiled sadly. "I guess."

The ER was still loud and busy, but Jackson felt overcome with tranquility and loneliness.

How could he have missed this? He shouldn't have missed this.

She always smiled when he got home, always told him their day had been good even when they'd been to the hospital yet again. April was born cheery. But their son was seriously ill. She had appeared to cheery, to relaxed and calm for their situation. Grateful for her strength he just held onto her. She was rock. Except, apparently, that rock was not as solid as he'd assumed.

Something should have told him.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. That wouldn't help them right now.

"Do you want me to... uh... take him?"

He was relieved to see her snort. At least she could still laugh at his silliness. "I don't mind holding him, Jackson." Their eyes met again and in a dead serious tone she told him: "I mind taking him to the hospital, because he's hurt. I mind watching him get hurt over and over again. I mind not being able to help him. I don't mind holding him. I love him."

"I know you do", Jackson replied in reflex. He had not even processed everything she'd said yet. When he did, he shook his head and said: "Listen..."

"Sixty seconds till midnight!"

Irritated, Jackson turned his head to the cheery announcer. He was trying to have a conversation for Christ's sake.

Adding to his irritation were the people, who now started counting down with the television. 60, 59, 58, 57... couldn't they just start at 10? Or even better, not at all.

"Oh my god", April exclaimed. Her sudden grip on Jackson's arm was actually painful.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry", she quickly said. 44, 43, 42... "It's just... this is all wrong!"

38, 37, 36... "What do you mean, wrong?"

"It's Samuel's first New Year's Eve and we're at the hospital!"

The baby didn't appear to be fazed by any of this at all. Then again he was pretty much drugged out.

"I've got my phone. We can take pictures", Jackson offered.

"This is not funny. We're missing out on our own party."

Indeed, their family and friends had gathered at their apartment. Those who were off, anyway. Food, drinks, photo props and all. And now they weren't even there for their own party.

At least, Jackson trusted his mother to make sure they still had a home to return to when their doctors finally checked out Samuel.

To Jackson it was ironic in a way. He wasn't excited for the party in the first place, seeing his mom with Webber still stirred a strange feeling in him. However, ending up in the ER had not been his initial plan of getting out of the party. Actually, he'd hoped they could drop of Samuel with his mom or Arizona or someone and then sneak off for some celebration on their own... but that wasn't in the cards for them, apparently.

A sniffle pulled him from his thoughts back to the gurney with the wall back rest. "April? Are you crying?"

"I-I... I just really wanted this for us..." She didn't even bother to brush away the tears. It wouldn't be much use anyway. This was a big bailing session, not just a few tears of regret.

Jackson tightened his grip on her shoulders as the crowd reached 10. "I know, babe. I'm sorry."

Everyone called out their cheers while his wife cried into his shoulders, relieving some of the stress she must have felt for over half a year now.

Yeah, this was definitely not what they'd normally do on New Year's Eve. One look at Samuel was all it took for Jackson to realize that no matter how bad things got, he wouldn't have it any other way.

A/N: I struggled with the ending, uncertain until the last line whether I wanted to end it positively or not. I felt like there are situations that can't be turned around. Sometimes you just feel down and I felt like April just felt down on this. So, there's that.

Since English is not my first language I would be interested in a native beta reader. If anyone wants to pull the Katniss and volunteer, let me know.

What do you prefer? Cheery chapters or a little angst? Let me know and enjoy the weekend. :) Thanks for reading!