The news of Paul having to go along with fittings for Angela's dress, and the guy's tuxes made her nearly groan. But final fittings were important. And since Angela was turning into a little monster as she freaked out over how much was not done, she grinned and beared it because she was supposed to be making this easily on Ange.
So, she pulled more than her weight to make it enjoyable for Angela, and even planned a girl's night in Port Angeles with all the adult women of the pack. It was set for Saturday night, a night that Emily had been given to herself while Sam rearranged schedules. And it meant that they were free. And drinks were coming.
But first they had to survive the fittings in Port Angeles.
They arrived a little too early, in Angela's eagerness to leave the house before she strangled Jake, who had come home smelling like rusty car parts (something Bella thought smelt great, but apparently it wasn't too romantic when a wedding was a few weeks away). Paul and Jared were assigned to attend fittings, as their suits needed last minute alterations, and Paul was around Sam's size, so he would be getting that taken care of as well.
Since they weren't ready for Angela's appointment concerning the dresses, the guys got their tuxes fitted next door and the girls all giggled as they browsed the many wedding dresses.
"We should totally try some on," Kim said with a wicked grin. Angela hesitated, as if she wasn't sure that was allowed.
"Hey, you're all going to get married sometime," Bella shrugged. "You've all got your lovely men and true love." The wink that went with it helped tell the others that knew of the pack that she meant imprint, and those that didn't… well, that it was a joke. "Might as well. If they ask, the wedding's in your birthday month."
Not that Bella had any experience dressing up in wedding gowns. But Renee had spent a few weeks when she first began dating Phil scouring the wedding dress shops and telling them all that the wedding was early July. Bella had barely been able to roll her eyes then.
"We all pick some," Angela sighed. "But don't ruin any of them. Or I will sell you to the store to pay it off."
There were laughs and the hunt for the best dress was on. Kim seemed to be seriously looking, while Stephanie, Hayley, and Bella scanned the racks for something just to put on.
"Oh, this would look great on you, Bella," Hayley insisted. Bella glanced at the dress for only a second.
"I'm not trying anything on. No man, no marriage. No wedding to imagine myself in."
"Oh, come on, just picture you're last boyfriend or something." Yeah, no. That made Bella feel nearly ill. Just thinking about Edward Cullen for more than ten minutes made her want to rip her heart out. It was a lot better than dealing with the panic attacks she got whenever she thought about them in the middle of the night, or about what would happen if they came back.
Shit, she was doing it again. "No."
"Please, Bella? For us? Just one dress?" Stephanie insisted. "We'll take a picture and send it to your mom, that's all. I swear!"
Bella sighed and took the dress. "Fine. One dress. That's it." She glanced down at it, finding that she liked it a lot more than she thought she wound. "This is actually really pretty."
"It's gorgeous! Okay, now help us. And then we'll go try them on."
They were much pickier. But once they had dresses, and the others in the group did as well, they all went to the changing room one by one to try them on. Emily was first, and though her wedding day was in Bella's senior year, she looked every bit like a bride-to-be. Kim went next, wearing a formfitting mermaid. And then Leah, in a more modern dress that showed off her lower legs.
Hayley and Stephanie helped one another before it was Bella's turn. She needed help getting into it, so Stephanie volunteered. "Ouch!" and "Fuck, Steph, that's my skin, not the zipper," could be heard by anyone walking by. She didn't look at the couches to see if anyone was even there, but when she stepped on the dias and saw herself in the mirror, she couldn't help but flush brilliantly.
It was gorgeous in a way that most dresses weren't on her. It fit her snugly, with pieces of lace and buttons that went all the way down the back. She looked every bit like the princess you were supposed to feel like on your wedding. When she glanced behind her, in the mirror, she saw that Paul was staring at her, sitting up straight and wide-eyed as if seeing her in anything close to a wedding dress was … well, out of character. Bella had to agree with that.
"Oh, Bella!" Angela cooed. "It's beautiful!"
"I say you buy it, go elope in Vegas with some really hot dude, and say you did it," Hayley suggested. Bella laughed.
"I do like it," Bella admitted. "But I don't hear wedding bells in my future." She turned slightly, assessing the back in the mirror."But, if it wasn't a thousand bucks, I'd definitely buy it just to say I did." She made eye contact with Paul in the mirror, who seemed to have gained some of his stoic-ness back. "So, what do you say, shitface? What to run to Vegas and elope?"
"I didn't think whores wore white. Little too pure for you, sweetheart." Bella's bright smile turned into a glare. A deadly glare that had him gulping at his own words before he even finished. And she glanced at herself back in the mirror.
"Wow, you're a real dick. I'm going to change." She picked up the skirts just enough so that she wouldn't trip, and Stephanie rushed over to her to help her, and they disappeared back into the changing rooms.
"Way to go, dude," Jared muttered.
Fuck. Again? And in front of all of her friends and all of the girls… Fuck. Just the look Angela was sending him made him want to crawl in a hole. Nevermind the look he got from Leah and Kim. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
"Shut up," Paul snarled. His fists clenched as he heard Bella's voice give a laugh, but it was bitter and he squeezed his eyes shut when he realized it was because she was crying. Fuck, he had made her cry. He couldn't remember a single time he actually had made her cry before.
"He's such a dick," Stephanie insisted. "Just don't listen to him."
"But he's honest," Bella was insisting as she blubbered over with tears. And Paul released a breath as Jared muttered the opposite under his breath. "And he's right. No one wants to marry me. I don't even have a steady boyfriend. I can't keep a steady boyfriend. Nevermind that I don't want to get married, because that's not the point. But… Jesus, Steph, am I really that big of a whore?"
"Honey, he's just realizing that he's never going to settle down, and he's bitter. No one wants to marry an ass like that." Bella made a noise, and Paul realized it was in protest to that statement. Why the fuck did she keep defending him to her friends?. "Besides, didn't you tell me he's been with like hundreds of girls? You've only been with maybe ... what? Five?"
"So?" Bella returned defensively.
"How many does he think you've been with? Goodness, have you been telling him any stories? That shit isn't cute-"
"No... I mean, five is a lot. And I told him I'd slept with a lot-" Paul felt a sinking feeling fill his stomach. Five. Shit. Five guys. When she said a lot... she had said that because she had been a fucking nun before. And ... shit, shit shit. Jared shot him a pointed look and Paul swallowed. He had really, really, really fucked up.
"Honey, he probably thinks like a hundred. I mean, that's a lot to him-"
"But..." Bella sniffled and it made him feel worse. "He's right. I've just been sleeping around because ... I just want to. Because my ex-boyfriend broke my heart and I wanted to do something I wanted to do. That makes me a whore."
"No, you're only a whore if you want to be a whore. No one can give that title to you but yourself."
"I'm a whore."
"You're a college girl. So what if you sleep with someone? It's not like its taboo. Besides, he's definitely not in a position to judge. Just don't ever sleep with him, so he can add you to his list. Because he won't ever let that go."
"No, never," Bella promised. "God, no. I can't sleep with him. That's like..." Bella sniffled. "Like deliberately catching the plague." There was a rustle of fabric. "God, why do I always fall for the guys that will do nothing but tear me apart? Why? First Edward, who destroyed me. And now... I'm just so done. They're not worth it, but I can't help but … I defend him every single time and… and then he does this, and it always gets me upset, but I go right back into it, I deliberately antagonize him too… knowing where it'll land. But I just love doing it because … shit, Steph, I don't know, because he notices me? I've become an attention whore." The last was said in a groan. Paul went rigid and Jared raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why do I do it to myself? Why do I always put me in a position where my heart is fucking ripped out? I must be the biggest masochist out there."
"Don't forget clumsy. Look, we're go clubbing out on the town, just us girls. There's got to be some nightlife here in this place. And maybe you'll find your soul mate." Bella sniffled. "He's not worth your time. You know that. And he knows that. Otherwise he wouldn't make you feel like shit. He's insecure, and he's a dick, and he can't get laid without probably giving himself a pep talk in front of the mirror."
Bella sighed. "Is my make up running?"
"No. Just a little red. Just give it a moment. We'll say the dress had some trouble coming off."
"So he can make fun of me for being fat too?"
"Why did he come anyway?"
"Because Jake asked him to size his tux for him, apparently," Bella muttered. "Being a groomsman and all. I don't know. Seemed like a waste of a trip to me."
But as she waited in there with Steph, to "un-red herself" or whatever the fuck that meant, Paul gripped the side of the couch so tightly he was sure it was cracking.
"You need to go outside, man? Cool off?" Jared asked.
"No," Paul said sharply. The red-head friend beside him, Hayley, snorted.
"You're shaking," Jared observed. He knew that. Paul fucking knew that why did Jared have to remind him? But the wolf wasn't angry at anyone but himself, really. Paul had hurt his imprint. Had broken her heart and… shit. The wolf was practically shouting at him in his head. He just wanted to tell her. Why did that have to be so hard? She liked him – loved him. And he had been an asshole to her. Why couldn't he just apologize? Fucking hell.
"Miss Webber, your appointment's next," some lady said suddenly and Angela hopped to her feet, eager to get away from the shaking Paul and the tense atmosphere.
"Lead the way," Angela said almost a little too brightly.
Fuck, now he was ruining the day for her. As Angela passed, she said darkly under her breath. "You better apologize or I will have Jake cut your throat so fast that you won't have time to heal by the wedding." Paul sunk further into himself and gave a small nod to let her know he heard.
Bella emerged while Ange was still in fittings and she gave them all a smile that Paul could tell was fake. And he could see, with his vision, that her make-up had run just enough to be noticeable to him. Fuck.
"I've told Sam about this, I hope you know," Jared muttered as Bella sat a few away from them, engrossing Hayley in a conversation. "He's not happy. You told him you were trying."
"I fucking am," Paul bit out. "Jesus Christ."
"Not hard enough." But Paul didn't even know if he could try any harder. He knew the words he wanted to say, but his mouth said different ones. He knew what he wanted to compliment her with, or how he wanted to smile at her, or how to greet her. And he knew each one sounded like something a sap would do. But fuck him, he wanted to do it to her. He wanted her to think he was the biggest sap alive if it made her smile. If it would make her forget everything awful he had said to her.
He just wasn't working right. Something in him was messed up. Something in him was so messed up that he couldn't even compliment the girl he had fallen completely for.
Because his mouth was given to him straight from his father.
Her first retort when she had that dress on, was to ask him to elope with her in Vegas. And now that he knew that she… that she loved him, did she really mean that? Had she been so willing to forgive him for everything? Fuck. She was the fucking dream woman and he had blown her up right in front of his face.
He could still hear the sound of her crying in his head.
When Angela came out, her dress fitting perfectly, from what Paul could tell, she looked absolutely delighted. She was practically glowing she was so happy.
He would definitely never make Bella that happy in her life. Because apparently he couldn't even try hard enough to tell her that he was helplessly mad for her.
"So, Paul, what do you think about it?" Ange asked.
Paul swallowed the retort that told her that she wasn't funny for rubbing it in, and instead said, "Jake's going to cry when he sees you."
Angela glowed. It was the best compliment anyone, save Emily, had gotten from him. And as she grinned, glancing back to the mirrors, she nodded in satisfaction. "It's perfect. I'll take it home today." She glanced to the two boys. "You can keep the image of it out of your heads, right?"
"Why would that matter? If I was you, I'd want them panting after me, because then you can show them that you've got a real man at home," Hayley grinned.
But Paul and Jared gave Angela a promising nod. No pack mind blabbing. But Bella, on the other hand… now she would be someone that wouldn't leave his mind. Both for the dress and for the crying.
After everything was in hand, Paul drove off in Angela's mom's van, the dresses hanging next to the tuxes. Bella watched them drive off before getting into Sue's car – which Jared was driving. She had no way of knowing that Paul was getting an earful from Angela, Emily, and Kim. But she sure hoped Paul felt like a piece of shit.
It wasn't until they got in the car that Hayley giggled. "You should have really seen his face as soon as you walked out. He couldn't take his eyes off of you." Bella didn't need to ask who she was talking about.
"Yeah, because I'm a prostitute wearing a nun costume," Bella replied simply, hiking her feet up on the dash as Jared pulled out. She cut a glance to the wolf, and gave him a wink. "Maybe for Halloween this year."
Hayley snorted. "No, because he's completely in love with you. And he has so many anger management problems, he probably couldn't even get the words out without punching a wall. Seriously, I've only been here like a week, but already I've seen him huff and puff like a big bad wolf more times than I can count."
"Which isn't a feat, considering you barely passed kindergarten," Stephanie returned.
"That was once and we agreed to never mention it," Hayley insisted. "Jared, they're being mean."
"Hey, I'm staying out of this cat fight. I'll just blissfully listen to you, while staying silent, for the next fifteen minutes. And either agree or disagree in my head. It's nice up there. Less voices than normal." Bella snorted.
"Look, Hay. He loves me as much as he loves my ex-boyfriend. Absolute loathing. So… yeah, I don't think you saw what you think you saw."
But still the argument continued, foolishly giving Bella hope, and obnoxiously quelling it down again.
When they got to La Push, Bella nearly sprung free from the car for some fresh summer air. "How about a cliff dive?" And it was all it took to get them on board and stop contemplating her lovelife. There was no lovelife. The leeches had ruined that.
She didn't see Paul, not that she wanted to. But she found that it was annoyingly quiet when he wasn't around. And her insults stayed bottled up, with no one to fling them to. But as soon as Paul had parked at Jake's, he ran off like he usually did when he got angry.
Paul was starting to wonder if it ever actually helped.
This story is being worked on all week, so there are many more updates to come! If you want to see any of my writing progress or how I'm coming along, check out my tumblr and twitter. I'll update there regularly.