I'm sorry I made everyone cry and angry (I didn't think Andrea was being a bitch, I think she was just trying to be a stinker. Trying to get a rise out him without realizing how rude she really was).
It was a dramatic twist that had to happen...forgive me.
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Carol's eyes fluttered open slowly, the tent was still dark due to the blankets that covered the sides, Daryl's version of insulation. At that thought, Carol's heart squeezed uncomfortably and she felt tears stinging her eyes and she wondered vaguely if she would ever feel normal again...it had been three days and the ache was still as fresh as the moment she'd heard those words: 'He's gone'.
Getting up in the morning had always been easy for Carol, but now it was one of the hardest things in the world, second only to falling asleep. When she would lay down at night to sleep, she couldn't even imagine being able to sleep ever again, the emptiness beside her was like a black hole that was pulling her soul out of her. She didn't realize it was possible to cry as much s she did every night, she had even begun to feel a little dehydrated. Even Sophia's body next to her did little to fill the void he'd left.
Getting up was hard because she felt like there was little purpose anymore. What was there to live for? And then she would remember...her daughter. Sophia was her purpose now. And she would sit up and gather together all the emotional, mental and physical strength that remained and force herself to rise to her feet and take one step at a time.
"Sophia," she whispered, kneeling down to shake her daughter's shoulder, "Sophia, it's time to get up."
Sophia groaned but rolled over and nodded, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles. Carol rose again and grabbed her bow, her fingers traced gently over her named carved into the wood, Daryl's handwriting. She bit her bottom lip as her throat tightened but she turned and crept out of the tent, nocking an arrow and scanning the area for any sign of walkers as Daryl had always done. When she was satisfied that all was well, she slipped back inside and changed out of her pajamas and into her jeans and sweater. She let herself go slightly limp as she twisted the ring on her finger and sighed lightly, Sophia sat down next to her.
"Mom?" she said softly, "Are you ok?"
Carol shook her head slowly.
"No, baby," she said quietly, "I'm not...but I will be. It's going to take some time."
Sophia nodded and reached behind Carol where Daryl's bag laid and pulled something out. She then laid it softly on Carol's lap. Carol smiled and let out a choked sob when she recognized Daryl's winged vest/jacket and she pulled the material to her face to catch the tears that began to fall, his scent was strong on it and that only increased the amount of tears.
"Let's get going, mom," Sophia said softly, standing up and tugging her mother's hand. "Dad wouldn't want us to sit around crying. He'd say 'suck it up'."
Carol couldn't help it, she laughed. It was a weird, half choked laugh, but it felt good anyway...just a tiny bit of endorphins. She looked up at her daughter and smiled lightly then she stood and slipped her arms through the sleeves of the jacket, taking a long whiff of the collar, and nodded at her daughter as they exited the tent together to face the day.
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"Sophia, grab your bow," Carol announced as she emerged from the farmhouse after breakfast, "We're going shooting."
Sophia grinned and ran ahead to the tent and ran back with both her and Carol's bows and quivers. This was the first time in the three days, four if you counted this one, that Carol had given even a thought to anything else but her grief. But what Sophia had said that morning had gotten her thinking...it was true, Daryl wouldn't want then giving up, he would want them to be safe and strong and so Carol was determined to start training with her daughter to improve their skills. Carol didn't know the first thing about hunting, but she was going to try.
"Sophia, let's not go to the range," Carol stated, causing Sophia to cock her head in confusion, "Let's...let's try to bring back some food, huh?"
Sophia's smile widened and Carol felt a rush of hope invade her heart at the sight. She wasn't alone, not while her daughter was alive. She placed a hand on Sophia's shoulder and they headed for the woods across the field.
When they reached the trees, Carol focused on trying to walk silently as she scanned the area around them for walkers or animals. Sophia barely made any noise as she walked along beside her and Carol smiled as she imagined her daughter had a knack for this.
Suddenly, Sophia stopped in her tracks and crouched down, motioning for Carol to do the same, then pointed to the left. Carol looked over where she was pointing and saw a lone walker swaying on its feet next to a large rock. The familiar cold fear clutched her, but Carol placed a hand on Sophia's back and nodded, pulling an arrow from her quiver, Sophia did the same and they both stood and nocked their arrows.
"If I miss, take a shot," Carol whispered as she took aim. Her heart was racing and memories of her training came flying into her mind, she could almost feel Daryl's arms and hands readjusting her stance and hear his voice telling her to keep her elbow straight. Carol closed her eyes for a second and took a steadying breath, then opened them, aimed and let the arrow fly. It connected with the walker's had with a sickening thud and the walker dropped like a stone. Carol sighed and relaxed and Sophia released the tension on her string but left the arrow on it as they approached the body to reclaimed Carol's arrow.
"Good eyes, Sophia!" she praised her daughter's abilities, "I didn't see it!"
"Thanks," Sophia replied with a grin, "Dad always says..."
Carol felt her throat constrict as Sophia's face scrunched painfully.
"I'm sorry, mom," she said with a whimper, "I didn't mean to..."
"Shh, Sophia," Carol knelt down and pulled her daughter into a tight hug, bow and all. "I don't want you to forget anything he told you. Now tell me, what was it he always said?"
"He...he always said that a hunter didn't need a sixth sense, all you need is the five you have, just use them the best you can."
"He was right," Carol wiped away the tears that were dripping from her daughter's eyes, "You know what else he use to always say? 'Quite yer bawlin'."
Sophia giggled sadly and nodded.
"He told YOU that," she countered, "He hated when you cried."
Carol couldn't stop the tears, they came suddenly and she pulled her daughter close again and they shook with sobs together, successfully frightening away all the game there may have been in the area. She just wanted to hold her forever, but eventually she released her grip and let Sophia step back slightly.
"C'mon, mom," she said with a small smile, "Let's go get Lulu, I bet she'll help us hunt!"
It was true, Lulu DID help them, in fact Lulu did most of the hunting. The only problem was that Lulu ATE the game she caught and wasn't fond of sharing. Sophia managed to get a rabbit away from her but the squirrels she caught were down in a few gulps.
"Lulu, give me it!" Sophia pulled the rabbit from the bobcat's paws and Lulu looked indignant but let it go without even a snap. Sophia had trained her well and Carol was glad she could feel safe with Lulu. Daryl had been right about it after all...
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Carol and Sophia returned an hour later and handed Patricia their slightly chewed on rabbit with matching grins. Patricia took it gingerly but praised their success none the less.
When they approached the RV where the group was gathered, in deep discussion, Carol knew something was up. Eyes darted in her direction and talk died down to whispers as they approached and Lori walked up to meet her before she arrived.
"Carol...I know you're not going to want to do this," she said softly, soothingly. "But we think it would be the right thing to do if we built a cairn...for Daryl."
Carol closed her eyes tight, knowing what Lori was really saying. Carol, I know you're in denial, but we think it's time for you to accept the fact that Daryl is really dead and we think a grave will help you get to that point.
"Lori..." Carol wanted to protest, to demand more time...but for what? She knew she was only dragging out the inevitable. "When?"
Lori looked surprised.
"When what?"
"When are we doing it?"
"Whenever you're ready..." Lori said, shaken by Carol's sudden agreement.
"Let's get it over with then," Carol's voice was cold. She and Sophia walked around Lori and towards the group. "Come on, guys, let's do it now."
Everyone eyed her warily as she walked past them, towards their makeshift graveyard where Otis' cairn, Shawn, Beth's mother and several others lay, but they followed her slowly. Everyone started picking up rocks and placing them in the wheelbarrow as they went, Carol picked one up and carried it by it's self as did Sophia...the stones to be placed last.
When they'd gathered enough, they got together under the tree and Rick laid the first stones in four corners making a rectangle roughly six feet in length and three in width. The others got to work piling stones from the outside in, making a miniature, odd shaped pyramid of rocks. Finally, everyone stepped back and Carol and Sophia stepped forward to place their stones. Sophia set hers at the top and stepped back, sniffing and dripping tears but Carol hesitated to set her stone on the pile. If she set this stone down, it was her way of accepting this lot, this horrible blow to her life, and she didn't know if she could.
"I...I don't want to let him go," she whispered out loud, to no one in particular. She felt a warm hand on her wrist and looked to the side to see Andrea looking at her with sympathy.
"Carol...I know this is hard," she said softly, so soft that Carol knew it was only for her to hear. "But you have to think of Sophia now, she needs you. Daryl would have given his life for that little girl and she doesn't deserve to lose both of you. Do this for her even if you think you can't."
Carol sniffed back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks and took a small step forward, her eyes locked on the pile of rocks that represented the end of something she'd held more dear than life it's self, the end of a life she'd come to love. The end of the man she loved more than her own self, loved as much as her own daughter. Her hand shook as she lifted it and the stone toward the top of the cairn, but she was determined and she closed her eyes as her rock settled with a light click on top of the rest of them and she withdrew her hand painfully slow, feeling as if time had stopped at that moment.
"Goodbye, Daryl Dixon," she whispered, stepping back was just as hard as stepping forward had been and she was strengthened by the warmth of Sophia's small hand in hers when he daughter reached out for her.
Carol's mind didn't register anything Herschel said as he stood by the stones with his Bible open, quoting words of blessings at the memorial. Only when he turned and asked who would speak for Daryl did she shake from her thoughts and begin to fathom what was going on around her.
"I will," Sophia squeaked from her side, Carol looked down in shock as Sophia released her hand and stepped forward. She stood by the stones and placed her small hand on the cairn.
Carol thought for sure that Sophia wouldn't be able to do it, her eyes had closed and she was sniffing loudly, tears slipping from under her eyelashes, but then they opened and she cleared her throat and began speaking in a wavering, choked voice.
"Daryl was my daddy. He wasn't my real daddy, but he was my REAL daddy. He loved me and he loved my mom like my...like Ed never did. Daddy Daryl took care of us and always made sure we got the most food on our plates, the most blankets at night. He kept us safe, he ruffled my hair and hugged me all the time and he made mommy laugh and smile like I've never seen her laugh and smile before. He told us how much he loved us and he showed us too. And he took care of this whole family, all of you, by hunting and protecting us from walkers...he was the best daddy, husband and friend we all ever had."
Carol watched with pride as her daughter nodded that she was finished and stepped back to her side, she took Sophia's hand and squeezed it encouragingly.
"Sophia...I couldn't have said it better than you," she said softly. Sophia only nodded and wiped away tear. People began to disperse slowly until Carol and Sophia were the only ones left standing there.
"What do we do now, mom?" Sophia's tiny voice reached Carol's ears and she felt her heart clench painfully.
"We live," Carol replied, "And we remember. This world is going to turn around, it has to. We'll be strong like daddy and we'll help put this world to right again. That's what we'll do now, sweetheart."
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Ok, freshly written just for you. This story continues, so don't go away! Trust me, I'll make this work, just give me a chance! P.S.: REVIEWS ARE AWESOME!