Swaying with her crying son on her hip made April think that maybe, just maybe they shouldn't have taken Samuel here in the first place.

But then, they hadn't known. Two weeks ago Samuel, for the first time in his life, had received an invitation to his friend's birthday party. Said invitation had given them time and location of the celebration. It hadn't included any indication of any activities in any way upsetting to their child.

His first invite. A chance to get to meet the other parents between their busy jobs, perhaps arrange some play dates. Cake. Presents. Fun. Of course they had taken him.

Only it turned out to be a kind of fun their son couldn't join in, no matter how many firsts he was crossing off his bucket list that day.

"I'm sorry, Sammy, I'm sorry", April whispered against the crown of his head.

He didn't react. Why would he? She'd ruined his first time going to a birthday party. She sighed.

Moments like these were the hardest. Both she and Jackson wanted to give him everything, always. Not in the way that they'd spoil him, definitely not, but... you know, grasping opportunities. Like waffles after church on Sunday. Taking him out of daycare and sneaking away from ER duties for an hour of lunch. Late night trips to the park in nothing but wellies and pajamas to check whether the little ducks really did have to go to bed like he did. Stuff like that.

They almost lost him. He was better now. Better, but still fragile. They wanted to give him as much happiness as they could.

Telling him no on issues that with any other child would be a no brainer yes was one of the harder parts.

April could feel the other mother's eyes on her back as they wondered why. But the last thing on her mind right now was to set their's at ease.

On her mind was this:

They should have checked. They should have called, asked what the children would do. They should have prevented this.

Also on her mind: the absence of her husband.

Unfair enough he always seemed to be off delivering-bad-news-duty. He rarely ever told their son no. On more than one occasion Samuel had turned up to ask April something starting along the lines of "Daddy said to ask you". Which, to be honest, she preferred to taking him to the hospital after Daddy said yes without consulting her.

No. That wasn't fair. It only happened once and he really couldn't have anticipated it. Besides, who was she to talk – she'd been far away on a different continent at the time to find herself, her son being the last thing on her mind. Well. Not the last. But definitely not the first neither. Jackson couldn't have anticipated that Samuel would get hurt.

This, on the other hand, they could have anticipated. Little children have to be preoccupied on their birthdays so the grown ups can chit chat without having to worry about them. There are always activities at children's birthday parties. (However, they had not been to a children's birthday party before, not with their son anyway, and April really believed that her childhood experiences -playing in the hay, pig back riding, mudcakes- hardly compared to those of a child growing up in the Emerald City.)

Right now Samuel wasn't experiencing anything positive, though, may that be mud or green grass. April's t-shirt sported a deep purple spot where he had been crying on it. His face was red and puffy from the same action that had caused the stain. He had been in the same position – squashed against her shoulder - for quite a while now, which probably wasn't great for his skull. All in all, this was a disaster.

Just as she contemplated letting her son go against her better knowledge – how bad could it be (well, she knew, but maybe today he was lucky, maybe today he could do it) – a familiar voice took some weight off her shoulders.

"Hey you two, what's up?"

Giving her husband a tired smile April said: "They're all playing on the trampoline."

This, of course, earned her a high pierced shriek of Samuel, who apparently still knew why he'd started crying.

"Ah, dam—sel", Jackson saved himself. Swearing in front of their two-year-old was an absolute no go. "Tough luck, huh, Sammy?"

Samuel just kept on crying.

Over his head April caught a quick glance at the other parents. Staring, wondering, judging. Again, she sighed. "I didn't- I couldn't give an explanation. He was almost on there already, so I just- went and grabbed him. I bet they all think-"

"Doesn't matter what they think. They don't know."

Their eyes met. Despite their child's never ceasing crying they both smiled.

"So... does someone want to play plane?"

Behind April's shoulder two eyes peaked up at Jackson. "Plane?"

It always surprised April how these moments when they had to tell their son no seemed to last an eternity, and how easily they could be forgotten.

Sure enough when she was done explaining the reason why Samuel couldn't go onto the trampoline to the other parents, Jackson was busy giving every child a turn on his arm plane as their son stood by, beaming proudly at his dad.

And she knew then that going to this party had been a good choice after all.