Tis the season of some Anarchy…

It's starting again J

P.S. –Chapter 6 is already written…will post it up after the season 6 premiere…

Chapter 5

Even through the shut door, Tara could hear the music that was playing loudly in front of the clubhouse. Gemma was really in a mood if she was looking for solace in Mick Jagger's voice. Surprisingly enough, Abel lay sleeping in the bed next to her undisturbed by Gemma's love for the Rolling Stones.

Its been a couple of hours since Jax left them both in the secure clubhouse and her nerves were getting the better of her. When she kissed him good-bye she didn't know if it was going to be the last time. In front of him, she tried to be the cool, collected Old Lady he needed her to be, but truthfully, she was scared shitless of what could occur when Jax meet up with A.J. Weston. She didn't want him to return to her in a body bag.

Getting up slowly so not to wake up Abel, Tara secured the baby by placing pillows around the edges of the dorm bed.

Grabbing her satchel, Tara made sure that the door to the dorm was locked before making her way to the bathroom.

Setting her bag in the sink, Tara looked at her reflection.

Over ten years ago, she left to escape the anarchy. Now, she was back and the chaos and danger was more potent than when she was nineteen years old. As much as she loved Jax, Tara knew that a part of her would always fear the consequences of the world he was part of. She could easily leave but situations were tying her down to Charming once again.

There was Gemma…After being raped by Zobelle's men, Gemma has gotten softer, kinder and wiser. Ironically, that rape was the cement she and Gemma needed to solidify their turbulent relationship.

There were there the boys…Opie, who she always loved as a brother. Chibs and his fierce loyalty that has made her love him as the big brother she never had…Juice and his goofiness that Tara found absolutely adorable. Bobby and Piney and their ever-ending wisdom…Even Tig and Clay were growing on her.

Opening up the satchel, Tara took out the pregnancy test she bought earlier at the pharmacy.

Walking over to the toilet, Tara unbuckled her belt and jeans and sat down, the pregnancy test in between her fingers. When she was done, she stood and placed the test on the sink waiting for the results.

When she ran from Chicago, she knew that in Charming she would find the safe haven that she needed from Joshua's insanity.

She didn't know that in a few short weeks after her arrival, Jax would kill Kohn and make love to her as Kohn's body made room temperature. Afterwards, as she cleaned the carpet as thoroughly as she could, she remembered thinking about what made her date Kohn in the first place. All those moments they spent together…the good, the bad and the creepy. As she cried tears for the crime she helped commit, Tara couldn't help but think of the baby she aborted in Chicago and how fucked up its life would had been if Tara would had decided to keep it.

Now over six months later, Abel was nearly 10 months old and she couldn't help but to think of the first child she didn't have. If she would had kept Kohn's baby, it would had been around one right now meaning that she and Wendy probably got pregnant around the same time.

Even if she would had kept the child, deep down she knew that her path would had crossed with Jax's at one point in their lives. And she also knew that Jax would have loved her child by another man as much as she loved Abel.

Glancing down to the pregnancy test, Tara stared at it as the blue line slowly but surely made its way across the small strip…

About a year earlier…

"This anesthesia will numb the cervix. Afterwards, I will insert the…"

Tara cut him off before he could continue. "Dr. Smalls, please. I know the procedure. Please just…" Tara shut her eyes briefly before looking at the doctor once again. "Just do it."

Nodding, Dr. Smalls silently reached in between Tara's legs. Flinching slightly as she felt the prick of the needle, Tara stared at the ceiling as she heard the doctor moving around her legs. When she felt the nurse squeeze her hand, Tara knew that the doctor was doing what she needed him to do. Closing her eyes, Tara allowed for her mind to drift to happier times. Her childhood before her mother died, when her Dad would give her piggyback rides around their yard. Or when she first realized how it felt to be in love. When she walked across the podium to deliver her multiple valedictorian speeches… For about twenty minutes, she allowed herself to basket in those moments of pure happiness.

"Dr. Knowles, the procedure is complete…"

Opening her eyes, Tara looked at the older man.

"Thank you," she whispered.