"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change"- Michael Jackson

So my day started like any other: Wake up, memory-thing, fake things, clothes, food, class. It wasn't until class actually started that something brought me out of my monotonous daydream.

Hanako's seat was empty. Again.

I never truly got used to that sight, and I was even more worried now that Lilly was gone. It was strange, I didn't care for Lilly all too strongly (she was a friend, but I think myself very close to her) but I seemed to have had come to see her as a safety net for Hanako's mental state. Now she was gone, I worried more.

I found myself unable to focus. Every now and then I would glance back to her chair, as if trying to will her reappearance. What really bothered me was that no one noticed, no one cared. I know it wasn't unusual for her not to be present but still, did no one care?

What worried me especially was that it was the day before her birthday. Mentioning it in class made her break down, it made her sad. It was afraid to find out just how sad her birthday would make her.

It was Hisao who snapped me back to reality "Are you alright?" he asked me "You look kind of distracted"

I didn't verbally answer, rather deciding to look back at Hanako's chair again.

"Ah" he sighed "You're worried about Hanako?"

"I miss her"

His smile was weird. Almost sad, but with something else "I'm sure she'll be fine" I wish I shared his optimism.

Hisao and I joined Shizune and Misha for lunch that day. Still no sign of Hanako.

Hisao was made to get their lunches. I got my own. Some ramen. I liked ramen. We all sat in silence as we ate. Or least I was silent. The others were speaking before they tucked in.

"So what do we owe the pleasure?" Hisao asked the girls "I assume after you have some kind of ulterior motive for this?"

"What are you faying, Hiffan!" Misha said in-between mouthfuls of bread "We mon't hafe any uffer mofiffe!"

Shizune gave a small look of disgust as she lowered her chopsticks and tapped her pink-haired friend on the shoulder. Misha swallowed and spoke again "Sorry. As I was saying Hicchan, we don't have any ulterior motive!"

"You don't want us to help with some classwork?" Hisao asked

"Nope"

"There's no information you want out of either of us?"

"Nuh-uh!"

Hisao smiled "So you clearly just want to sit with Yamaku's most handsome students?" What?

Misha seemed to find him funny at least. She burst into laughter "That's right!"

Shizune merely rolled her eyes and made Misha say something else "As our duty as Class Representatives, as well as members of the Student Council, we feel it is our duty to ensure the happiness of our fellow students"

"So what do you really want?" I asked with a mouthful of ramen. I wasn't in the mood for proper etiquette.

"We believed, Kaito, that you would benefit from our company. After all, you and Hicchan spend so much time with Lilly and Hanako that it must seem strange, maybe even lonely, to have neither to talk to"

Wow. Were we really...Was I that transparent? It was true I was saddened by Hanako's absence, even if it were only temporary. But I worried for the girl, a lot. I wanted to help her, and at times (I knew it sounded stupid) it felt like I was the only one that was trying. I knew Mutou believed that letting her skip class whenever she liked helped, but was it really making any difference? She still skipped class, and she wasn't really changing.

"Kaito?" came Misha's voice "Has your ramen gone cold?"

"Huh? No. Why?"

"Because you were making a face" Misha explained "Like this!" she then made a face that was in no way very flattering. Well, at least Hisao and Shizune found it funny.

"I was...thinking" I admitted

"About Hanako?" Hisao asked me.

I nodded.

The girls were now definitely interested "Tell us more" Misha said

"She...uh..." I didn't like the way Shizune stared. Even when she wasn't trying to be nice to me her eyes looked unsettling when they were completely focused on you "She's never in. And her birthday's coming up. How can give her her present when she's not here?" I had it all planned out in my mind: I would have given the painting its final touches tonight, it would dry as I would have slept so when I was ready to give it to her, it would be perfect. Now I wasn't sure that would be able to happen.

The girls shared looks and sign in silence, the only sign I recognised being Misha's shrug "The only people she's ever talked to more than a sentence or two are Lilly and the two of you" Shizune signed something else "There are a few things that we do know about Hanako as Student Council members, thanks to the records that often pass through our hands. Sadly though, we can't say anything about what's in them"

"That's understandable" Hisao noted. While frustrating, I had to agree with him.

I sighed. I suppose that I'd have to ask Hanako herself about anything remotely related to her or her past.

"I wouldn't worry, Kaito" Misha assured me "It happens every year, after all"

Wait, what? Every year? Every year she'd close herself off from the world and no one thought there was something wrong with that?

Hisao must have noticed my expression, because he looked at me as he said "Everyone has their own problems, I suppose"

"Can't we help her though?" I complained. No one had an answer to that.

The mood eventually lightened up thanks to Misha's default state of perpetual perkiness, but my thoughts never left Hanako.

I had decided to visit her after class. Mutou had asked me to deliver some of todays work to her, so I had no reason not to.

The dorms were quiet as I walked up the stairs and down the hallway, my steps seemingly loud in the silence (at least to me). I awkwardly stood in front of my door, staring at the worksheets in my only hand and then at the door. I finally settled with briefly holding the papers in my mouth while I quickly knocked.

Nothing. Nothing answered me. Just silence.

I knocked again. A little bit harder, louder, this time. Still nothing.

"Hn-" I mumbled before realising my blunder. I folded the papers under my stump so I could knock and still speak "Hanako?" I called as I knocked a third time "It's me. Kaito. I got you some stuff from the teacher"

The was the faintest sound of the handle rattling, and the door opened the slightest. I could see Hanako a little. She looked tired. Really tired, with an empty look on her face that was scarily familiar. "Uh, Hi...Ha-Hanako" I said, my voice all nervous all of a sudden. I took the worksheets out from under my arm, silently cursing them for their slightly crumpled look as I held them out "Papers from, uh...From teacher" She stared at me, a slightly confused look on her face "What?" I asked her "What's wrong?"

Hanako never answered me., rather she just took the papers out of my hand. Her movements were incredibly slow and almost robotic. She didn't look at me while she did this.

"Are you okay?" I felt I had to ask her, just to hear my worries confirmed. "You sick?" You want me to get the nurse?"

She decided to meet my gaze, her gaze still slightly confused. I couldn't understand why? I thought my questions were pretty clear (unless I had some how slipped into speaking English by accident. It's been a while since that's happened, but it's happened) She seemed to get the gist of it "I'm fine" she said.

I gave her another look. Her eyes were red and her sleeves looked damp. Had she been crying? "You're upset" I wasn't sure whether that came out as a question or not "You want me to stay?" I asked, making the conscious effort to make sure I was speaking Japanese.

I eyes fell from my gaze. I had only made it worse, it seemed "I'm sorry. I don't like seeing you upset, that's all"

She shook her head, and closed the door in my face without another word.

Confused, and more than a little upset, I went back to my room. I couldn't understand her. How was I meant to help when she all she does is shut me out?"

I didn't work on the painting that night. Rather I just stripped down into nothing and fell into bed. Didn't have the drive for pyjamas.

Hanako wasn't in class the next day either. Guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but it still frustrated me.

Her birthday had to be the reason I thought as I stared at the clock, the minutes ticking away as my mind spun. Why else would she get so upset about something? I still had no idea how to help her. If it were physical pain, I might have had some ideas, but emotions? Mental pain? I had nada.

I decided I had to ask someone. With little to no one to talk to I went to Hisao's a few hours after class and told him about the situation. His response was to shrug his shoulders.

"I know what you mean" he said, referring to Hanako's situation "I tried to check on her today, and she just told me to go away"

"So what do we do?" I asked him

"I called Lilly. She just said to leave her alone. Give her the space she needs and let her come out on her own time"

"Huh?" That seemed very un-Lilly-like to me. Surely she'd want us to help her friend when she could not "But that doesn't help"

"It's what she said" he shrugged

"Can I talk to her?"

He shrugged again "You got a phone?"

I nodded, pulling one from my back pocket. It was an older phone and it probably only had about three or four numbers on it, including my own, but it was mine.

He held out an open hand. Getting the message, I handed it to him. he typed something before handing it back. "That's the number she gave me. You can call her yourself"

I nodded, returning to make the call in my own room. In all honesty, I didn't like using phones. I found it harder to converse over a phone than I did in real life. I only kept one for practicality reasons. Taking a moment to theorise the potential conversation and rehearse my lines, I pressed call and put the phone to my ear.

My plan fell apart immediately. First off, Lilly didn't answer the phone. It was an older woman, probably her mum. Secondly, she didn't answer in Japanese. It took me a moment to realise I had just heard English spoken to me for the first time in what felt like a long time. I had to quickly rephrase my lines in English "Um, hi. This is uh, Kaito speaking. Is uh, Lilly there?"

A little surprised noise came from the other end "Oh, you're one of Lilly's friends. I must say, your English is really good"

"Um, thanks?"

"Just a moment" She said. I heard her call out in Japanese "Lilly dear, you have another friend asking for you!"

There's a moment of silence as the phone changed hands "Hello" came the familiar Japanese voice "Lilly speaking"

"Hi Lilly" I said. She made a yawning noise that sounded like a dying farm animal "You okay?"

"Just tired" she responded "What time is it there?"

"Um..." I quickly checked my clock "Six Twenty-Five"

"Hanako's not well" Lilly cut right to the chase "Is she?"

"No" I agreed sadly "But you knew that. Hisao told you"

"He did" she sighed "And...Well it is her birthday. I had always hoped that she had gotten better after coming to know you and Hisao, but..."

"You told Hisao to do nothing?" My question may have sounded a little harsher than I intended.

"I did"

"Why? We should help her"

"Because as much as I worry about Hanako, Kaito, there are others I worry about just as much as of late"

"Like who?"

"Like you, Kaito"

I can't say I was expecting that answer "What? Why?"

"Please understand that I didn't mean to offend you" she added. I guess I sounded angrier on the other end "Just try and listen" So I listened "For some time now I fear that the both of you may have been feeding each others more worrying habits. I tried to amend this before leaving, but it seems to have done little"

"I don't understand" I truly didn't "I'm making Hanako worse?"

"No, not worse" Lilly assured "But not better either"

"I don't get it"

"When I asked you about what you had in mind for the future, your answer was very similar to what Hanako had said in the past when I would ask her. It is well and good that you want to protect her, but I fear that treating Hanako like this, as if she were a daughter or someone in need of special care will only achieve the opposite"

"So what do you suggest I do then?" I asked

"Try and help yourself, and cater to your own needs before thinking of Hanako. I know it may be difficult, but I truly think it's the best action"

There was a moments silence as I thought. Lilly wasn't wrong. While I hardly had Hanako on my mind 24/7 I wouldn't deny I thought of her often. But I still didn't understand what I was doing wrong "How would this be different from what I'm already doing"

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that for you, Kaito" Lilly's voice said "While I cannot fault you for wanting what's best for Hanako, we all do, I fear you are neglecting your own needs in your efforts to make her happy"

Was I? I spent a little less time sleeping because I was working on her painting, but who's to say I would have actually slept anyway. Was that what she talking about that? "But what happens if I leave her alone?"

"She'll emerge from her room in her own time, like she has done every year before" she assured me "Just focus on your own well being for the now. I think...I hope that this time apart will allow you, the both of you, to decide what you truly want. Have faith in her. That is all I ask"

"Oh..." the word felt heavy in my throat "Okay"

"Thank you" Lilly sighed "I know it must seem confusing, your relationship with Hanako, but trust me when I say she..." she stopped talking.

"She...what?" I asked

Lilly never directly answered, rather she said "Please keep in mind that I would not have befriended you if I hadn't thought you were a fundamentally good person. You've been a good friend to us all. Hisao, myself, and Hanako"

I wasn't expecting a compliment "Uh, thanks" I cleared my throat "Thank you"

There was silence as neither really knew what else to say. Eventually I just said "I'll talk to you later" It was my automatic phone farewell.

"Goodbye, Kaito. Think on what I've said, please"

"I...I will. Bye" With that, I hung up.

So this was going to be it. This would be the moment where I change my mentality. Stop killing time and think about the future and what person I was going to be on the other side. What was Smith Kaito, Kaito Smith going to be me.

But first...I looked to the painting on my easel. That birthday gift that was never gifted. I wouldn't leave it unfinished. I was going to be that kind of person.

My name is Smith Kaito, Kaito Smith. I was in an accident. I lost my left hand and lower left leg. My parents are Johnathan Smith and Harumi Yamamoto. I live at Yamaku Academy. My friends are Hanako, Hisao and Lilly. I have feelings for Hanako. Tomorrow...I start planning for the future.

Authors Note

It's just occurred to me that since the posting of the last chapter, this is now officially my longest story (most words anyway). Not really that important, but I felt the need to say it anyway.