The first thing she notices is how much it hurts.

Oh god, does it hurt.

It feels like she's the one who has a sword pushed through her ribs.

Kili is slumped on the ice, cold seeping into his back,, leeching the little warmth his body has left.

His eyes are shut, he looks peaceful, and there's something shrivelling in her chest as she stares at him, tears trickling down her cheeks, pooling in her collarbones and soaking her collar until it's uncomfortably damp against her battle hot skin.

She lost something she never had in the first place, and it hurts more than anything she has ever felt, more than any physical wound could, more than being banished, more than she could have ever imagined.

It's the absence of an absence, a space within a space that was never filled, a cavernous depth widening in her chest as she gasps for breath.

She falls to her knees as the world, blurred beyond words, keeps turning, not caring about the slaughter of a dwarf prince in love with an elf.

The elf never told him she loved him too.

Trees will keep growing, children will still be born, Kings will rise and fall and she will live on.

But as the ice beneath her knees chills her in a way that matches her heart, she knows that nothing will ever be the same, not for her.

She will carry her loss for lifetimes. She has no home, no love, no family.

"Why does it hurt so much?" She cries.

"Because it was real." Thranduil's words tear into her skin, furrows appear in her brow as she wails, telling the whole world of her pain, her loss, her broken heart. He is no longer her king, but she will appreciate his words in the years to come.

Tauriel brushes a kiss over Kili's lips, thankful that he is not yet fully cold. She could not bear it if his lips were cold.

It is their first, and their final kiss.

She buries him with his brother, with his uncle, at the edge of the Lonely Mountain, and engraves the stone above them with dwarvish and elven scripts, detailing their strength in battle, their courage and bravery, and their names. She scratches in a star by Kili's name, her own emblem, so parts of them will be together for eternity.

She leaves them there, her heart heavy in her chest, eyes dry.

She will never forget. She could live a thousand lives and she would still remember her sweet dwarven prince. She leaves with no destination in mind.

Tauriel knows she will return, soon enough.

She will always return to him.