Angela and Genji had been through a lot together in the year they spent in Japan. The two of them took down an entire clan by themselves and come back with plenty of scrapes and bruises to show for it (all of which Angela had insisted that she fix up immediately, no matter how small). It was a long process, but it had been a rewarding one. Seeing the smiles on the faces of the children who could now play in the streets once haunted by the ferocious gang was more than enough reward.
The problem was, they had done it. And now that they were done, Genji had way too much time on his hands. It hadn't been all dull; he had gone back to Switzerland with Angela, since he knew no one else in his life to keep him company. It was certainly an adventure going to the foreign country, and he had even started learning German, much to the doctor's delight. But even she could only occupy him for so long.
And when he sat alone on nights just like this one in the room Angela let him stay in, he had no protection against the thoughts he buried for more than a year after they left Japan.
At least one of his thoughts was pleasant. He came to the realization that he had fallen headfirst in love with his precious doctor. When he wasn't denying his feelings they were a lot harder to hide, but it gave him a sense of relief to admit what he felt to himself. He could now let those blue eyes haunt his dreams without wondering what it meant, because he knew.
But thinking about Angela led him to a much darker realization about his own feelings, ones of not being good enough. It dug up the feelings of disgust that he felt for himself and his new body. There were times in the middle of the night when he'd feel tempted to rip the metal plating off and throw it across the room in anger. Something inside of him ached at the thought that he might not really be human anymore, that he was just a fancy omnic. He knew that it was stupid to feel that way. After all, Angela thought his mechanical body was incredible- it was one of her greatest prides. But that scared him too; what if all he was to her was a fancy experiment? He had seen her go through hundreds of patients a day, acting as sweet and tender to each of them as she had the day he met her, only for each of them to be forgotten by her as soon as they left her hospital. What if she only kept him around because she wanted to see what would happen with him, her greatest experiment? He could hardly imagine his Mercy being so cruel, but could it be that he didn't know her as well as he thought that he did?
He hated to admit it, but those thoughts led him to become immensely depressed and antisocial. He knew Angela noticed- she was a doctor, after all- but she chose not to comment on it, perhaps to give him space to work it out himself. He had denied any Overwatch work after he finished taking down the Shimada clan because he had quickly lost most of his trust for the peacekeeping agency. He was still there for Angela whenever she needed him, but only when it involved Angela. She quickly became the only person he trusted, and he was even starting to feel paranoid around her, too.
Genji groaned and pressed his hands against his face mask. God, he was going crazy.
He heard the door open from across the house. Angela was finally home, then. She had taken a late night shift to finish an operation, and she was probably exhausted. Genji let out a light sigh and stood up, making his way to the front door just in time to see the doctor stumble in tiredly. She smiled sleepily at him, a smile he couldn't help but return, even though she couldn't see it through his visor. He motioned her towards the couch and made his way into the kitchen, pulling out a package of Swiss hot chocolate that he had discovered early on in the year he spent in Switzerland was one of her guilty pleasures. He made her a cup of the stuff before heading to where she was sitting on the couch, handing her the mug before plopping down next to her. She smiled gratefully and leaned against his shoulder, yawning loudly as she did so. It was a routine they had gotten into after Genji discovered how many nights she took the late shift. Her taking a late shift meant a patient was in critical condition, and extreme cases always frayed her nerves to the breaking point. Talking about it helped her calm down, so he was always there for her to talk to.
"It went well," she mumbled happily, sipping on her hot chocolate carefully as it cooled. "Patient seems stable, I shouldn't have to come in tomorrow, so I'll have the day off." Genji nodded, waiting for her to say more. There was usually more, and it was always best to listen to all of her tired rambling before saying anything himself.
"It was actually kinda fun. I'm getting close to another breakthrough that might improve nanobiology as a whole, and this patient was a good way to test some theories I've had. Who knows, I may be able to finish that major project I've been working on for a while. Then I'll be able to tell you about it." There had been a large experiment that Angela had been working on that only she knew about. She claimed that it was best if it was kept a complete secret until she either proved or disproved her theories; apparently it was something that would change the world, and if it got into the wrong hands it would change it for the worse.
"Also, I was thinking. We kinda act like an old married couple, ya know? We're constantly bickering, and you always do sweet things like this for me," she gestured to the cup of cocoa in her hands, "and I feel so completely safe around you. It's a wonder, really." she set down the cup on the coffee table, sitting up and grabbing Genji's face in her hands and forcing him to look her in the eyes, as if he had to know exactly how much she meant the words she was about to say. "And Genji, I want you to know that you can tell me anything, okay? I don't know if you feel the same way around me as I do around you, but if you don't I want you to. You're completely safe if you ever want to tell me anything. Even if you don't tell me something, but you want me to understand anyways, I'll do my best to do that too. I'll always do my best to understand what you're going through, and if you ever need help you can talk to me. You don't have to talk to me, but you can, and that's important. Just do what is best for you, always."
Sincere blue eyes peered into Genji's green mask, trying to convey everything that she couldn't find the words to say. He knew exactly what she was talking about; she wanted him to know that she would always be here for him, and that she knew what was going on, even if he couldn't talk about it, probably specifically referring to depressed attitude as of late. It warmed his heart and banished all of his previous doubts about her sincerity. However, the talk about doing what was best for him brought a crazy idea to the front of his mind, one that he had been ignoring for a while. In the back of his head rested the idea of going out, finding himself, discovering a way to feel normal and human again. It was a stupid and selfish idea, but it was almost like Angela was giving him permission to do exactly what he had been considering. "Thank you, Angela. Please don't hold it against me if I ever do something that makes no sense, or if I somehow hurt you. If I ever do hurt you, it wasn't intentional."
"Of course not. As I've said before, it's unbelievably easy to forgive you, for some reason." She smiled and dropped her hands from his face, yawning loudly as she did so. "Anyway, I'm about to pass out, so I should probably go to bed. Take care tonight, Genji."
He nodded, watching as she walked off. He had a lot to think about tonight.
When Angela woke up, the house was eerily quiet. Genji's bedroom was right next to hers, and normally she could hear the faint whirring of his mechanical parts coming from the room in the mornings. She checked in there for her robotic companion, only to be greeted by a made bed, which was strange, because Genji never made his bed. It was like he was allergic to orderliness unless it was intended make her life easier. Now that she thought about it, the entire room seemed strangely empty and clinically clean. Her drowsy brain was too tired to think about it too much, and she made her way back out into the house, sleepily calling out her companion's name.
She poked her head into the living room. "Genji?" Nope, not there. Maybe her office? "Hey Genji, where are you?" Still nothing. She made her way towards the kitchen. "I was thinking for lunch today we could go try out a restaurant that one of my friends was raving about, since I have the day off." The thought of their lunch routine made her smile. Genji long ago established that while he had no desire to eat himself due to having to throw up afterwards, he wanted to enjoy food vicariously through her. It was something she found adorable, and she knew one day she would have to design a way for him to eat normally as thanks.
Angela rubbed her eyes and walked into the kitchen. Nope, no Genji. The only other place in her small house was her basement, which she never let anyone into. It was where her most important experiments took place, and she liked to keep most of those secret.
She was about to give up until she saw a mug on the counter, steam pouring out of the top of it. She picked it up curiously, noticing that it was another cup of cocoa, except this time there was a sticky note attached. She pulled the note off of the cup, squinting at the words. It took her eyes a few moments to adjust to the small writing, surprising her when she recognized it to be written in German. It wasn't long before her eyes focused enough so that she could read it.
"Hey. What you said to me last night made me think a lot. Think about doing what's best for me, which is something that I haven't been doing since my life started over.
I think it's time I did something about that. So I'm going out. I don't know how long I'll be gone, or even what I'm looking for. All I know is that I need to keep going until I find what I'm looking for.
But I will be back. I promise that no matter what happens, I'll come back to show you what I find, good or bad.
Goodbye for now, my Angel of Mercy.
-Genji Shimada"
It took everything Angela had not to drop the cup she had in her hands. Instead, she gripped it so tightly that the ceramic threatened to break. So Genji was gone, just like that? No goodbye, just a cup of hot chocolate and a note? She read the note again and again, trying to make sense of it in her sleep-addled brain. She knew about his depression, and although she wasn't sure what it was about, she had a few guesses. Was this his way of trying to find himself? What did he think that he would find out there, other than the hopeless state of the world they lived in?
She had promised him that she'd do her best to understand without being told, but damn, this was harder than she thought it would be.
It took a few minutes before reality sunk in: Genji was gone, for an unspecified amount of time. The person who all of her coworkers joked was physically attached to her was just missing. It felt like a piece of her heart had been ripped out.
She slumped to the floor with her back against the kitchen cabinets, rubbing her thumb back and forth over the note. But maybe it wasn't all bad; Genji could take care of himself, and if this helped him, then it was worth it. And he promised that he'd be back, so all she had to do was wait, right? They had spent nearly two years together; he wouldn't forget the companionship that had grown in that time. He wouldn't just leave and never come back. He wouldn't do that to her. He couldn't do that to her. She just had to believe in him and wait.
So she waited. And waited. And waited. She waited for weeks, months, even a year. It was hardest at first because it took a long time to get used to being so numb. At the beginning she used to expect to open her front door and see Genji waiting for her, laughing at her silliness and calling her Doctor Ziegler just to annoy her. But that ended after a month or two. At one point she had asked Winston if he could find Genji's location. She knew it was an invasion of his privacy, but she had to know he was still alive and okay. When Winston found him in Nepal, he asked her if she wanted to send a team out there to meet him. She considered it, but she ended up declining. Just knowing that he was safe was enough.
Towards the end of the first year, she began to accept that he might never come back. As much as she hated the thought, she accepted the lonely, aching feeling of abandonment with open arms. It meant that she could focus on other things if she accepted her loss and moved on.
So she stopped fighting and embraced the ache in her heart. She gave up on the idea of Genji ever coming back, and she learned to live with that, as much as she hated herself for quitting so easily.
But even then, a small part of her heart kept waiting. Even as a full year without her cyborg companion passed by and the days stretched on after, that part of her never gave up on him, because it's impossible to completely give up on someone when they mean absolutely everything to you.