San Diego 1999

"I could give you 50 for this one."

Tara looked up at the man. "That's fine."

The man nodded behind the cage.

Tara looked around as the man continued to study her jewelry pieces. The pawnshop was filled with old antiques and bits and pieces from people who were in her same situation.

Her father's cousin had just lost her job. Tara couldn't rely on her father to send her money given that his alcoholism was raging out of control according to her cousin. The new semester was starting up and she needed the money ASAP to buy her books. She wasn't making enough as a waitress in the small diner where she worked to cover all her expenses.

"150 for this one."

Tara snapped out of her inner musings. She looked at the piece the man was holding up. It was a beautiful necklace that she inherited from her mother. It was a thin silver chain with a small silver ball, which hung from the end. Feeling a knot in her throat, Tara nodded and looked away as the man continued to study the remaining pieces, giving her prices with each piece he studied.

"Wow. This is really something. Someone paid a fortune for this one."

Tara looked at the piece he was holding up. It was a charm bracelet given to her when she turned eighteen. Tara took the piece from his hands and looked at it for one last time. Even though she knew the piece by heart, she just needed to hold it.

Each charm had a meaning behind it. A small silver motorcycle symbolizing her first ride with Jax—a ride that had her clutching to him with all her might because she was so scared they would get into an accident. The faster he went, the tighter she held causing him to roar in laughter as the wind blew and the sun shone brightly.

A feather, which represented Samcro because one day he was going to rule the MC he loved so much. She could still vividly recall every party and every night she spent in the clubhouse, being part of his world. Even though she left Charming to escape the influence of the MC, there were times when she really missed the easy going relationship she had with multiple members of the club. She missed the jokes, the parties…she missed having that nuclear family.

An open book because she was the "nerd of all nerds," as Jax often said as he teased her for her studious nature. He loved her intelligence but it was her studies and her desire to become something more than an Old Lady that drove her away from Charming. Now, nearly three years later, she did not regret leaving so she could get degree but as the years passed the hole in her heart grew bigger and bigger.

A maple tree that symbolize the mellow where they spent so many hours, talking, laughing, making love… that mellow became their beacon whenever they wanted to escape the harsh realities of Charming.

A crescent moon, "because I love you to the moon and back," he had whispered once after they made love. "You are everything to me Tara," he said as he gently kissed her lips. That night, they made love countless times and each time she fell more and more in love with him.

And a solitary heart. "My heart will always belong to you, babe," he said as he gently put the charm on her bracelet after one of their nastier arguments. It was six months before she left Charming.

"Miss?"

Tara swallowed back her tears. Clearing her throat, she handed the bracelet back to the man. "How much?"

"200"

Tara shook her head. "Absolutely not! This is worth much more and you know it."

"Look sweetheart, I am sure it does, but this is no Tiffany's piece. You could take it or leave it."

The sob escaped her lips before she could even stop it. The man gave her a sympathetic look as he watched her break apart in front of him. It felt like her heart was breaking again into a million pieces. For a few minutes she allowed for the sorrow to consume her as she cried for her love lost.

"Listen..." the man took a deep breath. "I usually don't do this but I'll put this on the side for you for a couple of months. You don't come back to get it by the end of the year, I'll put it up for display. But 200 is the most I am going to give you sweetheart."

Tara nodded as the tears continued to stream down her face. "It's worth so much more," she whispered as the man handed the money that would go towards her books.

Charming 1997

"JAX!"

He mumbled in his sleep. He felt his body moving involuntarily as someone shook him.

"Jackson Nathaniel Teller, you get up from this bed, right now!" Gemma shouted from the top of her lungs.

Jax turned his head away from his mother as he heard someone whisper, "...come on Gem... Let me have a word with him."

He heard the sharp intake of breath she took before her heels made him aware that she was walking out of his room. The slamming of his door also proved to him that Gemma was hella pissed off and he knew he would pay for that later.

His head was pounding. He needed a shower ASAP and a big cup of coffee. It was the smell of the cigarette that made him open his eyes even though he regretted it immediately. The light that was streaming into his room seemed to make his headache worse. Sitting up on his bed, Jax looked at the man that was occupying his desk chair. They stared at one another for a few minutes, he silently smoking his cigarette as Jax silently watched him.

"Look, say what you came to say and get out. I want to be the fuck alone."

"What are you doing, Jax?"

Jax scoffed. He was about to rub his face with his hands when he noticed the hospital bracelet on his wrist. "What the fuck?"

Bobby put out his cigarette. "That's what happen when you drink 3 bottles of tequila in one night. We had to drag our ass to the ER. They pumped that six pack of yours and gave you an IV to make sure you didn't dehydrate or some shit like that. You were too fucked up to even know what was going on. You demanded to be released even though the doc wanted to keep you there overnight. Went ape shit on some poor nurse. Nearly gave Gemma a heart attack"

"I don't remember any of that."

"Of course you won't. Do you even know what has been going on around you for the past 3 months? Have you looked around you?"

Jax looked down at his sheets. He could smell the booze coming out of his pores in waves. His headache wasn't getting any better.

"Look Jax. I know how you are feeling."

Jax scoffed again. He rubbed his tired eyes and looked at Bobby. "Do ya?" he replied sarcastically.

Bobby nodded. "Before I came to Charming with your pops and Clay, I learned to cook the books for the Mafia in Reno—learned it from my Old Man. I was making good money, ya know? One day, when I was about your age, I was down in one of the Mafia owned bar, when the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes came waltzing into the bar with a bunch of her gals. She was a stunner, that one." Bobby crossed his legs in front of him and leaned back on the chair. "When I asked the bartender to send over a drink to her, he flat out refused. Told me she was the daughter of one of the Mafia's henchmen. Told me to stay away from her but I couldn't Jackson. Six months later, she was my Old Lady. We were real happy, Terri and I."

Jax knew his brothers. They have shared so much in the past three years and that's why the members of Samcro were his family, Bobby included. Bobby was always the conscious of the club. Always had a calm but passionate demeanor to him as he tried to reason with his brothers when things were getting too intense inside the Chapel and today, in his room, Bobby's calmness had an eerie aura to it.

"What happened to Terri?"

"The Mafia has a lot of enemies, Jackson."

Jax looked at his fellow brother. Silently, Bobby got up from the chair and walked over to Jax's bed. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Bobby patted Jax's knee. "Miss her. Cry for her if you have to but don't drown yourself in your own sorrow, Jax. What you are doing right now, it ain't good for no one. Drinking your pain away ain't going to bring her back. She is gone. She has been gone for months now and she ain't coming back. Move on. She has. Don't forget that you have the club. We got your back brother…" Giving him one last pat on the knee, Bobby walked out of his room and shut the door.

Minutes after Bobby left, Jax stood from his bed and walked into his bathroom. Turning on the lights, what he saw in his reflection shook him to his core. His face was hallowed in and he had dark circles around his eyes. The beard on his chin was growing out of control and his hair was full with knots. Leaning against the sink, Jax took a deep breath. He couldn't continue living like this…he was a walking zombie, living in autopilot.

His body started trembling. He held onto the sink with all his might but the tremors starting wrecking havoc on him. He felt powerless and lost. When he couldn't hold them anymore, he allowed for the tears he held in for months to fall freely down his face.

She was really gone.

Tara was gone.