To the person who said they miss our crack fics, 1. we have a crack fic on the way, and 2. how dare you assume that just because this fic is serious and we worked hard on it and it has a plot that it isn't still a crack fic
Free Mango Muffin
Clary stood in Magnus's kitchen, attempting once again to perfect this stupid cheese souffle.
Magnus had suggested the recipe, saying that something so flashy and complicated would give her a good chance. But she had no idea how to make a fucking goddamn cheese souffle!
She groaned in frustration again, looking down at the watery mush that sat on the plate of her 5th attempt.
Magnus frowned down at the goop. "Maybe we should try leaving it in the oven longer?" he said, just as they heard the door shut.
They turned towards the front door to see a tall man with black hair and a matching suit.
"Hello," Clary said, extending her hand to the stranger. "You must be Alec."
He squinted at her. First at her bruised face, which he seemed to ignore, then her blazing red hair. "You're a ginger," he said, extending his hand. It wasn't an insult, or a compliment really. Just an observation.
"Alec," Magnus said, scolding him. "That's terribly rude. There's nothing wrong with being Irish."
"Swiss, actually," Clary corrected.
"What? Then why the hell can't you make a CHEESE souffle?"
Alec threw his briefcase onto the leather couch in their minimalist living room, which was, of course, tastefully decorated.
"You seem familiar. Have we met before?" Clary asked, almost absentmindedly.
"No," he responded without hesitation.
"So," Clary said, changing the subject. "Magnus was wondering if I could borrow your sequin dress for the baker's audition tomorrow."
Alec turned a bright shade of red. "It's not my dress," he said through clenched teeth. "Magnus, no matter how many sequin dresses you buy, I am not going to be your sexy magician's assistant."
"Boo, you whore," Magnus yelled through a mouthful of mushy souffle.
Alec rolled his eyes and walked across the living room through the door on the other side. "I'll be in my office," he said before closing the bathroom door.
"It's not you," Magnus said reassuringly. "He just doesn't know how to interact with people."
Clary sighed, walking back behind the counter and began moving the plates of failed souffles aside. "I don't know why you suggested this. I've never been good at souffle. Can't I make something I'm comfortable with?"
Magnus shrugged. "Do you, boo. We have all night to prepare."
"Crap," Clary cursed under her breath. It was getting late, and her brother had no idea where she was. "I just need to make a quick phone call first," she said to Magnus, stepping into another room and pulling out her phone. There were three missed calls, all from John.
Clary dialed his number and waited as the phone rang.
"Clary?" John asked, sounding worried.
"Yeah, hi."
"Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be home an hour ago, I've been worried sick."
Clary smiled. "Sorry. I got caught up with a friend. I think I'm going to stay the night."
There was a pause.
"What friend?" John sounded skeptical. Which was reasonable, since Clary didn't have any friends.
"Magnus," she said, hoping she wouldn't have to continue, knowing how her brother would react.
"Magnus who?" he asked, a hint of excitement in his voice.
Clary sighed. "Magnus Bane."
There was a squeal on the other side of the line, so high pitched that it almost sounded like nails on a chalkboard. There was a clacking sound, like the phone had hit the floor. Then several thumps that followed, which Clary recognised as the sound of John jumping up and down.
He picked back up the phone. "Sorry, I dropped the phone."
"So I heard."
"Clary, where does he live? What is his favourite flower? Clary. Clary, where is his window? I'll get my boombox. I have careless whisper on CD. Clary, tell me."
Clary giggled. "Ok, it was nice talking to you John. I'll see you tomorrow."
OoOoOoO
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, those who don't identify by a gender, welcome to the grand competition that will echo throughout history! ECHO ECho echo..."
"Magnus, it's literally just the three of us here. The contestants aren't even here. They're in the kitchen. There's no audience. What the fuck."
Magnus smiled, ignoring Jace's comment. "Today, our contestants will be competing for eternal glory, and a job, but mostly eternal glory, by seeing who can bake the best pastry and impress the judges! Our judge's panel consists of the handsome accountant slash lawyer with an even more handsome, sexy, incredible boyfr—"
"Magnus," Alec interrupted.
"Yes, me. Alec Lightwood!" Magnus clapped his hands with way more enthusiasm than was necessary. "Next, is the amazing ex baker of Herondale Coffee Co. who left to join the police force that sorta not really protects this city, Jordan Kyle!" He clapped again, less fiercely, but it was still kinda too much. "And finally, the beautiful, the blonde, the owner of this shop, the cranky because a certain redhead still hasn't called him, Jace Herondale!" Magnus clapped slowly and sarcastically, getting closer and closer to Jace until his hands were in his face.
"The desserts will be brought out one by one for you, and at the end the baker will be revealed after you pick the winner."
Magnus walked behind the counter to where a cloth was lying flat. He lifted it, and underneath where the cloth had been completely flat, were three plates. He distributed the plates and brought the golden microphone, which was not plugged into anything, back to his mouth. "This contestant has brought you a little taste of their hometown with this Mexican pastry. The salsa cupcake is made with delicious tortilla dough stuffed with salsa and topped with moist guacamole." Magnus whispered the last few words in Jace's ear, backing up slowly for dramatic effect.
The three judges lifted the cupcake to their mouths and simultaneously took a bight. Jordan smiled, making a delighted sound as he chewed and swallowed.
Jace shrugged, not spitting it out but not seeming overly pleased.
Alec chewed his bite with an open mouth as though he was trying not to let it touch his tongue. He leaned over his plate and let the food fall out of his mouth like an avalanche of tortilla and guacamole. He looked up at the other two judges with a frown. "I don't like it," he whined, crinkling his nose.
Magnus sighed at his ridiculous boyfriend as he moved the three plates out of the way and brought three new ones. These ones held tiny spherical cakes about two inches in diameter. "This next contestant made a creamy strawberry cheesecake with caramel sauce. Much more boring than the last dish, but whatever, just eat it," Magnus shrugged.
"I like the presentation," Jace said, admiring the way the golden-brown sauce decorated the plate surrounding the cake.
"It looks fully cooked," said Jordan, using his fork to turn the little cake on its side. "It's pretty hard to mess up a cheesecake, but it's impressive that they finished it with the time given."
"Yeah," Alec agreed, taking a forkful. "It looks good," he said, bringing the fork to his mouth. Once the fork touched his tongue he immediately gagged. "Oh god, oh god, it burns my soul, don't eat it!"
Jace and Jordan looked at him like he was crazy and both took a bite at the same time. They shrugged in unison.
"It's not that bad," said Jordan. "The flavor is good, it's just kind of grainy."
"CHEESE IS NOT GRAINY!" Alec yelled, waving his fork in their faces. "YOU'RE EATING CAT FECES, PEOPLE!"
Magnus attempted to calm his boyfriend as he cleared the plates and brought in the new ones.
"This next contestant prepared a classic peanut butter cookie with crushed peanuts sprinkled on top."
Jordan and Jace each took a bite of the cookie, and immediately gagged.
Jordan turned his face to the side and spit his bite into a napkin respectfully.
Jace, too afraid to be emasculated, swallowed.
Alec looked at the two boys like they were pussies. He scoffed, smirked, and lifted the cookie to his mouth. He barely licked it, and immediately started to foam at the mouth. He fell to the ground, his body seizing.
Magnus yelped, kneeling down beside Alec and began to slap him back and forth.
Alec gasped, sitting up quickly. Magnus sighed with relief.
"I thought I lost you," he muttered, wiping the foam from his mouth and leaning in for a kiss. Their lips met, and Alec projectile vomited all over Magnus' face.
OoOoOoO
Magnus and Alec exited the bathroom, Alec looking extremely apologetic at a seemingly angry Magnus. He took his gold microphone and brought it back to his lips. "Thank you for waiting through that brief intermission. We will now move on to the final contestant."
Magnus brought the three plates to the three judges and smiled. "This contestant prepared a beautiful mango muffin with extra cinnamon and extra love. And nutmeg." Magnus threw a handful of gold and silver confetti. "The dough is cooked to perfection and the recipe is so perfect you all might just cum in your pants," he whispered, winking at Alec.
"Gee, I wonder who his favorite is," Jordan muttered, picking up the muffin for inspection. "It looks nice and golden brown," he observed, taking a tentative bite.
"I like mangos," Jace muttered, talking around the entire muffin, which he had somehow managed to cram in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed, sighing like he was in heaven.
"Jace?" Alec asked. "Where's the paper?"
Jace paled. "Shit."
Alec rolled his eyes, looking down at the muffin. "It looks ok, I guess." He picked up the muffin and took one small bite. His eyes widened, He dropped the muffin as his hand slammed down on the table repeatedly as he let out a loud grunt.
When he finally calmed down, Alec sat there with his eyes wide, panting.
"Are you ok?" Jordan asked.
Alec blushed, swiftly closing his legs. "I'm fine," he said quickly.
"Soooooooooooooooo," Magnus said, excited. "I think we have a winner."
The three judges nodded in unison.
Magnus turned towards the back door and opened it, revealing a small redhead who for some reason was standing there the entire time. "I knew you would pick her!"
"Clary!" Jace exclaimed, standing from his seat. He rushed towards her as though he were going to hug her, then stopped a few feet away, clearing his throat. "Congrats on the job."
"Thanks," she smiled, blushing a little. "Sorry I never called. I wanted to, but I lost your number."
Jace looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's ok, I understand."
"Yeah," Alec said, nodding towards Clary. "Your muffin was much better than that seizure cookie."
"Alec," Magnus stage whispered, which was completely audible to everyone. "You literally came in your pants."
Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Leave a review on your way out ;)
xoxo
-R&A