I should go…
Before my will gets any weaker…
And my eyes begin to linger…
Longer than they should…
I should go…
Before I lose my sense of reason…
And this hour holds more meaning…
Than it ever could…
I should go…
Levi Kreis – I Should Go
Two weeks had gone by since Jackson had been appointed the head of the board, he had warmed up to the idea once April gave him a good prep talk about what a big difference he was making by taking this job on. Jackson loved how much April believed in him and he was pretty sure that he wouldn't make it through all of this without her.
The past couple of weeks were pretty much a haze of sex. Jackson would come over to April's apartment really late and stressed. They'd have sex and when she'd wake up, he'd already be gone. April was starting to feel used; it had become increasingly clear that their relationship was not changing in any way. After the romantic dinner at Jackson's place April had thought long and hard, she had come to the conclusion that she has feelings for Jackson, really strong feelings and by his actions she believed that he has feelings her for too.
April understood that Jackson was busy, the doctors that the hospital weren't exactly going easy on him, but all Jackson ever wanted to do was have sex. He would never ask her about her day or even talk about anything else. April knew that she was being selfish, but it wouldn't kill him to spend some time with her doing anything other than have sex once in a while, she's sure it wouldn't take up too much of his time.
Jackson felt like he's been pulled in a hundred different directions, being the head of the board is not an easy job, especially when a lot of people don't think you're doing a good job. Thankfully he had come up with a plan to make people believe in him a little more.
Jackson paged April wanting to tell her the brilliant idea he had come up with, he knew she'd love it. He waited in an on call room for her, hoping that after he tells her what he has planned, they could celebrate, it's safe to say that whenever he was with April sex was always on his mind, hell even when he wasn't with her sex with her was on his mind. Who doesn't love sex with the girl they love more than anything? Yes, his feelings for April were growing at a rapid rate; he just hadn't had the opportunity to tell her yet. He was waiting for a romantic moment a like the one his mom had interrupted at his apartment.
April walks into the on call room and locks the door behind her as she pulls her scrub top off; she knew what Jackson had paged her for. It isn't rocket science, he's probably stressed about something to do with the hospital and he wants a way to relieve that stress, so sex with her is what he needed right now. ''April, what are you doing?'' Jackson asks chuckling, April ignores him ''I have surgery in half an hour, so we have to be quick'' she says as she straddles him.
Just before April can kiss Jackson he holds her back asking ''April what are you doing?'' as he looks at her confused with her actions. ''You paged, I thought you were stressed and wanted to you know…'' April says trailing off and blushes clearly embarrassed as she moves off his lap. Jackson chuckles thinking about how cute she looks as she hurries to put her scrub top back on, he wants to stop her but he's really so mesmerized with her movements that he doesn't.
April hears Jackson laugh and all the emotions she's been holding in start to come up. ''Yeah, go ahead laugh cause I'm the idiot here, for thinking that you paged me so we can have sex, when it's all we ever do, it's all you ever page me for. So forgive me for not thinking that you called me here just to talk, because we never talk. You know what's the saddest part of all this, I've actually become okay with this, okay with you using me as a stress relieve, okay with being the girl that's good enough to be the one you have sex with, but not good enough to be you're girlfriend. After all you aren't my boyfriend, right?''
April stops to take a breath now letting the tears fall down her face. ''I guess, you were right to made the rule about not falling for each other. You probably knew that I'd be the one to fall for you, how couldn't I, you're you and I'm me. You know there were moments that I thought you felt the same way about me, but it's not a surprise, I was wrong. Why would you fall for me, when you can have any girl you want? I'm plain Jane, April Kepner and you're tall dark and handsome, Jackson Avery. You're way too good for me. I was lucky you actually wanted to have sex with me'' her voice breaking at the end, she takes another deep breath.
''I know I'm a stupid for doing this, but this friends with benefits thing isn't working for me, I want more and I'm pretty sure you don't. So I can't do this anymore'' April finally says in a small voice, hating how vulnerable she sounds. She gets up as quick as possible not wanting to hear what Jackson has to say, she really can't handle getting hurt by him anymore. She walks out the door and quickly makes her way down the hall, she finds a supply closet were she goes into a corner, falls to the floor and breaks down.
April's words still ringing in his ears, Jackson was pretty sure he's never felt this low in his life, she thought she wasn't good enough for him, if anything he wasn't good enough for her, he was unworthy of a person as amazing as April, he had proved it today and many times before. What was wrong with him? He is so in love with April, God if she only knew how much, but Jackson knew that this was his entire fault, he should have told her weeks ago, he actually should have told her the moment he knew that he had fallen for her.
Jackson's pager goes off; he looks at the time on his watch as it surprises him that 2 hours have gone by, April's words and his thoughts had left him motionless. Now he needed to go get tend to a patient in the ER, he hoped that he'd get to see April and make sure that she was okay, he hated knowing that he was the one that made her cry. He knew that if someone else had treated April the way he had he'd kick that guy's ass, but what was he supposed to do when he was that guy? He couldn't exactly kick his own ass, but that didn't stop him from hating himself.
Jackson was surprised to see that his patient was none other than Matthew Taylor, the paramedic. He now knew why they had paged him instead of one of the other Plastic fellows, Jackson is the best and Matthew is kind of an employee of the hospital, plus everyone loved the guy. Matthew had done a pretty heroic thing, his burns weren't that bad and Jackson was happy to help him out, after all he did back down from making any more moves on April and Jackson was grateful for that.
While attending to Matthew Jackson had tried to look around for the redhead that he couldn't stop thinking about, he needed to talk to her as soon as possible, but he couldn't find her anywhere. Jackson eventually saw one of April's interns and thought that he might know where he could find her, ''Dr Ross?'' the intern turned to look at Jackson ''what can I do for you, sir?'' he asked. ''I'm looking for Dr Kepner, do you know where I can find her?'' Jackson asks.
''Dr Kepner wasn't feeling well, she went home about an hour ago, but if you really need her I can page her for you'' Ross says, Jackson shakes his head saying ''no, that won't be necessary, thank you Dr Ross'' before walking away. Jackson knew for sure that April wasn't sick, she just didn't want to have to face him again and that made him feel even worse.
He was going to go over to her place immediately, he doesn't care about what paper work he had to complete, April was way more important to him than stupid Admin shit. He's going to tell her he loves her, beg for her forgiveness and asks her to be his girlfriend, he knows it sounds incredibly lame, but it's all he wants to do, call her his girlfriend, tell the world that she's his and that he's the luckiest guy in the world.
A/N:
Hey guys... This is the new chapter… I know it's a little short… But I have a reason for it… I kind of have two possible ways that this could go… And I'm not sure which one to use… So I want you guys to tell me where you'd like to see this story go… Should I still continue for a little longer with them not together…? Or should I let them be together already…? Please let me know what you guys think… You can also PM me with other possible ideas... Anyway… Thanks to those who have reviewed and also to those who are following this story… Lots of love… Enjoy…
XOXO…