"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often" - Winston Churchill

It was done. My painting was done.

I stood there in the early hours of the morning, my artwork lit only by the rising sun shining through my window. I had came to a decision: the painting would remain in my room until I saw Hanako again. Then I would give it to her. After all, it was a gift, and a gift isn't a gift if it's not gifted.

I knew I was meant to move on from worrying about Hanako, but I still found her empty desk increasingly upsetting. Every time I tried to focus in class my gaze would fall back on that empty desk. I couldn't help it.

On one certain look, my eyes were caught by another sight. "Oh. Hey Miki"

Miki smiled at me. It was a big, toothy grin "Maybe you should go for lunch" she suggested "I can hear your stomach growling from over here"

I sighed as she approached me. I was hungry. She came at sat on the corner of my desk. I may have had to quickly avert my gaze as I found myself staring at her slender, tanned legs.

"So what you working on?" she asked with a smirk, seemingly enjoying my discomfort.

"Maths" I answered "I thought if I read it a bit, it'd make more sense but..." I sighed again. I hated numbers.

"Let me see!" she said, taking the textbook away from me before I could say anything. She skimmed through a few pages before dropping it back down on my desk "Screw math!" she stated "It's boring as hell"

"So you're not that good at it either?" I assumed

"Yep" she nodded "Hey, you think it's worth asking that librarian for help? I hear she's shooting for uni"

"Yuuko?" I was a little doubtful about her ability to help. I had the impression that any requests made of her would probably make her mind short-circuit from shock. "I don't know"

I stared at the books for a little longer before I thought of another question "Miki? Do you have any idea what you're doing after graduation?"

Miki seemed to think about it for a moment "...Nah, not really. Just enjoying it while it lasts" She dropped her gaze and rubbed her arm as she said it, so I think I made her uncomfortable.

"Sorry" I muttered

"You apologise a lot"

"Sorry about that"

"You thinking about Hanako?"

That question threw me a little "Um...Yeah" I sighed "Is it that...obvious?"

"You're quiet, but even quieter than usual. That and you've been looking at her seat a lot today. Doesn't take much to connect the dots"

I sighed "I worry. Is that wrong?"

"No, not really. I can see why you would be. She can get...weird, sometimes"

I tried to not get too annoyed by her comment. I doubt she meant it as insulting. I didn't think Miki was that kind of person.

"No offense, I mean" she quickly added "I know she's not a bad person"

"I know. It's just..." I struggled to verbalise what I was feeling "I have...feelings for her. I get frustrated when I hear bad things about her. Makes me feel less...sure, I guess"

"Sure of what?"

Of that, I had no idea. My response was to shrug my shoulders "I don't know"

"It's...hard to forget what happened to her during class, you know" Miki said.

I wished she hadn't reminded me. I knew people had seen her, but that didn't make me feel better, and I knew that people staring was precisely what Hanako didn't want.

"Hey," Miki gave me a gentle nudge "Don't get that down. She's done this kind of thing before. You just gotta' wait it out"

Was it really meant to be that easy? A girl that I liked locks herself in her room, refusing contact from those closest to her, from me, and I wasn't meant to be concerned? I knew there was nothing I could do, but that didn't make the decision to wait any easier.

And then that's when I saw it. I saw something that made me do a double take.

Hanako just walked into class.

She walked to her seat as calmly and quietly as she always did. She looked at me before blushing and dropping her gaze. It was then I realised I had been staring. I felt bad, but I couldn't help it.

Miki gave me a smirk "See? Your sweetheart's back already. What did I tell you?"

"Shut up" I grumbled

Miki chuckled, before getting off my desk "I gotta' go Kaito. Remember to eat some time, alright?"

"Okay" I smiled. It was nice to see that she cared. I wasn't sure if would call her a friend, but Miki wasn't exactly just a random person anymore. Regardless, I liked her. Not like as in "Hanako-like" like. But I was rambling. She left.

With no one else in class, I got up and went over to Hanako.

"H-Hello" she said as I approached.

"Hi" I smiled. We spent a moment in awkward silence before I added "So uh...How are you?"

"...I'm f-fine" she responded, her body language stiff like wood. Maybe I made a mistake talking to her so soon.

"You want to uh, get some food or something? I'm pretty hungry"

"But...I thought you were studying?"

"Math" I nodded "I don't like math. No good at it" Besides, studying could wait. I could only assume coming to class took a massive amount of effort on Hanako's part. I wanted to spend time with her, make sure that effort wasn't wasted "Besides, I lost my focus a while ago. Don't think I can think right for studying right now"

I held out my hand "Come on. Let's go"

She took my hand, and slowly rose from her chair "...Okay"

Days went by, and I found myself studying in the Shanghai. I had thought that maybe a change in environment would help. But admittedly, the improvement was only slight at best. At least it was quiet, and there was hot chocolate.

Hanako was back into the regular routine. But weirdly, I think I was the one that was different now. I think that was good though. I was a good different. I was trying to improve I told myself. Improve.

I still groaned in frustration. I was finding the subject too hard. That sounded whiny but it was true. Why did change have to be so difficult?

"Um..." came a voice. It was Yuuko. She was holding a damp towel in her hands.

"You need to clean the table?" I asked her

Yuuko jumped slightly at the sound of my voice "Well...yes, but that's not what I was..." she took a moment to compose herself "What are you having problems with?"

"History"

To say Yuuko's expression changed would be to put it lightly. If I could make someones day with a single word, it would seem that I'd done it "Oh! I think I can help you with that!" Her face became nervous again "Um, if you don't mind...of course..."

I welcomed the idea of help. Especially help that was offered. Made my life easier, after all "Okay" I nodded.

With a clap of her hands she threw her towel somewhere over the counter and came to sit down across from me "So what are you studying?" I handed her my notebook, to which she took with eager hands "So...the Edo Period. Is that what you're working on?"

I nodded "Know anything about that?"

She quickly read through my notes, her enthusiasm fading "I'm afraid I don't know much about this area. My area was more European history, mainly the classical era. Sorry" She sadly handed me my notebook back before her smile appeared again "Would you like another hot chocolate?"

I nodded with a smile "Please"

I leaned back in my seat, eyes closed, enjoying the peaceful quiet as Yuuko went and made my hot chocolate. I enjoyed everything that Yamaku and the town had to offer. The quiet of the town, its rural greenery, the relaxing pace that everyone lived at, as well as the order and routine that was school life. Everything was certain, and familiar. Familiar was good.

I hoped that, when the day came that I would have to live on my own (wasn't that a scary thought), that I could live in a town just like it.

I almost fell asleep, with only the sound of Yuuko placing my hot chocolate on the table bringing me to my senses.

Yuuko sat down as I took a careful sip of my drink. It was still a little hot and I didn't want to burn my tongue like the last one.

"It's a shame you're no good at history" Yuuko said "Although I would guess you were more of a science student"

"Why?"

"You've read nearly the entire science fiction section of the library already, both the Japanese and English books" she smiled

I shrugged "I like biology, but the other sciences...chemistry and physics and that..." I shook my head "No good. Too many numbers"

"That's a shame" Yuuko seemed genuinely sad on my behalf.

"Do you really like history then?" I asked "I mean, I heard you were taking it in college or something"

Yuuko nodded a "Yes" so I kept speaking "You want to go to all the old places in other countries? See all the things, like a digger or something?"

She nodded again "Yep. I'd like to visit the mediterranean sometime and see the old architecture and art for myself, although I don't think I could ever trust myself to handle such delicate things. I'm saving up so I can formally study it in university, although I am reading up on it whenever I have the time"

I blew on my hot chocolate "Sounds exhausting" I commented

"Yeah" Yuuko seemed to deflate a little, as if my comment just reminded her how tired she ought to be "It is"

So I sat there in silence, sipping hot chocolate while trying to read my book at the same time, while Yuuko sat across from me in silence. She seemed to be enjoying the quiet too.

I looked up after what felt like an hour (it was probably less) to see Yuuko waving to someone outside. The quick ring of the bell at the door revealed who it was.

It was Hanako.

She made her way over to us, sitting down with a polite "H-Hello..."

"Good afternoon" Yuuko smiled in return

"Hey" I smiled as well "What's up?"

"N-Nothing..." Hanako said " I was just...g-going for a walk...since the weather was nice"

"Yeah" I agreed "It is today, isn't it? Much nicer here than the library. Can't see the sun in the library"

Yuuko nodded in agreement "It's just a shame that summer can't last forever" Her face quickly became alarmed as she turned to Hanako "I'm sorry! Would you like a drink?"

Hanako shook her head, so Yuuko calmed down "H-How are you going with studying?" Hanako asked me.

"Okay...I guess" I shrugged.

"How's Lilly doing?" Yuuko asked Hanako

"Sh-She's enjoying it...I think" she answered

Yuuko sighed "It would be so nice to travel to Scotland. Green fields, castles, lovely small towns, men in kilts (she seemed to space out a little at that), interesting history..."

"Also rain" I added "My dad grew up there. He says we get more sun here"

The doorbell rang again. Yuuko shot up like she sat on a nail, startling Hanako in the process, giving a quick bow and leaving to greet the new customers. The pair of us were left alone. Hanako was staring at me with her one visible eye, although her gaze dropped when I took notice.

"Did you know Yuuko was going to university?" She shook her head "Neither did I" I leaned back in my seat with a sigh "Must be nice, knowing what you're gonna' do with your life"

As much as I wanted to just relax and enjoy Hanako's presence, I really needed to concentrate on my studying. I had to ease my stressed mind a little "Sorry, but I might not talk much. I need to study on this, otherwise I'm going to fail History" I took another sip of my chocolate, stared into the book and tried to get to work.

A few seconds passed before Hanako stopped staring at me and started to lean back in her seat, looking out the window to pass the time.

We stayed like that until the sun started to set. I'm actually surprised she stayed.

The library was busier than usual. Not sure I liked that. I liked it when it was quiet. Quiet meant peace, which meant thinking. But I suppose there are people like me in the school, panicking and speed reading every note they can get their hands on.

I've been studying more and more these days, which meant I haven't been playing with Hanako as much as I used to. I think she's been studying more now as well. She's not in the library though, which saddened me a little. I liked to see her. Her beanbag seemed so lonely without her sitting in it.

I had been studying for what felt like hours. I was bored, and I wanted to see Hanako, so I left to go find her. Maybe we could play a game or something.

She wasn't in the library, so I checked the tea-room. She wasn't there either, so I checked her room. She was there.

Hanako was sitting at her desk, books laid out in front of her. She was staring out the window. I don't think she heard me open the door.

She looked so calm and at peace. I wish she could look like that more often.

I smiled as I said "Hanako?"

She turned to look at me. Her face seemed like she was only half-there, if that made sense.

"How you doing?" I asked her.

She blinked, as if emerging from a dream, and gasped like she had only just noticed me. Her face turned bright red, her mouth open. She was staring at me. Staring so intently that if I squinted I could just see my reflection in them. Her eyes were beautiful.

I felt heat rush to my face "Uh...Hanako?"

Her mouth moved ever so slightly, but no sound emerged. As if she wanted to say something, but couldn't quite bring herself to say it. I wished I could figure out what she was thinking, but I never could. I wish I could. It just frustrated me that after all this time I've known her, and she still feels like a stranger sometimes.

"K...Kaito..." she finally says.

Eventually we broke eye contact, her faces both the colour scarlet. Awkward silence filled the room. I so desperately wanted to say something, anything, but my mind and mouth just weren't on the same page. Why did this always happen when I actually want to speak?

A confusing flood of emotions filled my mind, I could only figure what a few of them were. Mainly happiness and anger. Happiness because just seeing Hanako made me feel better, and anger because I felt that friends (or whatever we were) shouldn't have this much difficulty talking.

An idea flashed in my mind like a flare. I just hoped it worked "Can I show you something?"

"W...What is it?" she asked, her voice quiet.

I offered her my hand "Just...come with me"

She stared at me, and for a moment I had panicked that she would say no. But finally, she slowly rose from her chair and hesitantly took my hand.

I led her out of the girls dorm and into the boys. I hadn't noticed her blush until we stopped at me door and I had to let go of her hand to get the door open.

"Are you okay?" I asked

She nodded "It's just...this is the boys dorm..."

"And I was just in the girls dorm" I couldn't really see the issue "Several times actually"

She never said anything else, so I led her inside my room.

I waved a hand to my easel "What do you think?"

Her eyes widened as she looked at the painting. "It's...It's me"

It was. Specifically, a painting of her reading in the library on her little beanbag. Her hair framed her face and her eyes shone with the beauty that I saw in them. Her smile was small, but it was her smile: small, peaceful and absolutely adorable. The most difficult part of the painting was the intricate pattern of her scars. The faint discolouration of them was difficult to make. Well, to be honest, all her colours (hair, eyes, scars etc) was quite hard to match. She was truly unique.

Hanako seemed totally captivated by it. Hesitantly, she reached out and ran her finger over the scarred imagery "Was...Was this what you were..."

I nodded "Yes. I meant to give it to you earlier, but I uh, kinda forgot"

"It's beautiful"

I smiled "You're beautiful"

Her hand froze as I told her. Sensing that I may have said a little too much, I decided to move the conversation to its second phase. This was the part that I was really nervous about "There's...There's something else that I...that I wanted to show you"

She looked at me expectantly, her cheeks still a little red from my earlier compliment.

"Don't freak out" I said "I'm just uh, going to take my shirt and that off"

Hanako's jaw dropped and her eyes grew to the size of saucers. I quickly added "Don't freak out! I'm not getting naked or anything I just...I just wanted to show you some things"

Awkwardly, I took off my tie and wriggled out of my shirt as Hanako watched with a look that spoke of both embarassment and curiousity. She didn't make a sound as my shirt hit the floor, not followed long after by my trousers.

I was only in my boxer shorts now. I slowly made my way over to my bed, whereupon I sat down and removed my fake leg.

Taking a breath and sitting up as straight as I could, I looked at Hanako and said "This...is what I wanted to show you. All of this"

Tentatively, Hanako came to me and crouched down so she was eye level with me. Then she placed a hand on one of my scars, the one on my right hand side where the doctors had to cut me open so they could fix my collapsed lung. Another big one that ran up my intact leg so they could put pins in my femur. And they were just the biggest ones. My body was covered with lots of scar tissue, from lacerations caused by hitting rocks and thorns at high speed that never fully healed, to the scar tissue on my stumps.

Her hands were cold, which I decided I liked. Maybe I was just warm, but her cool touch was really nice. Her hand wasn't trembling either, which surprised me.

"This is..." she said "This is everything?"

I slowly nodded "Yep"

"I never knew..." Her voice was soft, barely more than a whisper. Whatever she going to say was never finished. Her hands were really soft.

"You're..." I said "You're the first person to see all this. Apart from the hospital I mean. I haven't shown anyone apart from that"

"But...Why are you showing this to me?"

"Because..." I found the words hard to vocalise "Because I want to change. To feel...better. I figured if I showed you then...then..." I sighed "I dunno'. I just...wanted to show you"

She nodded anyway. She seemed to get that what I was doing was really difficult for me. I had always been self-conscious about my appearance, at least to a degree, even before my accident. The accident though turned my worries about messy hair to the scars. Always the scars.

We stayed like that for a long time, until she pulled her hand away with a quiet gasp. Her face went red and she looked away. Took me a while to realise why...

I was hard. Very hard (fucking hormones).

With a blush of my own I crossed my legs in a vain attempt to hide my manhood. I then settled for just sitting my pillow on my lap.

"Uh..." I spluttered "What I was uh...What I was trying to say was uh...You're not the only one that's scarred"

Hanako chuckled, actually chuckled at that, although she still refused to look at me anymore "Thank you...K-Kaito. I think...I think I understand"

I flashed an awkward smile with a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure how she'd react to me, and I was really afraid that my unintentional reaction to a girls touch had ruined the moment, but it seemed that it had all worked out for the best. Hanako was smiling after all, and she had an amazing smile.

Hanako quickly checked her watch "Um...Kaito? I need to uh..."

I nodded "I get it. Goodnight Hanako"

"G-Goodnight" she smiled back. Then she left, closing the door behind her.

With myself already stripped down, I just laid down on my bed and drifted off to sleep. Or at least I would have, if my thoughts would settle. I kept thinking about Hanako. About how her touch felt on my body, about how nice it felt, how my body reacted to it and aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!

I think I need another cold shower before I sleep.