All 'Resident Evil' characters © Capcom
Anyone else © whoever owns them
Chapter Eleven: Rebecca Takes A Shower
Several pairs of glowing eyes appear through the murky midnight forest, gazing unblinkingly at Alpha Team and their companions. Those who have weapons slowly click the safeties off and aim into the darkness...
"Hold me!" Sherry whimpers, hopping up into Anthony's arms. The young S.T.A.R.S. recruit just groans in dismay, reluctantly holding the girl as he quickly looks around to see if anyone is preparing to arrest him. Instead, Ben Burtolucci pops out of nowhere and snaps a picture, grinning before he zips away again. Anthony's eyes flutter angrily as they roll back in his head.
"Where is BRAVO team!" Barry whispers harshly as he takes a step back, aiming at the growling beasts who remain unseen in the woods. He furrows his brow for a moment. "I mean uh... NOW how are we gonna get the Resident Evil 5 game?"
Wesker coolly takes command of the situation. "Chris, Barry, keep your guns ready. Jill and I will cover you." Chris and Barry nod, readying their weapons. Chris sighs at Barry's water pistol, while the older man determinedly glares off into the woods, clutching the plastic toy with grim intensity. Wesker continues... "Joseph, wander off aimlessly." Joseph nods slowly, and then just sort of saunters off, his gun raised. "Also, have you still got those Vienna sausages in your back pocket, for later?" Wesker adds. Joseph responds by patting his back pocket with a 'squelch' as he walks off.
The growls are growing louder around them. Wesker furrows his brow, quickly formulating the last details of the makeshift plan. "Brad, find us a new ride. FAST." Brad rapidly nods a few times. Then he nods some more and starts taking a few steps one direction...stops...goes the other way, looking around on the dimly moonlit street.
Wesker looks at the remaining members of the group. "Anthony, uh...just keep an eye on the Birkins."
Anthony is frantically trying to push Sherry away as she clings to his shirt, giggling. "Cap...Captain Wesker, PLEASE!" he begins, his voice full of fear.
Annette looks over, smiling at him. "Aww, Sherry's playing with you! Sherry, did you find a new friend?" she asks sweetly.
"Uh...yes, mommy!" the twelve year old replies brightly. Then, in a lower voice to Anthony, "Listen, let's blow this scene and find us the backseat of a car or something..." she whispers suggestively. Anthony actually starts crying.
"Isn't that adorable, William?" Annette coos, gesturing to the two.
"Mmm hmm, spectacular," her husband mumbles blandly as he scribbles down some more quantum physics equations. "Help me solve this theorem, would you dear?"
Meanwhile, Jill is tightly squeezing her nine millimeter, keen eyes peering out across the woods. "Hey Chris, you see the third Star Wars movie?" she asks.
"Uh-huh," Chris replies, focusing on his gameboy.
Jill just stares at him for a moment and then sighs, looking back out at the forest. "I wonder where Joseph went..."
Wesker glances out at the woods. "Eh. He's walkin' around."
A series of high-pitched snarls sound all of a sudden, breaking the relative silence. Before the group can react, the snarls are accompanied by a terrified human scream.
"GO!" Wesker yells, and the group is off running. Feet pound on asphalt, hearts slam in chests, lungs pump cool night air.
A humanoid figure lies on the ground up ahead, surrounded by dark shapes...
"Joseph!" Jill screams, skidding to a halt.
A pack of Doberman puppies surrounds the fallen Alpha team member, snarling playfully and tugging at his clothes. "HAHAHAH!" Joseph laughs, rolling around slightly as he faintly pushes at the pups. "Th-hahah! They're licking me-HAHAH!" The group just stands there and stares in dismay and shock at their downed teammate. His gleeful laughs suddenly turn into bewildered cries of anger. "Hey, that one PEED on me! Aaah! Stop! Stop that! Bad doggies! No! NO!"
The stout little Doberman puppies continue to growl, collectively pulling Joseph towards the nearby woods as he scolds them.
"JOOOOSEEEEPHHH!" Jill falls to her knees, screaming to the high heavens as she throws her arms in the air. A few of the remaining puppies turn around, snarling at the group.
"Come on, Jill! It's too late!" Chris yells, grabbing Jill by the arms and yanking her to her feet. The puppies rush the group, hobbling along the road, ears flapping as they yip and bark.
"SACRIFICE YOURSELVES!" Wesker yells. And then he takes off running.
Everyone takes off running after him, shooting behind them as they go.
The forest road is alive with gunfire as Alpha team and their comrades flee from the Doberman puppies. Jill and Chris opt for the traditional run and shoot method, which simply involves half-turning as you run and squeezing off a few random shots before you turn forward again. Barry, on the other hand, is running backwards entirely and squirting the dogs with a vengeance.
Several of the puppies stumble a bit on the slippery streams from Barry's water pistol, but the rest continue to advance quickly upon the group. Anthony doesn't have a weapon, and is growing even more annoyed as Sherry (sitting on his shoulders) is turning around and yelling 'BANG BANG!' at the puppies while aiming her fingers like guns.
"There!" William cries, pointing ahead. "Your yellow-vested compatriot has procured a means of escape!"
Brad Vickers is sitting on a rusty tricycle, peddling himself around in circles on the street. As the group approaches fast, tailed by the Dobermans, our hero takes one horrified look at them and then furiously begins to peddle away.
"BRAD!" Chris cries, reaching out as he runs, "WAAAAAIIIIT!" But Brad is already vanishing into the darkness, ringing the little trike's bell as he flees.
Everyone turns their fire upon Brad, angrily shooting at him as he rides away, ducking low on the tiny three-wheeler. "You son of a bitch!" Annette growls, hurling a rock at the retreating figure.
Chris slows to a stop, breathing hard. "This is B.S., man!" he complains angrily. "I'm gonna go see Chief Irons and re-evaluate this plan!"
The scene cuts to Chris standing in front of Brian Irons' desk in the RPD as Irons belts out violent rap lyrics to a hard beat. "BEAT CHICKEN MALT LICKIN' DADDY'S HEAD BE TICKIN'!"
Chris rolls his eyes. "Yes, I know."
Scene cuts back to the others standing in the street. Chris runs up to them, breathing hard again. "Ok, nevermind. Let's just keep running!" And so, the group continues to escape on foot from the pack of wild and incredibly cute Doberman Pincer puppies, whose fierce yips and barks echo through the moonlit night...
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you!" Enrico growls as Billy hefts a large piece of rubble off of the man.
"...Because I just saved your life," Billy replies, annoyed.
Enrico ponders this for a moment, stroking his mustachio. "Hmmm...good enough. Billy Coen, I owe you my life." With a hand from Billy, Enrico stands and the two of them make their way back to the others.
Rebecca crouches nervously in front of a small bonfire that Forest and Kenneth threw together. Her knees pulled up to her chest, hands rubbing together, the girl looks as if she thinks something is about to jump out from the surrounding shadows and grab her. Meanwhile, Kevin and Edward are arguing over who is cuter, and Richard is sleeping.
As Billy and Enrico approach, Billy smirks and sneaks around behind Rebecca. Quiet as a mouse, he darts in and pokes the sides of her tummy. "Ooga booga."
"AIIEEE!" Rebecca cries, spinning around and socking Billy in the jaw with a perfectly executed Shin-ryu-ken Street Fighter uppercut. Billy jumps a few inches and then grunts and collapses. Rebecca just stands there, breathing in and out rapidly.
"Jeez, Miss Jumpy," Forest scoffs, tossing some wreckage into the fire. It bursts into sparks and he jumps back a little, wincing.
"Watch what you're throwing into the fire," Kenneth warns, examining a small biohazard baggie before nodding to himself and tossing it in.
Rebecca smoothes her hands along the front of her pants, catching her breath again. "I'm just...a bit high-strung," she replies quietly, frowning at her surroundings as she hugs herself and shivers.
Enrico smirks. "Why, because of this chapter's title? 'Rebecca takes a sho-"
"I am NOT going to take a SHOWER!" Rebecca screams angrily. Everyone (except sleeping Richard and unconscious Billy) stare at her in surprise. Rebecca glares around, then just sits down and pouts.
"Well miraculously, the shower is the only part of the bus that isn't destroyed!" Kevin rejoices. He and Edward point over towards some wreckage, where a small but perfectly intact shower system is standing upright on the ground.
Everyone starts snickering, and Rebecca just hangs her head in dismay.
A few minutes go by, the group just resting and discussing how they'll find a new ride so that they can go get Resident Evil 5.
"OW!" Richard yelps suddenly, sitting up from his slumber. Everyone jumps a bit, looking over to the man. Richard holds up one hand slowly, staring at it with a horrified gaze. From his thumb dangles a tiny black garden snake.
"Oh, my, gosh..." Forest mutters, slowly standing. "Richard...you've been bitten by a poisonous SNAKE."
Everyone except Rebecca gasps in terror. The young field medic leans forward, squinting at the tiny creature. "Actually, this is just a common garden snake. It's not even-"
"I can feel...the poison...WORKING!" Richard groans, interrupting her. He starts hyperventilating. Immediately, everyone (again, excluding Rebecca) starts yelling out remedies.
"Prop his feet up!"
"Get a hot washcloth!"
"We need some hemostat!"
"I want to ride the pony!"
Rebecca looks over at Billy in shock, who promptly looks down and clears his throat. "I don't believe this," she grumbles, pulling out her medkit. "Here, I'll give you a bandaid-" She is interrupted as several figures leap over the bus wreckage all around them, screaming and thrashing about.
They're children in various Halloween costumes.
"ZOMBIES!" Kenneth screams, pulling out his gun.. But two of the kids jump on him, one dressed as a ghost and the other as a goblin. They proceed to thwack poor Kenneth with their plastic pumpkin candy bins.
(If this were a movie or something, right now it would do that cool thing where like the camera zooms in on Rebecca's face and she's really scared, but as the camera zooms in on her, the background gets farther away or...however they do that cool camera trick.)
Rebecca and Billy watch in horror as the spookily-dressed kids laugh and scream, tackling Kevin and Edward to the ground. Forrest is also grappling with several. "Get off of me, you undead freaks!" he yells, shoving a kid to the ground.
"Ow! WAAAAH! WAAAAH!" the child cries.
Suddenly, the sound of feathered wings beating fills the air. Forrest looks up into the night sky, aiming his gun. Dozens of crows caw above, diving down...and pooping on him.
"AAAH! Make it stop! Make it STOP! SOMEONE! AAAAAH!" Forrest cries in horror, doing a 'get the poopee off of me' dance and waving his hands over his head. He slips on some bird poo and collapses.
"No!" Rebecca screams, covering her eyes.
"Run! Just GO!" Enrico yells, grabbing her and Billy's shoulders and pushing them away. The trio stumbles away from the horrible site, running off blindly into darkness...
Meanwhile, elsewhere, Leon's car is soaring through the open air and plummeting towards the sea. Leon and Claire are still screaming, Steve is still passed out, and Ada is fiddling with a device. "Not today," she growls determinedly, aiming her grappling hook gun out the window. With a feint puff of smoke, the hook launches towards the cliff...
The car crashes into the ocean, exploding violently. For a moment, there is only silence afterwards. On the cliffside, Ada Wong is hanging by a wire, her hand gripping the grappling gun tightly. The scene pans down, revealing Leon with his arms wrapped around Ada's legs like a child clinging to his mommy. Further down, Claire has her arms around Leon's legs. And even further down, a pair of handcuffs binds Claire's ankle to Steve's hand.
"Hang on...everyone..." Ada grunts through clenched teeth. "I'll pull us up..." She clicks the retract button on the gun, and the four of them begin to slowly be pulled upward. But the rock above is cracking ominously...
"FASTER! FASTEEER!" Morpheus squeals, clinging to Marcus's back.
"Silence, you fool!" the robed man screams, swimming as fast as he can. His many leeches streak through the water around them, all trying to get away from Neptune.
The enormous shark roars behind them, gaining speed and eating any zombies in its path.
"STAAAARRS!" Nemesis cries, backstroking for dear life.
The chase is on.
Alexia laughs evilly.
Carlos lights a fart on fire and destroys the remains of the blimp.
Ark sneezes.
Note: Alright, I've got to apologize for a few things. First off, I promised that Rebecca would take a shower, but I didn't deliver. Sorry about that. Second, this chapter is really long for some reason, and I had to cramcharacters in at the end there to make them fit. Sorry about that too. I'll get to them in the next chapter, cross my heart!
Alright.. So far, we've got two people who want to save Steve. Anyone else? Last chance to volunteer!
Next chapter: Death and chaos! Will our remaining heroes manage to escape the horrible monsters/deathtraps? Also, Rebecca REALLY takes a shower this time. I promise!
Rebecca: YOU SON OF A-