CHAPTER 19

Meg left Zoe and Iris in the office and went towards the outdoor patio. She needed to get Joan and John back in his room so things were in place for their 'introduction' to him. Walking out onto the patio, she was pleased to hear them talking about the birds in the trees. John seemed to have taken quite an interest in the wildlife, such as it was, on the patio. It seemed to be his 'escape' from the dark world outside the walls of the clinic.

"Ok John, time to get you back into bed. How are you feeling with the bandages I left off?"

John looked up at her and smiled. Meg's heart did a jump; he had a devastating smile, he just didn't use it often enough. But she guessed he hadn't had much to smile about since he was brought to her, unconscious.

"Feeling pretty good. I can actually scratch now when it itches!"

Turning the chair around and pushing it back into the hallway, Meg turned to Joan and said "Joan go pick up that file folder on my desk in my office please. Bring it to me in John's room."

Joan looked a little surprised at being asked to go into Meg's office. The only time she'd been in there was when those two women came about John. Then she remembered they were supposed to come back today to see John. She smiled and nodded to Meg and turned toward the office.

Meg helped John back into the bed. He was still not able to put any weight on the leg that had two bullet wounds and she was concerned about the long term recovery of that leg.

Joan tapped on the door to the office as she opened it. Zoe and Iris turned toward her and both smiled. "Joan, so good to see you again." said Zoe. "How's John doing today?" aked Iris.

Iris listened intently to Joan's 'non-medical' assessment. She felt that Joan saw things in a way that Meg did not. Things that were going to be very just as important as the healing physical wounds in getting 'their John' back.

Putting together Joan's observations and Meg's medical assessment, Iris felt comforted that they were on the right track in taking things slowly. She asked Joan to make sure she was sitting next to John's bed. She felt more than ever that Joan was John's anchor and when his confusion and frustration over his lack of memory started, that she would be the one to best calm him down.

Joan went back to the the room and Meg came back to the office. "I think he's as ready as he'll ever be to take this next step. Though I'd like to go in first and let him know you are here, then when you come in I'll introduce you. Then I guess we'll play it by ear after that?" Meg asked.

Standing up, Iris answered for both herself and Zoe. "Yes, I think we are all ready to proceed. We all need to make sure we remain as calm as possible. If he does start to panic or become confused, WE need to remain calm. I think that will be the hardest part for us." Both Meg and Zoe nodded in agreement. "Let's do this." Meg said as she opened the door and led the way.

Meg walked back into John's room and found Joan sitting by the head of the bed with her hand resting on John's arm as they talked. Good to his promise, John was refraining from asking any more questions that would possibly bring on a headache.

Standing at the foot of his bed, Meg took a deep breath and started John's next step to full recovery.

"John, remember I told you about the two people who came by yesterday? They said they think they know you?"

John nodded but kept his face expressionless.

"Well, they've come back and they would like to meet you face to face. I've told them about your memory loss. I also told them that you have been trying to regain that lost memory and that at times you get headaches. Debilitating headaches." She emphasized and watched as John frowned, but said nothing. "Promise me you will be calm and take it as easy as possible so we can all work through this together." Still frowning, John nodded once and visibly tense.

Stepping back to the door, Meg opened it and stepped aside. Zoe walked in first and then Iris. Meg smiled at them and then turned to John. "John, this Zoe Morgan and Dr. Iris Campbell"

Standing at the foot of his bed, Zoe spoke first, "John..." followed by Iris, "Hello John". Both stood there with neutral expressions on their faces, waiting for John to respond.

John's mouth fell open slightly. His eyes grew bigger and his breathing became slightly louder. He looked from Zoe to Iris and back again. He tried to speak but only a noise came out. Joan reached over and gently clasped his hand. Feeling her small, rough hand in his, John held tight.

"You're...you're...you're women" was all he could gasp out.

Smiling Zoe tilted her head and answered, "Well, yes we are." Iris nodded.

John looked toward Meg with confusion. "I never said they were male or female. I just said they were two people." she said with a smile.

Griping Joan's hand, even tighter, John studied the two in front of him. Meg had said that they knew him….knew him during that 'gray time' that he couldn't remember. They could hold the key to unlocking his memories. But they were strangers to him.

The disappointment was crushing. He had not realized how much hope he'd held onto ever since Meg had explained about who he was to them. But to him, they were nobody. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried to contain his frustration, his anger ...his despair? WHY couldn't he remember?

"John, do you mind if we sit down?" the tall striking woman with the wealth of wavy dark gold hair asked. Zoe? Was that her name? "Sure, there should be an extra chair or two." he answered softly.

Zoe and Iris made themselves as comfortable as possible in the two chairs indicated. Zoe sat closest to John while Iris sat back and to the side. The plan was for her to be more of an observer than a speaker. Zoe had known John longer and could better fill in that time that seemed to be blocked in his memory. That also allowed her to watch John closely. Watch him for signals of returning memory or pain from those same memories. She was relatively new in John's life compared to the length of time he had known Zoe. It would makes sense for memories of Zoe to come back faster.

"John, I know you have a lot of questions" said the redhead. Dr. Campbell he recalled? He wondered silently how he had ended up knowing a shrink. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he just couldn't picture himself talking to a shrink in some type of professional capacity. Suddenly a woman with dark hair, pulled up in a twist talking to him as he sat across from her on a couch, popped into his thoughts. Then there was an image of a woman with red gold hair. Then that became a woman with her long dark wavy hair down and standing next to him firing at others in some type of warehouse….and just as quickly, the memory was gone. "We're here to help you start reclaiming your memories." she waited for him to look at her. "We promise to answer as truthfully as possible but we need to take it slow. Meg, I mean Dr. Tilman has explained about the headaches."

John nodded but said nothing. He looked at Zoe and then at Iris, hoping for something, a spark of recognition but nothing. Not even a headache twinge.

"I must be worse off than I thought if I can't remember two beautiful ladies like you." John said with a hesitant smile.

"Well that dry sense of humor tells me you haven't lost ALL of your memory. You still know how to charm." purred Zoe. She smiled at John and tilted her head.

"Want me to tell you how we met?"

"Hell yes!" John said moving around in the bed to get more comfortable. Now he was getting somewhere.

For the next hour Zoe carefully described how John came to be her 'driver/bodyguard'. Weaving a lightly detailed story of their first encounter, she tried to make sure he understood that he was doing a good thing. That he was the good guy. Meg had mentioned that he'd had doubts about whether whatever he'd used to do was ethical or not. He'd been worried that maybe this was why he couldn't remember...because he HAD indeed done some bad things.

Iris sat quietly watching John's reaction to Zoe's story, at the same time, she was learning about a side of Reese that he had only hinted about. His hyper-focus seemed to have tuned out everyone else in the room, as if he and Zoe were the only ones there. Iris felt free to openly watch him. She watched his eyes as Zoe talked, watched his hand, the one not in the sling, clench and unclench, the defensive posture his shoulders telegraphed. But regrettably, she saw no recognition.

At least not at first... She made a few notes about his subliminal reactions to Zoe's stories. When something seemed to be floating around in his subconscious, he blinked. Blinked rapidly. In fact, he probably was completely unaware of the 'tell'.

Zoe paused and looked back toward Iris with one raised eyebrow. Should she continue? Iris nodded slightly.

John saw the look and looked at Iris. "Are you going to be telling me stories too? About the time we met?" Keeping her face "neutral" she answered honestly, "Yes I will tell you, but later. Zoe has known you much longer than I have so she is capable of filling in more of that missing time for you." she answered quietly. John frowned slightly, knowing he was missing something...something important. But it wouldn't take shape, or at least not shape enough for him to even ask a question about it.

Turning his eyes back to Zoe he was met with a beautiful smile, that also had a slight 'come hither' look to it. He suddenly felt there was more than just regular 'history' between them.

Iris's cell phone vibrated with an incoming call. She glanced at the ID and saw that was Sameen. 'Oh God no, not now!' she thought. She briefly considered ignoring it and maybe calling her back later, but knowing Sameen, she'd keep calling until she got an answer.

Iris touched Zoe on the shoulder and whispered, "I need to take this." She stood up and smiled at John. "My apologies but this is work related and I need to take it." She nodded to Joan and Meg and walked out the door.

"Hello, Sameen." she said into the phone as she shut the exam room door behind her.

"Hey Doc. Lionel told me to give you a call and make sure everything's ok. But if you don't wanna talk about it right now, that's ok." Shaw said quickly and without preamble. She certainly wasn't one for small talk.

"I'm fine Sameen. I have just taken a few days off to take care of something." The urge to tell Sameen that John was alive was almost beyond her control. After all the weeks they had talked after losing John, she knew just how important he had been in Shaw's her life. He was her mirror twin. Exactly alike in temperament and ability. She knew Sameen had taken his death badly. Especially so close to having lost Root.

She and Zoe had discussed when to let the other members of John's "family" know that he had survived. After seeing John's confusion and total lack of recognition of her or Zoe, Iris felt that had made the correct decision to not overload him at this time with more people that would just be strangers to him. She just needed to keep Lionel and Sameen at arms length until they could make some headway in John's amnesia.

"You know we got used to having you around. You really helped Harold." Sameen mumbled. She truly was not comfortable talking about 'feelings' .

"I'm glad I could help." Iris replied. "I have talked to him twice since he found Grace. They are both doing very well."

"Good to hear. Well, gotta go, just wanted to check in with you." There was a moment of silence. Iris smiled into the phone. "Glad I could help you too Sameen."

"Thanks...catch ya later." and she was gone.

Even that brief conversation had been exhausting. She wanted so badly to tell her about John but she also had to keep in mind what was best for John right now and making sure to let nothing slip had been extraordinarily difficult.

Regaining her composure she walked back to the door of the exam room. Iris could see John still talking to Zoe. He still seemed a little reserved but also little more relaxed than when they first walked in. She noted that Joan was still seated next to John with one hand on his arm. The woman definitely was his anchor and was keeping him centered. She definitely needed to learn more about this woman and her relationship to John.

Stepping back into the room, she slipped into her chair. Carefully composing herself to try and return to her 'observation' role, she looked up and was surprised to see John looking at her intently. The slight frown on his face showed her that he was actively trying to remember who she was. It took every bit of her training to keep her facial expression friendly, but neutral. She smiled back at him. Realizing that she'd caught him staring, the man actually blushed! She smiled even wider thinking of how cute it looked to see John Reese discomfited.

Turning toward Zoe to listen to the story she was telling, she gave John time to compose himself.

Continuing with her story, Zoe spelled out their next encounter when she'd helped him help someone else, a regular guy who'd been caught up in the machinations of some politician. As planned, Zoe brought up the name of Harold Finch but got no reaction from John. She spoke about Harold's apparent great wealth; that he and John they worked together to help people in need. That seemed to finally get a reaction.

Iris noticed it first, a slight squint to his eyes, a tightening of his mouth. He was getting a headache twinge. He was trying so hard to remember, an all-out effort. The tightly clenched hands, the set of his shoulders. As Zoe talked the twinges seemed to be getting stronger and closer together. By now Zoe, could see the obvious reaction that John was having to the story she had been telling.

Each twinge had gotten more painful and the squinting of his eyes had given way to a squinty- eyed frown. Iris reached out and softly touched Zoe on the shoulder. Zoe immediately changed the subject. Slowly, her voice died out.

At that moment, Meg stepped forward and announced, 'That's enough for now. You've given yourself another headache, John. I really don't want to give you another pain killer if I can help it." Meg said, looking down at John in the bed. There was now sweat on his face from trying to resist the pain. She hoped they hadn't waited too late to stop. Looking over her shoulder at Zoe and Iris, she motioned with her head for them to leave the room.

John closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillow. Obviously fighting the headache pain.

After they exited the room, Meg spoke to Joan. Knowing the calming effect she seemed to have on him, Meg just asked her to sit with him and talk quietly about anything that would help calm him down and ease the pain of the headache. She trusted Joan to do the right thing, as things now stood, she knew John better than almost anybody else. Meg said she'd check back in about 15 minutes to see how John was doing and see if she was going to have to give him the pain killer.

Joan reached out and pried John's fingers off of the sheet and held his hand in hers. She began to softly talk to him about the life they'd spent together all those years ago. Reminding him of the good times together. Keeping his eyes closed, John slowly began to relax as the headache eased.

Patting his hand, Joan tried to remove hers hand but John held onto her tight. "I'm so close Joan. I'm so close to remembering..." Opening his eyes he looked at Joan. "I want to remember but the pain is more than I remember experiencing in Tikrit being tortured. What am I afraid to remember...?"

Meg, Zoe and Iris settled in Meg's office. All three were almost as emotionally wrung out as John likely was. It definitely was going to be a group effort to help him.

"I think what we're doing is working. He actively wants to remember. He seems to be trying to push through the pain. But I do feel if we push too much, too fast, he may have a true psychotic break."

Meg nodded. "I agree. He did get a little further along before that headache started taking over. I think learning about what he calls the 'gray time' is definitely going to speed things up. Joan and I had reached a wall because we didn't KNOW anything about that time that would help him remember."

Zoe sat there deep in thought, trying to figure out a way to get John more comfortable with them. Especially if he was going to move into her place in two days. They needed something that would allow John to relax and get to know them as friends again. A slow smile spread across her face.

"I've got it. It's time for lunch. Let me order in and we'll all eat together. Like friends. No talk about the past, just everyday things. We've got to get him comfortable with us if he's going to be moving into my place on Friday."

Meg looked at Iris and they both nodded. "Great idea. There's only one place that will deliver in this neighborhood and they happen to have very good food."

Zoe's idea worked wonders for everybody. John's headache eased without medication. The conversation was topical with a couple of chuckles being shared. The five of them spent a quiet hour together eating and talking before Meg's nurse came to get her for a new patient.

Joan began clearing up the remains of the impromptu luncheon and Zoe and Iris talked quietly with John. Zoe did most of the talking and John now reacted to comments she'd make in an easy going manner. Again Iris kept herself in the background watching John's actions and interactions. When John glanced her way she fought with herself to keep things light and positive. His hyper-focus was a bit unnerving. She felt he was looking for something that she was trying to hide, but he wasn't sure just what he was looking for. He was obviously aware that she had said very little, that she had been doing more watching and listening.

"Dr Campbell, I am still wondering how you fit into this 'jigsaw puzzle' Just what happened to me that I would make the acquaintance or need the professional services of a shrink?"

Iris had been prepared for this question. Not much got past John. His memory may be spotty but his observational skills were as sharp as ever. He had been in 'alert/security' mode since she and Zoe had walked into that room. He knew when one of them moved or exchanged looks about something that was said. So honesty was going to be their best bet.

"Part of the time that you have been unable to remember involves with you working with the NYPD."

"What? Me? With the New York Police Department?" John he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, you were a detective actually." Iris added, carefully gauging his reaction.

She noticed the slight squinting of his eyes first. This new piece of information had begun to edge him toward overload. It was an incongruent fact in the picture of he was building of himself during the 'gray time' as he called it. And she hadn't even gotten to the part about him having to see her professionally because of his excessive number of shootings in people's kneecaps. But there was plenty of time for that revelation.

"We'll talk more about that later. I think Zoe and I have almost overstayed our allotted time today. We'll be back tomorrow and we can continue to try and find some answers for your questions. We need to proceed slowly or we'll risk you needing stronger drugs for your headaches." Watching him get annoyed when she called a halt to his questions, she also saw him trying to fight the headache that was gaining momentum and she knew they were right to stop for the day.

"I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry; I don't remember either of you." mumbled John. He was trying to decide if he was angry or upset or both. He was tired of taking things 'slow'. Getting up had to be done slowly, moving from his bed to the chair he was to do slowly, shuffling to the bathroom had to be done slowly. He was sick to death of doing everything slow! It didn't matter if it was right or wrong he was tired of going slow!

Iris and Zoe stood up and quickly and said their good-byes before he could protest too much. Joan was there quietly trying to calm him down. Glancing over her shoulder, she smiled at both of them as they left the room. Everybody seemed happy with the way the afternoon had gone. Everybody except John, of course.