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Chapter Six: Masterminds of Evil...or not

Inside the enormous, dark and eerie chamber, an evil man in black robes sits on a throne. It is none other than Lord Osmund Saddler. He raises his hooded head and glares out into the shady recesses of the castle chamber. "Nemesis has had his chance. Krauser. Go get the game."

"Mmmm naaaaah." Jack Krauser replies, lazily slapping at the controls of a pinball machine against the east wall of the chamber.

"Damn it!" Saddler yells, stamping his feet repeatedly. "Krauser's not listening to me again!"

"Settle down!" a powerful feminine voice calls out. The chamber becomes silent. On another throne, against the west wall, sits Alexia Ashford. She looks pissed off and annoyed all at the same time. "Nemesis will do fine. In the meantime, we must concoct other evil plans and stuff," she says darkly. Her brother Alfred nods excitedly beside her.

"Yes, dear sister!" he cries with glee. "And then we shall have Resident Evil 5 in our possession! Mmmmahah…mmmahahahahaha!" he titters. Alexia slaps the back of his head to silence him.

"Fine," Saddler grumbles.

Alexia gracefully folds one leg over the other as a malevolent smile forms on her lips. "Now then...we must begin to-" PprrrrrRRRRRT... Alexia looks over at her brother in shock, who is staring wide-eyed at nothing as if to try and feign innocence. He notices her staring at him, and quickly looks to her.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!" Alfred screams.

"As if! How DARE you flatulate in my presence!" Alexia swats her brother again and waves a hand around to try and clear the air. Saddler just sighs.

From further down the darkened corridors comes the sound of a whiny electric motor. And an even whinier voice. "I want a tee vee deener!" Brrrzzzzz... Ramon Salazar comes zipping into the chamber, riding in a Powerwheels toy car. Everyone watches him as he loses control of the vehicle and runs into the front steps leading up to the throne. The pint sized menace tumbles out of his overturned car, kicking and flailing at the air.

"Uuuuh..." Saddler just sort of sinks down lower in his seat and pulls his hood over his eyes. The entire chamber falls into an extremely awkward silence as Salazar finally manages to push himself up into a sitting position.

He huffs and puffs for a moment, staring angrily/confusedly at nothing. Finally, he looks over to Saddler, who shrinks down into his chair. "When are we going to get Resident Evil 5? Am I in that game? I want to play it! I WANT TO PLAY IT RIGHT NOW!" Salazar cries, pounding his fists against his thighs.

"We're working on that," Alexia replies as calmly as she can, although it is easy to see that she is annoyed by the miniature minion. She sits back in her throne, casting a snake-like gaze as she smirks slyly. "In ADDITION to the forces that we already have on the way to purchase the game, we also have counter-forces to impede our foes. Mr. X and El Gigante are en route to the two S.T.A.R.S. buses that we know about. They should be tearing our enemies asunder any moment now..."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, El Gigante is standing in the road, growling fiercely. The Bravo team double-decker bus drives straight between his legs, and continues on down the road, oblivious. El Gigante frowns in confusion, bending down and peeking through his legs at the bus as it slowly vanishes past the horizon.

And even elsewhere, Mr. X walks out onto another road and plants himself firmly in the path of the Alpha team bus. It promptly runs him over, and continues on its way as if nothing happened.

Back at the castle, Alexia's smile turns into a frown. "Ok, or not."

"SEND IN THE CLOWNS!" Alfred cries angrily, throwing orders left and right. "RELEASE THE HOUNDS! SOUND THE ALARM! DIVE, DIVE!"

Krauser shakes his head and smirks, having overheard the commotion during his pinball game. "Oh man, you better not play that game with her; Alfred's liable to get a Jackie Chan chop, right to the back of his neck..."

Failing to heed Krauser's warning, Alfred continues barking out orders in a shrill voice. "RAISE THE GATES! NO LOWER THEM! AIRSTRIKE! BLUE FOURTY TWO! BLUE FORTY TWO! HUT HUT-"

He is quickly silenced by a wrench to the back of the head.

Alexia stands over his prone body, holding the very large metal tool in her hand. Her face eerily lacks emotion as she then continues to hit Alfred with the wrench. Again. And again. And again.

"DAAAaaang!" Saddler exclaims, throwing up a hand in shock as he sits back against his throne. "You're one cold bitch!"

He quickly shuts his mouth as Alexia's liquid nitrogen death gaze nails him. She drops the wrench to the floor with a loud 'CLANG!' and returns to her throne. "Send out a horde of random monsters," she orders calmly. "Everything we've got. Destroy them..."

Note: The part in which Alexia belts Alfred over the head with the wrench was inspired by Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Next chapter will feature pretty much whoever's left that hasn't already been mentioned, and then I plan on roatating back to the intitial group and continuing their progress. Enjoy!