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Chapter 2: Somewhere In The Mediterranean

"Staaaarrrsss…" Captain Nemesis of the Umbrella navel vessel growls. For the eightieth time that day, he adjusts his Napoleon-style commander's hat and squints down at his compass.

First mate Marcus paces impatiently along the deck of the ship, sighing in annoyance. He spins to face Nemesis, robes whipping about in the breeze. "This rickety old pirate boat is the only thing that Umbrella could afford to give us!" Marcus bellows. Nemesis is too busy toying with the hat on his head to notice Marcus's outburst.

"Why do I have to swab the deck!" Morpheus tyrant thingy whines, prodding at his eyepatch for a moment. After no one responds, (s)he simply sighs and dunks the mop into the bucket of water again, and continues mopping. But then he stops, slamming the end of the mop against the deck and putting a hand on his hip. "And WHO is playing that AWFUL song!"

A zombie who is playing 'Blow the Man Down' on his tuba promptly stops, lowering his head in shame.

"Captain, the zombie crew is complaining about the journey. They're saying that you're lost and that we're never going to see dry land again," Marcus explains.

"Yarrrrrr," Nemesis grumbles, turning the ship's wheel five pegs to the starboard side.

"Yes, I understand, sir, but…Sir Alfred and Lady Alexia are counting on us. If we fail this mission to purchase Resident Evil 5, then it's back to the sandwich factory for us. Do you really want that?" Marcus asks.

"…Staaarrrss…"

"That's the spirit."

Suddenly, the boat rocks with a dull impact. "What in blazes…" Marcus reels to the side slightly. "Blast it all to hell…MISTER CHRISTOPHER!" he yells.

Morpheus walks up, looking angry. "I told you to stop calling me that!" he retorts.

"Nonsense," Marcus says with a wave of his hand. "Every good ship must have a Mister Christopher on it. Anyway, I want you to dump some more chum over the side. That blasted Neptune is trying to eat our ship again."

Morpheus switches his eyepatch to the other eye, looking confused. "What? Why don't we just shoot the damned thing with a harpoon?"

"Staaars…" Nemesis interjects, shaking his head.

Marcus sighs. "No, we can't do that. Glorious cap'n Nemmy says that we need to keep Neptune with us so that we can use it against our opponents. So get chumming, chum."

"Psh…hmph…" Morpheus stalks off, shaking his head. He heads to the stern of the ship, grabbing a bucket. Then, making a horrible face, he opens the chum locker and scoops up a bucketful of fish guts. "Stupid rassafraggin bling blang honka…" He hauls the bucket to the side and dumps the contents overboard, nearly puking from the horrid stench.

Neptune is going wild below, thrashing about in the water. "There's your stupid fish guts, ya damn oversized minnow!" Morpheus curses. He tosses the bucket aside and cringes again, wiping his hands off on a nearby zombie before returning to the main deck.

On deck, Marcus is clapping a hand over his eyes in dismay as Nemesis peers the wrong way through a telescope. "Ssstaaarrsss…sstarrs…staaars…" He looks down at the telescope and then starts shaking it lethargically. Finally he roars loudly and throttles the thing, then hurls it away, beaning one of the zombies in the head and knocking him overboard.

Nemesis seethes quietly for a moment before calming down. All of a sudden, one of Marcus's leeches slithers over and sits up in front of him, grunting quietly. Nemesis looks down, stares at the thing for a moment, and then screams like a girl and runs off.

Note: Thanks for the comments, everyone! I'm very glad that you're enjoying the story. Most of the initial chapters have already been written up to a certain point; I'm just touching them up and posting them on a semi-irregular basis. Meanwhile, I really must make sure to try and get to work on the next set of chapters so that I don't fall behind. The show...must go on... I tried to include everyone from all of the games, so you'll see everyone pop in at least for a little while. And of course, Alfred and Alexia will appear in a couple of chapters >: )