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Chapter Eight: How To Fit Hell Into A Handbasket
The Alpha Team bus chugs quietly down the road, bathed in cool moonlight on a quiet night. As the scene pans through the bus, we see Albert Wesker, sitting attentively at the wheel. Further back, the other members of the team nestle asleep in their seats, bouncing lightly with the motion of the bus.
Jill Valentine is curled up in her seat, smiling as she breathes in and out softly and strokes her 9mm. Chris Redfield is asleep next to her, the light from his gameboy glowing softly on his face and reflecting off of a bit of drool. Barry Burton is snoring lightly in his seat, occasionally squirting the squirtgun into his mouth and creating an oddly comforting gurgle noise as he snores. Joseph Frost wriggles in slumber on the opposite seat, mumbling something about Krispy Cremes.
In the far back of the bus, Brad Vickers is passed out on the bathroom toilet, safe and sound. William and Annette Birkin (shockingly) share a seat, snuggled up together and spouting off random scientific equations in their unconsciousness.
And in the seat furthest back, Anthony Mihovich (newest Alpha Team recruit coffee boy) is leaning against the wall, arms folded over his chest as he sleeps. Sherry Birkin sits next to him, watching him with an unwavering smile on her face.
Back at the front of the bus, Wesker is beginning to nod off. His hands slip from the wheel, which turns slightly...and the bus starts to go off the road. Suddenly, a third black-gloved hand moves up and steadies the wheel. The bus moves safely back onto the road. Now, the hand lithely slides across the wheel and grips it firmly as the black-clad figure it belongs to comes into view.
Wesker Chick sits down in Wesker's lap. Suppressing a giggle, she takes the wheel.
Have we been saved? Or doomed?
Back at the...back of the bus, Anthony is slowly opening his eyes. He rubs them wearily, yawns, scratches the back of his head, and turns his head to look beside him. There sits Sherry. She beams at him with all her twelve-year-old innocence, blue eyes sparkling. Anthony smiles back lightly, but his expression slowly fades into a nervous frown as Sherry continues to stare at him.
"Um...hi," he says quietly.
"Helloooo," Sherry drawls in reply, looking him up and down. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Anthony coughs, glancing wearily at the young girl. "Um..."
Up at the front, Wesker Chick is (sort of) steering the bus, although her eyes aren't exactly on the road. Actually, they are slowly rolling into the back of her head as a string of soft half-giggles titter from her.
Sherry inches closer to Anthony on the seat, eying him in a way that no twelve-year-old should ever eye anyone. "You don't, do you?"
"Not...really," Anthony replies, looking around as if to find some sort of escape.
Wesker leans forward, wrapping his arms around the giddy Wesker Chick. "Mmm, cupcakes..." he mumbles in his sleep. Wesker Chick is biting the bottom of her lip, the excited fangirl laughs building up despite her best attempts to hide them.
Sherry scoots closer to Anthony, hooking her arms around his. "We should go steady...I know a GREAT hotel nearby..." The poor young man's face is frozen in horror as he crushes himself against the wall of the bus, wishing to be anywhere but here right now.
All of a sudden, Ben Bertolucci pops up out of nowhere and snaps a picture of Sherry and Anthony. "What a scoop!" he cries enthusiastically, before vanishing again.
The bus hits a bump. Wesker (censored) (beep) grabbing (edited for content) Wesker Chick's (honk!) while she accidentally (censored) on his (radio edit) and then she (blur) giggling rampantly (censored) pulling out (beep) Wesker (censored) starts to (blur) but it's already (zing!) because of the (censored) causing her to (whoa!)
The bus crashes into a tree.
For a few moments, there is only silence. Then, the doors of the bus burst open, and Wesker Chick barrels out, laughing manaically/fangirlishly as she dashes off into the night with her arms held high like some kind of mad scientist.
A few more minutes of silence. Finally, the S.T.A.R.S. team and their 'friends' stagger out of the wrecked bus.
"What the heck happened?" Chris mutters, clutching his head. Jill stumbles out after him, not looking too much better.
"Beats me," Joseph sulks, adjusting his headband. Barry steps off the bus, sternly inspecting his water gun to check for damage. Satisfied, he puts the weapon away and surveys the area.
"Where did you learn to drive!" Annette is screaming at Wesker, while William is ruffling through some random notes. Sherry skips off the bus, pulling a very pale-faced Anthony along with her. Brad trails behind, furiously trying to untangle himself from a roll of toilet paper.
"I...had the weirdest dream," Wesker mumbles, ignoring Annette as he dazedly shambles down the steps of the bus exit.
Chris looks dumbfounded. "You were ASLEEP!" He slaps his forehead in dismay, and then winces from the pain.
Barry walks over to Wesker, crouching down and dabbing at something on Wesker's black outfit.
"What did you find, Barry?" Jill asks.
Barry frowns, rubbing the substance between his thumb and forefinger. "It's butterscotch. I hope this isn't Wesker Chick's butterscotch..."
Chris rolls his eyes and looks back at the ruined bus. It is clearly unserviceable. "Well this is just great. NOW how are we gonna get to Japan?"
"Um, guys?" Jill interrupts. "I think we've got bigger things to worry about right now..."
Everyone turns to face the nearby woods as a series of animal growls sound...
Note: Yeah I know I forgot about Bruce McGavern and Fong Ling or whatever from Gun Survivor 4. Or whatever. But hey, no one likes them anyway. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If any of you are offended by the horribly controversial material found in this chapter, then please let me know and I will kill myself. After I take down the chapter. It looks like our heroes are in trouble! Next chapter: what's happening at the Bravo Team bus? Will they find and execute poor Billy?