CHAPTER 27
Iris let herself in the door and made her way to the kitchen. The routine she and Zoe had put together was working perfectly. She left work early and did the grocery shopping on the nights that Zoe was planning on cooking. For someone who looked and acted so sophisticated, Zoe was a wiz in the kitchen. Fancy Italian cuisine or plain meatloaf...it was all good.
As she passed into the kitchen she noticed John sitting out on the balcony. He seemed to enjoy the view a lot. Even more so after his 'field trip' as he called it with Mrs. Mallard. She knew he was tired of being cooped up. He seemed to prefer the outdoors and Zoe's condo provided a breathtaking view, day or night.
She continued into the kitchen to put up the groceries. Tonight was going to be good ole meat and potatoes. Zoe could make the simplest food turn out to be a fancy feast. Iris smiled as she put things away. She was enjoying getting to know Zoe...so many different sides that she didn't show just anybody. No wonder John had found her fascinating.
Suddenly she heard the sound of glass breaking. She called out "John?" but heard no answer. She walked to the kitchen door and looked toward John outside. He had his head down and his hands covering his eyes. She quickly made her way to the door to balcony and called his name again. He still did not respond...but he did raise his head.
She came out onto the balcony and stopped behind him. She couldn't see his face. She did see the glass lying on its side on top of the glass patio table. A drop or two of the whiskey was all that remained in the glass That was what she'd heard...He had knocked over the glass.
"John? John, are you alright?" she asked softly.
John closed his eyes and allowed her voice to wash over him. That was the voice he'd been listening for from the moment his memories had started flowing. A slight smile played across his face. After the last couple of hours of mental and emotional chaos...that voice felt like a calm breeze
Reaching up with his left hand, he patted his left shoulder. Without a thought Iris slipped her hand in his. He turned his head a gave a light kiss to the back of her hand. A gasp from Iris told him all he needed to know.
He gently pulled her around in front of him. For the first time, since he'd been hurt, he really looked at her. He saw someone that he knew, a face that he remembered. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but he preferred it down. She had on a pale green plaid shirt and jeans. He had always liked the way she dressed at home, relaxed…..casual. She looked nothing like the Doctor and everything like Iris. Looking up at her, he could see tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.
Letting go of her hand, he slowly stood up. Using his left hand he carefully wiped the tears away and smiled at her. Cupping her cheek he leaned down and kissed her, just a light brushing of lips.
"Do you remember the last thing you said to me that day in the park?" he asked quietly.
Frowning slightly she shook her head.
"You had tried to convince me that I could have a normal life. And I reject that idea...and I rejected you." He paused for a moment as the memory played out in his mind, in all its painful clarity. "You said 'just not today and not with me'"
He saw the pain return to her eyes as she remembered. She nodded.
"Well today is the day. And I want it to be with you." He whispered as he leaned down to kiss her again. This time with more than just a light touch of their lips. Iris's arms slipped around him and returned the kiss she had been holding onto since that very day in the park.
The front door opened and Zoe walked in. She almost called out to John to let him know she was home when she spotted John and Iris on the balcony. She stopped her mid stride. John and Iris were wrapped up in each other in a kiss. She felt like a voyeur, but she couldn't look away.
"Well I'll be damned. Guess his memory has returned." She said under her breath. Smiling to herself, she thought, "Looks like they picked up right where they left off." Zoe looked on with a smile watching as Iris helped John create a NEW memory to add to those that had obviously returned.
Zoe waited as long as she could, trying to give them some time alone. Being able to have John look at her and KNOW who she was finally became too much to hold back any longer. Dropping her bags on the couch, she walked to the door leading to the balcony.
"Looks like I missed the big event today!" She spoke, referring to John's memories returning.
She had to laugh at the startled reaction by John and Iris. They had jumped apart like guilty school kids but then Iris had to grab John to help him keep his balance. The smile on both their faces was worth everything.
"John." said Zoe with one eyebrow raised.
"Zoe." he responded quietly. Iris stepped away, giving him some room, knowing what was coming. A huge smile creased his face and he held out his arm to envelope her in a one armed bear hug. She hugged him back tightly.
Pulling away she looked up at him. From the expression on his face she knew he was back. He knew her. She turned to Iris with tears in her eyes.
"He's back, he's really back. All of him is back!" she said with a catch in her voice. Zoe was not one to normally show that much emotion but this moment had been too long in coming and too hard fighting for to not fully give into the moment, emotions and all.
"Yes, Zoe. He is back." Looking up at him she smiled.
Zoe reached for Iris and pulled her into a three way group hug. No words were necessary, happiness was everywhere.
A few hours later Zoe was in the kitchen fixing dinner and John and Iris sat at the bar between the living room and the kitchen. Their conversation was almost frantic in the way the subjects jumped around from person to person and place to place. They found themselves talking over each other and laughing at each other. Sharing memories that John could now join into and enjoy.
There were moments of sadness too. Eventually John's memory came around to people that he remembered but that he wasn't completely sure he remembered everything about them. He remembered Anthony, Elias's righthand man. Anthony had died, he had sacrificed himself to save Elias. But fast on that memory was Elias's death. Now that his full memory was restored, John allowed himself to grieve for someone he had come to respect. He fell silent as the memories again flooded through. Only now he had a handle on which memories belonged 'where.' He remembered enough to realize that Zoe and Iris did not know Anthony or Elias.
As more stories were exchanged between the three of them, the more John's memories fell into place and more in the actual sequence of the events. And this time there was no resulting headache. Not even a twinge. For the first time he felt like he might actually recover all of his memories, even after all that had happened to him. Which reminded him of Meg and Joan.
"I need to see Meg and thank her. I know now just how badly I was hurt. I really should have died. She is amazing."
"Well, you'll get a chance to do that sooner than you think. Joan and Meg are coming here for dinner tonight." said Zoe.
Iris watched John carefully. This had been an emotional rollercoaster day for him. How had he describe it to her before Zoe got home? Squeezing FIVE years of memories and experiences all into one afternoon had made his brain feel like mush. That was a lot for anyone to absorb! Was he going to be able to handle even more? She knew she wouldn't be able to stop him but she felt the need to keep a close eye on him. He could easily crash and burn with too much overload.
Half an hour later, as Zoe was finished cooking dinner, the security intercom came to life and Meg's voice could be heard. "Zoe, we're here for dinner." Zoe pushed the button to tell them to come on up. She couldn't wait to see their faces when they saw John. She knew they would be able to tell the difference the very moment they saw him.
A knock on the door signaled that Meg and Joan had made it upstairs. Iris went to the door to let them in. Giving Meg a quick hug, Iris turned toward Joan and smiled. She gave Joan an extra strong hug. As she pulled back she saw Joan frowning slightly at her. That was a bigger welcome than she was used to getting. Something was up. Looking around until she found John; she knew immediately that was HER John standing by the table.
Meg called out her hello to Zoe and finished taking off her coat. Hanging it on the back of the chair, she put her keys and phone into her purse. Turning toward John she smiled.
"Hello, Meg." said John, smiling back at her.
"Hello John, how are you feeling this...John!" Meg knew immediately by the way he spoke and the way he looked at her that he KNEW her. His memory was back! She ran to him and threw her arms around him. Immediately she had to help him keep his balance. Everybody tended to forget that! This was indeed a happy day!
Standing just inside the door, Joan watched Meg and John. She had been the only one he remembered these past couple of weeks. Holding those memories close to her heart she was very happy for John that he seemed to be completely recovered. Walking over to John she placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. Looking up into his eyes she saw the man she remembered. This was the John she knew had been there all along. He placed his hand over hers and smiled down at her. Letting go he pulled her close in a bear hug. He may have used those long arms to hold people off but now he was using them to hold people close to him.
Meg was laughing and crying. Suddenly Iris and Zoe were hugging each other and laughing and crying too. Then Joan joined in. John looked at these four amazing women who had done so much for him, had never lost faith in him. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve this kind of love but he promised himself that he'd make himself worthy.
Dinner that night was celebration of life for all of them. Proof that love truly conquered all...even certain death from bullets and a falling building. And an acknowledgement that life without memories was no life at all.
John Reese felt he had it all once again. Almost all, that is. He was very conscious of the fact that there were others out there who were still mourning his loss.
Fusco and Shaw were sitting on the bench next to the river, deep in conversation about the current number The Machine had given them. Shaw had brought Bear with her as was her habit now. He seemed to have become her touchstone to those she had lost. They had been asked to meet up with Zoe and Iris. But they had not been given a reason. Shaw wondered why they asked to meet in this specific park under the Queensboro Bridge. To the best of her knowledge, neither Zoe nor Iris would know the significance of the place.
This particular location brought back some deep memories for her and for Lionel. This was the only time all of them: John, Harold, Root, Lionel and she had all been together. John had told her once why this spot was special to him. It had been a jolt to drive up and see that view of the river. Bear had been excited about getting out of the car so that hadn't left her much time to get wrapped up in memories she'd rather stay away from. She still had moments of deep loss thinking about Root and about John, but she compartmentalized them and locked them away.
Next to her, Bear's ears perked up and he sat up. He started whining. Shaw and Fusco stop talking and wondered what was up with Bear. Being well trained, Bear didn't move from his spot by the bench but his tail was wagging madly. Thinking that it must be Zoe arriving, Shaw tried to calm Bear down. Nothing worked and Bear became even MORE agitated.
Turning around, Shaw suddenly felt time stop. There was no sound of traffic above them on the bridge, no sounds of boat traffic in the distance. Just complete silence. All she could hear was her heart beating wildly. She was looking at a ghost. The ghost of a dead man…...
Walking toward her was Zoe and Iris and between them was Reese. A thinner, slightly grayer Reese, walking slowly with a cane, but it was undoubtedly Reese!
Standing up she whispered "John...John?" Bear got up and started pulling on the leash, pulling her toward Reese.
Fusco turned when he heard Shaw say 'John'. He stood up, mouth agape.
Shaw dropped Bear's leash and he took off toward Reese. Charging toward Reese, Bear was a blur of speed. Nonetheless, he stopped on a dime in front of Reese, body quivering with excitement over finding his favorite person after so long. Quietly Reese told him to sit in Dutch and Bear obeyed instantly. Reese leaned on his cane and scratched Bear behind his ears.
Shaw slowly walked around the bench toward Reese, Zoe, and Iris. Shaking her head from side to side, she was having a hard time comprehending what her eyes were telling her.
Stopping in front of Reese, Shaw looked up into the face that was permanently etched in her mind. The deep set, blue gray eyes with the wicked glint and his lopsided smile...
"Hello Shaw."
Hearing a voice that she thought she'd never hear again finally broke Shaw. Shaking her head again side to side, tears began rolling down her cheeks. Reese opened his arms and Shaw ra straight into his embrace. Hugging him tightly, Sameen felt all of the emotion of the last couple months come crashing down. Reese hugged her back as tight as his shoulder allowed. Resting his head atop of hers, his eyes stung with unshed tears. This was the first time she had ever shown any type of emotion that he could remember. It let him know how deeply his 'loss' affected her. All he could do was hold her and whisper "Sameen" over and over.
Burying her face against Reese's chest, Sameen cried. She cried for happiness that he was alive, she cried for all these months of mourning him, her 'twin'. She cried for all those times she'd needed him when the loss of Root became too much to bear. He was here; he was alive. That was all that mattered. The unexpected emotional moment was short, being completely out of character for Shaw. But it felt right. She felt like she had been holding her breath since that building came down. That bottled up, unreachable emotion had finally found a breaking point. Finally she could exhale. John was alive. She had not lost both of the most important people in her life. One had returned from the dead.
Regaining control, Shaw pushed away from Reese and scowled at him. "Where the hell have you been?"
Before Reese could respond he saw Fusco coming toward him, disbelief etched in every line of his face. "Wonder Boy?" he asked shaking his head. "You certainly have lived up to that name..."
Reese reached out to shake hands with him. Lionel knocked away his hand and hugged him almost as tight as Shaw. His bear hug knocked Reese off balance and they all almost tumbled to the ground.
Iris cried out as she reached for Reese and helped to steady him. "John, I really think you should sit down. This has been a lot for you to handle at one time and you're still not 100%."
Smiling at Iris, John nodded his head. "Lionel, do think you get let go long enough to get me to that bench?"
Lionel grinned at him. "Always trying to tell me what to do. Some things never change. " he said as he guided him to the bench.
Once seated, everybody starting talking at once. Sameen and Lionel wanting to know where had he been and what had happened to him the day of the missile strike. Iris and Zoe stepped off to the side to watch the happy reunion.
"This is a good thing. John needed this. Now that his memory is fully returned, his recovery will be much faster." Iris observed. Zoe nodded in agreement. Keeping John's survival from Shaw and Fusco had been difficult. Iris knew both of them had been hurting and had had trouble dealing with John's loss. But she and Zoe had decided to keep that a secret, at least until until John had recovered more. His memory loss had frightened them all, almost as much as his physical injuries. But both just needed time to recover. Iris knew of cases where the mind just goes into a defensive posture when all hope is lost, and retreats from the real world when the pain of memory is too great. John's steady progress once his memory started coming back had been encouraging for all involved: Iris, Zoe, Joan, and Meg.
The days after the meet-up under the bridge passed quickly and smoothly. John's days were spent with full-on workouts twice daily. He was making progress but the weakness in his right arm and his left leg wasn't going away. He worked the weights with his arms until they shook uncontrollably. After almost dropping one on his foot he decided he needed to listen to Mrs. Mallard when she said enough and let her take the weights from him.
His time on the treadmill was mind numbing until he finally got it moved to the balcony. Out there he could enjoy the view and the wildlife that came the bird feeder he had set up. Ever since he'd discovered the book about birds, he'd enjoyed reading about them and identifying the different ones that came to visit. NYC was an amazing place and he never tired of the view.
Every night there seemed to be a group of people for dinner. Zoe continued to amaze everyone with her cooking skills. Dinner had become the meeting time and place for everybody. Many a night Meg dropped by for dinner, always bringing Joan with her. They had become quite close during John's convalescence. Since Joan refused charity, Meg had offered her a job at the clinic, helping with filing the charts, putting up supplies and helping keep the place clean. Her contacts with the street people had become invaluable. Meg felt she and her clinic were finally making a difference.
And a dinner by Zoe was not to be missed. Lionel had become her biggest fan. Living alone since his divorce, he found out that he was a lousy cook. It didn't take much get him to come for dinner. Sameen, of course, loved food. Food cooked by anybody. She was probably Zoe's second biggest fan. The two of them brought just enough insanity to the table to keep life interesting.
Joan would have returned to her friends living on the streets but Zoe stepped in. She put Joan up in a small efficiency apartment near the clinic. She felt they owed Joan so much for finding John and getting him help. He would have died in that rubble. He'd had no ID on him and would have ended up in a pauper's unmarked grave. Joan accepted Zoe's help in getting settled but began to pay her own way once the clinic job had started.
Sameen continued to work the numbers with Lionel. But now she had John as a sounding board for when she needed another opinion or point of view or even another plan. John enjoyed giving his input and insight on working the numbers but he was most pleased that Logan Pierce and his crew had been able to help Sameen and Lionel when needed. They had returned the favor a couple of times themselves.
The meeting with Fusco and Shaw created an unexpected dilemma for John. He realized just how much he missed the excitement of matching his wits against the perpetrators and his prowess in kicking the bad guys asses. He liked taking care of people who needed help. Iris had called him a 'natural born protector' and he was beginning to believe her. He was drawn to people who were defenseless and needing help. In all honesty, he was jealous that Sameen would get a call from The Machine and be out the door. He knew she loved what she did. He also knew that a big part of it was hearing Root's voice. He marveled at the sentience of The Machine. It had chosen for itself the perfect voice, the voice of its primary acolyte.
And yet, even as his work outs continued he knew, in the back of his mind, that his body was not recovering as fast as it used to. He still could not walk without his cane and his left leg still tired very easily if he walked any distance. The strength in his right arm was problematic. He knew in his current state, he would have trouble shooting a gun with his right hand because his arm wouldn't hold steady enough with the weight of a gun. Thankfully, he was ambidextrous so he could still shoot with the left. Still, it was going to be a huge limitation to overcome if he decided to go back to field work.
After much soul searching and talks with both Meg and Mrs. Mallard he finally admitted to himself that he likely wouldn't return to field work. In field work, your life depended on the ability to adapt to whatever situation you found yourself in with strength and quick reflexes. As it stood now, he wasn't 100% and that could be fatal. There was also a new aspect to consider in the form of his feelings for Iris. How could he, in all conscious, go back into the field at less than his best when doing so might mean he would never return to her? Zoe had had several, long talks with him about how Iris had been when they all thought he was dead. She described a woman who was grief-stricken, at a loss to find her way after losing him. What she brought home to him was his death coming so close AFTER he had pushed her away had been a painful combination for anyone to deal with. As much as he knew he would miss the adrenalin rush of living minute by minute, day by day, on the thin edge of life and death or even the feeling of a job well done when he saved a life, he knew he was going to have to make a difficult decision. That had been his life for most of his ADULT life. What kind of man would he be? He was getting a second chance to live that life he'd always dreamed about so what would he chose this time?
At that darkest of moments, he heard a key in the lock. Iris walked in with bags of groceries for the feast that Zoe would start preparing in a few hours. She called out to him while she put away the groceries. Hearing her voice always made the darkness in him fade. He turned to see her moving around in the kitchen. Tilting his head to the side, he listened to her chatter and answered her questions or commented when needed. The 'rightness' that he felt when she was with him burned brighter every day. THIS was the life he had.
After finishing with the groceries, Iris joined John on the porch. Before she could sit down beside him on the balcony he pulled her into his lap. Smiling up at her, he pulled her down for a warm kiss. This was home for him now.
That night at dinner they had a full house. Everybody was there. Meg, Joan, Sameen and Lionel all showed up and a great time was had by all. Stories about the clientele at the clinic were told with a dry comedic flair by Joan that surprised everybody. Lionel regaled everyone with some of the crazy goings on in the city. Everyone was relaxed and happy to be together.
After dessert John carefully stood up and got everybody's attention. He glanced at Iris and Zoe and got the go ahead from both of them.
Looking around the table, he was once again thankful for these amazing people that had come into his life. He'd never had many friends due to his 'career' choices. Seeing this many people here, because of him, was still surprising. Or better yet, was the thought that HE was here because of THEM. Shaking his head he smiled at all of them.
Looking down at Joan who always sat next to him, he smiled. "Joan, you saved me twice. Brought me back from the edge. One edge I was ready to jump over and one edge I almost fell over. I owe you my life, literally. You nursed me back to health years ago. You took care of a drunken shell of a man, who didn't care if he lived or died. You cared enough about a stranger to help him find the strength to keep on living. And not that long ago you dug me out of an 'early' grave of steel and concrete. Both times you did it because you cared. Knowing you has been a..." John's voice broke. Not being a man who showed extreme emotion publicly, he surprised himself with the depth of love her felt for this tiny, feisty woman. "...has been a blessing. A blessing that I will never forget." Joan smiled as he leaned down and kissed her cheek. Looking into his eyes she saw the love that she always knew he had in him. Patting him on the cheek she whispered "Thank YOU John, for letting me take care of you like you were my son that I lost."
Standing back up he looked at Meg, seated next to Joan. "Miracle Meg. Introducing Joan to you was apparently one of the best things I could have done. From what I understand I was more dead than alive when Joan brought me to you. From the NEW scars that I have it's obvious that I'm lucky to be alive. I will never be able to thank you enough for the excellent care you gave me. But I will certainly try...by saying thank you every chance I get." Meg returned his smile and blew him a kiss.
Looking at Zoe seated at the head of the table, he smiled at her. Picking up his glass he saluted her. "Without your hard headed refusal to believe everything you had been told about my demise, you kept looking for me. Thank goodness you did. I might have survived under Meg's care but I'm not sure I would have been able to reconnect with my past, with WHO I was. Your faith that I was still alive is amazing even after all that has happened. I could have so easily fallen through the cracks. Thank your for your belief in yourself and in me. Salute!" and he took a sip from his glass.
His gaze drifted over to Sameen. As usual she was detached from all the emotions flowing around the table. She continued to eat the delicious food still left on the table. "Sameen, thank you for not changing. You are the same person I remember from before...my injury. You are my other half in the dark world we live and work in. You have always had my back and I hope you will continue to do so. I can't imagine my life without you in it. You are that important to me." That last statement caught Shaw by surprise. She had not thought too much about how her life had changed from when Root had been killed and she thought he was dead to now. Looking at him now, standing there looking at her, she realized he was important to her. He was her connection to her past...to Root. The life they had known working together as a team. She had felt that gap in her life but took no notice of it; not until John came 'back' to her. Looking at him now she gave him a slight nod with her head, accepting his thanks and appreciation.
Seated next to her was Lionel. Lionel whom had he known the longest of this group gathered here. "Lionel, I think our relationship has gone through the biggest change of all. You started out trying to kill me. And yet you ended up saving me more times than I can remember. Even with my returning memory!" to which everyone laughed. "You have been steadfast in your loyalty to me and to all of us. You have risked a great deal just by being associated with us. If not for Sameen, you would have lost your son. Loyalty should never cost you someone you love especially not someone as innocent as a child. You were Joss' partner. You felt her loss as deeply as any of us. She was killed because of us. Yet you stayed. You stayed and continued to help us after that. Thank you for that loyalty. Thank you for continuing your loyalty and helping Sameen." Looking sheepish, not used to being the center of attention Lionel pinked up and saluted with his glass. "Yeah, If I'd known what you were gonna get me involved in, I probably would have taken my vest OFF before you shot me Wonder boy!"
Looking down to his left he looked at Iris. Everything she felt about him and for him was in her eyes. He had to force himself to drag his eyes from their depth. "Iris, I truly believe I owe my sanity to you. The man you see today is here because of you. You had faith in me that I was much more than a hired gun. That I had something to offer the world, something to offer you. You showed me that I could be happy. That I could have what I had always thought was out of my reach...a normal life. Your gentle guidance on my journey kept me going, kept me on track. I was able to handle the onslaught of memories of FIVE YEARS...good and bad, the pretty and the ugly, all with your help. You helped me like myself. To accept that I was not the monster I had always believed myself to be. That acceptance helped me to allow people to get close to me and for me to get close to them. Thank you for giving me back all my pieces that I had lost along the way. And thank you for taking me back after I was so wrong to let you go." He leaned down and give her a kiss filled with all the love and respect he could give her.
Standing back up, he looked around the table once again. "But there is one important person missing from this gathering tonight."
They all knew who he was speaking about. Harold. The man who was responsible for almost all of them being here together was missing. The one that almost all of them owed a huge debt to. Remembering that he was still mourning the loss of Reese made them all feel guilty about their own happiness.
"I didn't mean to upset everybody. I just wanted to make sure everybody understood what needs to be done. I need to go to Rome. I need to see Harold and let him know I am alive."
Iris got up and walked around the table to Meg. Crouching down beside her chair Iris put her hand on Meg's arm. "Meg, do you think John is physically capable of flying? That has been our biggest concern. I know he's come a long way but I know planes can have adverse effects on people recovering from surgery."
Patting Iris's hand, Meg answered quickly, "I think he will be fine. I'll check him over thoroughly one more time but I haven't noticed anything that causes me concern with him flying."
Iris squeezed Meg arm gently. "Thank you. We were hoping you would say that. John is very anxious to see Harold. Even though intellectually he knows Harold survived, he still needs to see him for himself. Knowing that his 'death' caused Harold so much pain he is very anxious to put an end to his suffering. To make an end to this story. He's asked me to go with him. I told him I would as long as you cleared him medically."
Meg leaned toward Iris. "I can't think of a better traveling partner than you. He seems much calmer and more relaxed when you are near. It's evident to everyone that he needs you by his side."
That night, after everyone had left, Zoe, John and Iris sat out on the balcony. Zoe told them that as soon as Meg gave John a clean bill of health she'd buy first class tickets for the two of them to Rome.
Zoe bid John and Iris good night and took herself to bed. Glancing back at them in the loveseat on the balcony she had to smile. Iris sat on John's left side and that long arm stretched out and pulled her close. Seeing them together, their heads touching as they talked quietly made her smile even bigger.
Everyone was ready for this next step