Song of the Day: Your Song- Elton John
I've been in a major Elton John, Billy Joel, Beatles type of mood lately! Oh gosh, love the sounds.
Anyway, ONWARD!
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Carol woke up the next morning with a heavy heart, guilt was almost literally strangling her as she thought back over the previous day. She stared at the ceiling from the makeshift bed on the living room floor next to Andrea who had just come in from the night shift on guard. Carol waited until the blonde's breathing was steady and slow and she knew she was asleep before she rose silently and tip toed across the room and down the hallway and she carefully pushed the back door open and slipped out into the misty, pre-dawn grayish light and headed straight for the tent across the field as she pulled her coat tighter around her to keep out the cold. She made a wide arc around the RV to avoid catching Dale's eye as well as any attempts to stop her or question her.
When she reached the familiar camp she knew right away that something wasn't right and then she noticed the bike was gone and her heart jumped into her throat.
God...no...please, no.
That's right, you bitch! Did you honestly expect him to stick around after all that shit you said to him!?
No, he didn't leave! He couldn't have!
Carol unzipped the tent and stepped in, the familiar scent of Daryl washed over her and she felt tears sting her eyes as she fought to see reason. He would never have left everything behind if he was leaving, he would have taken the rifle, his clothes, the spare keys to his truck and bike...he hadn't left for good. He wouldn't do that and she knew it. And then it dawned on her who would possibly have the answer. Andrea.
Carol took off at a run across the field which had her panting by the time she reached the farmhouse. She leaned on the railing for a moment to catch her breath so she wouldn't wake anyone up with her wheezing and then slowly crept inside and shook Andrea's sleeping form.
"Andrea," she whispered, "Andrea I need to ask you something."
"Mmmm?" Andrea mumbled as she rolled over and looked at Carol through sleep-heavy eyes.
"Do you know where Daryl went?" Carol tried to keep her voice calm, but she had a suspicion she was losing that fight. "I went to talk to him this morning and he's gone."
"He went to get Sophia back," Andrea murmured, "Don't worry, he'll be fine."
With that, Andrea rolled back onto her side and was asleep almost immediately and that left Carol with nothing to do but leave the room full of sleeping people and head to the kitchen. She leaned against the counter and let a few soft sobs escape. He would bring her daughter back, just like he had before...only this time she didn't know how she would even be able to form words to thank him or if he would even listen to her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't.
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When Carol heard that familiar rumble of Daryl's motorcycle, she jumped up from the couch where she was sewing a button back on her cardigan and ran for the front door, skidding to a stop in the dirt of the driveway next to Jimmy, Shane and Glenn who were out hauling firewood to the stack by the house after cutting it under the trees by the RV. Her heart was slamming in her chest as Daryl rolled up to the small group and killed the engine, setting his feet on the ground and glaring at the dust cloud that blew over him from the dry driveway.
"Daryl...?" Carol whispered, the question she was asking wasn't necessary to put into words. But she could clearly see Sophia wasn't with him, which could only mean he hadn't found her.
"I need Rick to get out here," Daryl ignored her question and looked directly at Shane, "Now."
Normally, Shane would have shot back a snarky remark or question Daryl's authoritative tone, but this time he must have seen something in that look that spurred him and he was off at a trot for the barn where Rick was helping Herschel repair some loose floorboards in the loft. Carol caught Daryl's eye once, but after that he avoided looking at her completely, his cold eyes stayed fixed on the "SS" symbol on the bike's tank...she'd always hated that logo and wished right now she could just rip it off.
"Daryl!" Rick's voice sounded somewhere between angry and relieved, "What the hell were you thinking, taking off alone like that?!"
"I was thinking my daughter is more important to me than a few loose floorboards," Daryl's reply was low and daring, just daring Rick to scold him any further. Rick stared at him silently, some sort of understanding passed between them and he nodded.
"You didn't find her?" Rick asked, the anger gone from his tone.
"I found her," Daryl replied darkly. Carol felt her guts clench, he'd found her...but she wasn't with him...
"No..." she found herself whispering, her hand going to her mouth to hold back the sobbing that was threatening to burst from her. Daryl's head whipped n her direction and she found herself caught in his dark, blue gaze...but there was something else there, reassurance.
"She's alive," he stated, and Carol thought he directed it solely to her, "But...he wouldn't let me bring her this far until we talked this out."
"He?" Shane barked roughly, "He, who?"
Daryl sucked in a long, deep breath and then released it slowly.
"Merle."
There was an explosion of angry outbursts and some shock gasps from the porch where Lori and Andrea had come out of the house.
"MERLE!?" Shane roared, "He took Sophia!?"
"Yes," Daryl replied, sounding calm, but Carol could see the muscles of his jaw twitching like her was grinding his teeth and she knew he was fighting to stay calm and rational...a sign she'd missed the other morning, or just ignored. "He was runnin' with a group from Atlanta and they all decided they would make for the coast. Well, Merle didn't like the idea and he wanted to get me alone...so he took her, knowing I'd come after her."
"What the hell does he want!?" Andrea hissed, coming down off the porch in an angry storm. "Who the hell does he think he is!?"
"He wants to rejoin the group," Daryl's head hung low and his voice was quiet, so quiet only Carol, Rick and Shane heard.
"No way, Rick!" Shane shook his head fiercely, "Merle Dixon's a worthless piece of lying shit! You KNOW we can't trust him!"
"But..." Daryl looked up, his eyes wide.
"No, it's out of the question," Shane hollered back, making Daryl's eyes squint angrily. "Rick, you let that son of a bitch anywhere near us, we'll be watching our backs every second of the day! We can't afford to be watching out for a methed out psychopath AND walkers!"
"The man's a sick maniac," Andrea muttered in agreement.
"I know!" Rick stated loudly, over the hullaballoo. "Of course there's no question about it, he can't be trusted in the group."
Carol's eyes remained on Daryl despite the heated arm waving and pointing and raging around her, his blue eyes were full of fear and he kept opening his mouth as if to speak but someone else would always cut him off...but Carol knew what Daryl was trying to say and it made her mad that no one was turning to the man who knew the situation for his opinion. Without thinking about how much he must hate her right now, without thinking of how scared she was to be within his reach now that her mind replayed that smack over and over, and without thinking of how people would feel about her taking his side, she stepped forward to his side, stuck her fingers in her mouth and let out a sharp, piercing whistle which caused a silence among the group and all eyes to turn to her.
"Be quiet! All of you!" she yelled, stamping her foot for added effect, "Don't you see what's going on here? Merle Dixon has my daughter and the only way he'll give her back is if we give him a place in this group! I don't CARE what he's done in the past, you WILL accept his terms and get my daughter back to me!"
"Carol..." Rick started, his voice diplomatic.
"No, Rick!" she hissed, cutting him off, "There is nothing to be discussed here!"
"She's right," Lori's soft voice drifted from the porch and she came walking over to stand next to Carol. "If Merle would kidnap her, what makes you think he wouldn't hurt her? Rick, there is only one option...Merle Dixon will be given a second chance and we will get Sophia back."
Both Rick and Shane seemed to Carol like a pair of scolded coonhounds, tails tucked between their legs as they hung their heads and nodded slowly.
"Alright," Rick's voice was thin sounding, tired and worn. Shane's eyes looked up from under his brow, glaring at the back of Rick's head. "We give him a chance. Daryl...go tell him the news."
Daryl nodded and kicked the stand up on the bike to walk and turn it around.
"Daryl...can I come with you?" Carol asked as he reached to turn the keys. She saw his hand twitch and hesitate before starting the engine, but she saw the small nod of acceptance he gave her and she threw her leg over the bike and sat behind him, her arms going around his waist instinctively as he lifted one foot off the ground and started forward slowly. He soon gained enough momentum to raise both feet from the ground and they were tearing down the driveway before Carol even realized it, her arms tightened more and she could practically see the tension rolling off of him in waves, it was heavy in the air and in the way his shoulders and back tensed at her touch.
About two miles down the road, where an old gravel road turned off, Carol saw a large, black truck parked to the side. Merle Dixon's imposingly large figure leaned against the front of it, Sophia looking very small and breakable next to him, her eyes wide with fear. But when she saw Carol slide off the bike when it stopped, she squealed and tried to run forward, only to be held firmly in place by Merle's rough hands on her upper arms.
"Let her go!" Carol snapped angrily.
"Well, now ain't we just a demandin' bitch?" Merle's gravelly, high pitched voice made her skin crawl and she just glared at him. She felt a hand on her arm and she glanced at Daryl, the touch sparking a jolt of familiar feelings through her when she realized he was pushing her slightly behind him as he stepped forward, being defensive even if he was silent about Merle's statement.
"I told 'em," he muttered grimly, "They're gonna give ya another chance. Now let Sophia go and we'll head t' the farm and try t' put this behind us."
"Well, now wasn't that simple, baby brother?" Merle sounded almost genuinely happy and he released his hold on Sophia who scrambled away from him and ran straight to Carol's open arms. Merle walked over and held out his hand. "Keys."
Daryl eyed the keys in his hand, the keys to the bike he'd become almost a part of, and sighed sadly as he let them drop into Merle's open palm. Merle, in turn, held up a set of keys and handed them to Daryl.
"That oughta be fair," he commented, jerking his thumb back at the truck he'd arrived in. "Replace that old junker of yours."
Daryl eyed the truck with apprehension.
"What's wrong with it?" he asked darkly.
"Ain't nothing wrong with it, little brother," Merle sounded almost legitimately insulted. "But I ain't got much need for it now that I got my baby back."
Carol sneered as Merle ran a hand lovingly over the bike's tank, she knew for a fact he loved that machine more than his own flesh and blood brother.
Daryl stared at his brother for a moment, then glanced down at the keys in his hand, then back to Merle. Finally, he shrugged and started walking to the truck, nodding for Carol and Sophia to follow. Carol gave Sophia a little push and they walked over and climbed up into the passenger seat and middle of the large bench seat. The truck was huge compared to Daryl's old blue and white number, with leather interior and a CD player, power windows, a full bench seat in the extended cab. Shiny and new...something she knew Daryl wasn't use to. He climbed in the driver's seat and started it up, Carol noticed the quick grin that flashed on his face at the roaring rumble of the powerful engine and she almost giggled when he revved it twice.
Something about this moment made her feel like maybe everything would be ok.
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By nightfall, things looked a whole lot better than they had, even if everyone was on edge. Merle had actually acted pleasantly enough towards everyone, with a good helping of rudeness, crudeness, sexual innuendos and typical Dixon charm thrown in. He'd even stopped glaring at T-Dog by the time supper was over so Rick gave him a sleeping bag, pillow and a blanket and told him he was welcome to sleep in the barn. Surprisingly, he accepted with little complaint and left the house without a word, going straight to the barn without even detouring to visit Daryl at his tent.
"I don't get it," T-Dog muttered as the barn door went black, Merle's lantern blown out. "He don't even seem half as pissed off as he use to."
"It's a trick," Andrea muttered, "He's waiting for us to get our guard down."
"She's right," Shane muttered, "This was a big fuckin' mistake, Rick. I can't even say you'll live to regret it with that guy around!"
Carol sat and listened to the heated argument for a while, but her head soon started to hurt and she snuck out of the room and onto the porch for some fresh air. She leaned on the railing and looked out over the field, seeing the firelight of her and Daryl's campsite on the horizon. Suddenly, like a moth drawn to the flame, she felt her body drifting toward the glow. She passed Glenn on watch and he warned her to be careful, which she responded she would and made her way across the field.
She felt like her lungs were closing up on her as she approached the campsite, knowing full well he was still feeling the effects of yesterday and still suffering immensely from her cold, heartless words. Hell, her cheek still stung and that bruise wasn't permanent...words don't go away like cuts and scrapes and broken bones do.
"What are ya doin' here?" Daryl's cold tone cut into her thoughts and she gasped, spinning around as she tried to locate him. She finally realized he was sitting on a branch of the huge fallen tree just on the edge of the area they had called home. He wasn't looking at her, his eyes were focused on something far away, she could tell by the glint of the firelight on his pupils.
"I came to...to talk to you," Carol replied, lamely, suddenly feeling very self conscious and nervous.
"Don't ya think you've said enough?" Daryl asked in that same tone. Emotionless.
"I said more than I ever intended," Carol acknowledged sadly. "Daryl...I can't even imagine how much what I said hurt you. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. Can you ever forgive me?"
Daryl was silent, his eyes never even flicked in her direction.
"I've already done that," he finally replied. Carol felt a little bit of hope spring up inside her. Daryl suddenly shifted on top of the tree and jumped off, landing almost noiselessly in the tall grass. He walked right past her and unzipped the tent then he motioned her over. Carol peeked past him and her heart dropped...all of her stuff, and Sophia's, was packed up in the box she'd brought it in. He pulled a flap of the box and drug it out of the tent, letting it sit ominously between them.
"Daryl..." Carol whispered in utter shock and hurt disbelief. "Please don't do this. Please don't push me away after all we've been through...I love you."
Daryl squinted at her for a moment, and then shook his head slowly, his eyes moved to the side to focus on the flames from the small fire he had going.
"No, Carol...ya don't." he said quietly, regretfully. "I think ya did once, but not now."
The words hit Carol like a crossbow bolt to the heart and she blinked rapidly as tears sprang into her eyes and began falling down her cheeks.
"But...you can't believe that," she whimpered.
"I don't want to," Daryl partially agreed, "But if ya can only see the me ya want when everything is fine and we don't have any problems, but then turn on me and blame me when something, anything, goes wrong...that ain't love. You can't just love me when it's easy, and I've seen that you can't handle it when it's hard."
Carol felt her guts clench painfully and she felt the urge to throw up...he was right. She'd not even bothered to consider him during that moment the previous day, hadn't even cared that he was bleeding like a stuck pig from that hit that had knocked him out, hadn't even gotten the whole story from him before attacking him like he was the enemy...like he didn't matter to her at all. But now, faced with the possibility of losing him, she knew she was a changed woman. She wanted this man, his love, his respect, his trust...she wanted him more than life it's self.
"Daryl...please...give me another chance," she pleaded through her tears, her voice barely audible due to her tight throat.
Daryl seemed to be thinking hard for a moment before he bent down, picked up the box and sighed.
"I ain't saying I give up just yet, Carol," he said quietly, sounding very sorry. "But I need you to give me some space to think. Because I need to decide if I'm willing to keep giving everything I can...and only getting half o' you in return."
A heavy, tense, sorrow filled silence hung over them for a long time as Carol processed what he'd just said. She realized now that he was right...she had failed to give him her whole heart and trust and devotion, and Sophia's kidnapping had only brought that fact to light. A very harsh and cutting light. She'd cut him deeply this time, deeper than any of those scars that covered him ever had.
"I'll carry this to the house for ya," Daryl's voice brought her back to the moment and she followed him guilty, heartbroken silence as they made their way across the field. When they reached the farmhouse, Daryl set the box on the porch and backed away, his eyes on the ground at his feet as Carol went forward and picked the box up to take it inside.
But when she looked back over her shoulder, his eyes met hers and she saw the battle raging inside him. A battle between respect for himself and love for her and Sophia...a battle she'd caused and could now do nothing to calm. He nodded silently and then turned on his heels to make his way back to their...his tent.
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Yeah, I'd say so...this is something you can't fix overnight. How are ya'll liking this plot arc? I guarantee that Merle is going to steal the show pretty soon in one of the upcoming chapters, you're gonna love him :)
Let me know what ya'll are thinking in that little box down below made especially for encouraging me...and every other writer on this site, but in this case just me :D