"Just keep taking chances and having fun"- Garth Brooks
The nurse wasn't happy about my broken hand, my fake hand. He gave me a big lecture about how he "expected me to be careful" and thought I was "more sensible than that". He did say he'd try and organise creating a replacement in time, but it would take a while, which didn't surprise me all that much (the old one had taken months to make after all). Until then I'd have to make do with one hand, which wasn't too different than what I had already been dealing with.
I spent what felt like a while in my room this morning, spinning my arm in a circle. Without my fake bit half of my left sleeve just hung uselessly, so I was spinning it like a ribbon. It was entertaining.
Hanako wasn't in class. That made me sad, although I wasn't surprised. She was upset, it would take her time before she was feeling up to class. I still missed her. Every now and then I would look over my shoulder to look at her desk, as if I was expecting her to magically appear. It was foolish. I'm not sure what's up with me.
Class had just ended when I felt a sharp pain in my side. It was Misha with a pencil.
"Ow" I grunted, "What was that for?"
"You were drifting off into space" she smiled, as if my pain amused her "For a moment I thought you were talking to alien life"
I'm not sure if she actually believed I was capable of that. It sounded like a joke, but I was never 100% sure with these things. I yawned, a big open-mouthed-lion-yawn. I was tired. I didn't sleep well. It took me a while to fall asleep, and even then my dreams weren't kind. I had relieved my accident again.
"Are you okay?" Misha asked me "Yesterday kinda rattled me as well..."
I shrugged, unsure how to respond. I still couldn't forgive myself for how little I did during Hanako's panic attack, despite Hisao's words saying that none of us really knew what to do. My inner voices are often louder.
"I miss her" I muttered
"Did you see her last night?" she asked
I nodded "Yeah. We all did"
"Hey Misha," came Hisao's voice from the other side of me "This might sound a bit weird, but can you tell Shizune 'thank you'? From all of us"
Misha signed the message to her friend, who responded with a frown, red cheeks and quick hand movements. She looked angry.
"She said 'you're welcome'" Misha explained. I don't think that was the whole sentence but I couldn't be bothered asking further. Hisao for his part seemed to find it funny, given how he chuckled.
"What's so funny Hicchan?" Misha asked "Was it something we said?"
"No, no, that's not it" he smiled "I was simply thinking about how cute Shizune can be at times"
Misha seemed to find it funny too "Wahahaha! You're right! Shicchan is really cute when she tries not to be!" Shizune signed something else to the girl (her face was less red now) "Oh. How would you boys like to join us for dinner?"
I won't deny I was tempted. Free food was never something I turned down easily. But I as much as they were polite to me, I didn't want to spend tons of time with Shizune and Misha (that sounded meaner now that I thought about it), not to mention I was still a little worried about Hanako. I wanted to check on her later "No thanks"
"I'll have to pass as well" Hisao said as well.
Misha looked sad "Aww..." while Shizune looked dissapointed, if only a little more composed "Oh well. It's your choice"
"Maybe we could join you another time" Hisao suggested, looking at me for my own opinion.
I was quiet for a while before I muttered "Maybe"
With that, the two girls waved us goodbye and left.
Like I had planned, I found myself at Hanako's door later that day. Weirdly, I felt nervous. There was a lump in my throat as I knocked twice, trying not to bounce with nerves. For a moment, I was afraid that she wouldn't respond when I heard the faintest rattle of the handle.
The door opened the tiniest distance, but I could see the light shining in Hanako's eye as she stared at me.
I managed a nervous smile, suddenly aware that I didn't look very well. My hair was it's normal mess, I probably had bags under my eyes and I was pretty sure I had paint on my face (I was painting and had tried to hold my paintbrush in my mouth while my hand was busy with something else. It ended like you'd expect).
It was quiet, neither of us made an attempt to speak. I couldn't really see Hanako's face through the door so I had no idea what she was thinking. Eventually, the door opened and I was allowed in.
The room was brighter than what it was the other day, although it still looked very empty. There was a fruity smell in the air, reminded me of shampoo. Hanako's hair was wet, so it probably was.
The door was closed behind me, and suddenly we were alone in her room. I wanted to say something, but I found it hard to get my thoughts in order. She smelled nice.
"Why..." Hanako finally broke the silence.
"Huh?"
"Why did you...Why are you here?" Hanako's voice was quiet.
Why was I here? I was worried about her. I felt better when I saw her, but now that I'm here in her room I had no idea what I was doing. I should have thought this through a bit more. But I guess that was part of my problem: I never think anything through, and when I did I never followed through on those plans.
I wanted to see her smile, but I had no idea how to do that. I wanted to be her friend, but I had no idea how to do that. I wanted to have a conversation with her like a normal human being but now because of everything that's happened I'm too nervous to say a word.
"I um...uh...I'm sorry, I just uh..." I hung my head in shame "I don't know. I just...wanted to see you, I guess"
I looked up to find, to my surprise, that she was actually smiling now. That made my chest feel a bit warmer.
"Um..." Hanako started to speak "Since you're here...I'd like to..play a game of chess with you"
I smiled at that. Chess was good. I knew how to play chess. Chess was familiar. Familiar was good. I nodded "Okay"
We sat on the floor as we played, Hanako having set out the pieces. We played for a bit in silence before Hanako spoke "What...What happened to your hand?"
I was confused. I was sure I had already told her the story about my accident. Oh. She meant my fake hand. "I uh..." I was a little uncomfortable talking about my own little breakdown "I just...broke it. Nurse says it can be replaced, but it might take a while"
"Oh" Hanako said in response "Were you painting?" I suppose she was gesturing to the smudge of black on my cheek. I nodded a "Yes".
Time passed as we played, each of us playing with equal skill. For every piece I stole, she stole one from me.
"I like you" I blurted out near the games end. Hanako's face, slightly pink in the cheeks and raised eyebrows made me feel a little embarassed about what I had just said "I mean...you're a good friend. I...I enjoy our time together. Times like this, it's...it's nice. I like these moments"
"I..." Hanako's voice was equally hesitant "I like you too, Kaito"
Eventually, the day of Hanako's party arrived, and Hisao and I were making our way there. The pair of us were in slightly more casual wear than the uniform, Hisao with his shirt-sweater combo and myself with far more managable t-shirt and jogging pants.
"How do I look?" Hisao asked me out of the blue as we climbed the stairs of the girls dorm. I suppose this was a question I had to answer "The same" I said. Hisao didn't seem to like that answer, groaning as he tried to flatten his hair yet again (with the usual result).
"Why is it a big deal?" I asked him "It's just Lilly and Hanako" I personally wasn't too conscious at that moment. I had remembered to wash paint off my face that evening and I managed to dress myself without incident or swearing. I was taking the little victories in stride.
"Exactly!" Hisao said "Lilly and Hanako. They're probably waiting for us, looking as great as ever, and we'll be looking like a pair of tramps"
"We always look like this" I noted, not really understanding his frustration. Hisao just grunted something and remained silent for the remainder of the walk.
Hisao knocked when we arrived "Is that you Hisao? Kaito?" came Lilly's voice on the other side.
"Yeah, it's us" Hisao responded.
There's the sound of the door unlocking, and we were let in. Just as I had hoped, the party was just like any other tea party we had: the four of us around a table with the funny red teapot. We all sat down, Hisao locking the door behind us.
"Hey, Lilly?" Hisao spoke up.
Lilly took a sip of her tea before saying "Yes, Hisao?"
"What's in the brown bag?" He pointed towards a brown paper bag that sat to Lilly's left. I hadn't noticed it until he had pointed it out, but now I was curious.
Lilly smiled "That would be Akira's present. Unfortunately, she said she was working and can't join us" She reached into the bag and pulled out its contents. Two glass bottles.
"Wine" Hanako noted. One white, one red. Probably explained why the door was locked. No alcohol was meant to be allowed on school grounds, and I was pretty sure none of us were legally old enough to drink.
"Alcohol?" Hisao seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden "Seriously? Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Lilly giggled "I know it's a bit questionable, but a little shouldn't hurt"
"Well, in that case, I won't complain" Hisao shrugged. His moral code wasn't as rigid as first thought apparently "They don't look bad, either"
"Shall I open one?" Lilly asked the room. Any answer however was drowned out with three loud bangs on the door. I may have swore in English as a result.
"Who is it?" Lilly called
"Lemme' in!" came a familiar voice "I'm cold!"
Lilly sighed as Hanako went to go open the door. In came Akira, still dressed in a suit (it may have even the been same one) "Happy birthday Hanako"
"Th-Thank you...Akira" Hanako responded with a polite bow.
Akira came down and sat herself on the other side of Hanako "It's nice to have your company after all, Akira" Lilly smiled "Did work let you off?"
"Yep" Akira smiled "I have to go back there in a bit, but I managed to get enough of a break to drive down" she looked to us "Hey guys...Hisao and Kaito, right?"
"That's us" Hisao nodded. I just nodded, no words "Nice to meet you again"
Akira clapped her hands suddenly, making both Hanako and I jump a little. The woman looked sorry for the briefest of moments before speaking again, her smile back on her face "Well then, I assume the presents got through? No point in waiting, considering we're all looking pretty eager"
Lilly giggled as Hanako and Hisao shuffled awkwardly. I guess they did want to try the wine.
"Don't like wine" I said aloud, eliciting looks from the others. I scratched my stump in embarassment, the short sleeves of my t-shirt making it fairly easy to do so "Had it once at home. Red, white, rose. Didn't like them"
My parents, while strict in their own way, were never too stingy in regards to letting me try different kinds of alcohol. I had never, much to their relief I imagine, ever really aquired a taste for any of it.
"One glass won't hurt you" Akira smiled as she uncorked the white bottle. Hanako went away and came back with four glasses, Akira filling them all. I accepted one, if only for politeness sake.
"Here's to Hanako," Hisao raised his glass "And to Lilly's trip"
"Cheers!" the two sisters said in unison. Mine came a little later, having momentarily forgotten the formality "Oh, cheers". Hanako stuttered hers "C-Cheers..."
We all took a sip of our glasses. While the wine wasn't as dry as some of the other wines I had tried in the past, I still had to consciously try to not make a face at the taste.
"I was expecting something...harsher" Hisao said. Was he being serious?
Akira shrugged and smiled "If you hadn't liked it, there were a few other varieties you could have tried"
"You sound like you know your wines" he noted
Another shrug from Akira "Only a bit; I'm more of a beer kind of person. I have the drinking side down pat, though" She then drank her entire glass in a single swig. The three of us could only stare in a mix of shock and awe, while Lilly calmly continued to take sips from her own glass.
"Anyway," Lilly said "Now that Akira's gift has been opened and sampled, shall we move on to ours?"
"G-Gifts?" Hanako repeated, as if stunned by the word.
"That's right" Lilly nodded "We got you presents. It is your birthday after all" Lilly revealed her gift to be a modest brown-coloured teddy bear. Hanako handled it gently, feeling its fur before placing back on to the table "Thank you Lilly" she gave the blonde a hug. I smiled at that.
Hisao handled his over next. Hanako gently unwrapped the gift, peeling away the wrapping until the doll and its little green dress revealed itself "It's...It's beautiful" she made a quiet gasping noise.
"Glad you like it" Hisao smiled
It seemed to take a lot of effort on Hanako's part to pull her attention away from the doll "Th-Thank you, H-Hisao". The smile on her face was so warm I felt kind of guilty when she looked to me, no doubt wondering whether I was hiding something.
"I uh..." As much as I had tried, my painting was not finished yet. Unable to find the words, I only dropped my head, not daring to look Hanako in the eye "I'm sorry"
"You said you were making something, Kaito?" Lilly said
I looked up at her, thankful for her words "Yeah" I looked to Hanako, who's expression looked far different than what I was expecting. Her eyes were a little wider, but it looked more like surprise than anything else "It's, uh...It's not finished though"
Hanako didn't seem to mind too much. She leaned back, holding the doll and bear close to her chest, her smile small yet unbelievably warming. We sat there in silence for what felt like a long time, just basking in the glow of Hanako's happiness. Eventually, she put her gifts down by her side and returned to her glass, taking another drink of wine.
"I don't think you should drink it that fast" Hisao warned her
"It's a party, Hisao" Lilly countered, taking a deep drink of her own glass. Sighing in defeat, Hisao took another drink of his own. I was fine, my glass was fine where it was.
"Since this is kind of a going-away party for you as well," Hisao spoke up "I hope you enjoy your trip at least a little, Lilly. Hopefully your aunt will be okay"
"I-I hope your aunt is okay too, Lilly..." Hanako nodded
"Enjoy Scotland" I smiled, recieving an elbow from Hisao for my efforts. I gave him a look. What was that for?
"My my," Lilly smiled, seemingly surprised by us "Thank you all. I'll be sure to convey your thoughts to my family when I meet them"
"It'll all be fine in the end Lilly" Akira said as she refilled her glass "Don't worry about it"
The silence hung heavy over the room, so thick you could cut it with a knife. Which reminded me...
"Is there cake?" I ask hopefully.
My words seemed to lighten the mood. "Yeah" Hisao "Shall I cut it up now?"
"Y-Yes please" Hanako nodded
"I didn't know there was cake" Lilly frowned
"I picked one up before I met up with Kaito tonight" Hisao explained "I brought some other snacks as well"
I may have drooled a little "Awesome"
"Well done, Hisao" Lilly "At least one of us remembered to bring one"
Hisao reached into his back and drew the cake, a modest chocolate one. My mouth watered as he cut it up, it took all my willpower to sit still and not snatch a slice away. We ate in silence, which I liked. I was worried that Hanako woudn't be feeling up to such an event, but she seemed to appreciate the low-key affair. I made a promise to myself that I would spend as much time as I could on her gift. I would not rest until it was done.
Time passed as the four of us smiled and drank, and smiled and drank some more. Well, the others drank, I still hadn't finished my first glass.
Hanako was pouring herself a third glass when she missed and spilled wine on to the table "S-Sorry Lilly..." she apologised, her eyes looking sleepy "I didn't mean to make a mess...I..."
"Don't worry" Hisao chuckled "I've got it..."
Lilly took Hanako in her arms "It's okay, Hanako. I'm just happy you're here" Hanako calmed, giving a faint nod in response. The sight made us all smile. Lilly held Hanako while Hisao went about mopping up the spill. By the time he was done, Akira had opened the other bottle and had started refilling their glasses.
"Looks like you're enjoying the wine then" Akira smiled "Just don't go too crazy with it"
I thought the statement was a bit hypocritical, seeing as she was the one giving underage people alcohol, but I decided not to say anything.
It didn't take long for the second bottle to go empty. Everyone looked tired now, but Hanako...well, let's just say she hadn't moderated herself quite so well. She was smiling with a dopey look in her eyes, playing with her doll's hair. Lightweight.
Lilly had a red looking face, but she still appeared pretty composed. Hisao looked the same, while Akira looked absolutely normal (maybe her smile was a bit bigger, but that was it).
Hanako hiccuped and knocked her doll over "I...think I should maybe go to bed. T-Thank you Hisao, Kaito, Lilly, Aaaakiraaaaa..." Yep. Definitely tipsy. She giggled a bit randomly after that. I didn't know whether to be concerned or to laugh.
Akira rose to her feet "Here. Let me give you a hand"
Lilly coughed, interuppting her sister "Kaito" she said "Would you please?"
Akira looked surprised, as did I "You...want me to take her?"
"Why not?" Lilly smiled "You had the least to drink out of all of us"
I got the feeling she had something else in mind, given her sly smile. I looked to Hisao, who had more of an amused smile.
"Um, okay" I finally said, rising to my feet. Hanako took her doll in one hand and offered me her other hand, which I took as I pulled her to her feet. I took the bear and held it under my arm as I led her next door.
In the space of time it took us to leave Lilly's room and go next door to hers, Hanako had bumped into me at least three times. Hanako put her doll on the shelf next to another one she had "There you go..." she whispered to it "You'll be safe in here..." she backed away from her shelf, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process.
We stood there in silence for a while, Hanako swaying from side to side, it was as strangely relaxing to me as it was distracting "Are you..." I was afraid to ask a stupid question "Are you okay?"
Hanako raised her head to look at me, as if she had just realised I was still in the room.
Then she hugged me. Actually hugged me. Her head held flat against my chest. I awkwardly put my arms around her. She giggled at that.
I'll admit I was a little uncomfortable. I wasn't used to this level of physical contact with anyone outside of my family. This hug was currently making lots og mini-me's in my head run around screaming and waving their arms. I wasn't too sure how to respond. Too many senses overloading at once. The warmth of her body, the scent of her hair, the sensation of her hands on my back.
"I...I should go" I whispered
Hanako made a funny mewling noise as she held me tighter "But I want to staaay with you and everyone" she slurred
"You...You can't. I can't" I protested, uncomfortable with the flood of unfamiliar thoughts and feelings that were running in my mind "You, we all need sleep. I need to go now"
She gave a disappointed groan and held me tighter.
"I'll...uh..." I was a little distracted by my heart, which sounded really loud and fast. Hanako was also distracting, with inappropriate thoughts fuzzing my mind the more I looked at her "I'll see you tomorrow?"
With a little nudge, I managed to release myself. But Hanako gave me a look like a kicked puppy "I don't want you to go..."
My face felt uncomfortably warm "I have to" I was afraid of what would transpire I stayed any longer. I couldn't stay.
Hanako hiccuped again and looked downright downcast. Unwilling to leave her like that, I led her to bed. Gently, I managed to lay her down as I sat down beside her.
I awkwardly put my hand on her head, gently stroking her hair as I spoke "Happy birthday, Hanako. I'm sorry we couldn't do more. Goodnight". I left after that, turning off the light as I went.
I went back to Lilly's room to meet with the others. The three are chatting away. Lilly was giggling at something, Akira had a massive grin on her face while Hisao looked decidedly embarassed.
"Kaito!" Hisao greeted me back almost too cheerily "How's Hanako?"
"Um..." I considered telling him about how Hanako got clingy with, but decided against it "She's sleeping"
Lilly smiled "That's good. I have to admit I hadn't thought that she'd drink quite so much"
"Hey it's fine" Akira said "She's all safe and tucked up in bed now. With the way she is..." she trailed off into silence, and I didn't have the drive to ask her what she meant. She rose to her feet "Anyway, I'd better get going. I'm already going to be a bit late as it is"
"But it's already so late" Lilly noted
"Yeah, but we got a bunch of work dropped on us" her sister explained "Overtime it is" She turned back to us just as she was about to leave "You haven't forgotten about the time for the flight and all the rest?"
"Don't worry" Lilly smiled "I have everything ready. It's just a matter of packing when it gets closer to the time to leave"
"Attagirl" she smiled "I'll see you guys later". She left with a wave and a loud thud of a closed door.
"She's loud" I commented, not immediately realising that I had said it alive.
"She is indeed" Lilly smiled
"Is anyone else drunk?" I asked the pair
"I little headache" Hisao admitted "I'll be fine"
"I assure you, I am fine" Lilly said "I can moderate myself"
I sat back down with them, before working up the nerve to ask a question that had been weighing on my mind "Lilly?"
"Yes, Kaito?"
"Do you have any idea what caused that thing? What happened to Hanako, I mean. You've known her longest"
The mood visibly dropped as Lilly sighed "To be honest, I'm not sure of all the details myself. Hanako told me she was in a house fire. I assume she's told you as much as well?"
I nodded "Yes"
"Other than that...she quite simply never told me"
That was surprising "She never told you..." Hisao repeated in disbelief.
Lilly sighed again "Assuming the worst, what does she have to look back upon? A life of isolation and possibly even the death od her family? Maybe even going as far as blaming her existence for their deaths?"
"Damn" Hisao muttered.
"What..." I said "How can we help her?"
"Well..." Lilly spoke "Tell, do either of you have anything planned for friday evening?"
"No" we said in unison
"Don't you leave on Saturday?" Hisao asked "We shouldn't do anything that will tire you out the night before"
"I'll be fine" she smiled "You needn't worry about me. I'd do this tomorrow evening, but I imagine Hanako will be feeling rather off for a while"
"She'll probably throw up" I guessed. Not a pleasant image but it was probably likely, given her apparent lightweight-ness.
"Lovely" Hisao muttered sarcastically "So what are you planning?" he asked Lilly.
"Nothing unusual, I assure you" was her answer "Just a little excursion"
Getting the opinion that she was going to divulge anything else, I rose to my feet "Bedtime" I announced
"Really man?" Hisao gave me a funny look
"He's right" Lilly nodded "It will not be long until curfew"
"You mean I can't stay?" Hisao asked with a small smile
Lilly giggled "Tempting, but I will have to refuse you tonight"
"Okay..." I didn't want to think very hard about they were implying, so I left as quickly as possible "See you tomorrow"
Hisao and Lilly together. I can't say I never saw it coming but it was still jarring to hear it confirmed that way.
That night I dreamed of Hanako, the warmth of her body and scent of her hair. I wasn't too sure how to deal with these new feelings I had for her, but I think a part of me liked them.
I think I'll need a shower in the morning.