It was Saturday night that Paul found himself in Sam's living room as Emily disappeared with the girls to go out and get some drinks. To relax. To forget about all the shit in their lives. So Bella could forget about Paul. If she got shit-faced drunk because of him, he'd never forgive himself.
But Paul was in the Uley house because he had skipped too many patrols with his anger or catching up for lost time at the mechanic shop. He needed the money to put food on his table or to pay the last of his father's pathetic mortgage.
"She likes me," Paul muttered. "I mean, she did. And fuck, Sam..." He groaned. "I've ruined everything."
"Yeah, you did," Sam said, holding a beer as they rested on the couches. Sam's brats had been long asleep, before Emily had even left. But if they woke, it was Paul's job to get them back to bed. Another lesson in patience Sam was trying to teach him.
"Why am I such an asshole?" Paul asked.
"Because you're an asshole and you want to be. There's no other reason." No other excuse. Fuck. He had been right. As soon as he knew Bella liked him, would have accepted the imprint, he was all over trying to make it work. He just needed a starting point, a conversation opener.
Sam wasn't helping. "I couldn't even... I couldn't even tell her she looked nice," Paul admitted quietly. Sam raised an eyebrow. His hackles rose at the look. "Yes, alright? She did. But I couldn't tell her to her face. Some shit spews out instead."
"You know, I remember your dad always saying things like that." Paul flinched, like Sam had stabbed him in the face with a knife. "Whenever I'd come over, and you'd show your mom your school work. He'd always say something to make you upset."
Paul's hands dug into his hair and he tugged. "I'm turning into my fucking father. Great. I'm an abusive, antagonizing piece of shit."
"So, you see the similarities."
"Of course I fucking do. I act just like him. Shit... I hate my dad."
"Yeah, I know. Everyone did."
Paul swallowed. "I don't want Bella to end up like my mother. Some self-loathing, depressed woman that never smiles, that never ... never did anything because she didn't want to make her husband mad, or ... or just be happy." He glanced up to Sam, his eyes nothing but tortured. "I can't be my dad."
"Then work for it, Paul."
"I'm trying, but I don't even know…. The last thing I said to her, when she was picking Emily up, before she left was how she was dressed like a prostitute I tipped in Seattle." Sam sighed, as if it proved he wasn't trying. "And now she's out in Port Angeles, and she's going to get drunk and sleep with some guy, and it's because I made her upset-"
"So, tomorrow, you apologize."
"I'm going to fuck it up. I always do."
"So, don't fuck it up."
"Then I'll fuck that up."
"Maybe you need to spend a few days in Makah. Get your mind off of things, just live with your cousin. And then when you get back, you can just start fresh."
"I spent three years away from her to get my mind off of things, and to start fresh." Paul shook his head. "It's not going to work. I'm my father. I'm my fucking dad and now what? I'm going to be an asshole until I get so drunk I kill myself."
"You don't have to be him. You can always try to be better."
Paul was quiet, tugging at his hear. And he lifted his head. "Yeah… okay, apologize to her and try to start over. You know? Just… start from square one."
Sam gave a pleased nod, his posture slipping into a relieved glance like he had been waiting for these words all along. "Exactly. You don't have to be a dick, Paul. If it helps, do it with your eyes closed. And just get it out. Practice in front of a mirror. And then it'll be out in the open and you can have a discussion… But you won't make your wolf happy until you tell her."
"Yeah, okay… when she gets back with the girls… Tell her then."
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "And don't you dare whimp out."
"Fuck, Sam, I'm not going to-"
"Paul..."
"Okay." Paul took a deep breath. "Tell her and run before I explode. I can do that."
"Hopefully, when you tell her, you won't be angry enough that you do explode." Paul wasn't giving himself that much credit. He knew he had a short temper. And he exploded over everything. But fuck him, if the moment his life meant something was the very second she slapped him in the face. Him, a six foot something bag of muscle had been slapped by all five foot boney her. And he hadn't felt the blow, not at all, but he knew she did. And she was his world then. He hadn't stopped thinking about her since.
The peaceful mood of accepting that they had reached a point in the relationship was cut short when Sam's phone rang. "Why is Charlie calling me at ten?" Sam muttered. Paul sat up, a little worried. Fuck, why did this feel so wrong? Charlie hardly ever called. Especially since he worked night shift. It was always Sue that called Sam when she said she thought she heard something downstairs – which turned out to be one of the younger pack looking for food and using the spare key.
"Hey, Chief," Sam answered. "What can I do for you?"
Paul practically exploded as he heard the sirens blaring. "Sam, I need… You're going to need to get to the hospital." Sam went rigid, and Paul could tell he was doing his best to stay calm. Paul copied his breathing to keep whole. "Bella's pretty bad. They're taking her by ambulance. Emily's got a concussion, I think, but she should be fine. Angela a broken arm. I don't know what else. I just got the call from one of the guys and I'm on my way there. But they're really worried about Bella and .. and I need to get to the crash site-"
"Are Leah and Kim alright? Stephanie and Hayley?"
"I don't know. I won't know until I get there. Shit, Sam… My baby girl-" Paul couldn't stop from breathing heavily though as he heard the fucking legend Charlie Swan give a choked sob. "I've already almost lost her once, Sam-"
"Where is the crash site?"
"Just off the turn from La Push to Forks."
Paul was already on his feet. "I've got Sue and Jake." It was all he needed to say before he was sprinting out the doors.
"Paul's on his way to you, Charlie. He's going to bring Sue and Jake. Bella's going to be fine, Charlie. She's always fine."
"The doctors… God, Sam, they said there was so much blood-"
"I'll grab Jared and we'll meet you and Paul at the hospital."
When Paul reached the Swan house, he got a text from Sam. "Can you stay in control?" Paul supposed it was a perfectly valid text. Afterall, he couldn't even hold it together just walking back from a patrol some nights. But at this point, the furthest thing from his mind was shifting. All he could think about was getting there. Was if Bella was okay. Was if he could do anything at all.
He texted back one word. "Yes."
Sue got into the car without a question. Mostly because Paul had greeted her by saying, "Get in the car. Don't ask questions. Keep your mouth shut or you'll have a wolf driving." It was rude, sure, but he really couldn't care less. Jared seemed to have gotten the text from Sam saying to be ready for Paul, and Paul barely even stopped the car.
"What happened?" Jared demanded. "I just heard a car accident."
Paul clenched his jaw, but explained. "I just know that the girls got in an accident a few miles away. Ange broke her arm, Emily's got a concussion… I don't know. Bella's..." Paul's words couldn't come out.
"We're going to the hospital?"
"We're meeting Charlie at the wreck," Paul said flatly. "He can't be driving. He could barely talk to Sam on the phone."
"And Bella's alright, right?"
Paul clenched his fist on the steering wheel. "He doesn't know. But his partner said she was… she was pretty bad."
"You're doing pretty well in control-"
Paul snarled at Jared. "This isn't fucking about me, okay? Bella could be dying. And you're worried about my anger being in check? Fuck you."
"She'll be okay," Sue said quietly. But they didn't speak again. The car was speeding, Paul knew that, but he slowed down as he saw police lights and his stomach twisted as violently as the car that was in the ditch. Jesus Christ. Paul was out of the car before Charlie even noticed them. And he was moving towards him, and unfortunately closer to the car. He could smell her scent all over the fucking place. Everywhere there was blood, he could smell her.
Stephanie and Hayley, as well as Sarah, Seth's girl, were talking to the first officer on scene. Charlie wouldn't take his eyes off of the car. "The deer just flew out in front of them," Hayley was saying, and she sounded like she had been crying. Paul didn't blame her. He felt like crying too as he saw how much blood was on the driver's seat. He knew Bella was driving. "They had no chance to even stop and… God, they just hit it and flew right into the ditch and-" Paul couldn't hear anything else. He was too busy trying to breathe normally. To not phase. He turned away, rubbing his face with his hands. And Charlie's hand touched his arm.
"They already got her to the hospital," Charlie said, and he sounded awful. He sounded worse than he did on the phone. It tore Paul's throat out. "We'll meet them there."
"I'll drive you." Paul's words left him before he knew what he was saying, but he didn't take them back. Charlie handed him the keys to his cruiser wordlessly and Paul tossed his keys at Jared. "I'm driving Charlie. Get to the hospital."
"On it," Jared said, and his eyes darted to the car again worriedly. Fucking hell.
But fuck him,, Paul was only worried about her. He could only think about her. If she was doing alright. If she was stable. If she was awake. If she was dead. Would he know? He felt like she already was. His heart felt like it was squeezed so tightly and his lungs weren't getting any air.
Paul was hitting the gas a lot harder than he should have, but Charlie didn't even say a word. He wanted to get there too.
"How do you turn your fucking lights on?" Paul demanded as he swerved around a slow car. "Because I'm not getting pulled over by your fellow officers for speeding."
Charlie didn't even scold him for the langauge. He was thinking a lot worse. And he flipped the switch for Paul, causing the sirens to blare. It killed Paul's ears, but it drowned out his thoughts.
"How bad was she?" Paul asked.
"I... They wouldn't tell me." Fuck. That had to have been bad, right? "They wouldn't let me ride with her. They wouldn't stop ... stop putting things on her and checking things."
"Was she driving?" He just needed to know if she was or not, even though he already knew. He had seen her in the drivers seat when he called her a … fuck, don't get angry. Not now. He needed Charlie to tell him he saw wrong.
"I think so." He had seen the drivers seat. The deer had pretty much completely crushed that side of the car. The blood had coated everything. "I need to call Renee and Phil and... Oh God."
"You find out what's going on with her. I'll call Renee and Phil." He had never even talked to them in his life, but Charlie seemed relieved with that. Paul remembered when Emily was in the hospital. Remembered when Sam couldn't even press the buttons on the phone. He probably didn't even do it to call Sam. Just pressed speedial 2. He had been the one to call Emily's parents, and been the one to tell them that a bear had attacked her while she was in the woods. He had been the one to make a cover story.
"Thank you," Charlie said, falling back into the seat.
Fuck, he was such a goner. And she... she was likely a goner too. They got to the hospital, Charlie not even waiting for the car to park before he was opening the door and getting out. He passed Paul his cellphone to call Renee and was gone into the ER doors. Sam was already there and when he spotted Paul, entering the room, and he went over to him and Jake.
"Well?"
"Charlie's finding out," Paul swallowed. He fell heavily between the two guys, and cleared his throat. "There was so much blood. The car was covered in her blood… All I could smell was her. I wouldn't even know someone else was in the car, it was so overpowering and… fuck."
"You have Charlie's phone," Jake observed quietly.
Paul glanced down at it. "I told Charlie I'd call her mom. I just… I need to breathe for a second."
Sam just nodded in understanding. "The car…?"
"They hit a deer," Paul said quietly. "A buck. I saw it on the side of the road. The antlers had… I don't even know, what happened. I just saw it and her friends were there and that's what they said. They fell into a ditch and… it was completely totaled. It looked like tinfoil."
"And Bella took the brunt of it."
Paul clenched his jaw, nodding. "Fuck," Jake whispered.
He searched Charlie's phone for contacts for Renee and Phil's number. He found Renee's number under Bella's Home. And then there was a separate contact for Renee with the same number. Bella was his whole world, too.
"I'll go check to make sure Charlie's getting something," Jake said, standing. And Sam sat with Paul as the phone rang.
"Hello?" a groggy voice asked. "Charlie? What's wrong? It's like two am here."
Shit. "Hey, this is Paul Lahote. I'm a friend of Charlie and Bella's from La Push." Jesus, friend was stretching it. But right now… right now he'd say anything. He just didn't know what to say. Why did he volunteer. "Bella's been in a pretty bad accident. Charlie's finding out what happened, but it's pretty… it's pretty bad. A deer came out on the road and…" Paul swallowed. He was about ready to hyperventilate himself. "She doesn't look so good."
He heard ruffling and the sound of the mother frantically waking her husband. "Phil! Phil, we need to get to Seattle. Get the car." And the woman seemed to be struggling to get herself together as well. "Thank you, Paul… We're on our way. Just make sure she hangs in there." Paul wasn't sure how he could do that. He barely spoke three nice words to her.
"Yeah, I'll… I'm sure Charlie will call with an update."
"If if you can't get ahold of us, please leave a text or something. We'll get those midair, at least. We'll be on the next flight out. I'll text the details."
"Yeah," Paul swallowed. He wanted to cry. He wanted to go and cry. "I'll do that."
"Tell everyone to hang in there. It'll be okay."
Paul wanted to believe her. He really did. He just didn't know what to believe anymore. When the line went dead, Paul swallowed and set the phone down beside him. And Sam's arm came around his shoulder, in support. Fuck.
"They'll be okay."
"Where are your kids?"
It seemed like such a stupid question, but it was the only thing Paul could think about when he noticed they weren't around.
"I dropped them off at Old Quil's on the way to get Jake. Claire and everyone are there too. They're waiting for any news."
Jake came back with a small smile. "Angela's just getting a cast and she'll be out soon. They think Emily will have to stay overnight because of the concussion, but they'll let us know once they've done an MRI. Bella's heading into surgery." Jake's tone dropped off at that.
"Is she okay?"
"She's got internal bleeding and they need to stop it," Jake said. But he hushed up as Charlie arrived. "Jared close?"
"Almost here. He followed the speed limit. And Kim?"
"She'll be out in a minute. A few stitches on the head, but she's good. She barely got anything."
Fuck, how did Bella manage to get hurt the most? Was it karma? Was it the imprint gods telling him he was a shit wolf and this was his punishment? He wasn't sure. But instead of approaching them, Charlie was heading for the vending machine, where he began to slide in dollar bills for a chocolate bar.
More updates will be coming all week. If you want to see any of my writing progress or how I'm coming along, check out my tumblr and twitter. I'll update my progress there regularly.