CHAPTER 13

The flight from NYC to Rome was long. Since he no longer had to stay away from his money, Harold had purchased a first class ticket. He was glad he did. Even though he was a small man in stature, he needed that extra room in the seat to be able to change position during the long flight. Long periods of sitting caused his neck and especially his back to stiffen up and ache.

He'd also purchased the seat next to him. He wasn't up for small talk. Too much on his mind. His leave taking from his 'family' in NYC had been painful and unexpectedly emotional. He had grown so close to all of them over the last five years. Not being able to see them often was going to be more difficult than he thought. They really WERE a family. He had provided for their futures as best he could, despite not knowing his own future.

He had given Sameen full access to his money so she could continue to work the numbers. Without having to worry about money she could devote herself full time, which is what she wanted. Logan Pierce had agreed to help Sameen with the financial aspect of the job. It was especially eye opening, even for Logan Pierce as to the amount of money Sameen had access to. Working with the other 'team' in Washington DC was proving to work extremely well. They were each others' back up. That left Sameen open to do what she did best…handling the situations that the updated Machine sent to her.

With SAM gone there was no reason to hide from his money and he had more than enough to live comfortably in Italy with Grace, if things worked out. If not, he might take his own journey in touring Europe. One way or another, he doubted he would ever return to the US.

Giving Lionel the keys to John's loft had been a little more difficult. It had been empty since they had fled the library. Bills had been paid automatically. He either needed to sell it…..or give it to someone who could use it. Sameen refused to move out of Root's brownstone, so that left Lionel. When he'd initially suggested it to Lionel, he had been resistant….but only only slightly. Harold thought it was more for appearance's sake.

Setting up the trust funds for Lee, Lionel's son, and Taylor, Joss's son, had been one of the best things he had done once he felt comfortable accessing his money. It was the best way he could thank Lionel for what he had gone through while working for him and John, without knowing why. He did what was asked of him blindly, trusting that he and John were doing a good thing, the right thing. Taking care of Lee's future felt right. Just like taking care of Taylor's. He and John owed Joss so much. This was the only way to say thank you. He felt she would have agreed.

He had promised to stay in touch with Zoe. Their shared memories of John kept them close. She had been been the one who had held everybody together when all seemed lost. She had kept their spirits up. Keeping tabs on all of them as they each dealt with John's loss and the changes in their lives. He was in awe of her, she was so busy being everything to everybody, yet he knew she was feeling his loss so deeply herself. But she seemed to agree strongly with Sameen and Iris's push for him to go to Grace.

Thinking of Iris, he felt the guilt settle on him again, guilt that would not go away. He had pushed John into trying to have that normal life they both had dreamed of. Iris seemed to be that person for him. But John had given her up to focus on the fight with SAM. Harold hadn't even known John had done that til Iris had told him. The sadness in her face could not be hidden and he had felt responsible for that sadness.

But Iris had ended up being the glue that held this 'family' together in this difficult time. Thanks to her professional training,she had been able to help each family member with dealing with John's loss and what he had mean to each of them. Each had had a very different relationship with John. It was like he showed a different side of himself to each person. She had been the person that each had confided to. Her empathy helped each of them deal with what John had meant to them, helped them actually reach out to each other for comfort rather than turn that sadness and anger inwards.

Iris had been the one that had made him confront his the demons in his past. To come face to face with the pain and loneliness of his youth. But it was sharing with Iris, those his moments with Grace, that made him open his eyes and his heart once again. All those years of holding his feelings inside had made it difficult for him to actually let go and think of his time with Grace, with all its loving detail, instead of closing those memories off into a tight. dark corner of his mind.

Sameen's urging to go to Grace was met with equal enthusiasm from Iris and even Zoe. They seem to know that his life here was over. His future was in Europe with Grace. And he would be seeing her soon to see if they were right.

Watching Harold walk into the security line at the airport had been difficult for Iris. She had become very fond of him. She enjoyed their talks on so many different subjects. She smiled thinking of his dry sense of humor. Sharing their memories of John had been enlightening and poignant. Learning about this whole other life, that she'd known nothing about, had been difficult at first, but the more Harold explained about what they were doing, the more it sounded just like something John would have done. His Hero Complex had found its home. He was truly a real life Bully Killer, defending those who could not defend themselves. If anything, it made her love him more. But that in turn made the pain of losing him that much worse.

Making her way back to her apartment, Iris felt more alone that she ever had. Harold was gone to Grace. Sameen was dealing with helping the same type people that John had been helping and Lionel was happily ensconced in John's loft, working BOTH of his two jobs. She'd never been there but Harold had told her about gifting it to John for his birthday one year.

These people had become so important to her. Now she wasn't sure they even needed her anymore. She wasn't sure if they even still wanted to be friends. She knew she needed them to be her friends. She still had her job. Helping police officers deal with the stress in their daily jobs was her job. She knew she was needed there. But it was Sameen and Lionel and Zoe and Harold that she still needed in her life.

Her mother had called a couple of nights after the missile strike. She had been concerned because she knew Iris's job would be to counsel any member of the department having any kind of a problem with the bombing. And there were bound to be some, either due to direct experiences from fighting overseas or from the shared experiences of all those who had been in the city on 9/11. Her mom had called to invite her and John for dinner. The call had caught her off guard. She had't told her mother that John had broken up with her and they didn't know he had been killed in the explosion. The pain she experienced when her mother mentioned John was indescribable. She had covered the the phone with her hand so her mother wouldn't hear her trying to control the sobs welling up in her chest. She wasn't ready to discuss John with her mother yet. Her parents had liked him and found him quite charming when they had met for dinner in that silly pirate themed restaurant. She knew her father approved of him because John was a member of 'the force' and was immediately considered a 'good man'.

Gaining control she'd told her mother she'd get back to her about the dinner invitation. Thank goodness her mother hadn't pushed her. Hanging up the phone she realized just how lonely her life was, except for work.

Coming home to a quiet apartment was all she could see in her future. The only thing waiting for her at home was that white dress shirt. John's shirt. That was all that she had left of him. She wouldn't admit to anyone that she hugged it to her every night as she slept. She kept it hidden under her pillow so that only she knew it was there.

Just thinking about hiding the shirt made her laugh….without any humor. Who would even see the shirt to ask about it? Nobody came over to her apartment. It was her secret, her solace, her touchstone.

Walking into her apartment she turned on every light to drive away the darkness. She turned the TV on to drown out the silence. Cooking her dinner for one, she tried to keep her mind occupied...from wondering how Harold's flight was going. Wondering how Grace would react to seeing the man she loved, the man she had mourned for 5 years, was still alive. Tears came to her eyes thinking how a woman, that she'd never met, would react to finding out the love of her life was still alive. She hoped for Harold's sake that her joy at finding him again would outweigh the possible anger at him for not coming to her sooner. Not letting her know he was still alive. Letting her suffer all these years.

"Please Grace, please take him back. He's suffered enough…." she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Give him a chance to explain…".

Harold's plane landed in Rome in the early morning. He knew his way around Rome well enough that he was able to secure a hotel for the evening. Settling in, he found himself rather anxious to go out and find Grace. He'd kept tabs on her from afar, since she had taken the job in Rome. He knew where she lived, where her office was and where she could be found on most afternoons during the siesta.

He finally gave up and left the hotel in search of the woman of his dreams.

Grace's red hair made her stand out in the park. Harold recognized that red hair leaning toward the easel in front of her. She stepped back away from the painting and turned a critical eye toward her endeavor. He knew her by the way she held her head, the way she stood with one foot in front of her. He had memorized everything about her over those 5 lonely years when he could only see her from a distance.

Seeing a gelato seller nearby Harold immediately walked over and bought some vanilla gelato on a cone. One for himself, and one for Grace.

Turning back toward her, he suddenly became afraid. Terrified. His hands began to shake and he almost lost one of the cones. What if she hated him? What if she refused to see him or talk to him, to hear his explanation? What if she hated him? These were questions that had been running in the back of his mind ever since he decided to find her.

The gaping hole in his future could only be filled by Grace…..either her acceptance or her anger. But he would at least know something. He'd had enough of the gray fog of uncertainty.

Walking up to stand just behind her and to her left, he stopped there, waiting for her to notice took in every detail of her appearance; etching it into his memory in case this was the last time he saw her. The deep red and gold highlights in her hair danced in the sun. The moss green cardigan sweater she had on was just like the ones she use to wear when they were together.

But it was her hand that shook him the most. As she put down the pallet of paints she was working with he noticed the ring. She was still wearing the engagement ring he had given her, the one he'd hidden in the book. He'd not been this close to her in all those years, except that one terrifying moment on the bridge when he'd exchanged himself for her as a prisoner of Decima so he hadn't seen the ring. He had thought that she would eventually quit wearing it and may even have someone new, although he'd never seen her with anyone.

An audible gasp escaped from him upon seeing the ring. It was loud enough that Grace turned toward the sound. And for the first time in over 5 years, Harold was looking directly into Grace's eyes.