CHAPTER 18

Zoe had spent the morning clearing out the guest room in her condo. Meg had suggested getting an overnight nurse or the first couple of days...just to make sure that John made the transition from the clinic to her place ok. She put the bed in storage with some other furniture to make room for the hospital bed that would be delivered tomorrow. Also being delivered was a wheelchair and a walker and other smaller items necessary for an invalid. She paused for a second. If John only knew she was thinking of him as an invalid...he would be so stubborn and pig-headed about NOT using the things he needed! At least the old John Reese would have...NO! She reprimanded herself, John WOULD get better, he WOULD remember...

The phone call from Iris was a welcome break. Grabbing the phone to answer it, she also grabbed a bottle of water out of her fridge and headed towards the balcony. Exchanging pleasantries with Iris while she settled down in a lounge chair, Zoe was ready to plan their next move.

Getting Zoe up to speed on what has transpired at the clinic only took a moment. The one thing that Zoe latched onto was the fact that Meg had not told John that it was was two women who had come looking for him. That revelation would prove quite interesting.

Agreeing to pick Iris up in an hour, Zoe hung up and took a moment to reflect on just how much the world….her world…..had changed in the last 24 hours. Time had passed so slowly since the explosion and hearing of John's death…..she almost felt breathless at the speed of things now. Shaking her head as she sipped the water, she smiled for the first time in a very long time. John was alive … the world was a beautiful place again.

Hanging up the phone, Iris sat back and thought about what was going to happen next. She was going to have to use every bit of her training to rein in her feelings for John; to not let him see how she felt. At least until his memory of her came back. She was going to have to actually DO what she should have done back at the precinct before she had taken the cowardly way out to hide her feelings for him. Be a doctor first and foremost for the health and well being of her patient. Closing her eyes she said a little prayer for the strength to do the right thing at the right time.

Opening her eyes she sat straight up. She was going to see John. She was going to see John alive. See John alive and looking right at her. She had to be prepared for the strong possibility that he would not recognize her.

She needed a moment to prepare herself; to put up her 'wall' to protect him and her. She would be of no help to him and his recovery if she couldn't contain herself. Suddenly she was almost afraid of what was going to happen or not happen.

The ringing of her cell phone brought Iris back into the here and now. Recognizing the # as Lionel's, she debated with herself for just a moment about whether to answer it or not. She and Zoe had decided to hold off telling Lionel and Shaw about John. He was already overwhelmed with questions and suspicions and from what Meg had told them, John didn't need any more mental and emotional stress until he could regain at least some of his memory.

Taking a deep breath, Iris answered the call as normal as possible. Lionel was still a patient, albeit an unofficial one, and dealing with the loss of his partner and friend. She was his doctor as well as his friend.

"Good morning Lionel, how are you doing?" she said calmly. Her voice sounded normal in her own ears; she hoped it did in Lionel's ear as well.

"Hey Doc! How ya doin'? Haven't seen you at the station the last couple of days and wanted to make sure you were ok." he said without preamble.

Smiling to herself, Iris heard the true concern in his voice. "I'm fine Lionel. Just taking a few days off for myself. Since Harold has left for Italy, I'm trying to re-arrange my days to fit work and a new found 'family' into my routine."

"Yeah, I know we kinda took up a lot of your time. You were helpin' me and Harold and Sameen. Hell you even helped Zoe and she's hard as nails. Haven't known her that long but Sameen likes her so she's ok in my book. John seemed to like her too. OH…" Lionel paused, realizing what he was saying and who he was saying it to. "Sorry doc, didn't mean to say anything that might sound…..well, you know..." his voice trailed off.

"Lionel it's ok. I know about Zoe and her relationship with John." She was still amazed at the effect just saying his name had on her."So tell me Lionel, how are you doing? How is your new apartment?"

"Aw Doc! It is so cool! John really was livin' the life in that apartment! The view is spectacular! You need to come over sometime and see it. Maybe for dinner?"

"I'd love to Lionel. Well set up a date real soon. I've got to go now. I have things I need to get done, which is one of the reasons I'm taking some time off."

"Sure Doc. Just wanted to check up on you. Captain Happy would have wanted me to. See ya soon." Click and he was gone. When Lionel was through talking….you had better be too.

Arriving at the clinic, Zoe and Iris stepped out of the call car and stopped together. Standing before the door, both women knew everything was about to change….for good or for bad, for John and for them, and all the others who cared for John…...Harold, Sameen and Lionel. Looking at each other they smiled and walked into the clinic.

Meg met them at the door as Iris had requested. "John and Joan are still on the patio. I checked on them about 30 minutes ago and he seems to be doing ok. I don't see any signs of stress or those headaches. How do you want to proceed?"

"Is he awake?" asked Iris. Meg nodded her head and motioned for them to walk ahead of her down the hall.

"He's with Joan. She wheeled him out to the patio a few minutes ago. "Fair warning, he was just a touch grumpy when he woke up." Both Zoe and Iris laughed, each silently remembering just how grumpy he could be.

Zoe and Iris reached the glass doors to the patio at the same time and both of them stopped at the same time. They could see John in the wheelchair beside a patio chair and Joan was seated next to him. His face was turned away from them, looking at something in the small tree next to him. A bird? Joan's head was nodding about something he said. As he turned to face Joan both Zoe and Iris gasped. Even with the long scraggly beard, there was no mistaking those beautiful eyes and those exquisite cheekbones. This was John Reese. THEIR John Reese.

Iris reached out blindly for Zoe's hand. Clasping it tightly she whispered, "It's him. It's really him….it's John."

"Yes." was all the Zoe could manage.

The women stood there looking at the man they had both grieved over and bonded over…..alive and whole, a sight they'd never thought to see again . Neither seemed able to drag their eyes away. Eyes that were filled with unshed tears. Meg called to them both to come back to the office. It took raising her voice to get them to acknowledge her. Both turned dazed eyes back to her as she motioned for them to follow her. They knew they would need a moment to absorb the impact of seeing someone they'd considered dead very much alive.

Once in her office, Meg shut the door. Pointing at the chairs for them to sit in, she walked around her desk and sat down. She was amazed at her own reaction to THEIR reaction to seeing John. There was history there and there was love, a deep love. She truly felt that John was going to be ok. That these two women were going to bring him back all the way.

Finding her voice again Meg said, "That was...wow...intense...I don't know how the reaction that I just witnessed would have affected him. He's had so many of his own emotional moments to handle."

Both Zoe and Iris nodded their heads but said nothing. Neither trusted their own voices at that moment.

"Now, are you both going to be alright? Are you ready to go out to the patio to 'meet' him or do you want me to bring him in here to 'meet' you?"

"What was your overall impression of his mental state, and physical state, this morning when you told him about us?" asked Iris.

Meg thought about it, trying to remember enough details to give an accurate description.

"He took it well. I was amazed at how much he figured out himself." Meg paused and shook her head. "We're not great actors but he knew immediately that something had changed, that we had learned something and that something involved him." Looking up at Zoe and then Iris she felt like they were literally hanging on to her every word.

"John was adamant that we tell him what we knew, how we knew it and who we learned it from. But before he could start to really push us for any information, the headache started. He's trying so hard to remember but the memory just isn't there. He questions us every day about the times he visited us. But he was so secretive, he never let on anything about himself. He only wanted to know how we were doing." Meg finished in an exasperated sigh. "The headaches have been coming more often the more he tries to remember. Their severity is not always the same but I haven't been able to tell why some times are worse than others. When they are really bad, like they were last night, I have to sedate him, which he hates. But he's fine now. He promised to try and give himself a break with trying to remember because he didn't want the headache or the sedation. He wants to meet YOU."

Iris sat deep in thought, putting together the details that Meg had given them. The records Meg had shared with her showed he'd made remarkable progress for someone, who by all rights, should have died from the severity of his injuries and the sheer number of injuries. But as they all knew, John was no ordinary man.

John seemed like his physical healing was progressing it was his mental state that was concerning. All of her training told her that he might never regain his memory. But her instincts told her she KNEW she could help John get it back. If nothing else, that's what she was here for, to help John heal. If he still wished to end their relationship afterwards, then so be it. But no one, not even John himself, could stop her from giving him the help he needed...the help he deserved.

"From what you've said I still believe he will not remember us. The fact that his amnesia has such a strong demarcation point, of that day on the subway, just before he met Harold speaks volumes. This was a strong psychotic break. Cut off from the reality of the last five years. Cut off from the people he knew, the work that he did. I'm confident that we can get him back but I can't really know for certain til I can actually talk to him." Looking down at her hands, she paused.

"I think that we should be introduced to him in his room. With him in his bed. That room has probably become a sanctuary to him. His comfort level should be the highest there. And from what you've told me about his relationship with Joan, she absolutely must be there with him. Within arms reach. I believe she is his anchor."

Looking directly at Meg she continued, "If the headaches return, is it too soon to give him something for the pain? Or at least mild enough to take the edge off but not put him to sleep?"

"Yes, I have a couple of different ones that I have on hand. I know he wants to find out everything he can. His frustration is mounting every day because it is happening so slowly. He was dealing with it fine when he was still gravely injured but now that his body is recuperating he's ready." Meg said with a smile. Standing up she continued, "I'll go get the two of them and get him settled back into his room. Then I'll come and get you."

Zoe and Iris smiled and nodded. The battle royal was about to begin.